


Scared to Act

by pherryt



Series: Turn the Page [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Actor Dean Winchester, Actor Sam Winchester, Angst, Baker Gabriel, Castiel Has Panic Attacks, Castiel and Jimmy Novak Are Twins, Castiel in Glasses, Comfort/Angst, Eventual Sabriel, Hurt Castiel, M/M, Mentions of Amelia Novak - Freeform, Mutual Pining, NSFB, Past Minor Character Deaths, Slow Burn, Strong Language, Supernatural AU - Freeform, Tattoo Artist Castiel, brief and very vague mentions of child abuse, chuck shurley - Freeform, custody battles, dadstiel, eventual destiel, mentions of Jimmy Novak - Freeform, missouri moseley - Freeform, no one gets hurt i promise, proposal, traumatic pasts, very temporary hostage situation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-06-02 11:36:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 51
Words: 118,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6564613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak's life was shot to hell about 8 months back and he's just been trying to cope with the fallout ever since. It all comes to a head when his best friend signs him up for more than he bargained for in an attempt to get him to relieve some stress and cheer up when they visit the set of his favorite tv show while they're filming.  Panicking, pissed at Meg and slightly embarrassed <em>(try highly mortified)</em> after he nearly knocks down the stars of the show <em>(which include one, handsome and charming, Dean Winchester, who he doesn't have a crush on, all right??)</em> doesn't even begin to cover how he feels right now.</p><p>Ink pictures in almost every chapter...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introducing the Newbies

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what happened. I had this one little scene i was gonna write as a one shot. It got away from me and i'm still writing.
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> I am NOT entirely sure I've tagged everything the way I want to here, or maybe I should say, the way I SHOULD, so please let me know if you have any ideas/corrections. while I do not plan on writing out anything graphic violence wise, Castiel _(and Claire)_ both did witness such in their pasts. So not sure what kind of archive warning or rating to put on this _(sorry, while this is Destiel, there's not going to be any actual smut. I'm not capable of writing it, so i won't subject you to it)._
> 
> I also generally do not like having multiple open stories at the same time. It worked out last time though, and this one keeps bugging me so I'll put it out there. 
> 
> POSTING SCHEDULE:  
> Will this mean the stories will be written slower? Not sure. I shouldn't be writing ANYTHING right now because I have deadlines to meet this weekend as an artist. It's also my birthday today _(TAX DAY!)_ and I have plans for most of the weekend. Plus, my other story _([Colliding Worlds](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6121899/chapters/14031240) \- A supernatural / doctor who crossover) _ is actually at a point where I _want_ to take it slower to make sure I do right by it. 
> 
> I generally post something up about once a week though. Sometimes more often except in rare circumstances (like cons) that will extend that waiting period slightly.

"So Dean, I hear we're getting a couple of newbies today." Sam jogged over to Dean as he sipped his coffee, paging through the days script. Normally it would be tea, but he'd slept horribly last night and needed the extra oomph.

"Yeah? So what? Yet another couple of extras who won't be staying any longer than a week, if that."

"No, man, you don’t get it…Michael said their parts were left open on purpose. If there's a good fan reaction, they might be asked to come back. We could have another couple of regulars on the show again." Dean paused as he watched his brother swipe back his hair and drop into his own chair.  Dean didn't understand how the flimsy chair didn't collapse when Sam did that, but never mind that now. He leaned forward.

"Seriously? When do they arrive?" There hadn't been another regular besides the two of them on their show for over two years now. It'd be nice to have a couple of other folks to get to know and be able to hang around with on a regular basis. He was getting rather tired of befriending yet another awesome person just to never have time to see them again when they never returned to the show and had their own commitments to look to.

"Rumor has it they were spotted heading towards Michael's office about 10 minutes ago. Wanna mosey on over and take a look?"

Dean leapt up from his chair and dropped his script into the seat. He grinned at his younger, yet somehow taller, brother and clapped him on the shoulder. "What are we waiting for?"

The two of them walked shoulder to shoulder towards Michael's office. Before they had quite reached it, however, a slightly shorter man with messy dark hair appeared in the doorway, rushing out. In his haste to leave, he collided with Dean and almost knocked the both of them to the floor.

Dean reached out his hands to grab at the other guys shoulders. He seemed to be breathing hard, his eyes – gorgeous blue eyes – seemed kind of wild.

"Whoa, steady there. You all right man?" Dean looked on in some concern as the man nodded jerkily and responded with a somewhat shaky voice.

"Yes…yes, I am…I'm fine. I'm very sorry for…excuse me…" The man tore his way out of Dean's grip – holy hell, he hadn't even realized he hadn't let go of the poor guy – and took off stumbling down the hallway they'd just come up.

The brothers stared after him for a moment. "What the hell just happened? You think…You don't think that he was one of the…?" Sam let the question dangle.

"I don't know, Sammy." Dean continued to stare down the hallway where the stranger had disappeared. He took a step  _away_  from Michael's office. Sam's hand shot out and grabbed Dean by the shoulder, making him halt and look over at him.

"Wha - where are you going?"

"Guy seemed a little upset, don't ya think? Thought I'd go check on him."

"Sure, Dean. You sure you're not thinking with your dick?" Dean's brother was the only person he knew who could go from zero to bitch face in one second flat.

"Gee…you think so highly of me." Dean sneered. "Sure, I'll admit he's kinda hot, but I'm not horny enough to hit on someone who's upset. That's really a dick move. I just…want to make sure he's all right." Sam shook his head in disbelief.

"Sure Dean, whatever you say."

Sam shook his head again as his brother disappeared down the hall and he walked in to find Michael at his desk and a dark haired woman half risen from her seat. Michael looked up at Sam.

"Where's your brother? I'm surprised he's not here with you."

"Oh, he's uh, gone after that guy who just left, wanted to make sure he was all right." The woman, who had finished rising from her seat and was now almost at the door paused, a thoughtful look on her face. It was at that moment that Michael called to her.

"Ms. Masters. Please return and have a seat. Explain to me why I went from having a routine interview, a mere formality, to having a man flee from my presence as if I was the king of Hell." He didn't make it a question and Sam found himself sitting in a chair next to Ms. Masters as she returned to her own. She sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Cause he maybe, kinda didn't know that I put him up to this till we got here."

"So he's being a prima donna?" Michael didn't look impressed. Normally, Sam would agree, but he couldn't get the picture of the upset and flustered man out of his head. That didn't seem like he was being a drama queen over something done without his permission. Not in the slightest.  The woman pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed again.

"No, no he's not. I…fuck…I kinda forgot that…Look, you probably already knew this but, we're not exactly professional actors, okay? He's not really comfortable with things like this. And I think it's gotten worse ever since…" She trailed off, looking uncomfortable.

"Ever since what, Ms. Masters?"

"Shit…I can't…look, just google Heavenly Wings. I think that would explain everything. Or nearly everything."  She said in a resigned tone. Michael and Sam looked at each other and it didn't take long for the tall man to move his chair behind the desk to peer over Michaels shoulders as they both read the articles that popped up in the search.

**_James and Castiel Novak open Heavenly Wings Tattoo Parlor_ **

The headline was followed by a picture of twins. Both dressed in suits, the one on the left was smiling wide and open, hair flattened and under control, the one on the right had messy hair and glasses,  his smile was much smaller but still there, still genuine and he was wrapped around in a god awful, tan trench coat.

Snippets and quotes from the article were raised up to grab their attention so they skimmed those before they broke to the next article.

_James Novak, 28, recently left his accounting job at Sandover to start up Heavenly Wings with twin Castiel Novak._

_"It's been our dream since we were kids. Accounting was only a step along the way…that'll be one of my jobs at the parlor of course."_

_"Castiel is the real genius, he comes up with the best designs and I just put them to skin. We're the perfect team."_

_"Sure it was tough, doing apprenticing with other tattoo artists and still working for Sandover, but it was worth it in the end."_

There was more but Sam could see that James was the spokesperson for the two, Castiel preferring to stay in the background, often pushing off all praise to his brother.  Almost all the quotes were taken from James. So it would appear that he didn't like being in the spotlight. But this didn't really explain his reaction just moments ago. Michael clicked on a newer, more recent article, dated 8 months back.

**_Horrific incident kills James and Amelia Novak, Leaves Child and Brother Behind_ **

Sam barely held in a gasp as he raised a hand to cover his mouth. Shit. Shit. Shit. He knew what that was like. Dean and he had lost their own parents to a drunk truck driver when he'd t-boned the Impala. All three had been killed instantly. They'd just been kids and they had no other family, leaving Dean to take care of him. Of course, Bobby wouldn't let it stay at that. He'd taken the boys in as his own as soon as he found them and raised them. They may call him Uncle, but really, Bobby was like a father to both Sam and Dean.

Sam continued to skim the article. It was easy to see how the brother who already didn't like the spotlight and was now getting hounded by news people trying to find out more about what happened to his twin and his sister in law – it was an early article and the incident wasn't even described here - and what would happen to Heavenly Wings now that James was gone, would panic at the very idea of being on camera at all. And just like that, he thought he understood the man's sudden exit a little more.

"Jimmy was always the outgoing one, y'know? And I just thought, well, this is Clarence's favorite show and he needed to lighten up, get out of his shell a little. Forget his problems for a little while…I just…I forgot. Shit, I'm jerk." Her voice shook as she leaned forward and carded hair through both hands till her hands were resting on the top of her head. 

"And it's not like things were easy before it all happened, you know? His brothers were the only ones who stuck by him when the family kicked him out for being gay. They were his whole world, and now that Jimmy's gone, he's even lost the heart to make new designs for the shop. We keep it all going of course, he's made enough designs to last us a lifetime, and the rest of us put it to skin – me, Gadreel, Kevin – but it's not the same. He won't even step inside anymore. It was his dream and Jimmy dropped _everything_ to make it a reality for his brother. He needs something. He doesn't even have Claire as a tether to his brother because his parents took her and won't let him see her. It's just…" She took a deep breath. "Shit, Clarence would kill me, I'm talking too much. I'm sorry I ruined your shoot, okay? I didn't mean for this to happen."

Sam stumbled up, his heart in his throat. Michael closed the lid of the laptop, clearing his own. Sam stood by the chair and leaned down some.

"Hey, it's okay, we understand. Dean will understand too. Is there anything that could comfort your friend right now? Or you?"

"I don't want him to be mad at me. I just wanted to help. I want him to be better." She sniffled but tried to hide it. "Ah, tea. Clarence loves tea. And bees." She looked over at the desk and smiled. "The dork." She reached out and grabbed a traveling mug adorned with bees and shook it and snorted. "Empty. Of course."

"Hey, that's no problem. My brother loves tea too and has a stash back in his room. All kinds. We'll make your friend some fresh tea and then you can go look for him. Sound like a plan?"

"Yeah, I like that plan. Thank you." She lifted her head and nodded. There were no tears on her face but her eyes were suspiciously bright.

"All right then, let's go." He held out her his hand and she took it, rising to her feet. The height difference was amazing and normally would have her bowled over in laughter. On their way out the door, Michael called out.

"Sam, I'd like you to come back in about an hour so we can discuss our plan for the week." Sam nodded and gave him a two finger salute while Meg followed him out the door.


	2. Castiels Bad Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Came back and added an ink picture in here - so far, 4 pics done and this is my favorite.
> 
> Dean is so hazy because i wanted to kinda show him from Cas's point of view - without his glasses.

Castiel Novak had definitely not had a good day. To be frank, it wasn't even the worst day he'd had these past few months. No, that was reserved for that horrible day eight months ago. He pushed it out of his mind. He wasn't going to think about that. Not here, not today.

No, today wasn't the _worst_ day of his life, but it certainly seemed to be the one where everything just came to a head. Thanks to Meg. He struggled to breathe, knew he was edging on a panic attack – over  _nothing_ , he chided himself – and stumbled along the hallway, looking for somewhere to turn off, to be alone, to hide until he could calm himself.  Apparently, this was easier said than done.  _No, not panicking, not panicking._ He repeated to himself.  _I'm not going to have a panic attack at the studio._ ** _Especially_** _this one_.

He squinted his eyes in an attempt to look around him, but inevitably failed.  He mentally cursed the fact that his glasses had broken in the airport just that morning right after they'd landed. He should have known then things were about to go downhill. He tripped and his arm reached out for something to steady himself. At least this time he hadn't nearly knocked someone over. He'd probably get sued or something if he did. That would just be his luck, he knew it. His flailing arm grabbed the corner of something and he realized there was a small alcove here that he could duck into. As he did just that, he found that it even turned some, like it had been meant to be a hallway and now it was a dead end.

Normally, if he hadn't been so upset, he might have felt a bit curious over what reason this little alcove had to exist, but just right now, he couldn't be bothered. Now safely out of view of any possible eyes around him, he backed up against a wall and put his arms to his knees, leaning down slightly, still trying to breathe properly. Instead, he continued to heave and shake and gulp air haphazardly.  _Shit,_ he thought _, I need to calm down. I really_ ** _, really_** _need to just calm down. It wasn't even really worth being this worked up over, so what the hell is wrong with me?_

Castiel continued to slump until he finally allowed himself to just slide down the wall till his butt hit the ground. Pulling his knees up, he gripped them with his arms, dropping his head back against the wall with a thud and closing his eyes _. Stop. Focus, breathe. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in_ …Slowly his breathing started shuddering at a more normal pace. That's when he registered the warm body next to his, not quite touching but definitely _there_ and he jerked his head up away from the wall, his whole body twitching to the side as he let out a strangled yell.

"Whoa, whoa, there, easy. Didn't mean to startle you, I just…are you okay man?" Castiel couldn't make much out as he stared at the figure, at the man, sitting against the wall beside him. He took a breath.

"Yeah…yeah, I'm fine. Seriously contemplating if I should find myself a new best friend though." Castiel was proud of himself, the words were delivered a little hoarsely, but mostly shake free.

"Shit, man, are you naturally that hoarse?" He couldn't see the expression on the others face, but it wasn't the first time he'd shocked someone when he spoke.  He nodded his head and the two of them sat in silence for a moment.

"So um, this might not be my place to ask but…what set you off on a search for the loneliest nook and cranny you could find?" The voice sounded familiar, but Castiel was still a bit upset and definitely not thinking clearly enough to try and remember where he'd heard it before.

"Nothing. It was nothing." He sighed.

"I dunno man, you were pretty worked up over nothing."

"It…wasn't worth getting 'worked up' over. I just…needed a moment. My apologies. This is…not me. Not normally. I don't…" He took another deep breath, still a bit of a shudder, but getting better. "I don't _do_ this, I don't…" Castiel trailed off helplessly.

"You got a lot going on in your life right now?" The other man pressed. "I mean, you don't have to tell me _what_ , just…do you?" Castiel gave a sharp look to the man on his right and slowly nodded. He barely saw the other man nod in reaction. "Okay, so, that’s it then."

"No, I don't understand. That’s it what?"

"You don't normally get…emotional this way, but you're under some sort of stress, right?" The man continued after Castiel made a sound of agreement. "Sounds like you tend to bottle things up. For whatever reason, you had to be strong. Don't break down but then, Boom! All it takes man, is just one little thing, one stupid little thing that might not even normally bother you, to make you blow the top off. And trust me, I can tell you that from personal experience. Not pretty." The man chuckled without humor and Castiel could feel himself relaxing just a little bit more. It felt good to know that…he wasn't the only one who did that, even if it wasn't healthy.

"So, you feeling any better?"

"Yeah," Castiel said with some surprise. He was breathing easier; the tightness in his chest had relaxed some. It was…strange, but good. "I mean, I'm uh…feeling slightly embarrassed right now but…not as…" he fumbled around for the words.

"Out of control? Overwhelmed? Both?"

"Yes. That’s it exactly!" Castiel stared at the other man in wonder, wishing he could see him properly.

"So, you got a name?"

"I'm sorry, Castiel Novak." He reached out a hand reflexively and felt it taken by a rough, warm hand. It was then that his eyes widened, as it clicked. He knew why the voice was so familiar.

"Nice to meet you, Castiel. Call me Dean." Shit, he'd hoped he was wrong. He sucked in a breath as he drew his hand back.

"Okay, I'd like to retract my previous statement and upgrade it from slightly embarrassed to highly mortified."

"What for, Cas?" Castiel just knew his cheeks were flaming red now. Dean, and Sam too, were the stars of a show that had pretty much kept Castiel going these past months. When everything became too much, whenever his memories got lost in a loop he didn't really want to relive, he just popped it on. Their characters went through quite a bit of shit and still managed to find the strength to keep on going. It was awe inspiring and motivational. And the fact that he might have a small crush on Dean Winchester had nothing to do with it at all. Nope. Not a bit. In the end, Dean – and Sam's – show had been a lifeline for Castiel. And now here he was, meeting Dean in the flesh and he was showing him just how much of a…a….an _assbutt_ he was. He barely refrained from groaning.

"Tell me it wasn't you I nearly ran over just a couple of minutes ago." At least, he was fairly certain it had only been a couple of minutes ago.

"Naw man, can't oblige ya there, but it's okay, don't worry about it. I've been there." A sound drew their attentions away from each other as another shape made its way into the little alcove that was proving not to be the sanctuary Castiel had hoped it would be. The click of thick heels and the strut of the walk gave Castiel the suspicion he knew who it was before she even opened her mouth to confirm him right. She stepped past the two men and slid down next to Castiel on his other side.

"Hey Clarence. I'm a jerk. Don't be mad, okay? I got you a peace offering." She held up what he knew without looking was his travel mug, the one covered in bees. It was his favorite mug even though it hurt to look at it, remembering that it had been a gift from Jimmy and Amelia on his last birthday. Still, he couldn't go anywhere without it. Except today, apparently. He paled at the thought that he might have lost this, this connection to his brother and his sister in law. He'd drained it just as they arrived at the office and he hadn't realized he'd left it behind in the casting director's office in his blind – almost literally – panic.

A throb of relief pulsed through him as he took in the mug that was being pressed almost into his face by Meg, making sure he could see what it was. She knew how blind he was without his glasses. Evidently, though, he was taking too long to reclaim it because Meg leaned closer and waggled the cup, almost making him go cross eyed, which was just an uncomfortable feeling all around. "It's tea, Clarence. Earl Grey in fact. Your favorite." She cooed.

"Where'd you get the tea, Meg?"

"I raided some guys' stash of imported and expensive teas. If I liked tea, I'd be impressed. Anyway, this other guy, Sam I think? He said it would be okay." She waggled it again and this time he could hear the heavy slosh of liquid inside it. "C'mon, take it Clarence before they hunt me down for stealing tea…say you'll forgive me? I honestly forgot, okay?"

"Fuck! That was _my_ stash!" Dean yelped, causing Castiel to jump a little in surprise, then to look guilty as he took the mug and turned back to Dean.

"Oh god, Dean, I'm so sorry…" Before Castiel could say another word, Dean waved him off.

"Dude, go ahead and drink it. Not mad at you. Not even mad at her, to be honest. But now I need to pay my brother back for letting strangers into my stuff. No offense meant."

"None taken, freckles." Meg would be beaming that self satisfied, totally guilt free look, Castiel was sure. He rolled his eyes even as Meg continued on. "So, Clarence, I see you fell in with good company. You probably don't even know, do you?"

"Yes, Meg, I know who I'm sitting next to." Castiel said dryly.

"Hey, I thought your name was Castiel? Why's she callin' you Clarence? And why wouldn't he know?"

"Cause he's a sweet, little angel, aren't ya?" Meg reached out to pinch his cheek and Castiel narrowly avoided her, but this had him leaning up against Dean's body and he froze. His eyes narrowed at Meg, even though he couldn't see the expressions on her face, he just knew this had been on purpose. Dean's body was a comforting warmth against his and it was with great effort that he straightened himself out. "And because Clarence here can't see shit without his glasses. Which broke this morning."

"So you really had no idea who I was?" Dean asked, amazed.

"No, no I didn't."

"Awesome." Dean couldn't help the grin on his face, or the sound of it in his voice.

"You're…not mad?"

"Dude, it was refreshing, talking to someone like I was normal again. I love my job and the fans are great but sometimes, they're a bit too much." Castiel couldn't help the blush forming over his cheeks and was sure that everyone could see how red and flustered he was getting. Thankfully, Meg came to the rescue and didn't actually comment on it, for once.

"So, what were you saying about getting back at your brother? Does this mean a prank? Sweet! I've heard legends about the Winchester Prank Wars…and we get to see you in action?" Meg nearly squealed.

"See? Hell, you guys want in?" Dean leaned closer to answer her and Castiel could feel the heat of his breath on his neck. It took all his will not to close his eyes and hold his own.

"Is it a moral imperative?"

"Of fucking course!" Castiel could literally hear the grins in their voices.

"I don’t understand, how is it a moral imperative to play a prank on someone?"

"Oh Clarence, I'm adding "Real Genius" to our list of movies to educate you on."

"What, he's never seen it? But it's a classic! Aaaand…Val Kilmer. Not as awesome as Harrison Ford, you know but, still awesome!"

"I'm…um…sorry?" Castiel looked on confused.

"His education in the fine arts of movies is a little lacking. Would you like to team up with me to help remedy that?"

"Sounds like I should. We'll have to compare notes. But first things first…we need to plan a prank." Castiel groaned. What had he gotten into? More importantly, what had _Meg_ gotten him into?


	3. Pranks Gone Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be a little short so i'm putting up the next one too.
> 
> all four chapters will have ink pictures in them (that means i went back and edited the first two. I hope you look - the one in the second chapter is my FAVORITE and the one in the first chapter was just cute and fun...

"I can't do this. Why did I let you talk me into this?" Castiel's breaths came a little faster as he got micced up by the crew. He needed to calm himself. This wasn’t happening again. He would not lose it, again.

"Relax, Clarence, remember it's all pretend. Dean went around and removed all the memory cards from the cameras. It's all part of the prank. Gotta make Sam believe everything is really being recorded. Dean says he gets really frustrated when the entire day of filming is wasted. This is perfect! When we tell him that we aren't even the extras they're getting and that nothing was recorded, he's gonna…"

"Going to what? He'll be pissed at us for wasting his time!"

"Nah, he'll be pissed at Dean if he's pissed at anyone. He won't be mad at you two. Sam knows how good his brother is at roping people into doing things for the sake of a prank. Even to the extent that some folks don't realize it’s a prank till it's too late." Said an unexpected voice beside them. He looked over at the red head who had finished miccing them both up. "Actually, they're both good at that. Makes things interesting around here. Name's Charlie by the way and you two don't have to worry about a thing. Dean on the other hand….well, it won't be the first time." She grinned. "You two are ready to go. Go kick some ass!"

Stomach churning, pages clenched in his fists, eyes wide, Castiel followed Meg out onto the particular sound stage Dean had told them to show up at. He looked around, both in fascination for the set itself, and dread as to what's coming. But instead of the set, all he saw was people, too many people. And cameras. He froze in the face of the cameras, even with Dean's assurances that they wouldn't be recording. For the second time that day, Castiel's mind flashed back eight months and the media circus that had resulted. His chest tightened as he tried to push the memories away. Fuck calm! His breathing started to get ragged again. He started shaking his head at no one in particular as he backed up.

"No, no, no, no. I can't do this…." He moaned out miserably around his gasping breaths. He took another few steps backward, preparing to turn and run when he hit something solid. He closed his eyes, still muttering, "No, no, no…"

"You okay, Cas?" Dean's concerned voice barely filtered through Castiel's panic.

"No, I can't do this…" Castiel whimpered.

"Awww, shit…" he heard Meg curse beside them before arms reached around him to pull him into a tight embrace and away from Dean."I didn't know it'd be this bad…."

"What's wrong? He's uh, practically incoherent." Dean couldn't resist laying a hand on Castiel's shoulder as he whimpered. He soothed his hand across the shoulders before he realized what he was doing and pulled back before he made things even more uncomfortable for the endearing stranger.

"He has stage fright. I always knew he didn't like the spotlight, the cameras, but…I admit I didn't realize quite how severe it all was till now."

"If he gets stage fright, why did he sign up for this to begin with?"

Meg sighed. "Because I'm a horrible best friend and I forgot, okay? Don’t judge me. I just…I just wanted Clarence to have something fun in his life, something to cheer him up. Life's been real rough on him lately and I just wanted to help. He loves this show and I thought this would be good for him. I just…didn't even think about…well, about this." She squeezed him tighter as he whimpered against her shoulder. "I think that…I'm the straw the broke the camel's back, if you know what I mean?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, yeah I get it. Is he gonna be okay?"

"Sure, but he's not going on stage today, camera or no. If ever." She regarded Dean thoughtfully, but in the end decided not to say anything.

"Hey, is this why he ran out of Michaels' office in a panic earlier?"

"Yeah, I kinda sprang it on him, y'know? This whole thing was a surprise to him. I mean, he knew we were coming here but he thought it was a goddamned tour, y'know, cause 20 years of being his best friend and he's still too trusting, and naïve. Always gotta believe the best outta people…and here I am just a shit friend." As she talked Dean helped her maneuver Castiel off the sound stage and away from all the people. There was a grumble against her chest and she patted his back. "Don't argue, Clarence. You put up with a lot of crap from me and I never understood why." Meg turned her attention back to Dean. "Look, is there somewhere private I can take him?" Dean jolted back from staring at the still slightly shaking form in her arms. He felt this strange need to be the one comforting the blue eyed man.

"Ah, yeah, sure, follow me."

"C'mon Clarence, help me out here. We're taking you away from the big bad cameras…okay?" Even while comforting him, she couldn't help the little bit of snark that snuck in. Usually Castiel didn't seem to mind, it maybe even made him feel a little better, so she just went with it. He mumbled and nodded and made an effort to pull away enough to walk under his own power instead of inhibiting Meg's ability to walk. The two of them followed Dean to a room the dark haired woman thought she recognized.

"So uh, here, no one will bother you here." He held the door open and Meg realized she _did_ recognize it. It was where she'd stolen the tea from earlier. She smirked. Maybe coming to the set wasn't such a bad idea after all, in the end. Dean seemed to like Cas, and Castiel certainly could use a little more positive in his life. Strike that. A _lot_ more positive. She watched as Dean rubbed at the back of his neck a little uncertainly, and then stepped back.

"Look, I gotta get back on set. Gotta talk to Michael and figure out what we're gonna do for the day now. And uh, when I come back, maybe we can plan out a different prank to pull on my brother?" At Megs nod, he nodded back. "Well, okay then. Yeah um…" She smirked some more at Dean's obvious reluctance to leave, and the idea of why he was reluctant, as she pushed her friend into a seat. Castiel seemed to come back to himself a little bit and he looked up.

"I'm…My apologies for ruining your prank. I would love to help you plan a new one but…I'm afraid that's not really my forte." Meg noted his breathing was easier, his eyes less wild. Dean seemed to notice it too and he relaxed a little.

"No, that's okay. Your friend seems to be the type though. If you guys stick around, maybe she can help me come up with something? And then, um, if you wanted to, uh, maybe you can still participate if we can come up with, y'know, something halfway decent?"

"I think I'd like that." Castiel said with a tentative smile.

"Okay, good. I'm just gonna…Yeah." He backed out of the room, knocking his shoulder on the door and Meg smothered a giggle. She knew it wouldn't take long for that giggle to get out of control and become a full on laugh. She waited till Dean had left the room before she turned to Castiel.

"Clarence, you sly dog you."

"I…what?" he tilted his head, confused. She smirked again.

"Never mind. You'll figure it out, I'm sure." A beat, then a muttered, "Eventually. I hope."


	4. Time for a Staff Meeting

Dean wandered back on set, lost in his own thoughts, thoughts that centered around the blue eyed man sitting in _his_ chair back in his dressing room. He was so lost in thought he didn't even realize when he made it back until Sam punched him on the shoulder.

"What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On?!"

"Fuck, Sammy!" Dean rubbed at his shoulder and glared at his brother. "What the fuck was that for?"

"We were supposed to be filming like, 45 minutes ago. After being told we weren't filming I was told to get ready and then suddenly we're not again. Our extras are missing…and you don’t seem the slightest bit concerned."

"Uh…well, I don't think any filming will be done today. Not on scenes with our extras anyway." Dean replied off handedly. "Which, I guess, yeah, probably not at all for today now that I think about it?"

"So, I'm confused. Why is that? It was on, and then it was off, than it was on again. Did you scare them off or something?"

"What? No way! God, Sammy. Thanks for the vote of confidence." Dean wasn't about to tell him that the on again part had been part of a prank and wouldn't have really been filming anyway. Though Meg had tried to pull him aside to get him to set it up somewhat different.

_"Hey, just tell_ _Clarence it's fake to make him relax…then record anyway. If it's any good, we'll show it to him and see if this can help break through his little wall. And if it's not, we'll just toss it and no one will be the wiser. Totally foolproof."_

Well, Dean hadn't thought that was a good idea considering how upset he'd been _before_ the idea for the prank. And he was glad now that he didn't follow through on Meg's idea, not after he'd seen for himself how bad it was for Castiel to be directly confronted with this phobia. It's not like Dean had any experience in that regard himself. Nope. None at all. Why was he lying to himself again? It's not like anyone around here were mind readers. Crap, what if there were…? Okay, no, he was just trying to avoid having this conversation with his brother.

"Then what, Dean?"

"Look man," The shorter brother looked around for a place on set that would be a little less crowded, grabbed his taller brother by the arm and dragged him behind a piece of scenery. "Look, I don't want to make a big deal of it. Okay? The guy's pretty embarrassed as it is."

"What guy?" Dean narrowed his eyes at Sam. O-okaaay….what was Sam playing at here? He'd go along with it for now.

"Y'know, the one who knocked into us earlier? Turns out he didn't know his friend signed them up to be extra's today. He can't do it. He uh…kinda panics at the thought…Seems to be a pretty strong phobia actually. And I of all people know how that can go." Dean let go of his brothers' arm and rubbed at the back of his neck again, not looking at him, but clearly remembering the last time he had to fly somewhere.

"Oh." Sams voice softened. "So that's where you've been. Been comforting him? You know you can't Mother Hen everyone Dean."

"What? No! God…I wasn't…" Dean turned red under his brother's scrutiny. Yup, he knew he didn't want to have this conversation. "Look, I don't even know, man, all right? I just…I can see life's been wearing him down for who knows how long and I just…want to…I feel compelled to…I don't see how he deserves that."  He floundered and trailed off. "What little I know of the guy already I just…I want to know more, and I want to, to…" He sighed. "I dunno. I really don't, Sam." A hand landed on his shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"Okay, Dean, I think I get it." The brothers stood there in silence for a few minutes before Dean huffed out a breath and glared at Sam.

"Don't think this gets you out of being pranked for letting strangers rummage through my stuff."

"Whoa, you saying it's on?"

"Oh, it's on. You bet your _ass_ it's on."

Sam snorted. "Okay old man, bring it."

Sam watched Dean leave and sighed. Of course, he knew a lot more then he was letting on to Dean. He was, after all, the one who had continued on into Michael's office after his brother had gone after the obviously shaken man, after Castiel Novak. Sam just wasn't sure it would be appropriate for him to talk about the things he had discovered.  He knew if it had been him that had gone through any of the shit this guy had gone through, he wouldn't want people talking about it behind his back. Still, it wasn't like Dean couldn't just find out himself if he'd googled the name Castiel, but then, Sam already knew he wouldn't. It wasn't Dean's way.

 And yet, he felt like his brother deserved to know, for some strange reason. Dean seemed to be drawn to the stranger and Sam was afraid if he went in without any prior knowledge, he could do more harm than good. On the other hand, thinking back on his brothers words, he seemed to already get it. Without knowing what the cause was, he already knew something big lurked under the surface. Maybe he didn't need to be warned? Maybe he should just let his brother go on instinct? He groaned in frustration and looked at his watch.  It was time to meet back up with Michael.

He hurried out and made his way back to the office, closing the door behind him as soon as he entered. He was certain Michael would want this conversation private. The casting directing didn't even look up from his computer as Sam came in. He also noticed he wasn't alone.

"Uncle Bobby? What are you doing here?"

"My job, son. What'd ya think I was doin' here?"

"Sorry, I just….thought this was about something else?" Sam tilted his head at Michael, confused.

"Yes, sorry Sam. Yes, we _were_ going to discuss something else, but it kind of led into this and I wanted Bobby's input. Might as well give me yours as well. Come take a look at these."

Sam swung around the desk and the three grown men all huddled over the laptop to see what was displayed there. This time, instead of articles about Heavenly Wings, it was the website itself. Michael was scrolling and clicking through from photo to photo, occasionally pausing on a particularly exquisite and intricate design.

"There's talent here, don’t you think?" Michael noted.

"No doubt about it." Sam breathed.

"Maybe he can't be an on camera presence, but think what designs like this could do for the show?"

"I'm thinkin' about it already…and I'm likin' it. They could add that little extra touch. Think he'd do any creature designs?"

"This is all cool and stuff but…I'm not sure this is a good idea." Sam said slowly, leaning back from the huddle. Michael and Bobby looked at him.

"What'd ya mean?"  Bobby pushed his cap up slightly so he could stare up at Sam a little easier.

"Well, Meg said – I mean, Ms. Masters – "

"On a first name basis already boy?" Bobby couldn't quite help grousing good naturedly, holding in a laugh at his adopted sons bitch face. He waved a hand at him to keep going.

"Yeah, well, Ms. Masters said he hasn't had the heart to even go into the shop. Who knows if he's even still designing?"

"That's a good point. And after what I've read – there was a lot more to the story that you missed, Sam -  honestly, I'm not surprised he can't bring himself to go back to the shop. But that doesn't mean he's stopped designing or drawing altogether. What we need is more information. Ms. Masters may have been right – he probably needs a change of scenery after something that traumatic, she just went the wrong way about it." Michael pointed out and Sam made a face of, Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Bobby nodded along.

"I agree. I say we call Ms. Masters back here before she can leave and get a little more insight. Anythin' we can do to salvage todays' loss - possibly the whole week - would be great." Bobby turned to Michael. "Thank you fer bringin' this to my attention. This could definitely be a good thing fer us, a way to give the show an extra shot of life, if this works out. Which I hope it does. These are brilliant." He gestured at the screen again, that had gone blank having been left idle too long.

"What I don't understand is, how did these two get parts without even having an audition or anything? I mean, Meg pretty much admitted that neither one of them are actors. We didn't exactly talent scout for them, and you were as surprised as me by Mr. Novak's history, so I mean, you obviously weren't even involved in picking them out."

"Ah, that would be my brother Lucifer. It seems he and Meg are friends and she asked him for a favor."

"I'd say somethin' about nepotism, but hey, it's worked in the show's favor before." Bobby muttered.

"Seriously, a brother named  _Lucifer_?"

"Hey, at least it's unique." Michael grinned. "Now, please, hunt down Ms. Masters. We need that information." Sam nodded and walked to the door, but before he opened it, he paused and turned back.

"You said I didn't get the whole story about what happened. What  _did_  happen?" Sam couldn't help but ask. Michaels face fell and Bobby's sobered.

"Well, you saw the article saying that his brother and his wife were killed. If we'd continued looking…there was a follow up article and Sam, it was horrific. They were murdered, in their own home. Apparently, the only reason the little girl survived was because she was visiting family so her parents could have an anniversary night alone."

"Holy fuck…" Sam breathed. "Tell me they caught the murderer?"

"Yeah, turned out to be their neighbor. Apparently, he'd gone insane. Or maybe always was and just flew under the radar somehow. Who knows." Michael shrugged. "Anyway, he claims he'd been possessed by demons that made him do it. Man was committed. But uh, apparently the murder scene was quite gruesome." Sam nodded grimly, glad at least the murderer had been caught. Then his eyes went wide as a terrible thought shot through him.

"Oh god…don't tell me, I mean…Oh god…who found them?"

"I'll give ya three guesses, and the first two don't count." Bobby spoke up, his grim voice matching his demeanor.

"You're telling me that, that man out there, and that little girl, were the ones that found the…the bodies?" Sam's voice was horrified. He'd been wrong before, when he thought that he could understand some of what Mr. Novak and his niece were going through…this was nothing like his own experiences. At the silent nods from the other occupants of the room, Sam slumped against the door shaking his head. "That's just…that's just horrible. How does someone recover from something like that? Not just losing a loved one, but to lose them like  _that_  and have to be the ones to find them?"

The room was silent for a moment before Sam looked up again. "Are you sure this is a wise idea? Considering what he's seen, should he be involved in…in a show like _this_?"

Michael waved off his concern. "Ms. Masters didn't seem too concerned about his being here. And it wasn’t _being_ here that caused his panic. Again, we need to talk to her. Please, just go and find her before they leave the studio, if they haven't done so already."  Sam nodded.

"Okay, okay, yeah. I'll uh, bring her back as soon as I can, if I find her." Sam slipped out the door and closed it behind him, leaving Michael and Bobby alone in the room.

"Ya sure about this?" Bobby's voice was quiet. He wasn't even looking at Michael, but staring at the door that had closed behind Sam.

"Taking this chance? Why not? If he doesn't work out, it's not like it'll stop production." Michael stood up and clapped a hand on Bobby's shoulder. He withdrew it quickly. Bobby and him worked well together, with the boys, but they weren't exactly the kind of friends that were comfortable with physical interaction. "Do you want to be here when I talk to Ms. Masters?"

"Yeah, just let me know when she gets here. I'm gonna head out for lunch."

"Bring me back something?"

"Yeah, yeah." Bobby groused on his way out the door.


	5. Please Stop Plotting Meg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I have been thinking and thinking since the very first chapter what i wanted to put here for a picture and i've...got nothing. So i had to skip it. :( if i ever think of anything, i'll definitely come back to it though.
> 
> in the meantime, posting up this and the next chapter together. and i'm already a good chunk through the one after.
> 
> Art added

Sam hadn't the first clue as to where to look for Meg and her friend. He would not have been surprised if Michael's admonishment to find them before they left was actually too late. So he went looking for Dean instead, checking his dressing room first. Surprisingly, while it was occupied, it wasn't occupied by his brother. It was, however, occupied by the very same people he was _supposed_ to be looking for. Sam stopped short in the doorway before he managed to get his brain in working order.

"Hey Ms. Masters" He paused, then did a little head bob while he closed his eyes for a split second, reopening them and continuing on, "I'm sorry, Meg." Sam ignored the 'good boy' she murmured under her breath. "Michael wanted to talk to you again, if you'd come with me please?"

She raised her eyebrows at him, and then looked over at her friend. Now that he wasn't running off down a hallway, Sam took the opportunity to get a good look at him, while trying not to seem like he was staring. The poor guy was sitting in Dean's chair, all tired and rumpled looking, wearing that god awful trench coat he'd seen in the photos earlier. Underneath it though, instead of the suit he had expected, was a more comfortable t-shirt and jeans combo. The man was clutching the bee covered travel mug he'd seen earlier and he was sure Meg had gotten him a fresh batch of tea. He hoped Dean wasn't too mad about that. Looking at the man's face was heartbreaking. Worn weary, dark circles under his eyes and Sam couldn't help thinking about the things Mr. Novak had gone through, had seen. He tore his eyes away from the man, who hadn't even really acknowledged Sam's presence and back to Meg who was now looking uncertain.

"Clarence, would you…be okay here for a little while?" The dark haired man looked up slightly, seemingly a little out of it. "I don't have to leave though, if you'd rather not?" She put out there quickly. He tilted his head just slightly and answered slowly.

"I'll be fine, Meg." His deep, gravelly voice surprised Sam.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." A small smile, an attempt to reassure his friend, graced his face and she nodded.

"Okay then, I'll be back soon." She stood up. "Well then, take me to your leader?" She snarked at the tall actor still standing uncertainly in the doorway of his brothers' dressing room.

"Uh, right, follow me." He turned and made his way quickly back to Michael's office, only to find Dean already inside. Sam looked over at Michael as if to ask if he wanted Dean here for this conversation. Michael shook his head before reaching for his phone. Before Sam could say a word, his brother looked up to notice Sam and Meg, and then craned his head around to look for Castiel. When he didn't see him, his brow furrowed.

"Hey, is Cas alright?"

"Yeah, left him nursing some more tea in your dressing room. Thanks again for that, by the way. Oh, I hope you don't mind that I raided your stash again." Dean nodded and waved a hand in a "sure" gesture and Sam snapped up the opportunity as it presented itself.

"Why don't you go check on him?" Dean looked at him, then around at the rest of the room and ran a hand through his short hair. It took a few seconds of obvious thinking before a look of determination flickered across his face, wiped away quickly to be covered up by a look of studied nonchalance.

"Ah, yeah, I'll go do that. Make sure he's okay." A brisk nod, and Dean wasted no time in getting up and slipping out the door, closing it after Michael called out to him to do so.

"So, to what do I owe this second powwow?" Meg asked, falling into the recently vacated seat. Sam dropping into the one next to her as he hadn't been asked to leave. Michael leaned cross the desk, hands folded over his closed laptop.

"I've been thinking, Ms. Masters, on how to salvage today. And you actually gave me quite the idea, but we need to ask a few questions before we present that idea to your friend, Mr. Novak." She raised an eyebrow.

"Are you going to continue beating around this bush, or can you get to the point?"

"All right. We went to the website for your tattoo parlor. Does Mr. Novak really design everything you make?"

"Just about. Aside from special requests from customers who already know what they want, yeah. But then he usually still made suggestions and tweaked them. Not so much these days of course."

"And that's what we wanted to ask you about. We think his artistic style would fit in greatly here, for this show, but we ran into two snags when considering it. Is he still designing, and would he be able to work for a show as…dark…as this one, considering…?" Michael trailed off, not wishing to be inconsiderate for bringing up the past and yet, it was necessary. Sam found himself holding his breath to hear her answers, and he wasn't even sure why.

Meg turned the questions over in her mind, dropping her lazy slouch on the chair into a more alert, forward leaning posture. As she thought about it, the door behind them opened and closed again, admitting Bobby with arms laden down with food. He paused.

"Ya started without me? The thanks I get for runnin' yer errands." He groused, dropping the food on Michael's desk.

"I sent you a text."

"Must not have gotten it yet."

"Well, I appreciate it Bobby. Now have a seat. This is Ms. Masters, the friend to Mr. Novak we discussed earlier? We're just awaiting her answers. Ms. Masters, this here's Bobby Singer. Pretty much my boss here on set."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Singer. Why don't you all call me Meg from now on, okay? I think we're all gonna wind up the very best of friends." Sam shuddered at the strange smile on her face. "In regards to your questions, well, as to the first, I honestly don't know.  If he has been, it's been on his own time and it's been for his own purposes, not for the shop. That's something that would be best to ask him directly. As to the second…" She paused again. "I really meant it when I said he likes the show. Really, _really_ , likes the show. It may be dark, but the characters that are on it, they give him hope. He's kind of obsessed with it, really, the dork." She snorted. "I couldn't care less one way or the other. I just like all the eye candy." She grinned at Sam as she leaned back in her chair again and watched as he fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat. "Don't worry, Sam, your virtue is safe with me."

Bobby snorted and attempted to cover it up with a cough while Michael just stared at her, expressionless at her antics. Sam looked over at them nervously, then back at her and cleared his throat.

"So uh, should we um…go get him then? Let him know the offer is on the table?" Bobby and Michael looked at each other and Sam failed to read the silent communication they had going on. It was pretty eerie, actually.

"We need to pass this by Chuck first but…I think Mr. Novak might be seein' an offer soon." Bobby finally answered Sam, Michael nodding along. "In the meantime, ya boys have the day off. Enjoy. Don't get too drunk. I still expect ya to show up in the mornin'. Usual time."

Knowing a dismissal when he got one, and a blessing, Sam surged to his feet and with a quick murmured, "See you later," was out the door, Meg hot on his tail. The door swung shut behind them.

"So…did Clarence just get a job?"

"Yeah, I think so. If he wants it, I mean. Think he will?"

"Sure, as long as he's behind the camera and not in front of it. This is as far from a tattoo parlor as you can get, and a change in scenery is just what he needs, in my opinion."

"Yeah, well, your last idea of a change of scenery didn't seem to work out very well."

"Sure it did, he met your brother and he's just got a job offer on his favorite show and he doesn't have to get in front of a camera after all. And none of that would have happened if I hadn't connived to get him here to begin with, now would it?"

Sam shook his head at her, unsure what to call her attitude. Confident maybe? No, cocky, that's what she was. Sorta like Dean, actually. Though in Dean's case, Sam felt like he was putting up a front of bravado. Meg on the other hand, it just seemed part of her nature. In either case, she was certainly going to take all the credit for this, even though it had almost ended in disaster from what he could see.

"You're…you're something else, aren't you Meg?"

"You betcha. Now let's find Clarence before your brother molests him." She sauntered off while Sam spluttered. "Cool it, Winchester…besides, he might just like it." She paused and looked over her shoulder at him with a wink. "And that's a better change of scenery than I could have ever hoped for, for his sake, not even if I'd paid for it."

 


	6. Tea and Vanities

Dean entered his room, to find the man who had barely left his thoughts since he met him – to be honest, it's been only about an hour or so, but still – sitting right where he'd left him. Long fingers wrapped around the same travel mug, eyes staring into nothing, a rather sad – no, make that haunted - look on his face. Even the bags under his eyes that denoted clearly sleepless nights didn't take away from the gorgeous face. He cleared his throat anxiously.

"Hey there, Cas."

Castiel jumped slightly, almost flinching backwards away from the sound of his voice, just like earlier, only this time he fumbled and nearly dropped the obviously still steaming tea. He didn't quite lose his grip though, thankfully. Dean winced internally at the thought of the burns if the blue eyed man had succeeded in dropping the mug.

"Whoa there! Sorry! I didn't mean to startle you.  Lost in your own thoughts huh?" Dean stepped in and hitched a hip up on the corny vanity table, blocking most of the mirror as the man before him started to relax, nodding. "Seems to me, that getting lost in your own thoughts really isn't a good idea right now. They didn't look all that good from here."

"You wouldn't be wrong." Huffed the low, gravelly voice in barely audible tones.

"Could I ask…" Dean paused at the visible wince and changed gears. Right, total strangers, probably not a good idea to pry into whatever was bothering him. "Um…what you uh, do for a living?" That didn't seem to produce any better results. Shit. He'd been so sure that would be a safe topic to start with. He stood up and wandered over to the little shelf he'd set up as a tea area and started mucking around to make a cup for himself, trying to occupy himself with deciding which tea he wanted. Hopefully, the little electric kettle was still hot. He assumed it was anyway, since Castiels' own tea was currently steaming up out of his mug.

"I…I'm an artist." It was delivered flatly, Castiel looking down at his tea in his lap.

"Really? That sounds fun." Dean wasn't sure what else to say at this point, considering how unenthused the man seemed to be. They descended into an awkward silence, Dean desperately trying to think of something to say. He wanted to learn about this man, draw him out, but every word he said seemed to be a misstep. The easy camaraderie from earlier was missing. Or had it just been him that had felt that?

No, it would appear not. Castiel apparently felt the same since he was casting his eyes about the room, looking for something to distract himself. His eyes fell on that ridiculous vanity with the old fashioned bulbs lining the entire outside of the mirror. Dean smirked.

"Isn't a mirror like that just a little bit cliché? You don't really use it to get ready for scenes, do you? Make up and everything?" Castiel looked up at him, a glimmer of humor in those haunted eyes and Dean snorted, stirring the sugar into his tea even though it was probably already dissolved. He just needed to do something with his hands and not make it obvious that he was fidgeting.

"God no. The make-up and hair folks have their own rooms, bigger than this with everything they could possibly need from gussying up, to fake wounds. Better to go to them when we actually need to rather than them lugging around what they  _think_ they need and waste time having to run back for something they forgot. Nah, this was Sammy's idea of a prank, first year on the set. Idiot." Dean smiled fondly.

"You and Sam, you're pretty close, aren't you?" Castiels' eyes were sad again, shit. Even when the man picked his own topics, somehow Dean messed up.

"Yeah, growing up we pretty much had no one else after our parents died, till Uncle Bobby took us in. You got any brothers? Or sisters?" That had to be a pretty safe topic, Dean thought, until he saw Castiel stiffen up.

"Yes, I…I have…um, I had two brothers. Gabriel is older than me. We're not particularly close, I'm afraid. That's not to say we don't love each other, it's just he has his own life, I have mine. He does own his own bakery. Heavenly Treats, in Pontiac. That’s uh, where I'm from too." Castiel's smile was sad but fond.

"So are you closer to your other brother?" Dean couldn't help but ask. Castiel huffed, took a sip of his tea, swallowed, his eyes flicked closed and a pained expression crossed his face.

"You could say that. Jimmy and I were twins."  Shit, Dean thought. Did he say were? As in past tense? As in…obviously, from the expression on Castiel's face, this was a topic he might want to stay away from. But no sooner had he thought that then he realized his mouth had kept moving without his permission.

"Twins? That must have been awesome growing up. So was he as good lookin' as you?"

"Well, his wife seemed to think so." Past tense again. That really wasn't a good sign. His brother was almost definitely dead from his wording...possibly his brothers wife? That was a little too ambiguous for Dean to figure out without asking and there was no way with the way the blue eyed man was looking that he was going to even consider that. Dean didn't need to continue putting his foot in his mouth and cause more distress.

"God, Cas, I'm sorry." He ran one hand through his hair, the other holding his tea.

"For what?"

"I don't know what to say man. I just keep upsetting you…"

"Oh, well, that’s not your fault, Dean. They're perfectly normal topics of conversation. And I've…got to get used to talking about them again sometime, I suppose."

"Can I ask…no never mind."

 _Foot. Mouth Sensitive topics. Don't be a jackass._ Dean reminded himself.

"What happened?" Dean nodded hesitantly. "You can ask, I can't stop you from doing that, but I'd rather not talk about it, if you don't mind."

"Okay Cas, I can respect that."

"Thank you."

They settled into a more comfortable silence after that, both of them enjoying their tea. It was nice, Dean thought, to have someone who didn't make fun of him for the Tea. In fact, the silence was eventually broken by a pretty lively discussion on the merits of different teas and where he'd found certain blends. They were poring over the shelving unit next to his vanity that was stocked full of all his favorites, so deeply engrossed in their topic of interest that they never noticed that they were no longer alone.

Sam and Meg paused in the doorway. Sam opened his mouth but before he could say _anything_ , he found the back of Megs hand pressing into his lips. He could have still talked around her, but he was so startled that he dropped his gaze to her instead, staying silent. She didn't meet his eyes. Her own were wide, her mouth gaping like a fish before it finally quirked up into an odd half smile. She abruptly turned and shoved at him. She was small and feisty, but he could have stood his ground if he'd wanted to. He let her shove him right out the door and softly closed it behind her.

"Meg, what's…?"

"Shhh…Sam! Just….Shhh!" She held a finger to her lips and looked behind her at the closed door. She grabbed his hand and yanked him down the hallway several feet before dropping it and turning to him.

"Sorry. I'm just…did you see that?" Her voice was an awed whisper. He didn't know her very well but soft hadn't seemed Meg's style.

"Yeah? I mean, Dean was just going on about his disgusting teas again. He's obsessed, I tell you."

"Yeah but no. That's not what I meant. It was Clarence! I haven't seen him that engaged in so long. Sam, you have no idea...what it's been like to watch him fall apart, struggling not to…" She trailed off and Sam finally noticed the tears in her eyes threatening to spill. If he'd known the feisty little woman better, he'd offer her a hug.

 She sniffed, and wiped at her eyes with her arm, trying desperately not to be emotional. He knew that look. Dean got it all the time whenever he was emotional and still trying to look tough. Screw it. Sam wrapped his arms around her. She stiffened for a moment before she relaxed and returned it. They said nothing, and Meg made not a peep as she buried her face into his shirt but when she finally pulled away, her face was clear, her eyes were dry – he suspected his shirt might not be – and she was smiling softer than he'd ever seen her smile so far.

"Um…thanks. And uh, that never happened."

"You got it."


	7. All's Well If You Get to Play With a Jukebox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas didn't have a very good night, therefore neither did Meg, but he starts feeling better as soon as they meet up with the Winchesters (or a very certain Winchester) again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I suppose I should disclaimer my knowledge of Panic Attacks.
> 
> Honestly, I didn't know what else to call 'em to put them into the tags.
> 
> I've never had one myself. Someone close to me has had what *I* think are panic attacks but he denies it pretty vehemently. I've read up a bit on them, but am definitely no expert. 
> 
> So Cas has had some issues a few times now. Each one a little different in content and severity and what triggered it exactly. He'll continue to have little episodes like this but whether or not they can actually be called panic attacks or he's just having a real hard time, I don' t know which it qualifies for. 
> 
> So please bear with? I just didn't know what else to put into the tags and hope nobody is mad if they're not right. :(

After a jaunt out with the two actors for dinner, Meg and Castiel begged off accompanying them to any bars. After the day they'd had, she didn't think her best friend was really up to it, even if she really wished she could go get a drink for herself. Besides, they'd had just enough time to drop his glasses off at Lenscrafters to get repairs done, all while impressing them with how important it was that it was done quickly, before they'd arrived at the studio, and Castiel had finally received a call to tell him the glasses were ready for pick up anytime. He was antsy to get them, the feeling of being practically blind too uncomfortable to be born any longer.

Now they were in the lobby of the chain glasses location waiting to be seen and Meg was snapping gum. Castiel fidgeted as he glared at her but didn't say anything. He'd known Meg since college and one thing you didn't do was give her ammo. Sometimes, though, it couldn't be helped. As he quickly found out when she opened her mouth anyway.

"So, how's that crush on Dean Winchester going? As awesome as you imagined him? Pictures certainly doesn't do him justice, I'll say." He tried to stay silent. Give Meg no ammo was a motto he attempted to live by often. "Oh yeah, looked pretty juicy to me. You were practically giving him heart eyes, Clarence! It was…actually it was pretty revolting to watch. Drown me in sugar, why don't ya?" His mouth was sealed in a tight line. "Yup, all that sexual tension going on…" She nodded decisively. "Your little crush was soooo obvious. I bet Dean noticed it _right_ off." Castiel broke.

"You have quite the imagination, Meg. I never had a crush on him. He is merely…aesthetically pleasing, and a talented actor, of course.  I was simply admiring from afar.  There is no way I could develop feelings for a man I hadn't even met yet. It's not like you can trust the internet or gossip sources for how a man really is."

"So you saying you didn't know him?" A nod. "Well, I'd say you've gotten to know him now, Mr. Smartypants. Can you still deny that you have the biggest crush ever?"

"Meg," he turned to face her, face serious, voice stern. "I did not, ever, have a crush on Dean Winchester. Let me repeat. I cannot fall in love with anyone that I have not talked to, or gotten to know in any way." She raised a disbelieving eye at him. He sighed. "I did not have a crush…before…but I might, maybe, possibly…" he trailed off uncomfortably.

"Have one now?" He hunched over in embarrassment and she laughed, clapping him on his back and making him jump. "Hey, I don't understand why you're so down in the dumps about this?" It was his turn to look at her disbelievingly.

"I'm a mess, Meg. Even if there's a mutual attraction, once he knows me he'll want nothing to do with me. Once he knows how…how…" his breath shuddered and he dropped his head into his hands. "How _broken_ I am…I just can't, I can't, Meg."

"Oh Clarence," Meg said with uncharacteristic softness, a side of her only her best friend could ever bring out of her, as she rubbed at his back soothingly. "You do deserve good things, you know. It's okay to, to want more, to want happiness. It's okay to move on with your life."

"You don’t think I haven't _tried_?" He bit out. "I told you, I'm broken. It doesn't matter what you or anyone else think that I deserve. Did Jimmy deserve what happened to him? To Amelia? Did Claire deserve to _see_ that? To lose everyone who truly loved her?"

His chest tightened in grief and pain, as breathing became difficult. He fell forward, forehead touching his knees, arms covering his head. He felt the tears stinging his eyes and closed them tight, trying to regain control of himself. He was causing a scene, he knew, being an embarrassment to Meg, but he couldn't stop, couldn't breathe. He gasped and the gasp turned into a sob and it was seconds later that the soothing hand stopped so Meg could wrap herself around him and hold on tight, humming.

It took him quite a while to calm down under her soothing touches, her gentle voice. He could hear someone asking her if he needed help, like an ambulance. He shook his head against her and started taking in deep, gulping breaths, still ragged. A headache was forming behind his eyes. When he finally started to breathe easier, when the tears and his shaking stopped, he found himself curled into Meg as she stroked her fingers through his hair. He started to pull away and she dropped her arms.

"You ready to go Clarence?" her voice was still soft and he almost flinched at how she was treating him, like she needed kid gloves, when that was everything opposite of the usual Meg style. Exhausted, he simply nodded. She reached for his arm and pulled it back towards her, opening his fingers and placing something into the palm of his hand. "Don't forget your glasses. They are, after all, what we came here for." He simply nodded, unfolding them and placing them on his face, the world coming into sharper focus. His eyes were wet enough with shed tears that they still felt a little fuzzy around the edges as well as a mite too hot, but he was still seeing clearer than he had all day, and that one simple thing made him feel at least a little better.

He stood up on somewhat shaky legs and followed Meg out of the store, having already paid for the repairs when they'd first come in. A taxi was waiting and he wondered how he had missed his friend making the call for one. They slid into the back and before he knew it, he was back at their room in the hotel making ready for bed. He slid under the covers and stared blindly at the ceiling in the dark. Meg sighed. She had a bad feeling this was going to be a long night.

Sam couldn't believe his eyes when he met Meg at the hotel lobby as planned the next morning. She fiddled with the pair of sunglasses dangling in her fingers as she waited. She looked exhausted and worn out. "Wow, Meg, you look terrible."

"Wait till you see Clarence." She groaned, pocketing the sunglasses and leaving her fingers free to thread through her hair. The dark circles under her eyes made her look like a raccoon.

"What happened?" Sam's voice was concerned. "Bad neighbors or something?"

"God, no. For once in his life, I think _Clarence_ was the bad neighbor." Meg sighed. "I mean me, sure, I'm used to being the bad neighbor. The more noise complaints the merrier the time I had, if you know what I mean. But Clarence?" She shook her head. "That was not the fun kind of a sleepless night. I honestly don't think either of us got much sleep."

"I don't understand…" Sam trailed off as he saw Megs friend exit the elevator into the lobby. The bags under his eyes were worse than Megs and his shoulders were slumped as he wearily made his way over to the two of them. Sam raised a hand. "Good morning."  The tired looking man just grunted, with barely an acknowledging nod tossed Sam's' way.

"Don't mind him, even on the best of days Clarence is hardly a morning person."

"Well, alright then, you guys ready to go for some breakfast? Coffee, or tea if you prefer. Included of course."

"Throw in some bacon and I'm good to go. Clarence?" Castiel simply looked at them with bleary eyes behind his freshly fixed glasses and gestured with his arm in a 'lead the way' motion.

The diner they had agreed on the night before turned out to be in walking distance and it didn't take long to arrive and get set up with a booth. They had already settled in and gotten drinks by the time the elder Winchester arrived.

"Sorry I'm late guys, got held up by Bobby - whoa man, did you get any sleep?" Dean asked as he slid across from Castiel and into the booth next to his brother.

"Some." Castiel grunted with his fingers wrapped around the coffee mug.

"Don't lie, Clarence. I don't think you got  _any_."

"I'm sorry Meg."

"For what?"

The blue eyed man just gave her a quelling look. The  _'I'm not discussing this here and now'_  look, which worked so closely in conjunction with the  _'so please drop it before I kill you just to shut you up'_  look that it was hard to tell them apart. Meg had always thought Clarence had a way of speaking with just his eyes.  She never understood how others couldn't see just how expressive his eyes were.

"Never mind. Not your fault."  Dean and Sam watched as Castiel continued to glare at her until she actually started to squirm in her seat. Sensing this was yet another topic to skirt around, Dean looked for something else to open the morning with. He grinned when he spotted the mini jukebox on the table under the window, between Sam and Meg. Perfect.

"Sam, quick, switch with me."

"Why?"

"Dude!" Dean pointed. Sam followed his fingers and rolled his eyes with a put upon sigh.

"Fine. But if you want  _me_  to move, you have to move first, jerk."  Dean didn't waste any time in jumping up out of his seat and he stood impatiently, waiting for his brother to maneuver his long legs out of the booth, attempting not to kick anyone in the process. Dean was pretty sure he'd failed and he hid a smirk. He jumped back into the booth and slid all the way down till he could start reading the flip menus.

"Tell me we're not going to be listening to only classic rock throughout breakfast?" Sam put out a long suffering sigh. Castiel perked up.

"I like classic rock. What do they have there?" He leaned past Meg to try and peer at the titles, Dean slowing down his flipping to give Castiel a chance to read them.  Meg groaned and pushed her friend back into his spot, then continued pushing till he almost fell out of the booth.

"I'm not gonna sit there and get squished. In you get." She said, slipping out of the booth right after him. Just as Dean had, Castiel practically leapt back into the booth and slid down quickly to the other end.

"What have we got?" He pulled out a little steno pad and a pencil, ripping off the first page and started noting some of the songs he was interested in, also noting down the ones Dean murmured out as suggestions. They were so engrossed in the selection process, and the inevitable discussions about the merits of different music that it took Meg poking him painfully in the ribs for Castiel to turn around, while Sam settled for smacking Dean on the back of the head.

"Ow! What was that for, bitch?"

"Sheesh, I thought you might be hungry, jerk." Dean looked past his brother sheepishly to notice the waitress waiting impatiently.

"Oh, sorry about that! Could I get a stack of pancakes and two sides of sausages? And coffee too, thanks." She wrote that down and turned to look at Castiel, raising her eyebrow at him. He hesitated as he glanced at the menus he never got the chance to actually peruse, sighed and then just asked for eggs, hash browns and bacon.

"Do you want a refill on your coffee hun?" She asked, smiling at him.  He nodded gratefully and turned back to the mini jukebox as she gathered up the menus, a disappointed look on her face at how quickly he had dismissed her.

"Oooh, Clarence, think she was into you." Castiel didn't even bother looking at Meg as he offhandedly responded.

"Was she? Not exactly my type, and you know it Meg. I don't understand why you feel the need to tell me every time someone is "into me"."

"Did he just do air quotes?" Sam leaned in close to whisper to his brother. Dean nodded, his voice just as hushed as he responded.

"Yeah man…I think so." Dean turned back to the jukebox – and incidentally, to Castiel as well - and Sam and Meg quickly lost the both of them as they became engrossed in their discussion again, practically picking up right where they had left off. Meg rolled her eyes at Sam.

"So, get this, Dean and I found a Karaoke bar, literally just opened like last week. It was some awesome fun, though I think the patrons would rather Dean never show up again. You two definitely missed out, but I'm sure we can go back again before you two return home." Sam smiled as Dean absentmindedly flipped him off and Meg laughed.

"Yeah, that sounds like my kind of fun. Too bad Clarence would never have gone for it." She teased, elbowing the man in the corner.

"Shut up, Meg." Came his just as absentminded response. Food arrived just as Dean and Castiel finally agreed on a 'set list' and started pumping in quarters, taking time between bites to program the jukebox. Finally happy, the two of them settled in with grins on their faces as the first sounds of 'Ramble On' played through the tiny speakers. Sam smiled indulgently and Meg shook her head fondly even while rolling her eyes.

Seeing an opportunity, the dark haired woman snatched up the list from where it had been abandoned on the table to get an advance look at their choices. Reading around the scratched out songs they'd eventually rejected for whichever reasons, she finally picked out the titles:

_"Ramble On"_  
"Turn Into Earth"  
"I Love Rock n Roll"  
"Wanted, Dead or Alive"  
"Traveling Riverside Blues"  
"Dust in the wind"  
"Back in Black"  
"Living on a Prayer"  
"Man in the Wilderness"  
"Some Kind of Monster"  
"Eye of the Tiger"  
"Turn the Page"  
"Carry on my Wayward Son"

She snorted softly as she looked back to her best friend. Once again, for the first time in a while, he had a smile on his face, a more relaxed set to his shoulders. He could deny it all he wanted, but she knew the wind was changing. And it was changing because of a green eyed actor. Meg could see good ahead for him, even if he didn't. She just hoped it didn't backfire. With a thought towards an "I told you so" in the future, she pocketed the list as surreptitiously as she could, but still managed to catch Sams' eye. She narrowed hers and _dared_ him to say something. He shrugged with a "what do I care?" air and went back to eating.

  
  



	8. What Are Brothers For?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Gabriel where he has an uncharacteristic heart to heart with his brother Castiel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was getting a picture ready for tonight's chapter, my first instinct was to focus on a pair of bee themed mugs with an old fashioned kettle and a sugar bowl. 
> 
> But then I realized that with all my supernatural stories combined so far, I've drawn mugs of one kind or another 6 times already. in the first story, that's 2 out of over 60 chapters. not bad. 
> 
> but in Colliding Worlds? 2 out of 14 chapters. Scared to Act? 2 out of 8. While I still might make the picture as I had originally intended, it quickly came to me that I was overusing the theme and people might get bored with it. And so I quickly nixed the idea. If I do still do it, it'll be a bonus picture instead, if/when I have time. 
> 
> But it did get me to thinking. Why do I keep drawing the mugs? 
> 
> I think it boils down to a few things - for me, Tea is a comfort thing. it makes me feel warm and content and loved. It's a family thing, we have large gatherings of family around a kitchen table and over mug, after mug, after mug of tea, we just sit and chat and bond. it's a thing with my best friend, where we sit down and watch Sherlock or supernatural or legends of tomorrow or something else equally geeky and try out new blends of tea, or slip back to one of our comfortable faves. And its a rite of passage in my family. you're old enough to sit down with the adults and drink your cup of tea. or you're suddenly an adult when you realize that you and others in your generation of the family are sitting around the kitchen table of your OWN places, drinking tea like our parents did... 
> 
> not just drawing tea, but writing about tea (and to a lessor extent, coffee, since I'm not a coffee person in any way shape or form) has become a major component of just about every fic/long fic I've written/am currently writing. Like I'm instilling those things into the characters.
> 
> P.S. - the graphic of the bee at the end, is a tattoo on Cas's left arm, the letters and trail are meant to circle around his arm.

Castiel groaned and buried his head under his pillow, but the noise didn't stop. Constant ringing. Some pounding. God, what the hell was it? He rolled over and squinted his eyes against the bright light coming in from the window he'd forgotten to close the blinds to the night before. The ringing continued, rapid and interspersed with banging. He was awake, not dreaming, and the ringing wasn't his phone. The pounding sounds, like fists on a door, too loud to be the neighbors. His forehead scrunched as he continued to shield his eyes.   


  
He shot up in bed. It was the door!  _His_  door! Hurriedly, he swung his legs over and off the bed, shoving his glasses onto his face and snagging a robe to cover his mostly naked body before he rushed down the stairs. Had something happened at the shop? Why would anybody be that frantic to get him to open up? Only Meg came by anymore...His heart pounding - oh god, oh god, don't let anything be wrong. Don't let anyone be hurt - he skidded to a stop in front of the door and quickly unlocked it, yanking it open. 

He found Gabriel on the other side, grinning his fool head off. Castiel was heaving, close to panic at the idea that  _someone, anyone_  was not okay, and it had only been Gabriel. An obviously not distressed Gabriel. As in, nothing wrong. Fucking Gabriel.

The dark haired man slammed the door shut in Gabriel's face and dropped his head on it with a quiet thunk.. 

"Oh, Cassie, c'mon! Is that any way to greet your big bro?"  The door handle jiggled as Gabriel reached out. Castiel hastily locked it without otherwise moving. He just didn't have the energy. Gabriel, apparently, did. As usual. "Aww...don't be like that! Cassie...let me in! I'm dying out here!" 

"The way you were behaving, you _better_ be dying." He growled back, head still leaning on the door. The jiggling stopped and he heard a thump on the other side. 

"You don't mean it." 

"Try me. I thought there was a real emergency. My heart was in my throat Gabriel. I can't take this. I raced down here just to find you grinning, and obviously nothing wrong at all. I was, I was..." 

"You were scared..." Gabriel breathed on the other side, Castiel could barely hear him. "God, I'm sorry. It's just been so long since we've seen each other and...I got no one else Castiel, I just...and you weren't answering the door. I kinda panicked, I guess..." Cas sighed and relented, unlocking the door, pulling his head away before opening it and then walking away, leaving Gabriel to let himself in and shut it behind him. 

"Gabe, what are you doing here?" Castiel made his way to the kitchen in search of a hot drink. He pulled down his old fashioned kettle and filled it, placing it on the electric burner and turning it on. He pulled down a couple of mugs, both covered in bees, and rummaged around for the strongest tea he had. He knew Gabriel would want coffee but he didn't keep any in the house. Not his cup of tea, so to speak.

"I just wanna spend quality time with my little bro." Castiel paused to stare at the dirty blonde man with a blank look. Quality time wasn't something they'd _ever_ done. "I'm taking you out to lunch, you dork."

"It's not lunch time Gabriel." 

"Um, yes it is..." He tilted his head at the clock on the wall and saw the realization on his brothers' face.

"Oh, that would explain why it's so bright in my room. I'm sorry; I just got in a few hours ago…well…around midnight, so I guess more than a few hours ago."

"Jet lag?" Gabriel nodded understandingly as he sat down, taking the mug that his brother handed him and pulling over the sugar bowl. He started dumping in dollop after dollop of sugar in preperation and watched his brother wince. He held back his grin to a mere smile.

"Uh, yeah, something like that, I guess." Castiel shrugged, his fingers around the nearly empty mug as he waited for the kettle to boil. His thoughts were sluggish, but he thought he'd heard…  
  
"Gabe, what did you mean? Why…did you say you that you didn't have anyone else? What's going on? What happened to Kali?"   
  
"Kali's gone."

"Why?"

Gabriel shrugged. "She wasn't man enough for me."   
  
"She's not a man."   
  
"Exactly."   
  
Castiel looked at his brother blankly. Gabriel stared back at him silently, just waiting. His face had an expectant and strangely serious look on his face. Oh. "Oh".   
  
"Ye-up. So, yeah, that happened."

"When did…How…?" Castiel wasn't sure where to start with this startling revelation.

"Well, I dunno, I mean, I knew Kali and I were going through a rough patch, right? She's passionate and strong willed and gorgeous but, there was something missing. Thought maybe I was broken. She often said I was just too much of a goofball to take our relationship as seriously as it warranted. Then, one night um…quite a few months ago I uh, went out drinking and had a bit of a revelation, you could say. Been kinda struggling with it ever since. Finally broke down and talked to Kali about it last week and we agreed to part ways."

The kettle whistled and Castiel hastened up out of his seat to turn the burner off and bring it over, pouring the hot water into both mugs and setting the kettle on a trivet. Without waiting to be asked, he went to the fridge for some milk and handed it straight to Gabriel. He wasn't going to use any for this cup. He settled back down as he watched Gabriel stir his tea, trying to get all the sugar to dissolve. He almost snorted. That would take a while.

"Our mother must be having conniptions right now. Two out of three of her sons are gay? She must be asking herself what she did wrong." Gabriel snorted at Castiel's comment.

"Yeah, you are so not wrong, bucko…I'm now in the same dog house you are. God, this has been so hard."

"What?"

"Just, all of it. Coming to terms with the fact that…I just didn't know myself as well as I thought I did, I guess."

"I'm sorry Gabriel."

"For what?"

"For not being there for you. For pushing you, and most of my friends away. I of all people could have helped you through this. Among…other things. I remember how difficult it was for me back in college. I…haven't been the best brother these past months." Castiel looked down at his mug, staring at the steaming liquid and feeling ashamed of himself. He couldn't be there for Jimmy anymore, but Gabriel had lost a brother too, and then suffered an identity crisis on top of it all. He was just as alone as Castiel was and he should have been there for him. Should have allowed Gabriel to be in his life instead of pushing away one brother because he'd lost another.

Gabe gave a mirthless laugh, his face was haggard and serious when the dark haired man looked up at him  and it almost made Castiel wince.

"Seriously? I don't blame you, god don’t think that I blame you. If we're going to be honest here, we've never really been close, Cassie. We both know it. Jimmy was the glue that held us together. I always thought you were too serious and could stand to lighten up a bit…"

"And I thought you couldn't be serious if your life depended on it." Castiel breathed.

"God…" Gabe repeated. "God, he really was the best of us…"

"The perfect mix of our best and worst qualities." Castiel shook his head. "Jimmy always said a little levity didn't hurt anyone." He sighed and took a sip of the almost scalding tea. They sat in silence for a while, simply drinking their tea, Castiel slowly feeling more awake and aware. The silence was strangely comfortable as Gabriel didn't push to fill it with jokes and gossip, things Castiel had always come to expect from him. It was a little disorientating but pleasant.

He hoped, though, that Gabriel hadn't lost all of his humor. It was part of what made him who he was. He had to concede to Jimmy, even if he'd never say it aloud to Gabriel, that his twin had been right, and Castiel would hate to see his brother lose that quality. Jimmy wouldn't have wanted his death to have done that to Gabriel. To be fair, Castiel didn't think Jimmy would have liked what _he_ had been doing lately either. He resolved to try and turn things around, soon.

"So where did you go, anyway?"

"Meg dragged me on an ill conceived trip to California. To be fair, she did it with the best of intentions."

"What happened?"

"Nothing of import."

"Caaasssssiie…" Gabriel whined. Castiel sighed.

"It was almost a disaster and I certainly embarrassed the hell out of myself. But it…seems to have worked out somehow. I did make a couple of new friends." There was a small, not quite there, smile on his face as he looked down at his mug.

"Oh, I'm glad to hear it." Gabriel's voice was indeed happy. "I would count the trip as a success then. How long were you there for?"

"A week. The first day was a nightmare but, the rest went okay. We hung out with our new…acquaintances," Cas hesitated over the word, as if he'd wanted to use something else but not sure it qualified, yet, "Dean and Sam and on occasion, some of _their_ friends, pretty much the entire time since they were unable to progress any further in their work for a while."

Gabriel watched as Castiel seemed to flush pink, his eyes still cast down and away from Gabriel's, as if he was afraid of what his brother would read there if their eyes connected. There was a mingling of embarrassment and hope in his voice and Gabriel's eyes widened as he made the realization. Whoever he'd met, Cassie had a crush on one of 'em and didn't want to admit it. He took a sip of his super sweetened tea and tried to think how best to proceed without being too annoying.

"So, you guys all gonna keep in contact?"

"Hmmm? Oh yes, I exchanged numbers with Dean before we were halfway through the week. It just made it easier to meet up with him and his brother. But he's continued to text even after I left yesterday afternoon. " Gabriel hid a smirk. Yup, that was definitely interest on his brothers' part as he continued to avoid eye contact with Gabriel. He was going to have to brave the tattoo parlor and, more importantly, brave Meg so he could talk to her and see what he could find out.


	9. Enlightening Phone Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas gets a concerning call about Claire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like to see the colored (and in one case, fixed) versions of the pictures in the last chapter, please visit my DA account - [Here ](http://dragonpress.deviantart.com/art/I-Watch-the-Bees-606233263) and [ Here](http://dragonpress.deviantart.com/art/Sleeping-in-Shadow-606281232)

 

Castiel had a sketchbook on his lap, sun coming through the big windows of his living room, illuminating the blank page. He'd sat there, on his couch, the tv on in the background, sound barely turned up, for most of an hour now and the page was still as blank as it had been when he started.

It was for this reason that he was grateful when his phone rang. It broke into his headspace, taking him away from the blank page that was most definitely mocking him. He grabbed up his cell phone, hoping it was Dean as it had been so often these past two months, only to be disappointed. He stared at the unknown number on the screen of his cell phone - he'd seen no reason to have a landline – and frowned at it before he finally gave in to his curiosity.

"Hello?"

"Hello, am I speaking to Castiel Novak?" Came the unfamiliar voice. Soft and soothing though it was, Castiel was still suspicious. The number of calls he'd gotten since his brother and Amelia had died had gone down in number, but were still present. Everyone wanted to hear from him about what had happened, but he refused to speak to any of them. Some were very persistent. He hoped this woman wasn't one of those.

"Yes."

"It's nice to meet you Mr. Novak. I'm Missouri Moseley and I was hoping to have a moment of your time to discuss your niece."

"Lady, I will not be giving up my niece for whatever asinine article you're doing. You will leave the child alone!" Castiel couldn't believe the audacity of some people. This was not the first reporter to try and interview Claire, as if she didn't deserve to be left alone in her grief.

"You misunderstand me, Mr. Novak. I'm a child psychologist and Claire has been coming to see me for some months. Your niece has been asking for you. I wanted to discuss if you would be amenable to coming to see her? I think it would do her some good."

"I'm sorry?" This was the last thing Castiel had expected to hear and he didn't know what to say.

"Your niece has suffered some trauma…she's lost everyone she knew, Mr. Novak, and doesn't understand why she seems to have lost you as well."

"I think you misunderstand. My…parents won't let me see her." Well, there was more to it than that, but once under their care, that was that.

"Is that what your brother wanted? What you wanted?" was the soft inquiry on the other end of the line. He bowed his head and closed his eyes, his breath hitching slightly. He hoped she didn't hear it.

"I – no, no it wasn't but…that doesn't matter. You understand that her father and I are identical twins, don't you? I'm sure it would only bring up painful memories if I…" He swallowed past the lump in his throat. "It's better for Claire that I stay away."

"I don't think that’s true, Mr. Novak.  Claire hasn't been doing well. Her grandparents are virtual strangers to her and are not very understanding of her grief. They have told her that her parents got what they deserved for consorting with the likes of you."

"WHAT?" Castiel's eyes sprung open in horror, his head snapping up, his blood boiling. He knew his parents didn't approve of him, of his choices and the choices Jimmy had made because of him, and because, of course, his 'choice' to be gay. As if it were something so cut and dry.

"You understand, of course, that she told me this, and many other things, in confidence. Though she asked me to help her find you, so I feel that she would wish me to explain at least a little bit of how things are. Now I ask again. Was Claire going to live with her grandparents what your brother wished? Did you ask her before you let them take her? Or did you simply decide on your own it was better for her?"

"I…" Castiel closed his eyes again, head once again bowed, and swallowed around the lump in his throat that seemed to have gotten bigger. A hand reached up and rubbed at his forehead. "My god. No, my brother had it set up for me to take her but I just thought…and when my parents came, I didn't fight it. I've missed her so much but…I didn't believe that I was being anything other than selfish to even _want_ to try and keep Claire with me."

"It's okay, Castiel." The voice was still soft, still soothing. "I understand where you're coming from. And maybe for some kids that would have been the best course of action. But in Claire's case, I'm afraid it's not. The poor child is miserable and she needs you."

"It's too late anyway."

"It's never too late. Did your brothers' wishes get filed officially? If you have paperwork, we can get her back for you. If you're willing to fight your parents for your niece, I believe it would be in her best interest. In yours too."

"Yes, yes I do have paperwork. Somewhere." Castiel stood abruptly, his sketchbook falling unseen to the floor, pages bending, getting ruined, but he didn't care. "Let me…I just need to…"

"Take your time, Castiel. Why don't you take my name and number down, and call me as soon as you find them. Then maybe we could meet up for lunch and discuss the next step."

"Yes, yes, I'll do that. I uh..." he frantically looked around for paper and pen, and then his eyes fell onto the abandoned sketchbook. That would do. He hurriedly scooped it up, flattening out the pages and groping around the floor for his pencil. With that in hand he turned his attention back to the phone. "I'm ready." He quickly wrote down her name and number, his heart feeling a little lighter than it had for some time. When they hung up, he saved her information in his cell phone then leapt back up.

Then he paused and thought back to the conversation. At what point had she started calling him by his first name rather than Mr. Novak? How had she known what questions to ask? He was certain the arrangements had never been discussed with Claire. Why would you risk frightening a young child with a scenario that might never be? Unless of course, the child asked because they were, for some reason, already worried. He supposed that could be the case, but he was equally certain that Jimmy or Amelia would have let him know about the discussion.

Never mind any of that now though. He had some searching to do. He turned and hurried out of his living room with a significantly lighter heart. It might be an uphill battle, but he had a goal now, a purpose. It would be worth the inevitable fight. _She_ would be worth it.

 


	10. Checking Out the Flash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deans in town and accidentally finds out about Cas's shop...

 

 

"Winchester? What are you doing here?" Meg's voice was surprised as she pealed gloves off of her hands. Dean was standing in the entryway, looking around fascinated.

"Oh! Hi Meg.  So this is where you work, huh? It fits you." He mused. "God these designs are gorgeous. I'd been thinking about getting a new tattoo. I think maybe I'll have to come here when I do…" he breathed. Meg felt pride for his praise, pride for Clarence as she saw which designs Dean was admiring so heartily. But then her heart climbed into her throat as she realized where his feet and his gaze were taking him, as he went down the wall of designs. Shit…

"Holy crap! They were practically identical!" he exclaimed. "That must have been a hoot!"

"Did he…did he tell you?" she held her breath, stunned that in the brief time they'd been around the Winchesters, crush or not, that her best friend would have confided in the actor so quickly.

"No, just enough to tell me he had brothers and that one of them was a twin. I uh, kinda got the impression the twin was gone…" He turned away from the wall to face her. Her expression was pained. "He asked not to talk about it and I didn't want to push. What…what happened? I take it this was their place?"

"Yeah, they opened it together but…Clarence hasn't set foot inside the shop in 10 months." His eyes widened as he looked all around the shop, the care that obviously had gone into it and swallowed, hard.

"Is that…?"

"When his brother died? Yeah. And his sister in law, too, actually."

"What happened?" He asked, his voice quiet. Meg leaned forward on the glass counter, hands flat on the top of it.

"I don't know if I should tell you. On the one hand, you'd be the only one in town who didn't know, on the other hand, I feel like I'd be betraying his trust. Like, he should be the one to tell you, when he's ready. But…"

"But will he ever be ready?" Dean finished for her. She shrugged. Meg decided to try and switch tactics. She walked around the counter and moved to stand beside him.

"So, let's play a game. Can you tell me which one's Clarence?" Dean turned back to the photos on the wall and smiled.

"Well, even without that distinctive coat, its' pretty easy to tell." Dean said, as he pointed Castiel out in photo after photo, never making a mistake. Meg held her breath as she watched. "I said nearly identical after all." Dean turned back to her and raised a brow. "Well? How'd I do?"

"Good, good, better than expected. You just passed the boyfriend test, congratulations!" She grinned slyly, clapping a hand on his back hard, harder than expected for a woman her size.  Dean startled and coughed, his face flushing red as he spluttered and fumbled for words.

"What? Wait, we're not…you know that we aren't…I mean, he's uh…kinda hot…and…and but, we're…" He ran a hand through his hair and stopped when he reached the back of his neck, gripping it tight, his face turning redder and redder till she started to laugh hysterically at him.

"Look, it's not that I wouldn't, I mean…I think…if given a chance, we could be…but I don't think he's even  _interested_." The tone of the actors' voice was plaintive and despondent. Meg took pity on him. After all, it was for Clarence's greater good.

"Oh, trust me, he's interested. He's just…he's got his reasons. Look Winchester, I think you're good for him. He's had some shit happen to him, obviously, and he hasn't been the same since. With you is the most I've seen him acting like himself in almost a year. I don't know if this will go anywhere, but if you're really willing to try, I'm willing to help. Just don't hurt him. He's been through too much, bucko." Dean nodded solemnly, hope kindling in his eyes.  

She leaned in to whisper.  "And just so you know, if you _do_ hurt him? No one will ever find your body." She winked and waltzed back around the counter. "So, you never did tell me what you were doing here?" Dean blinked at her stunned for a few moments before he shook his head and attempted to answer her all the while trying to ignore the knowing smirk on her face.

"Oh, well, uh looks like the studio is making Cas a job offer.  Which is all kinds of _awesome_. Anyway, I just came in with Bobby and Chuck and the hotel is just down the road here. Thought I'd kill time while waiting for the meeting. Wasn't sure why exactly they wanted me along, except that I've met him already? Meh, wasn't gonna argue.  It'll be good to see him again. Anyway, I was serious about thinking about a new tattoo. The shop caught my eye and I just had to come in. No idea you worked here or that Cas owned it.  Did he really make all these?"

"Pretty much."  She affirmed. It was hard not beaming when someone, anyone, recognized the talent that had made this place so successful.

"Wow, this must be why Bobby and Chuck are offering him a job. I could totally see this stuff as set dressing and stuff…"

"So have you two actually been keeping in contact these whole last two months?" Meg had to check. Cas hadn't talked about keeping contact with Dean. She thought he'd pushed it all out of his mind and had dropped back into his rut. The only times she saw him was when she visited him. Either staying for a movie night, or dragging him out of the house for some fresh air.

"Yeah, texting mostly. A few calls. Nothing big, just getting to know each other, y'know?"

"That's good, Deano. Baby steps are important right now. So what are you thinking?" Meg continued to shift topics so suddenly it almost gave Dean whiplash.

"Well, I like the look of these…"

"That’s our Angelic stuff."

"I'm sensing a theme here, Meg."

"Remember why I call him Clarence?"

"Uh…you said he was an angel?"

"I meant that literally. His name, Castiel, is the angel of Thursday. Go ahead and look that up. His older brother Gabriel, an archangel. Their parents were religious and wanted angel names."

"But Jimmy…"

"Yup, Jimmy was the exception. He was the surprise. No one knew he was coming till he did and they weren't prepared for him, no name, or anything. If he'd come out first, he'd have the angel name. But he didn't."

"So Cas is an older brother?" Dean's voice hitched. He knew what it was like to be the older brother. You felt responsible for the younger kid. And if something had ever happened to Sam…He's had plenty of time to think of that over the years, especially during that time before Bobby found them.

He might not know what happened to Jimmy, but it explained a lot. He'd heard that a twin bond was close, and his and Sams' own brotherly bond had been compared to it before. Then there was that older brother bond, whether it was three minutes or four years, it had impact. Put two such strong bonds together and he couldn't even imagine the depths of pain that would cause if something happened. Except, that Castiel didn't have to imagine it and that just made Dean's heart heavy to think about. He sent up a silent prayer that nothing would ever happen to his brother, even though he wasn't the praying type, but all this talk of angels, what could it hurt?

Meg continued while his thoughts took that depressing downward turn. "Yeah, the brothers, all three of them, really embraced it. Cas had a lot of angelic symbology – I think that’s called semiotics or something - incorporated into many of his designs whether or not it was obvious to the buyer."

"I'd ask if symbology was a real word, but I'm thinkin' it's realer than Semiotics."

"Yeah, I really don’t care. I'll call it what I like. Anyway, the name of this place, plus Gabe's bakery, well, like I said, all the brothers kinda embraced it, right?. In fact, the three of them were actually thinking of buying this building downtown back before, well, before. They were going to move both Heavenly Wings and Heavenly Treats so they could be right next to each other. It would have been a great move for many reasons. Of course when Jimmy died, it all fell through. Castiel pretty much dropped everything to do with this place and Gabriel – for once in his life – decided to leave things be." Meg's forehead furrowed, head tilting. "I still haven't decided if that’s a good thing or not." Dean fidgeted a bit.

"Well, that can kinda depend on the person. Sometimes you at least need to give some space to start with and then try to ease them back out a little later. Some people should never be given that space because they spiral downward too fast."

"You talk like you have experience with this." Meg narrowed her eyes at him thoughtfully. Dean shrugged.

"I'm no expert. Just know what I know from a couple of…instances that um…" he fidgeted as he struggled to find the right words. "I mean, sure, I have some experience, but it's not really from a um…wide variety of…"

"You have experience with a specific type of reaction, but none at all with other types, is that what you mean?"

"Yes, thanks!"

"You're so eloquent." She sneered.

"Shut it, Meg." He frowned at her. "I'm the actor, not the writer."

"Good thing too, all your shows would have a caveman like quality to them if you were in charge of the words." And in a breath, she switched topics again.  Dean was definitely going to have whiplash by the end of this conversation. "So it's been two months. What took so long to get that job offer going?"

"Wait, did you know about this?"

"Sure. So did Sam. Don't you guys talk?"

"Of course we talk." Dean grumbled, turning away from her. She opened her mouth to speak and the phone on the counter rang. She frowned down at the caller ID and her eyebrows shot up in surprise. Meg picked up the phone on the second ring while Dean turned back to admire the flash on the wall. He headed toward the other side of the lobby area, trying not to eavesdrop. Even if it wasn't personal, he knew he shouldn't.  The conversation, filled with all the pauses of words he couldn't hear, reached him anyway.

"Hey Clarence! Mmhmm…..mhmm. Aww that's good news! I mean sure, not into kids but, she's important to you.  Now, don't start second guessing this. There's no need to panic. I have a feeling a lot of good things are going to come your way. So, tell me, what changed your mind? They did what? That's inhuman! How could they…?  I'm gonna kill 'em!"

Dean jumped and spun around at the vehemence in her tone and lost all pretense of ignoring her. "No, don't talk me out of it. They've done a lot of shit to you, and to your brothers, and now  _this?_  Even  _I_ wouldn't say crap like that to a little kid,  _especially_  one who's lost both her parents so horribly. That kid was traumatized! Why would they…I  _hate_  kids and I can't understand your parents. You need anything, and I mean  _anything_ , you make sure to call me. I'm on your side on this. I'll bust kneecaps. Just say the word. Don't forget, the whole shop will be behind you the whole way, and you know it. You're not alone."

Meg made as if to hang up but then she snapped her fingers. "Oh! Don't forget to tell Gabriel. You know he'll give you his support too. Yes, right now. As soon as possible you dork." She hung up and found Dean staring at her.

"Meg, what the hell is going on?"

"How much did you hear?" she prevaricated.

"Pretty much all of it. Not that I meant to, but you're pretty loud."

"Oh Deano, you have no idea just how loud I can get." She gave him a sly little smirk.

"Aaaand, I really don't wanna know. Not my type. Now what's going on? Cause it didn't sound good and I'm confused as hell." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"God…It really should be his choice, y'know?"

"I have a feeling if I am going to be hanging around him at all while I'm in town, I might want to know _something_  about what's going on."

"Okay, okay fine. But don't tell him I told you, don't let him know that you know anything. Do  _not_  treat him any different.  It's not what he needs right now. The rest of us, I think, I mean I try not to, but I've known him a damn long time and I know what he was like before everything hit the fans and I think I do treat him differently even without meaning too."

"Meg, just…I get it, now, what's going on?" Dean asked in a gentler voice, standing closer to the counter. She just stared at him. "Okay, bare minimum. Jimmy and Amelia, that's his wife, were brutally murdered by their crazy next door neighbor. It was Cas and his 9 year old niece that found the…the bo…that found…" She took a deep breath as Deans eyes widened in horror and he swore.

Her voice was uncharacteristically both serious and sincere at the same time. She was so quiet; he had to lean a little closer to hear her. "Dean, I don't know what they saw, but I was told it was horrific. And then when all was said and done, the funerals over and…his parents took Claire away from him because he's gay, of all things! And he…he just let them. Thought it would be better for his niece not to have to look at the spitting image of her father every day. It hurt him bad on top of everything else. He needed her and he let her go, for her sake." She ran another shaky hand through her hair, taking another deep, slow breath, letting it out again.

"He's too precious for this world, do you get that Dean? He's rare. Even hurting like he was, he tried to do what was best for her. He's a goddamn unicorn and if you hurt him…" Dean put up his hands defensively.

"Yeah, I got it. You already threatened me, remember?"

"And don't think I wouldn't follow through."

"Trust me, sweetheart, I got it."

"And never call me that again, freckles." Her voice dropped, low and threatening as she glared at him.

"Got it."


	11. Lunch Date – Er, Meeting

Castiel was so lost in the search through his brothers boxes of papers that he actually forgot about the appointment he had later that day. If the alarm on his phone hadn't gone off, he thinks he'd have missed it completely. Thankfully, he'd had the foresight to set it up long before the call with Missouri had gotten him so out of sorts.

He still didn't even know what Mr. Singer and Mr. Shurley could want with him. He was quite nervous about the lunch meeting, wondering if this had something to do with his ruining their work for nearly a week. Would he need to pay reparations or something? He wasn't about to throw Meg under the bus for signing him up without his knowledge or permission.

In fact, about the only thing that he was really looking forward to about today's lunch, was the fact that Dean would be there.

Which didn't mean anything, anything at all. Castiel willed his hear to slow down to normal speeds. It took a few long moments before he was, mildly, successful. That was the best he'd get. Time to get ready. He made to leave the office he'd dumped much of Jimmy and Amelia's stuff into, the rest having gone into his basement, ready for the sorting that he hadn't felt capable of doing just yet, and hesitated. He couldn't be late, but this was just as important. Still, he'd been at this for two hours and he'd need to get something to eat anyway. Maybe a break was just what the doctor had ordered.

He flipped the light switch off as he left the room and headed towards his bedroom, gathering up the clothes he'd already picked out earlier after much debate on how he wanted to present himself, then turned to the bathroom off the master bedroom.

It was a short time later that found Castiel freshly showered and shaved, wearing black slacks and a deep blue button down with a vest. A full suit seemed too much and he stared at the ties on his bed before he finally deciding against it. He snagged his trench coat on the way out the door, though it wasn't all that cold out, hopping into his car and driving out to his lunch date.

He was there early, too early, and he fidgeted in the waiting area of the restaurant, his anxiousness about the lunch meeting returning. His desire to see Dean again warring with the thought that it was really a bad idea, his heart starting to beat faster. Castiel closed his eyes and took deep breaths to calm himself. He opened them again and let his eyes roam the walls, focusing on various things to distract himself. His fingers twitched. This was one of those times having a sketchbook would be handy. It was how he'd often handled these moments in the past.

The blue eyed man found himself looking up every time the door opened. He realized he didn't even have a clue what this Mr. Shurley looked like. Or, he frowned, for that matter, Mr. Singer. It had been Michael Milton he'd met when he'd visited the set. If they entered first he'd have no idea who they were. Nerves were threatening to overtake him again and he quickly focused his eyes back on the wall in front of him where a fishtank filled with brightly colored fish with beautiful long tails were swimming.

His fingers twitched again. Now he _really_ wished that he'd brought his sketchbook. The graceful swimming of the fish as their fins and tails fanned out behind them…those would make beautiful tattoos. He stood up and walked closer to the tank, pulling out his phone as he walked. In no time at all, he was messing with the very few camera options the phone had come with and had started snapping pictures left and right of the fish in the tank. He was so preoccupied that he jumped when a hand landed on his shoulder, causing him to drop his phone as he spun around.

"Whoa, Cas, sorry man! I think this is starting to become our thing, but uh, I really didn’t mean to startle you. Thought you heard me." Dean ducked down quickly; dropping his hand from the stunned mans shoulder and picking up his phone. Castiel took it back gratefully, still feeling the heat of Dean's hand on his shoulder thought it was gone and he blushed. Green eyes met blue and they stared until someone cleared their throat beside them. _Bad idea_ , he reiterated to himself. _Definitely a bad idea._

"Hello Dean." The gravelly voice shot through Dean and he smiled. Remembering himself, Dean turned to face two other men. Both were kind of scruffy looking, one looking ill at ease in the semi formal clothes he was wearing, but both were wearing kind smiles.

"So this is Chuck Shurley and this is Uncle Bobby, uh, Bobby Singer." Dean pointed to each in turn as both gentleman reached forward to shake Castiel's hand. " _Pleased to meet you._ " and other expected pleasantries were exchanged as a hostess arrived to find their reservation and seat them.

It took them all a few minutes to settle in, drinks ordered and menus placed in front of them. Castiel's nerves started to die down slightly. Everyone was acting so pleasant, surely nothing bad could be happening, could it? He couldn't make them dissipate completely though, since he couldn't fathom any reasons why they'd be here with him if it wasn't for what he'd thought it was about it. And then there was Dean. Handsome, freckled, green eyed Dean who was chatting away jovially and familiarly with all of them. Castiel didn’t know if his heart could take this.

He wasn't so wrapped up in nerves not to notice a few stares and pointing fingers coming their way. He wasn't naïve enough to believe they were about him, despite his notoriety in town for the events ten months ago. He was sitting with a fairly popular and easily recognizable actor and he was certain the attention coming from the rest of the restaurant was definitely for Dean, who hadn't seemed to notice a bit of it.

Somehow, despite the chattering, they all found time to find something that struck their fancy on the menu and were ready when the waitress returned to their table. Castiel was struck by how down to earth all of them were in both their speech and likes as he listened to them making their orders and it made him feel slightly more comfortable.

Dean watched the tenseness in Castiel's shoulders lessen slightly, his ever present trench coat draped across the back of his chair. He could practically see the knots still present in his shoulders, the nerves that the gorgeous, blue eyed man evidently felt, no matter how much he'd managed to relax. Dean had to stop his hands from moving of their own accord to sooth the him and he forced his attention back to the group at large, instead of one, singular Castiel Novak. He cleared his throat.

"So uh, I have no idea why we're actually here, but it's good to see you again man." Dean said with a grin, trying to get things going. Bobby grunted in annoyance and glared at Dean.

"Boy, I oughta have left ya back in California." Dean gave him a wide eyed, innocent look and Castiel watched as Mr. Shurley – _please, call me Chuck_ – just, well, no other way to say it, he chuckled.

"No, I think Dean's right, Bobby. We had a reason for procuring some of Mr. Novak's time today and I think we should get on with it."  Castiel and Dean watched Bobby glaring at his boss. Castiel in awe, Dean in amusement as he smothered his laughter.

"An' I suppose it falls to me?" Bobby groused. He heaved a put upon sigh and looked back over at a very nervous Castiel. "Ah, don't look like that boy. Nothin' bad's about to happen, I promise ya."

Castiel started and flushed, embarrassed, and this time Dean couldn't stop his hand from reaching out to touch his shoulder. It was a near thing though, as Dean felt a great urge to move his hand soothingly and he managed to restrain himself. Under his fingertips, Dean felt the initial shock of the surprise that Castiel felt, echoed in the look that he shot him, before he relaxed slightly, before Dean felt compelled to pull away, fearing he'd over stepped.

"All right." Castiel managed after clearing his throat.

"We're here to offer a business proposition." Cas's eyes widened. "We've seen yer work, an' was wonderin' if ye'd be amenable to doing design work for the show?"

Dean watched Castiel blink in response, obviously stunned. Castiel stared at the man in front of him and glanced over at the other, then back again. They couldn't be serious, could they? How the hell had this even happened? When the hell had they seen his work? Internally he groaned. Meg. It had to have been Meg. He opened his mouth.

"I…what?" Bobby chuckled at the stunned response and Chuck smiled empathetically. Dean patted him on the shoulder excitedly.  Castiel's eyes narrowed. "Did you know about this?"

"Not exactly. I had no clue until maybe an hour ago when someone else mentioned the possibility. But it didn't come from these guys so I had no idea if it was actually happening. But this is awesome!" Dean was literally grinning from ear to ear. "I saw some of your stuff earlier today, I'm actually gonna go back there I think, to get something. Your work is awesome, _you're_ awesome and to have you working on the show…" The grin turned into a beam as he stared at a quite overwhelmed Castiel.

"I…uh…I…" He turned back to Mr. Singer and Mr. Shurley and couldn't help the question that made its way out. "Are you serious?"

"Damn straight, we are. We've been discussing it since yer visit on the set, an' your friend Meg showed us your site."

"What took so long, it's been like, 2 months since Cas here visited." Dean's own eyebrows scrunched down in confusion.

"Yeah, I'm afraid that was spent finding the time to get together and then hammering out what we'd want, and what to offer in return." Chuck reached down to pull a case out onto the table that Castiel hadn't noticed earlier and opened it to pull out a thick manila envelope. "Why don't you take some time to look this over, get someone else to look it over if you feel more comfortable with that, and the-e-en get back to us?" Chuck drew out the word and smiled as he handed the packet to Castiel.

In a daze, Castiel took it, looking down at it as if unsure what to make of it. The table was encased in silence, a bubble unbroken by the usual restaurant babble around them. Plates started landing in front of them and Dean finally slid his hand off Castiel's shoulder.

"Dude! This burger looks awesome! What's this place called again?" The only response he received was muffled by food. Apparently he didn't care all that much as he quickly became preoccupied by his burger and didn't bother to ask again.

Castiel had also ordered a burger, but Dean's looked like some odd, epic experiment. He looked at the towering size of the thing as Dean wrapped his hands around it carefully and opened his mouth wide to take a bite.

"Dean, how on earth are you going to take a bite of that?" Dean paused, the burger halfway to his mouth.

"You sayin' I need a bigger mouth Cas?" He waggled his eyebrows at the blue eyed man, who flushed in response, the red staining his cheeks getting deeper as Dean continued, "Trust me, it can fit. I've got experience." He winked and proceeded to prove that he could, in fact, fit the damn burger into his mouth. Castiel swallowed and tore his eyes away from Dean and focused on his own food, certain he was quite red. Probably quite obvious as well. He avoided looking at anyone as he picked up his own burger.


	12. Paperwork and Phonecalls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing is slowing down because of work. I am sad. I wrote half of this last week and the other half today because i will not be held back! but yeah, might be on an every other week schedule at this point since I have 2 stories and i'm doing mad overtime at my job, shifted schedules (and not adjusting to it) and just...it's killing me...kiiiiiillling me....I swear to god.
> 
> say a prayer for me that i'll survive?  
> or just give me a boost with some comments :D

Castiel walked into his house, making his way tiredly back to the office and the search he'd abandoned earlier. He slipped off his trench coat and folded it carefully, placing it on the chair just inside the door and placing the packet he'd gotten on top of it. Chuck Shurley had told him they'd be in town for a couple of days and if he had any questions, just to ask, then proceeded to provide a cell phone number.

_After the lunch, with no idea how, Castiel had found himself taking the three men on a tour of his shop, stepping inside for the first time in ten months._

A break had been just what he needed, it seemed. While lost in his thoughts of the days' events, he found his feet moving around the boxes in his office of their own will, his arms reaching out and shifting things out of the way as needed until he reached the back wall and the large filing cabinet against it. He hadn't  _needed_  to search Jimmy and Amelia's effects. If he'd stopped to think, to calm himself, he would have remembered that he'd had his own copy of the paper work all along. Filed away long before anything had ever happened. He pulled open a drawer, still reflecting.

_Meg hadn't been at the shop, which had been a blessing in disguise. He was sure he'd have heard quite a bit if she'd been there when he brought Dean in. But Kevin and Gadreel had both been there instead. Castiel had stepped inside and automatically relaxed in a way he hadn't thought he'd be able to do again. He'd breathed in the familiar scents, listened to the familiar noises, and took in the familiar sights he hadn't even realized he'd craved. And despite the obvious emptiness the absence of his brothers presence gave the shop, just entering had been like a balm to his spirit._

_Then, of course, he felt guilt that he hadn't returned sooner, compounded by the lack of pitying looks from his employees. No, they'd been only too ecstatic to see him and all too willing to help him put on a tour, short as it was. With lucky timing, and the customers permission, they even had a demonstration._

_Dean had left Chuck and Bobby staring at the flash on the walls and wandered about with Castiel asking questions and all in all, acting very interested in what Castiel did and said. Overall, it had been a strangely nerve wracking and yet comforting day, satisfying an itch under his skin he'd forgotten existed. It was with an odd reluctance that he'd bid them all goodnight and made his way back home._

The blue eyed man let his feet carry him back out of the room, leaving his coat for later but picking up the envelope on the way before returning to his living room. The curtains were still open but much of the daylight had gone. He flicked on a lamp and placed the papers from his brother and the envelope from Chuck side by side on the coffee table, his sketchbook still lying open at one end with Missouri's number staring up at him.

He flicked his eyes back and forth between it all, feeling as if had arrived at a crossroads. He could go on as he had been which, truth be told, hadn't been all that great. Or he could move forward finally, as he'd resolved to do only two months ago after his talk with Gabriel. Something he was now ashamed to say that he hadn't quite managed to do.

Stomach churning, but with a firm resolve, he reached forward to look at the proposal first. Claire was more important and he needed to know what the terms were before he could commit to it. He didn't want to be locked into something that wouldn't allow him to do what needed to be done. He was going to need to be able to retain his flexibility if he was going to fight for Claire and then become the single parent of a possibly troubled and still grief stricken child. If he still felt the way he did, if he still had nightmares at night, he couldn't even imagine what his poor, sensitive niece was going through. Guilt struck him again and he had to pause and take deep breaths. Time to move on, make things better for his niece.

He closed his eyes and continued to breath deeply, counting each breath. His thoughts flicked about and settled on Dean. All of this going on, all these sudden, potential changes that were both possibly good and yet so uncertain...he was unsure how he should be feeling. Hope for Claire of course, but apprehension about the legal issues in getting custody of her and then what it would mean for his life, for their lives afterwards. the adjustments they would both need to make. He didn't know how to raise a child. The thought frightened him and yet...he couldn't not step up to the plate, for her sake. 

And none of that was counting where Dean might fit into all of this. Or if he wanted Dean to, or if Dean even wanted to, or if Claire could even accept it...

He broke off that train of thought and shoved it down and far away. Priorities. Claire. He had no right to think of his own future until he had her settled, and who knew how long that would take? What damage he was ill prepared to rectify that he would need to try and undo.

It was only an hour later that Castiel placed the last page face down on the stack he'd made on the table. It hadn't been the best proposal he'd ever received, and it certainly wasn't the kind he'd dreamed of, way back when, but it was pretty decent. More importantly, it seemed workable.

Feeling a little more confident in his thoughts and his tentative plans for the future, he grabbed his phone and pulled up the newly created contact for Missouri Mosely. Taking a deep breath, he dialed and waited.

He didn't wait long. His phone didn't even have a chance to ring before it was answered by that soothing, calm voice. Without even asking, she knew who it was. He had a split second to think she might be psychic before he realized that of course she'd recognized his number when it came up on the caller ID.

"It's good to hear from you, Castiel. I take it you've found your brothers paperwork?"

"I have."

"That's wonderful to hear. I can meet with you by noon tomorrow, if you're free." She didn't make it a question and he reconsidered his thoughts about her being psychic.

"I am, actually. Where should we meet?"

"Well, honey, if I'm to advocate yours and Claire's case, I should probably inspect her potential living situation. How do you feel about me coming by your home?" Castiel was startled but it made sense. He nodded, and then rolled his eyes at his own stupidity.

"Yes, of course, that would be fine. Do you…do you have the address already?"

"I do, Claire gave it to me. But why don't you give it to me again, just to be safe?"

Castiel quickly rattled it off and hung up a mere few moments later after a little more discussion. Missouri herself eventually cut it off with the reminder that they would talk more when they met the next day. He stopped to think. Meg had advised him to let Gabriel know about this new development. He hadn't, yet, because he'd been too overwhelmed with the search, and then the meeting with Dean and his bosses had happened, and then all this…he stared at the papers gathered on the table. There just hadn't been time. Resolutely, he returned the phone to his ear after quickly finding Gabriel's contact and dialing.

"Yo little bro! What's happening?" Castiel smiled slightly at the ever cheerful sound of his brother's voice. He hadn't realized how much it actually meant to him when it was absent for so long, till the day they had reconnected. Vowing once again to never allow distance to grow between him and Gabriel again, he answered,

"Hello Gabriel. You could say that a lot is happening, actually."

"Why? What's going on?" Gabriel's voice dropped all hint of playfulness, becoming more serious than Castiel was used to, a level of seriousness he was really uncomfortable with, coming from his brother. The fact that Gabriel was immediately there for him, however, filled him with relief.

"I'm getting Claire back."

"Whoa! Way to go bro! What did you do?"

"You misunderstand, let me clarify. I mean getting, as in, I'm going after her. It has recently come to my attention that living with our parents is more toxic for her than I had previously realized and I refuse to let her languish there any longer than necessary."

"How bad is it?" Gabriel's voice was soft, low, barely discernible over the phone.

"It's bad. Not physical abuse but…the emotional and mental abuse they're heaping on her…Gabriel, as adults, we barely deal with it. How can a child hope to?" Castiel leaned back on the couch with a frustrated sigh. "And it's my fault. She was such a well behaved and thoughtful child, I hardly thought our parents could find a single fault with her. I didn't realize that…that they would use _us_ against her."

"Whatever they have said or done, it's not your fault. You're not responsible for their actions. They're full grown adults, Cassie. Now, bearing that in mind, what _exactly_ are thy telling her?"

"They've told her that her parents got what they deserved…" An expletive came over the line as he plunged on, "because of…because of everything.  I'm guessing the same old arguments about how Jimmy dropped everything to open a tattoo parlor with me. And, apparently, associating with the likes of me and now I suppose you as well, and who knows what else they've been filling her head with."

"You're right Cassie. She needs to get out of there, pretty damn quick. Whatever you need, I'll help. Just let me know, okay little brother?"

"Thank you Gabriel." The relief washed through Castiel again and he breathed out a sigh. Even over the phone, Gabriel could read him.

"Don't worry, we got this." Castiel heard a sharp series of staccato noises.

"Did you just…crack your knuckles?"

"Yes I did. It's to show how serious I am about this."

"Again, thank you."

"No need." A pause, "You're still feeling guilty, aren't you?"

"No…I…umm…" Castiel closed his eyes. He couldn't really deny that, relief aside, he _did_ still feel immeasurably guilty.

"Cassie, man, you take too much on your shoulders. I may not have completely, 100 percent agreed with letting mom and pops take Claire, but even I never thought they'd do something like this. You did what you thought was best for her. You had no way of knowing this would happen and you can't beat yourself up over this."

"That's easier said than done."

"Just, give it time, okay? Try to…why don't you...hmmm, just remind yourself every morning and just…give it time. I know that something like this won't disappear overnight, but Cas…" Gabriel's voice trailed off helplessly and Castiel felt another stab of guilt at the idea that he was making his brother worry about him. He took a deep breath.

"I'll try."

"Good. Cause if you don't, I'm gonna hit you over the head with a 2 x 4 repeatedly, until you get the picture." Gabriel's snark and completely ridiculous threat surprised a snort of laughter out of him. "So, uh, let's get down to details. What's the process for getting Claire back?"

"Well, Missouri Moseley can attest that the child is in an unhealthy environment and I have concrete proof that Claire residing with me was a part of Jimmy and Amelia's wishes." Castiel was proud of the fact that his voice barely hitched at the mention of his twin and his twin's wife. "Missouri and I are meeting here tomorrow to go over things." Castiel hesitated, "Would…"

"Sure Cas, tell me what time and I'll be there. With bells on."

"Noon, then, please. But leave the bells at home."

"Awwww…Take all the fun out of it, why don't ya?"

"Gabe." His voice was low, warning.

"Fine, I'll leave the bells at home." A pause. "Not even one teeny tiny bell? You'll hardly even notice it."

"No."

"Spoilsport."


	13. Missouri's Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is now the only story on my plate. I finished Colliding Worlds and i did a one shot short story that wound up having 4 parts, so it failed at being a one shot, but I really love it
> 
> still got a crap work schedule...will probably still be pulling massive OT...but inventory is over so, *crosses fingers*
> 
> and sorry, no art this chapter. I think i'm brain dead.
> 
> (EDIT - Art added 8/28)

The day's events had taken their toll on Castiel. He was exhausted but unable to sleep. When he finally did fall asleep, he found his dreams taken over by nightmarish memories. By the time his alarm clock would have gone off, he had already found his way downstairs.

Gabriel arrived at eleven, took one look at him when he answered the door and pulled him into a bear hug.

"You look like shit little brother." He observed as he let go, noting how reluctant Castiel was to do the same.

"Well good, then at least I'm a matched set, since I feel the same." He grumbled, turning away and heading back to the kitchen where he already had multiple mugs set out and water on to boil.

"Okay, how many cups have you had already?"

"Four." Gabriel groaned at the grunted reply.

"You're going to be so wired, Cassie. That's _my_ M.O., not yours. What were you _thinking_?"

"I was thinking I needed to wake up. And I didn't load it with sugar, so I don't think I could ever get as wired as you."

"When you have the sugar intake I do, you eventually grow immune to it. Which is good, since I'm in it for the flavor, not the sugar high."

"You can buy sugarless treats, you know."

"They don't taste right." Castiel sighed and went about making his tea and his brothers' coffee. With Gabriel popping by a lot more often, he'd bitten the bullet and gotten a small supply of some basic choices. The grin on Gabriel's face when he'd first made it available had been very gratifying.

Gabriel waited for his brother to sit down before he spoke up again. He dumped the usual mound of sugar into his coffee and stirred as he watched his brother hunch over his own mug at the table.

"It's going to be okay, Cassie."

"You don't know that."

"No, I don't. But you have to think positive."

"Do you think I should get a lawyer?"

"Hmm…I dunno. Couldn't hurt, I suppose. I even have a recommendation for you." Castiel looked up and gave an inquiring look. "Name's Bela Talbot. Cold, merciless and cutthroat." He watched his brother shudder at the description. "She's not free."

"I wouldn't have expected that she would be."

 "In fact, she's very, very expensive."

"As any good lawyer should be, else they wouldn't be very good at their jobs, I suppose." He finished his tea and stood up, looking at the clock. "I'm going to take a shower and get ready."

It was a little early but he planned on lingering, letting the hot water relax him somewhat before what could be a very harrowing experience. Not because Missouri didn't seem nice, or competent or on his side, but just because of the situation in general. The inevitable confrontation with his parents that was looming ahead of him. The moment of truth when he looked his niece in the eyes for the first time in ten months.

Eventually, and all too soon – and not soon enough – twelve o'clock rolled around. Missouri arrived right on time with a brisk knock on the door.

Castiel wasn't entirely sure what he'd been expecting, but the woman that stood on the other side of the door had certainly not been it. And yet, she seemed to fit that gentle voice and compassion he'd heard on the other side of the phone and he found himself relaxing more in her presence than he thought he would.

Inviting her in, Castiel led her to the kitchen where he had, yet another, pot of water boiling. Gabriel still sitting at the table, with the remains of toast on a plate, having made himself at home while Castiel had gotten ready.

"This is my brother, Gabriel. Gabriel, this is Ms. Missouri Mosley."

"Just Missouri, if you would? Thank you."

"Would you like any tea, Missouri?" the blue eyed man offered nervously.

"That would be lovely, thanks." She took a seat at the round table and looked around the kitchen with a critical, but approving eye, as he bustled about getting another mug down and set up. It didn't take long for everyone to be settled in, and then Castiel was sliding a folder with his brothers' paperwork across the table.

"This is, um…will this be enough?" The anxiousness felt like a roiling ball in the pit of his stomach. Silently, she flipped open the folder and took a look at it. "My brother suggested a lawyer, if it turns out necessary?" She looked up briefly, raising an inquiring eye and humming at the shorter Novak who was being uncharacteristically silent.

"Bela Talbot." Castiel shuddered at the name.

"I must admit, she doesn't sound all that pleasant to deal with from what he told me. If it becomes necessary, I mean, surely there would be someone better for me to interact with who could get the job done?"

"I'm afraid your brother is right. While she does have a reputation for ruthlessness, she would actually be the wisest choice, if we do need her. Though with my evidence and this," The kind, soft spoken lady tapped the papers in front of her, "We may just get away without one. It all depends on if your parents decide to put up a fight."

"And the best part about her, Cassie," Gabriel leaned in conspiratorially. "Is that she's apparently got a soft spot for children in bad family situations. She may be a little abrasive, but I promise you, she will bring our girl home. Worth every penny if we hire her."

Missouri nodded. "It's true. She's honestly the best choice. If she gets wind of this, she'll be knocking down _your_ door. She'll still charge you, of course, but she won't let something like this stand."

Castiel swallowed and nodded. "All right then. If both of you think she's the best choice, then I'll uh, I'll hire her on. If we need a lawyer. But um, I'm going to go on record as saying that I hope that we don't. But um, yes, I'll keep her in mind."

Missouri patted his arm reassuringly. "I know this is going to be stressful for you, but in the end…"

She didn't need to finish that sentence. All three of them knew it would be worth it, for Claire. Castiel would do anything he thought was necessary, whether or not it triggered any panic attacks. He rather hoped it wouldn't though. He probably wouldn't be seen as a competent parent if he broke down in the middle of, well, of everything. He twisted his fingers nervously, then pulled them apart and grasped his tea mug, raising it to his lips and gulping down a rather large sip of the still mostly hot liquid.

 "Now, why don't you boys give me a tour of the house? Show me where you think you'll set Claire up once she comes to live here. And do you live here as well?" She asked Gabriel as she finished her own mug and stood, waiting.

Hastily, Castiel shoved his own chair back, the legs scraping across the tiled floor noisily and making him wince. Gabriel got up at a more sedate pace which was, again, so much at odds with what Castiel was used to. He supposed his brother was trying to behave and be supportive. Anything he could do so as not to ruin Castiel's chances of this going off without a hitch. Or, well, as much as possible anyway. And he definitely appreciated that.

However, he was positive their parents wouldn't make this painless for any of them. He just hoped that they didn't take it out on Claire once Castiel made his move.  They wouldn’t dare, would they? The thought had him almost frozen in place. He gulped and moved forward. Panic. Later. Not now. He hoped she didn't notice the brief hesitation.

The hope that she hadn't noticed died as she turned her concerned eyes to his suddenly panic stricken ones. Would he ever _not_ embarrass himself like this? She laid a hand gently on his arm again, this time simply holding it.

"Are you all right, Castiel?"

"What if Claire's…I was just thinking…When, when we go after them, what if our parents take it out on Claire?" His eyes widened and his chest tightened.

"Do you think it's likely that they would?"

"I don't know. Not, not physically at least. But then, I never expected that they would…" Castiel turned away, visibly distressed, unable to finish around the sudden lump in his throat. Deep breaths. He closed his eyes and worked to calm himself. It would do no one any good if he couldn't even talk about helping Claire, and the different potential outcomes.

"Well, this is what we're working towards, Castiel. Removing Claire from an environment where this becomes a worry at all." She gave him a few moments, looking away from him to Gabriel. "I believe I asked if you lived here as well?"

"Oh no! I live across town, above the bakery." Gabriel grinned at her.

"Do you mean Heavenly Treats?" He nodded. "Then why didn't you bring any of those delightful muffins along with you today? They would have been the perfect touch when we had our tea." Gabriel's grin dropped into a more startled look.

"I didn't even think of that. Huh." He blinked at nothing, his thoughts turning inward and almost missing when his brother spoke up.

"If you'd like that tour now?"


	14. A Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Missouri's visit, Castiel is thinking about crashing for the night when he gets an unexpected phone call from Dean and changes his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, still no pictures. Work is killing me....I have an idea for a picture for this chapter, but i didn't want to force people to wait too long. I'll try to add pics back in later.
> 
> then again, not sure anybody cares about the pics, but i DO enjoy making them for the stories. I've had some good inspired pictures that i really liked come out of these stories so i hope you folks aren't minding that I try to add them to all my stories?

Castiel breathed an exhausted sigh of relief later that evening. They'd done the tour as asked and it hadn't really taken that long. But Missouri asked many questions, including ones about how he supported himself, and ultimately how he would be supporting Claire as well.

He'd expected disapproval and judgment, but while she hadn't outright said she was all right with it all, she had not seemed bothered in the least about his owning a tattoo shop. In fact, when asked about it - Castiel had been unable to hold back the question - her answer was simple.

"Your niece is a wonderful, loving child. Troubled, yes, but anyone would be after what she's been through." She'd paused to look at him – not with sympathy as he'd come to expect, and frankly he was downright sick and tired of seeing – but understanding, before she continued.

"Your brother was also heavily involved in the same business, in addition to being co owner, and it hasn't seemed to have hurt that child any. So why should it be a concern? It obviously isn't, no matter what your parents may think or say." She leaned forward conspiratorially, though Gabriel was perfectly capable of hearing her.

"Besides, I myself might have a tattoo or two." Her eyes twinkled at his stunned look. "You do know the saying, don't you? Never judge a book by its cover? The same applies here, I do think." Gabriel guffawed at the exchange and slapped his brother heartily on the back, causing him to stagger forward despite Gabriel's smaller stature.

"I _like_ her little brother!"

"Uh…thanks for…your approval? I guess?" Castiel stared at them both, uncertain what to say or do.

After she left, Gabriel had hung around for a while to make sure he was okay. It had taken some doing to get him to believe that Castiel was fine, simply tired. Despite the early hour, he was seriously thinking about making the climb up to his room and just crashing for the night. As exhausted as he was though, he feared that his turmoil and thoughts would simply keep him awake. While he was attempting to decide, and not long after Gabriel had left, his phone rang.

"Hey Cas, I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. Was just wondering what you were up to and if um, you'd like to hang out? Maybe uh…get something to eat, like a burger or something?" He sounded pretty nervous and Castiel felt the exhaustion melt away at the sound of Dean's voice.

"I'd like that."

"Great! Do you, uh, know, I mean, have any recommendations on where to go? I could meet you there?" His voice trailed off uncertainly and Castiel smiled. It sounded like the famous actor, the man he'd been trading texts and phone calls with for the past 2 months, was for some reason, nervous to ask Castiel out to dinner. He had no idea why, but it was still kind of adorable, actually.

Wait. Was Dean actually asking him _out_ out? Like, a _date_ kind of out? That would…well, that would certainly account for his level of nervousness, Castiel mused. He opened his mouth to ask, but then thought better of it. He was probably misreading things. After all, as friendly as he and Dean had become, why would the actor want to date _him_? He wasn't really anything special. Actually, he was kind of boring, really.

Still, date or not, he enjoyed Dean's company – both virtual and non virtual. It wouldn't hurt any to pretend it really was a date, even if it wasn't. It wasn't like this was a good time for Castiel to be starting any kind of a relationship anyway, even _if_ Dean was interested, which he wasn't. right? Pushing aside these doubts, he decided to just enjoy then night as it was.

Twenty minutes later had them meeting at a local pub. Castiel wasn't planning on drinking but they had the best burgers in town. Dean was sitting on a bench outside looking at his phone when he pulled up and parked. The actor looked up at the slam of a door and saw the blue eyed man next to a Lincoln Continental and he gaped, trying not to laugh.

"Holy shit, Cas! Is that really your car?" He called out.

"My brothers, actually." He stepped up on the curb next to Dean whose face fell.

"Shit. I'm sor – "

"Don't worry about it Dean, I'm…okay." He said with some surprise. He tilted his head. "Huh."

"What?"

"I think I really am. I mean, not one hundred percent. I, I still miss him, a lot. And it still hurts but, I don't know, something changed. It doesn’t hurt quite as much to think of him or my sister in law as it did before." His forehead crinkled in confusion as he looked down towards the concrete in thought.

"That's good, though, right? I'm sure he wouldn't want you to be suffering. I know if I was gone, I'd want Sammy to, well, be able to move on and not be sad. He's my brother and I'd want him to be happy, you know?" Castiel slowly nodded.

"Yes, I think I do." A small smile broke over his face; lips twitching up just the slightest bit and it made Dean feel happy to know the man before him wasn't as filled with grief as he had been. He still had a long way to go, probably, and who could really blame him that he had been grieving? But Dean was happy none the less.

They went inside and were quickly seated. Castiel was glad they'd gotten a private table instead of being sat at the bar. He really wasn't in the mood for random chit chat with well meaning acquaintances. That was the downside of this place. When Jimmy had been alive, it had been a weekly tradition to stop in every Thursday with Gabriel. They'd become a part of the scenery and gotten to know more than a few folks on friendly terms.

He hadn't been back since their deaths.

The pang was still deep and painful, but he managed to bury it down a little easier. He was relieved to note that he hadn't been recognized by the waitress, so he held on to the hope for an uneventful night as she strode away with their drink orders – a beer for Dean, ginger ale for Castiel – leaving them menus to peruse.

"Hmmm…I see they have several burgers to offer. Which would you recommend?"

"The one with bacon and mushrooms." Castiel pointed and Dean followed his finger.

"Oh yeah, that _does_ sound good." They grinned at each other, Dean's face full and wide while Castiel's was still more of a hint of a smile, with maybe a little bit more of an upward twitch than earlier. Dean wondered what it would take to get him to really smile.

And what it would be like to see. He had a feeling it would take his breath away.

They lost themselves in each other's eyes, blue meeting green, and were startled out of their gazes by their waitress when she placed their drinks in front of them.

"So you boys ready to order?" the waitress pulled her pad out of her apron and the pencil from where it was tucked behind her ear.

"Oh, oh yes, we'd both like the bacon and mushroom burger deluxe. I'd like mine medium rare."

"And I'll take mine medium well."

"Alright then. Let me take these and I'll go put that right in for ya."

"Thank you."

"No problem." She gave a friendly smile to the both of them and walked off, dropping the menus off at the hostess station on her way past. Dean took the opportunity to look around the pub. The interior was covered in a deep, rich brown wood paneling and flooring that held a bit of a golden glow under the lighting. He nodded as he spoke, staring at the different pictures and odds and ends decorating the walls and nooks and crannies he could see from his seat,

"I like the atmosphere here. Reminds me of my Aunt Ellen's place, the Roadhouse, back home. I practically grew up there after my parents died. Kind of, y'know, felt like home."

"How did your parents die?"

"Oh, well, you know. It's not really a secret. I think all the fans know it."

"I've never looked you up. I may be a fan of the show but…" Castiel looked down and played with his napkin, "never really thought it was, hmm…appropriate to, to…it just felt like it was intruding on your private life. And…I just…I know how that feels…" he trailed off, shrugging. The actor reached forward to grasp his hand, Castiel's long fingers stilling at the unexpected touch. He flushed as his head shot up to look at the freckled man before him, but didn't pull away. Dean repressed a relieved breath. He didn't want to make things awkward.

"It's okay, Cas, you can ask anything you want. You won't be prying, I promise. Most anything you could think of is already out there and I find I wouldn't mind if you knew too." It was Dean's turn to blush. "Then again, I guess I'm used to the spotlight. And honestly, most of its' been pretty good with just a few exceptions. But seriously, anything you want to know, go ahead. And if you somehow find something I'm not ready to share, I'll let you know, but I won't be offended, I promise." He ducked his head down a little to continue holding the dark haired mans gaze as he hesitantly nodded his acceptance of Dean's words.

Pulling his hand back with a smile, Dean grabbed his beer and took a swig, then clinked it back down on the table with a satisfied smack of his lips. Castiel tried not to stare.

"Huh, this local brew's not that bad. Good choice."

"I believe you chose it, Dean."

"Oh sure, but you picked the place that offered it." Dean grinned and he saw the answering light in Castiel's eyes. _Oh_ , he thought. Honestly, the emotions that didn't really show on his face – _was that all the time or just as he was feeling out new people? It's been two months though; did Dean really count as new people?_ – were more than evident in his eyes and Dean felt like he could stare into their depths forever, trying to uncover and identify each emotion that swirled there.

"You're being ridiculous." Was the gravelly reply. Dean smirked.

"Maybe I am, I have a tendency." He took another swig of his beer and placed it back down. His face took on a more serious cast and Castiel found himself sobering in preparation for what he would say next. "My parents died in a car accident. They really never had a chance. A semi took 'em out. He'd been drinkin'. The other guy I mean, not m'parents. Anyway, he didn't live either so…no justice to try and get or anything." Dean shrugged as Castiel stared in horror.

"God, Dean, how old were you?"

"Just turned ten. Sammy was six, y'know?"

"And that's when you went to live with your Aunt and Uncle?" Castiel's eyes were wide as he took in the information. Ten. Dean had been ten when he'd lost his parents. About the same age as….the insight the man could have for raising a child in that kind of grief…Castiel tried to get a grip on himself. He would not _use_ Dean simply for this. Dean was his friend. More than a friend? No…no point in getting ahead of himself in this. He couldn't be selfish. He had to think of Claire. Deep in his thoughts, waiting for Dean's answer, he almost missed the fidgeting Dean was doing, rubbing at the back of his neck and looking away.

"Okay, look. This, this next bit? Isn't public, okay?"

"Are you asking me not to tell anyone?"

"Yeah, I guess I am? I mean…Meg if she promises not to spill I guess would be okay but, yeah, it's not something I want to discuss with the fandom. I mean, I get they'd be fully supportive but…I just don't want to…"

In a turnabout of earlier, Castiel held out his hand to take the one the actor had left on the table into his.

"It's okay Dean. Believe me, I understand the desire not to have certain personal tragedies aired to the media and, ultimately to the public." Dean nodded again. Castiel, of all people, _would_ understand, he realized.

"Okay, so, uh…yeah, it took Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen a few months to track us down. When our parents died, well, we were put into foster care straight off since we had no living relatives. Bobby and Ellen not really being blood relatives, you know? They were just real close friends of the family. So. Foster care. And uh….things weren't so good there. Then the foster parents talked about splitting us up and, well, I couldn't risk losing the only family I had left, so we uh…"

" _You ran away_?" Castiel hadn't thought his eyes could go any wider but apparently they could. He stared at Dean in awe and incredulity. "At ten years old, you _ran away_ with your six year old brother and managed to take care of him on your own? How long, Dean?"

"Just, y'know, a few months. Not that…not that big a deal." He was back to rubbing the back of his neck a little nervously.

" _Not that big of a deal?_ Seriously Dean? That was…that was…you were incredibly brave. And I've got to assume, since you're here right now, that you were also immensely resourceful for your age to be able to keep the two of you alive and together…how did you _do_ it?"

Nope, it was true. Dean Winchester was really and completely embarrassed by the praise. He was almost as red as a beet; the redness of his skin tried to swallow his freckles but failed. Not that Castiel noticed. He watched the man before him in amazement.

Now Castiel _really_ doubted himself. The man before him had gone through much at such a young age and still come out on top of it all. And here Castiel was as an adult struggling to just go day by day taking care of _himself_. The happy mood he'd been in became muted by the shame and pure worthlessness he felt.

But he was changing that, right? By going after Claire, pulling her away from such a poisonous and unhealthy situation, he wasn't being selfish, he was helping. Right? And shouldn't that make him feel better?

Thoughts whirling, stomach churning, he was barely able to finish his dinner with Dean. If Dean noticed his change of behavior, he'd been kind enough not to say. Castiel became more positive that a relationship was something he shouldn't be pursuing at this time. Not when he didn't deserve a man as selfless as Dean. Not when he wasn't even sure if he'd feel better about any of it until he succeeded in rescuing his niece and could see with his own two eyes that it was actually benefiting her. He still worried that seeing him every day would make it impossible for her to put any of it behind her.

Bidding Dean a solemn goodnight, he turned away and walked back to the car, missing the sad and worried green eyes that watched him go.


	15. What Others Can Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets a hold of Meg and she goes to talk some sense into Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a looooong week. First there's work, as always, then i did a last minute 5k in steel toed shoes (i walked it and i didn't come in last) and i've been nursing a headache off and on all day.
> 
> i've done a LOT of writing this week, all for this story, but a lot of it doesn't come till later! I can't wait to get there...sorry that there is no picture yet. i wanted to at least post SOMEthing.
> 
> the last chapter DOES have a picture now though if you read this before it was added in.
> 
> also, i suck at pep talks. i think that becomes obvious. I hope what i'm aiming for comes through anyway...

No sooner had Dean arrived back at his hotel, but he had his phone in his hand, dialing the only person he could think of to talk to about the confusing evening. Good thing he'd snagged a business card on the way out the door, he thought. The phone rang and it wasn't long before Meg answered

"Who the hell is this and how'd you get my number?"

"Is that how you great your patrons? It's amazing that place is still in business if this is the kind of greeting your clientele can expect."

"Shit, Winchester. What'd I do to deserve you?"

"Look, I just wanted to tell you, I guess, that…something's up with Cas."

"What do you mean?" The suspicious and judging tone was obvious and Dean sighed, rubbing a hand through his hair.

"Look, I have no idea what happened. I called him up earlier to go out and get something to eat and everything seemed to be going well when suddenly, it wasn't. And I have no idea what I did. But he didn't look all right when I left."

"Awww….Deano, you're worried about Clarence? How sweet of you." Dean wasn't sure that he enjoyed her sarcastic tone any better than the one that practically accused him of murder or something equally horrible.

"Yeah, yeah, you gonna check on him or what?"

"What exactly did you say and what did he do?"

"Uh….do you actually need me to tell you that?"

"Uh, yeah." He could almost hear her rolling her eyes. "Seriously, how can I help him if I have no idea what I'm walking into?"

"Fair enough." Dean spent the next ten minutes filling Meg in on the essentials and the change in the artists' attitude partway through the night. He heard her blow out a breath."So you got any ideas?"

"Sure. Clarence is an idiot."

"What?"

She sighed. "Look, it's…I'll go check up on him, okay? I'll have a talk with him, see if I can get him to open up."

"That won't be easy." Dean noted. She laughed mirthlessly.

"Yeah, he really doesn't open up to many people. You learn quick Winchester."

"Will you – "

"Nope. I'll talk with him, but anything past that is up to you two. There's only so far I'll meddle, especially in someone's potential love life." Dean blushed at the words and was simply glad she couldn't see it from the other side of the phone.

"Meg…!"

"Nope! Can it, Winchester. Just give him space for tonight. Maybe tomorrow too."

"Uh, no can do about tomorrow. He's supposed to meet up with us to talk about the studios offer."

"Ugh, fine. Try not to crowd him then."

"I'll give it a try, Meg."

Dean hung up with mixed feelings. He still worried about Cas and that he might have done something wrong, but with Megs words he also had some hope that he still had a chance. Even if that chance meant nothing beyond friendship, he'd take it.

Meantime, Meg hung up with a groan on her end and a sinking feeling. She had an inkling on what was up with her best friend and it was just like she'd told Winchester. He was an idiot. For some reason, based on that conversation from months ago and now this, she was sure he'd gotten it into his head that he didn't deserve this chance.

She wasn't even certain she could convince him otherwise, but she had to try. Maybe Winchester wasn't the one, but Castiel had to stop pulling away from the world. It was making him unhappy, even without everything else. He'd already had a tendency to do so before all that happened and now he was falling back down his rabbit hole with the idea that he belonged there.

Despite the late hour, she was on her boss's doorstep less than thirty minutes after the call with Dean had ended. She didn't even bother to knock. First she tried the handle. Finding it locked, she reached for her keys and let herself in.

"Hey Clarence! You better be decent. We need to talk." Her voice was loud and almost echoed in the house, but she was sure he'd hear her no matter where he was in the two story structure.

Within a moment or two, as she puttered in the kitchen, he stumbled down the stairs and through the doorway with a confused, sleepy look on his face.

"Meg? What's going on? Is something wrong at the shop?"

"No, you moron. The shop is fine." She finished setting up their mugs and leaned back on the counter, crossing her arms over her chest. "What's going on with you?" he sat in a chair at the table, averting his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Castiel." He looked up, startled. If he'd had anything in his hands she was sure he'd have dropped it at the use of his real name. This kind of reaction was the reason she used it so seldom, saving it for emergencies or when she really wanted to be sure he was paying attention.

"Meg, I…"

"So, Dean called me, all concerned about you. It was so sweet. He thinks he did something wrong to make you shut down on him and he wanted me to make sure you were all right."

"Dean called – how did he get your – oh, never mind." He threaded his hands through his hair and ended with his hands propped up on the table, holding up his head. The water boiled and Meg made their tea in silence, placing the mugs on the table and nudging one forwards.

"Talk to me Clarence." She said softly. He looked up at her, barely raising his head out of his hands and sighed.

"What do you even want me to say?"

"Tell me you aren't still trying to be noble and denying yourself everything in some sort of messed up need to prove to yourself – only yourself, because the rest of us don't need proof of what we already know – that you're something you already are – a god damned unicorn."

"That doesn't make any sense, Meg." She snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Basically, you're a good person who puts everyone before themselves."

"I…" It was obvious that he didn't agree with her assessment.

"Don't do this to yourself."

"But I'm not…"

"Oh, but you are. First you tell me, he can't possibly be interested in you. Then you tell me, even if he was, you're too messed up to do pursue anything. You kindle a friendship which is great, and I start to think that you'll have that at least, even if you're too scared to go forward with anything else. But then, _then_ you hear a little more about his past and what – do you think you don't deserve to be breathing the same air as him or something?"

"He told you about – "

"Yes, he did. And Clarence, he's just a guy, like you. Both of you are good guys. Both of you have gone through something terrible. Both of you sacrifice yourself for others. Don't do this to him. Don't do it to yourself!" She leaned forward and took one of his hands in her own. "I'm not pushing you into a relationship if you really don't want one, but you like him, he likes you. And going through life without friends is an unnecessary hardship. Don't push him away completely because you put him on some sort of pedestal. I think one of the reasons he likes you is that…you treat him like a normal person. That and you're just fucking awesome."

"You're my best friend; you're obligated to say that." She snorted at his automatic rejoinder.

"So what do you say?"

"I uh…I'll try to…not put him on a pedestal or put myself down?" He raised an eyebrow at her questioningly.

"Good. That's a start. Now, how about you try that again with a little bit more confidence there?"

"I got it Meg. You don't have to browbeat me over this."

"You sure about that?" He glared at her over the mug cradled in both hands and raised to his lips. She nodded in satisfaction. "All right then. I'll leave you to your beauty sleep. I suggest you find a way to let freckles know you're not mad at him for something." He startled and lowered the mug. "Jesus, were you even listening to me before?"

"I was half asleep when you barged in."

"Don't lie, you were barely sleeping." He tilted his head in acknowledgement of the fact and narrowed his eyes at her to continue. She inspected her nails quietly to make him wait.

"Meg…."

"Fine. I told you, Dean called me because he thought he did something wrong when he was out with you. For all _he_ knows, that something wrong means you could be extremely pissed at him. Ya gotta take pity on a guy that insecure that he automatically assumes whatever happened was all his fault…" Castile sighed and let go of the mug with one hand, rubbing over his eyes. "And no…don't start blaming yourself for his insecurities. Everyone's got their demons."

"Some more than others." His voice was bitter as he continued to avoid looking at her.

"Yeah well, you know the thing about demons? You fight 'em. Give 'em hell and you don't let 'em win. But you don't gotta do it alone. In fact, some demons are easier fought with help." Her voice dropped again, uncharacteristically quiet, the way Gabriel had been just that morning. "All you gotta do, is ask. There are already people around you who are willing to help. We may not know the best ways as to how, but we're there."

The artist dropped his hand away from his eyes and back to the table. He looked up at his best friends' earnest face and gave a tentative smile in return.

"Thank you Meg." He reached a hand out to grasp hers briefly, before pulling away again. "And…I'm working on it."

"Good to hear." There was silence as she cleaned up her space and put away the mess she made by the stove. Castiel followed her to the door to bid her good night before going back to his attempt at unconsciousness. She'd gotten all the way to the car when he re-opened the door and called out.

"Freckles?" She paused.

"Yeah, well, his face is _covered_ in them, Clarence. You can't say you haven't noticed."

"Well, I…might have um…" he blushed.

"I bet." She leered. "Hmm…you gotta wonder though, exactly how much of him is covered in those adorable dots. You'll tell me when you find out, right?"

"MEG!"

"See ya Clarence!" Before his gaping mouth could utter another word, she dropped into her car and made quick work of leaving his driveway, the smirk very clear on her face as she drove away.


	16. Contracts at Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the talk with Meg, Cas prepares to meet up with Dean - well, and Chuck and Bobby too - to go over the contract one last time. Meantime, he's had a lot to think about, but how does he let Dean know its all okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, SO SORRY no picture.  
> my work schedule is still killing me. Training a new temp. (again! 3rd times the charm right? right?) and still doing overtime despite the 'help'. 
> 
> Also, gearing up for Pittcon - i'm both ready and not ready for my first SPN con! 
> 
> and apparently, a trip to the Cloisters has been added to my itinerary by my family (which, you know, not TOO bad. I've always wanted to go there) - who have all assumed that after driving 5 hours to long island, with the 7 hour drive to Pittsburg looming ahead of me, followed by a 10 hour drive back HOME...that *I'll* be the one driving to the Cloisters. in the city. which after LAST year, I had declared I was NEVER DRIVING IN AGAIN.

Castiel woke the next morning more exhausted than when he had gone to bed. He never thought that was possible before, but he'd proven himself wrong for the better part of a year and he had certainly had a lot to think about after Meg left. She hadn't been wrong, was what it boiled down to. She usually wasn't either, when she was actually being sincere.

He had some time before his next meeting with the studio folks – _and Dean_ , but he squashed that thought quickly before he could get nervous again – so he took his time getting ready before going through the offer again, making sure he remembered everything correctly and making notes on anything that came to mind that he might want to clarify.

Before long, Castiel found himself back at the restaurant they'd met in the last time; though this time they were meeting in time for the lunch crowd. Strangely, for him, this time he wasn't the first one there. That was good, he supposed. Not as nerve wracking. He saw Dean first, who'd half risen from his seat at the sight of the artist, hand raised to snag his attention before dropping back down.

If he wasn't reading him wrong – and that was always a possibility for him - there was an uncertainty in his movements at contrast to the Dean he'd gotten to know these past couple months. His heart constricted when he remembered his conversation with Meg the night before. He really _had_ upset Dean it appeared, much more than he had thought, and which certainly had never been his intention, when really, he admired the man.

Castiel reached the table and slid into the empty seat with greetings between all three men being traded back and forth. Before any actual business could be discussed, Bobby insisted on ordering, which was whole heartedly approved of by the rest of the small gathering. Through it all, Dean stayed fairly silent, garnering more than one confused look from both Bobby and Chuck. Possibly even concerned on Bobby's end, he thought.

How could he fix this, let Dean know he was all right, that things between _them_ were all right, without alerting the other two men to the possibility of any kind of friction? The last thing he wanted to do was cause _more_ problems, after all.

He looked down at the menu, almost blankly, thoughts churning in what seemed a million different directions, yet still completely focused on the tall man beside him. He tapped the menu nervously and cleared his throat.

"Meg came over last night." Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed how Dean startled, looking perhaps a little guilty, almost dropping his menu in the process.

"Oh, uh…she did?"

"Mmmhmm. I'm glad you two seem to get on so well. Meg has a um…habit of chasing people off without meaning to. She's um…I can relate to that actually."

"You can, huh?" a thread of hope crept into Dean's voice, but both continued to avoid looking at the other as they talked, under the pretext of reading their menus.

"Meg, she's the one that brought ya to the studio a few months back, right?" Bobby inquired, seemingly oblivious to the undertones of the conversation. Castiel nodded. "She did seem a bit…sarcastic an' brash. Anyone who can remain friends with her should be able to fit into our little family with no problem."

Castiel raised his head and wondered if there was a double meaning to that statement or if it was just a coincidence. After all, he'd heard from many sources that the cast and crew considered themselves a family, including from Sam and Dean themselves. But then, Sam, Dean and Bobby really _were_ family. _What did it mean?_ Castiel often cursed his ineptitude with reading others, and right now proved to be no exception.

Thankfully, after that, the conversation seemed to flow so much better, a lot more natural. It threaded in and around the food as it arrived and was eaten. Bobby and Chuck both seemed more than pleased with his insight and questions about the offer and Dean just seemed pleased. It was hard not to start just smiling insanely with all the good feelings and vibes enveloping the table. For the first time in a long time, Castiel was starting to actually _believe_ that things were looking up.

Of course, that’s when they brought up the possibility of interviews and maybe even conventions. Castiel froze.

"I…uh…what?" He forced his eyes to blink as he licked his chapped lips warily. "That wasn't…that wasn't mentioned in the uh, contract?" Shit, his voice had gotten somewhat higher pitched in his panic. Don't panic. Just breathe. Calm down. We're still in the negotiating phase.

"Well, you are correct. Technically, it's not a requirement for anyone but we do strongly encourage it. The fans in particular will notice the addition to the crew and will start asking for more. Our PR department likes to get ahead on things like that to keep it under control." Chuck answered with a chuckle. "Well, as much as anyone can keep control of something as unpredictable as social media."

"Bobby?" Dean looked over at his surrogate father with his brows drawn tight, a forkful of pie stopped midway to his mouth.

"Yes, Dean?"

"I thought…I mean, um…didn't you know that Cas is um…highly uncomfortable in certain situations like the ones you're asking him to get involved in?"

"Shit, I just thought it was the cameras. We figured the interviews'd be more like a journalistic thing. Written instead of recorded."

"Oo-oka-ay," Dean drew out the syllables as he laid his fork down on his plate. "Even if that could work, how did conventions even get brought into the mix? There are no escaping camera's there."

"Oh, that was my idea. Yeah, um…I thought he could do a panel about the integration of his art and our show and the meanings behind it. The first con wouldn't even be for a year we'll need some time to do some legwork, get interest, and I mean, we haven't actually put any of his work on the show yet so…." Chuck trailed off with a shrug, taking the artists involvement as a given.

Castiel closed his eyes and continued to breath, just thankful that his reaction to the _idea_ of probing questions and having an audience was less pronounced then when actually faced with the reality of those things. Or a camera in his face promising those things.

"Ya all right son?" He opened his eyes at the gruff question from Bobby and swallowed as he nodded.

"I…I um…I don't think, conventions would be wise. It would…I really don't think that…it would be a good idea." He let another breath, pulled one back in – _calmly, calmly_ – and continued. "I might um…be okay with a, a journalistic approach to an interview as long as…they really just stuck to my work on the show." He could do this. He could.

"Hmm…well, half is better than nothing. I think we can work with that." Chuck answered cheerily, completely unbothered by the lingering uneasiness that seemed to have crept around the other three men. "All right then. Any more questions? Have you had someone look this over?"

"I'm all set." Castiel's voice was only held a small, residual amount of shakiness and he hoped nobody noticed.

"Good, we'll take this back to get the changes marked up and reprinted and we'll mail it to you as soon as it's ready for signing. It was a pleasure doing business with you, Castiel, and I hope we continue to exchange such pleasantness in the future." Dean rolled his eyes as Chuck stood up, prompting him and Bobby to do the same. _Guess I won't be able to finish my pie_. He eyed the remains of it mournfully as hands were shook nearly all around, Castiel having stood up as he realized that lunch was now over.

Chuck left first, heading to the front to pay the bill as Dean and Bobby lingered. The gruff, older man patted the artist roughly on the back in what Castiel thought was _supposed_ to be a reassuring manner.

"Ya'll do good, Cas, I've got faith in ya."

"Thank you, um…Bobby." Castiel still didn't feel right calling the studio officials by their first names but that’s how they'd insisted and that's what he'd do. Bobby patted him again and nodded before stepping away and joining Chuck at the front.

Dean beamed at him.  "I'm glad this is working out. It's not the same as you working on the set  but uh, that might be for the best given the prank war going on."

"Oh yes, your – what did you call it? Moral imperative?" Dean nodded. "How's that going?" Dean groaned.

"Well, Sam's winning. I really need some new ideas. I know you said its not your forte but, uh, I could use all the help I could get. He's really sneaky…"

"I'll ask my brother, Gabriel. We used to call him the Trickster back when we were kids. Never knew what he was going to do next. Get him and Meg together, you should have a crack prank team practically willing to work for peanuts. Or the glory of having pulled one over on someone."

The green eyed actor laughed heartily, throwing his head back. Castiel's eyes crinkled together in response, glad to have been the source of such hilarity. "I'll keep that in mind." The chuckles died down with a few minute shakes of his head before he looked back at Castiel. "You take care, man, okay? Looks like I gotta go but um, you'll keep in touch, right?"

"Yes, Dean. I'll keep in touch."

"Great. That's…that’s great." Dean beamed again before he turned to walk away. Before he exited the door he gave a little wave and Cas responded with a small wave and smile of his own. Taking his time to pick up his coat and put it on, Castiel followed them out of the restaurant. They'd already left by the time he got outside and he simply shrugged before he got into his own car and made his way back home.


	17. Custody Battles Aren't Normally the Media's Thing...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...but apparently they made an exception for the Novak Custody Battle. Without Gabriel running interference, he doesn't think he'd have survived the ordeal. But one way or another, the decision is being made today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For an explanation on a few things about this chapter, please read the end notes. It's long but....Hey! at least this chapter has a picture when I posted it! AAAAAND the last two all have pictures now...i like the one for Chapter 15 a lot, even though its very simple. I also like this ones quite a bit though it was difficult.

The scene ended and Dean got up from the floor carefully from where he'd been 'thrown' by his brothers' stunt double. He made his way to the side of the set, grabbing up his bottled water and dropping into his seat, just as his brother met him there and did the same.

"Ugh. Only, what, 6 more hours of this?"

"If we're lucky. That's how many takes we've done on the same scene now?"

"I lost count."

"Hey bitches!" A red head bounced over to them.

"Hey Charlie." They chimed in unison.

"Hey, uh, Dean, you might wanna see this." She pulled a chair over to sit between the brothers and angled her phone over. A news site was already loaded and a video was playing. She hit the unmute and Sam and Dean leaned over her shoulder to both better hear and see.

" – and on today, the 1 year anniversary of the deaths of James Novak and his wife Amelia – " Deans eyes widened as he suppressed a gasp. " – the court battle for custody of the daughter, Claire Novak who is now 10 years old, is expected to come to a close."

"I thought Castiel gave his niece up to his parents uncontested?" Sam ventured, unable to take his eyes off the screen.

"He did, according to Meg. Something changed, I don't know what, and he didn't explain the details."

"So wait, you knew about this?"

"Kinda." Dean shrugged. "It came up in contract negotiating because of his need for flexibility. Wasn't my place to pry."

"Shhhhh!" Charlie glared at them both, eyes narrowed at each of them in turn till they looked guilty and turned back to the playing video.

" – caught glimpses of various members of the Novak family as they went inside earlier today. We even managed to capture a few interviews on camera though Castiel Novak – brother to the victims – was not one of them, continuing to avoid all news crews and media –"

"I don't blame him." Dean muttered under his breath. Without looking, Charlie slapped the back of his head to get him to shut up.

The video shifted to show a recording from earlier, Dean wasn't sure exactly how long ago, where a tired and harried Castiel tried to push through the clamoring reporters while not saying a single word in response to the shouted questions.

"Castiel Novak –"

"Mr. Novak!"

"What do you think today's judgment will be?"

"What do you think of your parents assertions?"

"Would you care to reply to the accusations –"

"Don't you think you owe it to your brother to comment on –" It was the last question thrown at him before a shorter man stepped between Cas and the media, running interference. Castiel shot the blonde haired man a grateful look before making good his escape and hurrying inside away from the prying questions of the news reporters. They immediately turned on the blonde.

"Gabriel Novak, we'd like to ask – " _Oh, so that was the other brother,_ thought Dean _. They look nothing alike._

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up a sec! You guys are always asking the questions. What if I had one of my own?" Everyone around him faltered and the clamor died down for a few seconds as they stared at each other and back at Gabriel uncertainly. "It's a serious question, I assure you. I really need to ask it." At a nod, he continued.

"So, I just gotta know…are you vampires or leeches?" The shocked looks on their faces was awesome and the three watchers all tried to smother snorts of laughter so they didn't drown anything out. "Cause I mean, hounding someone about one of the worst days of their lives – don't you people have feelings? _Leave my brother alone_."

"What about you, Mr. Novak? Are you saying that it wasn't the worst day of your life? Were you and your brother James on the outs?"

Gabriel's face changed in a flash and in a growl that sent chills down Dean's spine even through a video, he answered them.

"Don't you ever, _ever!_ presume to know how other people feel about – or even deal with – a tragedy, especially one so personal as this. I might not be as sensitive as Cassie, I might not have been as close with Jimmy as he was, and I sure as _hell_ didn't see the things he saw that night – that a _child_  saw! – but that doesn't make me an unfeeling monster. It just means he's gotten the *BLEEP* brunt of it all and needs our support. When all you're interested in is making him relive it day after day – as if having it rehashed in court, in front of our niece wasn't bad enough!"

"Whoa," Charlie breathed the word softly.

"Yeah," Dean was just as quiet when he agreed.

"I _like_ him." Not one of them could tear their eyes away from the small screen as they hovered to see what Cas's brother would say next.

"You try to pin me as insensitive or uncaring, when you are the ones who act like ghouls and continue to tear at still raw wounds, not allowing them to heal!" He stalked away, throwing one last comment over his shoulder. "You should be ashamed of yourselves for how inhuman you all behave."

A few beats of silence as the reporters tried to recover from the onslaught before a quiet voice that didn't belong to the main reporter broke across the airwaves. "Ah…and there you have it. Gabriel Novak in his uh…righteous fury."

The news coverage continued, going back to the present where they speculated on the possible outcomes and what that would mean for Claire. Then they flashed back again, this time to a view of an older couple. The three of them watched a much less volatile – yet much more vitriolic – interview with Mr. and Mrs. Novak, the parents obviously, as they willingly talked to the cameras about how misunderstood they were and how they were just trying to protect their granddaughter from the immoral lifestyles of their other two sons.

It was a private matter, so the news crews were unable to get inside the court rooms, and they normally wouldn't have even tried to cover something so mundane, but Dean agreed with Gabriel. Though he hadn't said it in so many words, the accusation had still been obvious. Dean had to give the news station kudos for the fact that they still aired the interview despite how bad it made them look. Then again, it probably brought in more viewers for that very same reason. Drama. Still, it was obvious that they were only there because of the tragedy from the year before, to milk the old dramas and sympathies, to play with their audience even as they poured salt on the wounds with no concern to the victims.

Dean really wished he was there to help support Cas. As the coverage started to repeat, talking about how long the battle had been going on, he took out his own phone.

_::Good luck today, man. Hang in there – and if you need to talk, anytime, ok?::_

He figured that was safe enough as his finger hovered over the send button. Cas was aware that he knew about Claire and the court case, so he wasn't encroaching on any forbidden subjects. And Cas himself had told him that today was – hopefully – the final hearing. He'd have no reason to believe that Dean knew anything more about the situation. He was certain the artist was actively avoiding the news as much as possible and might be completely unaware of exactly how much they were revealing to the public.

In fact, if Gabriel was any kind of brother at all – and from what he had just seen, he was – Dean would put his money on the man shielding Cas from all the intrusive news feeds and only filling him on anything that became necessary.

He'd finally hit the button just as they were called back. Putting his phone away while Charlie muted her own again, she leapt up with them and scurried off to do her own job as they strolled back to their places.

"You worried about Cas?" Sam asked as they found their marks.

"Not sure. I get the impression that having Claire around would be a good thing for him, probably her too. But dealing with his parents." Dean shuddered. "They're a real piece of work."

"Yeah, tell me about it. How are they even related?"

"Beats me."

"Quiet! We have work to do!" Shouted this episodes director. Everything had been going wrong, from his perspective, and he didn't need to waste anymore time. For now, they'd have to table their discussion. Dean hoped everything went well and that he'd get a text later from Cas, letting him know one way or the other.

Even as Dean wondered, Castiel sat in a courtroom, a ball of anxiety and panic and hope. The last few months had passed in a blur of both good and bad. Gabriel, Meg and Dean had helped to keep him centered and connected as things started moving at a rapid pace. It took a week before the new contracts came in and he brought them to his lawyer, Crowley, to check over for anything he might have missed. It was pretty standard though, so he wasn't surprised when the lawyer grudgingly gave him the ok.

So, that was on the good side of things.

As expected and feared, his parents _did_ decide to fight him on Claire, resulting in where he was sitting now. And Bela Talbot _did_ wind up on his doorstep _(almost literally_ ), practically begging to take on the case before he'd even had a chance to call her. Gabriel had been right too, she was pretty damn expensive, but as abrasive as her manner could be, it worked in his favor as she threw herself into his personal cause.

He didn't fool himself into thinking it was for him, though. It was obvious, as he gave some thought to her behavior, becoming convinced that she'd had her own tragic past, that Claire's case touched her on some personal level which inspired her to help the child. Whatever the case was, he wasn't going to argue with that kind of passion being on his side for once.

So that was the bad, mixed with a little bit of good.

And then the worst. The media got wind of the issue. Renewing their interest in his and Claire's lives while he fought with his parents over Claire's future, the media had once again latched onto their shared tragic history and continued to blare it throughout the news, connecting it to his current issues with his parents.

On the one hand, they were as intrusive as fuck.

On the other hand, according to Gabriel, they had also gained him support from many as they found out exactly _why_ his parents were resisting their dead son's last wishes. So he had to admit that there was a little bit of good coming out of the worst, even if he couldn't see what good having the support of random strangers could be towards the outcome of his case. It still felt good to know that there were others that sided with him.

Throughout it all, he had started the work for the studio. One thing he was grateful for was the portability of his work. He could work on designs and sketches anywhere he went, reserving the final, clean copies of anything that was approved of for his at home time. Of course, the pickup in work meant that Chuck was pushing the PR department to sit down with Castiel and do that interview.

That meant that it wasn't long before the fans connected the new, still faceless talent on the show, with the Castiel Novak who was seen avoiding the news cameras on his way up the court steps on his way to _yet another_ hearing before the judge.  He'd gotten tired of them pretty damn quickly, feeling very anxious about what drawing it out like this could mean for Claire, but Missouri had assured him that these things took time and that his case was actually moving forward a lot faster than many she had seen in her line of work.

But as promising as it all was, it was heartbreaking too. The only times he got to see Claire was when they were in court, and his parents tried their level best to keep her from running over to her uncle's whenever they found themselves in the same room together. And over, and over again, the lawyers would bring up the year old tragedy that ended with the loss of Jimmy and Amelia Novak's' lives.

They continued to put the poor child through the same things over and over again, dredging up all the horrors of that night. His parents continued to espouse that it just proved that Castiel couldn't take care of the child, seeing as his 'lifestyle', whether they approved or not, would endanger their granddaughter's life.

That caused quite the epic uproar in the courtroom as Gabriel started shouting at their parents, Claire started crying and Missouri was shaking her head at Castiel, a hand on his arm to keep him from running across the courtroom with his need to comfort his poor niece. Bela just glared smugly. Castiel hadn't even known that was possible.

"You can't be serious?!" Gabriel roared. "How is your son, and your daughter in law, getting murdered by an unhinged neighbor have any bearing on whether or not Claire's any less safe with Cassie? Any one of your neighbors would be _glad_ to kill you and they wouldn't even have to be _crazy_ to get away with it!" Castiel winced at his words. True or not, the impact on Claire alone made his heart ache. A gavel jumped.

"Mr. Novak. Mis-ter Novak! I would highly suggest you calm down and take a seat before you are removed from this courtroom." Seething, his eyes narrowed and not straying at all from glaring at Naomi and Metatron, Gabriel slowly settled himself back down in his chair. Quietly, Castiel murmured his thanks and his brother nodded sharply, still keeping his eyes on their parents. They did their best to ignore the glare but they were seen to actually squirm in their seats, something that filled Castiel with quite a bit of satisfaction.

"If everyone is settled…?" The judge paused very briefly as everyone stilled and gave him their full attention. "We have heard from both sides and a multitude of witnesses and child advocates for several months now. I'll take your final statements now before this court takes a ten minute recess while I deliberate before returning with a final verdict." The judge nodded at Bela Talbot, indicating she had the floor. Standing and straightening her jacket, she stepped out from behind the table.

"Our case is a very straightforward affair. The fact that Mr. and Mrs. Novak are even arguing it is ludicrous. We have legal documents from the Plaintiffs' brother that detail that Castiel Novak should be given custody of the minor, Claire Novak." Bela paused for effect. The judge nodded and she continued, the lilt of her accent almost hypnotizing.

"In addition, we have several affidavits about the emotional and mental abuse Claire Novak has suffered while under the roof of Naomi and Metatron Novak. As well as continuous undermining of the childcare professionals _they_ hired to help her deal with her parents' tragic and untimely deaths – and all of whom, I might add, are recommending the child's removal from such a toxic environment." Bela turned on her elegant heels to face the room, filled only with the Novak family and the close friends of the brothers or of Claire. No one had come out to support their parents, which Castiel thought was certainly a telling point in their favor.

"I would like to remind the court that Claire barely knew her grandparents before going to live there, while she was very close to her Uncles. During what amounts to an emotional and trying time for such a young child, it is very important to have familial support – especially from those one would feel most comfortable with." She turned back around. "Which is very obviously not her own grandparents."

"In closing, I ask you to take a look at who is actually here in this courtroom right now. How many people have come here to support the Plaintiff over the Defendants. People that have known the family for decades and have seen the way the Defendants have treated their own children. We've been given testimonials of rampant mental abuse and emotional manipulation. We would be remiss to leave a child in the further care of the Defendants."

Castiel swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. Whatever you could say about the Ms. Bela Talbot, she had a way with words and when she was on your side…he felt a hope rising in him that things were going to go just the way they should. The way everyone had been assuring him it would for months now.

"Thank you Ms. Talbot." The judge was gracious but impartial as he turned his attention to Castiel's parents and nodded at their lawyer, some slimy guy named Dick Roman. Castiel had to repress a shudder every time he looked at the man. Something about him just gave him the willies.

"Yes, well, gentlemen, and ladies." Roman stood up and slipped his hands into his pockets, with a strange smirk on his face. "I would like to remind you all, that there is no proof of any sort of abuse, just hearsay. For all we know, those who provided the aforementioned affidavits could have been coerced or bribed in some manner. Since we cannot prove the veracity of such statements, I move on to the things that _can_ be proved." He paced slowly before the judge, turning to look at everyone in turn.

"Such as the fact that the Plaintiff had nothing to do with – or _wanted_ anything to do with – his niece after her father's death. That he should suddenly want her proves suspicious, and speaks more of his unfounded hatred of his parents by denying them their grandchild." He came to a stop, looking disdainfully at Castiel.

"In addition, Mr. and Mrs. Novak have raised three children. What experience does the Plaintiff have of the same? That's right, none. And not only is he unprepared for parenthood, but parenthood of a troubled child. It's a daunting task and it's one that I'm sure Castiel Novak is completely unready for. Removing that child from a steady environment which she's lived in for the better part of a year just to hand her over to a man who's lifestyle is questionable and work circumstances mercurial would do more harm than good." He finally turned away from Castiel to look back at the judge.

"In closing, I think it would be highly irresponsible of us to allow Claire to be moved into her uncle's care."

Castiel wanted to rebuff so many of the things that Roman had said, but he'd already had his chance to speak, and all of it – and so much more - has already been said. Calmly and rationally by Castiel, and less so by his brother Gabriel. And of course, all the others. Castiel was not a violent man, but he found his fists clenched, hidden under the table as he tried to maintain his stoic composure. Gabriel was less capable, practically spitting under his breath as he glared at their parents' lawyer, but he at least managed to keep his seat and not say anything.

The gavel came down. "Ten minute recess." The judge reminded them, before everyone in the courtroom stood up at the bailiff's prompting and he stepped away and into his chambers.

The silence bore down upon Castiel. Gabriel attempted to get him to speak but Cas was unable to oblige, trying to keep from having an anxiety attack. Eyes closed, he concentrated on his breathing as his brother awkwardly patted his shoulder.

"Don't worry, Mr. Novak," Bela's accent broke through his thoughts, "We've got this in the bag."  A vibration in his pocket made Castiel jump and he reached for his phone. Quickly thumbing it on, welcome for its distraction, he noted a text from Dean.

_::Good luck today, man. Hang in there – and if you need to talk, anytime, ok?::_

Castiel smiled. Dean had been of great emotional support through this trying time, and he didn't even know the full story. The artist had worried and wondered if he should let the actor know about all of it, more than just the bare bones he'd been given so foar, but he was uncertain what good that would actually do. He didn't want any pity and he wasn't crying out for attention. He'd keep his mouth shut for now.

_::Thank you Dean. Waiting for the verdict now. One way or the other, I'll know in 10.::_

He knew Dean was working and it might be a while before he got a response, but it was nice to know that Dean had been thinking of him and the message had proved a nice distraction. He was able to wait much more calmly now and before he knew it, the judge had returned and everyone was standing again.

The gavel pounded down as everyone was returning to their seats and the judge cleared his throat and clasped his hands together in front of himself.

"After much thought on both the eyewitness accounts as well as the statements from the same childcare professionals that the Defendants hired for their granddaughter, I have come to the conclusion that it would be unfair not to uphold the last and might I remind you all, also legal, wishes of the deceased and that Claire would be better off removed from the home of her grandparents." Naomi and Metatron made noises of protest but the judge glared them down.

"In addition, we require Castiel Novak to continue providing her with access to help with childcare professionals. We'd recommend for the stability of the child, that she remains with those she's already seeing but will accept changes if deemed necessary, with proof provided. A state issued representative will check on and evaluate Claire every month, with the visits decreasing as evidence of her well being are ensured."

"Lastly, we do not think it is wise to allow the grandparents of Claire Novak to have unlimited, unsupervised access to their granddaughter. Just as they denied their sons the right to see their niece, we mandate that all visits must be pre-approved by the state and a third party present to ensure Claire is not made uncomfortable. Depending on behavior, and Claire's wishes – not her uncles – this may or may not change at an evaluation further down the road."

The gavel came down. "Adjourned." He rose as the rest of the room followed suit and left amidst cheers and the happy noises of those in the courtroom, drowning out the three on the other side as they made no move this time to stop Claire from running to her Uncle Castiel and throwing her arms around him.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou." She breathed into his shirt, her eyes wet with happy tears. In that moment, all Castiel's doubts melted away. They'd return, he knew, but he gathered up the certainty he felt, and the happiness on her face, and he willed himself to remember every second of this moment for use when he'd need it.  For those times that were still coming when he would need to replay this memory and use it to bolster his confidence that he was doing the right thing.

Looking at Claire, holding her in his arms for the first time in a year, Gabriel wrapped around them both, the three of them sharing this moment in a bubble of silence as everyone around them celebrated, he knew he'd done the right thing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as I struggled to write this chapter, I also struggled writing this note. I wasn't sure if I even should put this out there but, in the end, here it is.
> 
> Some of this chapter was way too easy to write, and some of it…just wasn't. A part of that was formatting and changing the way I thought about how the chapter would work, which made the rest of it fall together but in retrospect, the problem started with something else.
> 
> See, when I originally scripted this story _(That was never supposed to be more than this one scene I saw in my head to begin with)_ , I never intended on writing this chapter. I don't mean chapter 17, I mean what's inside it. But the story flowed right into it and it suddenly became necessary. Skipping it seemed kinda like a cheat, so I pushed myself to write it and i think that mentally or emotionally or whatever, this chapter just got hard.
> 
> The circumstances are different than what I've outlined here, of course, but I lived through more than 5 years of custody battles that got pretty vicious at times. And my parents were on the outs for almost the entire 5 years (my whole life at that point) before that until they finally called it quits and divorced. 
> 
> And the divorce and the custody battles didn't just involve my parents. They involved EVERYONE. Family was choosing sides, saying nasty crap - sometimes with the best of intentions – CPS was called on MULTIPLE occasions. We were coached by both sides of the family in how to talk. I was told that so and so was brainwashing me, or that this parent was a liar and a thief, or that member of the family we were living with used to abuse their kids and what would stop them from abusing us? 
> 
> It was bad enough that 30 plus years later, at my dad's FUNERAL, some of these same people were still saying shit, including bashing his friends for being "gullible" because everything out of his mouth was a "lie." And the basis for this came from someone I KNEW was lying - that EVERYONE knew was lying - but whose word was being taken as gospel anyway.
> 
> During it all, I was afraid to show affection for person A in front of person B and vice versa. I have memories that I could NOT tell you if they are real or not _(one of them is quite horrible)_ …and thinking about them, I've realized that I don't want to know because all of the possible answers scare me.
> 
> And I'm not telling the few of you reading this to gain sympathy or to say my life has been worse than yours _(I know it's worse then some folks, and i know other folks have had it worse than me. It's not a contest)_ \- its just me trying to explain the head space I didn't even realize I was in 'till I finished this chapter, if you feel that this chapter is lacking in any way. 
> 
> I mean, I don't feel like it is...but I'm not sure I'm thinking clearly anyway...I just dunno.
> 
> Please, let me know if you think it came out okay anyway...i could use the boost. Thanks!!


	18. Late Night Texting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas discuss the case and start making plans for a visit by Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sick. Bleh.
> 
> Thank you all for your kind words last chapter - they really helped!
> 
> There's some sections with texting i was a little worried about since both Cas and Dean occasionally send multiple texts at once rather than alternating. But I tried to keep Cas's all proper, and Deans not and was hoping that would be enough to tell the difference in the two spots I was particularly worried about. I tried to break the rest of it up enough so that it was easy to keep track of who was saying what.
> 
> I didn't want to do the "To/From @x time" thing cause I find that a little distracting myself when I'm reading other fics and also because I haven't done it yet in any scenes with texting and i wanted to stay consistent. I did temporarily think about adding in 'images' with speech bubbles, but i also know that my website where I host my images goes down sporadically. 
> 
> that's one thing when i add an image for fun, its another if the story is dependent on it.
> 
> Sorry there's no pic this chapter (yet). i did at least fill most of the chapters that were previously missing pics - hope you liked them.
> 
> EDIT - art added 8/28

Dean hurried to his dressing room after the final yell of "Cut!" of the final scene of the day. His phone had died sometime after he received Cas's text telling him the results. He'd been beyond happy for the man and managed to text back a "Congratulations!" before his phone had been confiscated by the director.

He only discovered that it had died on the next break when he temporarily got it back – god, he couldn't believe he was being treated like a highschooler -  and then it was only as he grabbed Sam's phone that he realized that he hadn’t ever memorized Cas's number. Thinking on it, he couldn't remember anybody's numbers these days, except for the landlines for Bobby's place and Ellen's Roadhouse that hadn't changed in just about forever.

He quickly plugged in his phone and then turned to make some tea, keeping his hands busy. He knew it would take a short time before the phone had enough juice just to turn back on. Sam knocked on the frame of the open door, having followed his brother at a more sedate pace.

"Dude, what are you doing? Let's get outta here."

"Yeah, Sam, in a second." Dean didn't even look at him as Sam came through the door and flopped into a chair.

"Dean…you look like you're settling in, man." Dean shrugged and resisted glancing at his phone.

"Just…gimme ten minutes Sam."

"Why?"

"Um, cause, I…I need to…to charge my phone." Sam watched incredulously as his normally confident brother reached a hand behind his head and rubbed at his neck nervously. He narrowed his eyes.

"Uh huh." Sam stared at Dean. Dean avoided eye contact. Sam continued to stare at Dean, eyes still narrowed. Dean glanced over and away again.

"Err…." Was all that came out of Dean's mouth. Sam changed tactics.

"You know that it takes considerably longer than 10 minutes to charge a phone like this, right?"

"Pshh! Of course I know that!" his brother gave him a roll of his eyes and a "duh, I'm not stupid Sam" face. Sam waited with his eyebrows raised quizzically. It didn't take long for Dean to break. "I'm just…letting it get at least enough charge to make sure I didn't miss anything important. Then I'm gonna copy down a number. If I um...if I need to, can I borrow your phone for the drive?"

"Of course you can borrow my phone, jerk, but you shouldn't be…" Sam cut himself off as a set of keys came flying at his face. Only fast reflexes kept an imprint of the Impalas keys from forming between his eyes. His jaw dropped as he stared in disbelief. "Really Dean? Who are you going to be calling?" His eyes widened in realization. "Wait, shit, you calling Cas?"

"I..no, I don't, maybe? Shut up, Sam." Dean's face turned red and he turned away, finishing up the tea and checking to see if he could turn his phone on yet. With a sigh of relief, he could.

"Okay, I'm gonna get ready. I'll be back in ten." Sam leveraged himself out of the chair and slid the keys into his pocket. At the door he glanced back and shook his head. Dean didn't even seem to realize he was leaving.

The actor grabbed his tea and settled down in the chair his brother had just vacated, his phone just within reach. First thing was first, writing down Cas's number. He scrambled around the table for some paper and a pen. Or a pencil, whichever came first. Ah, there. He scribbled it down and stuffed it into his wallet. Then he turned back to the phone. No missed calls, so that was good. Or, bad? Well, he actually wasn't sure. There were texts though.

_::Thank you Dean.::_

_::I'm a bit overwhelmed, to tell the truth:_

_::Claire comes home with me today. I wasn't expecting that.::_

_::Gabriel is going to our parents house to get her stuff.::_

_::Can't be much, right?::_

The first few messages were all fired off fairly quickly it seemed, but then there was a large gap of time between the fifth and the sixth messages.

_::I don't think I'm ready.::_

_::What if I make a bad father? But then again, I'm not her father::_

_::I can't help thinking this is a bad idea, for her. What if she resents me?::_

_::I'm sorry, I know you're busy, I'll stop bothering you now.::_

Dean looked at the time of the last message, only an hour ago. He debated about whether or not it was too late to text Cas back. He reread the messages. It sounded like he needed some reassurances. If Cas was asleep, he could just ignore the text sound, but if he wasn't, well…Dean could be there for him, if that's what he wanted. His fingers hesitantly picked out a message, trying to find the right words. Finally he settled on a simple

_::hey Cas, u still awake?::_

A couple of minutes passed and he drank his tea while he waited. Just before Sam's ten minute deadline, his phone pinged. He hastily put down the mug and reached for the phone.

_::I am.::_ Dean smiled at the simple answer _._

_:: you're gonna be all right Cas, I promise.::_

_::But how do you know? How does anyone know if they'll be a good parent?::_

_::honestly man, they don't. they just try & hope for the best::_

A sound behind him made him jump before he turned to see his brother standing there expectantly. He held up a finger and typed some more.

_::so, phone died & it barely has a charge yet but I have to unplug it, so I'm gonna use Sam's phone, ok?::_

_::Of course it's okay, Dean.::_

_::cool. give me a few mins?::_

_::Take your time.::_

"You ready to go yet or what?" Sam jingled the keys in his pocket, a bag peeking up over his shoulder. Dean nodded and chugged the rest of his mostly hot tea – hey, he wasn't about to let good tea go to waste -  and stood up. He snagged his leather jacket and his own bag and strode over to meet his brother at the door.

He paused and looked up at the taller man with a glare in his eyes. Leveling a finger between his eyes, making Sam lean back and look down at him cross eyed, Dean practically growled,

"Not a scratch, you hear me?" Sam rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." He walked off, Dean following behind him.

"Don't whatever me!"

"Jerk!" He shot over his shoulder.

"Bitch!"

"Are you gonna keep yelling at me, or do you want my phone?" Sam held it up over his shoulder and wagged it back and forth out of reach. Dean fumed silently and stepped up his pace to walk beside Sam.

"Fine." He gritted out grudgingly and a phone dropped into his hands. "Thanks, Sammy."

"Don't mention it."

***

Castiel waited in his room after the long, exhausting day. Claire had gone to bed an hour ago but he was too keyed up to even try to sleep. Instead, he sat up in bed with the phone on the bed table and a sketchbook on his lap, blank pages once again staring up at him mockingly. He resisted the urge to glance back at the phone. Dean said to give him a few minutes. It hadn't even been one.

After the court ruling, he finally realized that of course Claire would be going home with him the same day. He just hadn't really held out hope that the ruling would actually be in his favor. Thankfully, his house was large enough that he'd already had a room made up just for Claire when she visited. And despite not really believing everything would work out for the best, he'd made sure it was clean just this week.

All that remained was getting her stuff from his parents, which was something he really wasn't looking forward to. Thankfully, Gabriel volunteered, saving Castiel from having anything more to do with their parents, at least for today.

She was definitely excited to be here, so that was a plus, and was very happy with her room. It took a few hours before Gabriel returned with her stuff, minus any furniture their parents had seen fit to buy, and then the three of them spent the time unpacking and helping her re-arrange her room the way she wanted.

Then it had been time ice cream. That was Gabriel's idea and her eyes had lit up. Castiel countered with dinner and the two of them turned dejected, puppy dog eyes on him. Compromise had been reached and tears averted but Castiel had this sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. What if he wasn't good enough for this?

Determinedly, he set the pencil to paper and just let his hand start moving. He had no idea what it would be when he was done, but instead he just let his hand flow as his thoughts ran rampant, doubts circling him.

*Ping*

He dropped the pencil and set the sketchbook with the as yet still formless scribble aside and eagerly picked up his phone. He glanced down and saw an unrecognized number. That was okay, Dean had warned him he'd be using a different phone. With no trepidation, and quite a lot of anticipation, he opened the message. He smiled slightly at the words.

_::back. did u miss me?::_

_::Oh, were you gone? I didn’t realize.::_ He grinned as he sent the snarky response, hoping Dean would take it in the vein it was meant.

_::oh ha ha. I'm letting my brother drive Baby so I can talk to u. but if u rather I go…::_

_::No, you're here now, might as well talk and not let your sacrifice be in vain.::_

_::u  know me so well, Cas::_ Castiel paused as he stared at the words. But did he really? Did anyone really ever know anyone? He liked to think it was possible…

_:: other than winning, how'd it go?::_

_::All together or today in particular?::_

_::I was thinking today but if u need to vent, go ahead::_

_::It was…harrowing. My brother almost got himself thrown out of court::_

_::ouch. how?::_

_::My parents were saying very unnecessary things. Honestly, I hope they didn't damage Claire with their toxicity::_

_::Gabriel's always had an issue restraining himself.::_

_::ha, Sam says the same about me.::_

_::I don’t think you and Gabriel are on quite the same level, Dean. I've never met anyone worse than him::_

_::meh, maybe not. I'll just have to meet him next time I'm out your way::_

_::speaking of, filming is over 4 the next couple of months. meet up?::_

_::it'd take a few days, tho, I wanna drive Baby::_

_::That’s rather a long trip, Dean.::_

_::I know. I've been craving a road trip 4 a while. what do u say?::_

Castiel stared at the phone indecisively. He just got Claire. Should he even be considering this? Doesn't he at least need more time to let her get settled in? For them to establish a routine? On the other hand, now might be the best time, the lull between major life events. He was certain things were going to get crazy, even if he was as yet unsure how.

And if things got crazy, who knew when his next chance to connect with Dean would be unless it had something to do with the show? Was it selfish to want this? It wasn't like he was going to try and move any further past friendship, not right now. Maybe in the future, if it was still in the cards, but not now. Surely wanting a friend couldn't be selfish? Still agonizing, his fingers moving without really thinking about it, he pressed send.

_::I'd like that, Dean.::_

_::Great! I'll start planning!::_

Castiel blinked down at his phone. He'd sent the text even before he'd realized he'd come to a decision. Looked like his subconscious was all for it, at any rate. Too late to back out now. He'd just enjoy what he could, while he could. Nothing bad could come of that, right? Despite the uneasy feeling in his stomach, he was finding himself very pleased at the idea that Dean would be coming out to visit him.

With a smile, Castiel found himself staying up later than he had intended simply texting back and forth with Dean, making plans. When they had finally exhausted all the things they could work on at this time, he found himself relaxed enough to fall asleep. He barely remembered to move the sketchbook and pencil off the bed first and away from the danger of rolling over on top of them in his sleep before his head hit the pillow and his eyes closed, a small contented smile still hovering over his lips.


	19. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean arrives in time for Cas to practically have a melt down....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lovely picture for you today to make up for all the angsty stuff in this chapter. Sorry guys!
> 
> also, this is the second longest chapter in the fic so far. It was originally written as separate parts and then i thought they worked better together with just a teeeensy bit of tweaking. let me know what you think!

Castiel sat slumped on the couch of the living room when Dean arrived. At the knock on his door, he dragged himself up and over sluggishly, opening it just as Dean knocked again. Castiel caught him by surprise, fist raised mid knock and a startled look on his face that started to change into a grin when he saw the blue eyed man, but when his eyes registered exactly how haggard the man looked, Dean's face dropped into one of concern instead.

"Shit, Cas, you all right?" Pulling the door open, eyes drooping, Castiel ignored the question and gestured inside.

"Come on in, Dean." He practically shuffled into the kitchen with Dean following in concern. The man looked so tired, so out of it. Dean swallowed. What was going on? Would Castiel answer him if he asked again?

"Would you like some tea?"

"Uh, sure, never turn down tea. What have you got?" Castiel filled the kettle and put it on the stove before opening a cabinet and half turned towards Dean.

"Have a look. My favorites are on the counter, but I have a wider variety in here." He pointed upwards then stepped aside to grab mugs. Dean reached the counter and looked there first, smiling at some of the choices he saw. He might just do one of those. Then he looked up, cause he might as well see what else Cas had stored up. His eyebrows rose. While there wasn't anything terribly fancy, Cas sure had eclectic tastes. He might have to try some of these as well. For now though, he settled on the Earl Grey on the counter. Something comforting, something familiar.

They worked around each other, setting up their mugs and picking their spots at the table, Castiel putting out some muffins from his brother's bakery, not quite as fresh as they'd been that morning, all in silence. It was a comfortable silence, though, despite Dean's worry for the man. The water boiled, was poured and the first few sips were taken before another word was spoken.

"Cas, man, what's going on?" Dean asked quietly, gently. At first, Dean thought he was going to continue to ignore the question, but after another sip or two of his tea, he set it down, though he continued to keep his long fingers curled around its warmth, possibly taking comfort in it. Now that Dean thought of it, of past interactions, the whole tea thing was probably a necessary comfort, a ritual needed to sooth.

"Claire giving you a hard time?"

"Not on purpose." Cas sighed. "She's just…it's hard for her, for both of us. I have no idea what I'm doing, or if anything I'm doing is helping or if I'm just making matters worse. I just…." Whatever Cas was going to say was interrupted by a scream. Dean jumped and nearly knocked over his tea at the unexpected sound, but Cas was already up and running from the room, the sluggishness suddenly gone.

Dean chased after, unsure of what was happening, but determined to render help if he could. Had someone been hurt? The screams continued as he followed the dark haired man who was racing up a flight of stairs and skidding around a corner, grabbing onto a door frame and launching himself inside. By the time Dean reached the same doorway, Cas was already on his knees by a small bed, wrapping an even smaller child in his arms and making soft, soothing sounds. Dean paused, uncertain if he should move forward or leave. Afraid that making a move at all would disturb the scene in front of him he finally just froze in place.

The child, Claire, her blonde head buried in her uncle's chest, her little arms wrapped around him as she shook and sobbed, finally stopped screaming as the artist continued to murmur soothingly at her. Dean couldn't hear what was being said, until suddenly he could.

"It's okay, sweetheart, I'm here, you're okay. We're okay." Castiel's hands were wrapped around her in turn, the right one running down the blonde hair, petting and soothing. She continued to sob.

"Da-daddy?" A broken whisper, choked out around the sobs, just barely reaching Dean broke his heart and he closed his eyes and covered his mouth with his hand. _If this hurts me so goddamn much, then God! How must Castiel feel?_

"No, I'm sorry, sweetie, so sorry, I'm…I'm not your father."

"Un-uncle C-cas?"

"Yes, that’s right, I'm here. You're okay."

"It hurts, Uncle Cas." She continued to sob and shake.

"I know, sweetie, I know."

"Will it ever stop?" The plaintive cry tugged at Dean's heart and he just knew it was tearing Cas up inside. _God, was this a common occurrence? Was this what he was dealing with everyday? No wonder he looked like hell._ Without realizing it, without meaning to intrude, Dean found himself kneeling by the both of them. He'd never met Claire, but it hurt Dean deep in his soul just listening to the child. Tentatively, he reached a hand out to touch her shoulder.

"Hey, ssshh…it's okay, it's all right. Claire? It won't go away, you won't forget them, but someday it won't hurt this bad, I promise." She turned her head just slightly so an eye could peer out at him suspiciously.

"How do _you_ know?" the petulant tone still had a hint of hope in it. Two sets of blue eyes stared at him, both of them rimmed in tears, one just barely holding back while the other flowed freely.

"I know, 'cause I lost both of _my_ parents when I was about your age. And it hurt, a lot. I'm not gonna lie. It took a long time…and I do, I still miss them. But it doesn't hurt as much anymore. I remember the good times, y'know?"

She nodded, her long blond hair ruffling up under Cas's hand as he still tried to smooth it down. Her sobs were dying off into hiccoughs and shuddering breaths. Dean rubbed her shoulder in a soothing motion and then dropped his hand, suddenly realizing how awkward this could be. He was a total stranger to the child, after all.

He made to rise and her hand shot out making him pause in surprise as she grabbed his shirt. Then she let go of her uncle and wrapped both of her arms around him as far as she could reach and hid her face in his shirt, still sniffling. After a few seconds she let go and leaned back in her bed, rubbing at her eyes and wiping at her face.

"Thank you." Her uncle held out some tissues and smoothed her hair away and out of her face as she used them to clean up.

"No problem Claire."

"Hey, you okay now, sweetie?" Dean stared at Castiel as he listened to how rough his already gravelly voice had gotten. "Do you think you can sleep? Do you want some water? Anything?"

"I'm okay Uncle Cas." She whispered. "I don't need anything." She sniffed a little and blew her nose and lay back down. "I think I can fall asleep now."

"You sure?" Dean watched him swallow as he asked the question and the child nodded. "Okay, okay then." Cas leaned forward and gave Claire a kiss on her forehead and slowly stood up with Dean's help. Her eyes slipped closed and they walked quietly out of the room, Cas looking back before closing the door.

 The exhausted man heaved his own shuddering breath as he stared at the closed door, bringing his hands up to cover his face. Instinctively, Dean reached for him and pulled him into an embrace, tucking Cas's face into his shoulder. He rubbed his hand up and down the blue eyed mans back in his own attempt to sooth, even as it shook under him, the other hand resting on the back of the head of dark, messy hair.

Dean looked around the hallway and spotted what must be the door to Cas's room and he guided the man slowly towards it, figuring if he was going to break down, he'd probably prefer not to do it outside Claire's room and possibly disturb her further. When he reached the doorway, he knew he hit the jackpot. He used his foot to slide the door mostly shut, but not all the way, in case Claire needed something. Though as loud as she'd screamed last time, Dean was sure that a closed door wouldn't impede her voice.

By the time he got Castiel to sit on his own bed, with Dean beside him, still holding him in his arms, Castiel was full on sobbing, the tears soaking the actor's shirt. In an echo of the scene that just played out in Claire's room not five minutes before, Dean continued to rub his hands over Castiel soothingly and make soothing noises. Some things were just bits of nonsense sounds and others quite clear.

"It's okay Cas…you're doing okay. She's okay too. It's all right. Just, let it out. I think you need to let it all go, so just…shhh….yes it's okay."

"God, Dean…" Wracking sobs tore at Deans heart just the same or worse as Claire's had. "I'm a horrible parent. I'm…I'm just an uncle. I…" gasp "Not even the cool uncle, that was, that was…" shudder, "That was Gabriel, not me."

"No, baby, you're doing great. I promise. Claire trusts you, you calmed her down very well."

"I didn't…I…that was you Dean." He continued to shake around the words.

"I might have helped, but it was all you, man. All you. I shouldn't have even been there. I intruded."

"No, no it's," He took a deep breath, trying to get himself a little more under control. "You were a big help. I didn't know what to say…how could I? I've never….nothing like this has…I didn't know what to say." Another breath, two, three. "I never know what to say. I can't tell…if this is really helping her or not. Dean, what do I do?"

"God, babe, is this why you look like hell? Are you shouldering all of this by yourself?"

"If I don't, who will?" His breathing was finally calming down, the sobs stopping. The tears were slowing. Castiel should pull away from Dean, he knew it, but it was so comforting in his arms, strong and warm. Despite his own words, he just wanted to stay in Deans' arms, protected from the outside world.

"Shh…Cas, it's…you don't have to do this alone. There's your brother, Gabe. And Meg of course  and…and…"

"And?"

"And me, if you'd let me." Dean whispered the words in Cas's ear. He wanted to help, but he didn't want to overstep his bounds either. And Castiel seemed to run hot and cold when it came to whether or not he wanted Dean in his life in any meaningful way.

Castiel could feel the lump in his throat preventing him from answering. He closed his burning hot eyes as he burrowed into Dean's shirt, his hands grasping fistfuls of it, probably stretching and ruining the tee that he was wearing, but Castiel just couldn't let go. He still shuddered, but it was dying down. His head was heavy and throbbing and foggy. His breathing slowed.

 Dean wasn't sure how long it was before he realized that Cas had fallen asleep sitting awkwardly on the bed, encased in the actors arms. He attempted to lay Cas back down on the bed and pull away, but Castiel wouldn't let go. When Dean tried to gently pry his fingers off his shirt – he didn't figure Cas would appreciate waking up with Dean in his bed, no matter how Dean felt about the matter – Cas shifted and grumbled, fingers clenching tighter as a crease formed between his eyebrows until Dean stopped. As soon as he did, the grumbling ceased and his face smoothed out.

Giving up, Dean instead slid Castiel's glasses off his face as gently as possible and just managed to reach the bedside table to place them down safely without disturbing him. It wasn't long after that, that Dean found himself stretched out beside Cas on top of the deep blue, bee decorated covers on the bed, with the artist curled up against him.

Dean had no idea what time it was when he was roused slowly from sleep. He became aware of the noises first; moans and heavy breathing, then he noticed the slight shudder against his body as it increased in frequency and strength. Suddenly alert, he opened his eyes to look at the man still curled in his arms.

"No…" A gasp and a shudder.

"Cas, you ok?" Dean asked quietly. There was no answer, just another full body shudder followed by a moan.

"Jimmy, oh my god…Amelia." A broken sob ripped through the blue eyed man's body. Dean could feel it reverberate down through his own. He clutched at Castiel, one hand at his back, the other at his head, moving, rubbing, soothing as best as he could.

"Cas, man, wake up…"

"Oh god, Claire," Another moan, another sob. Dean's eyes widened as he realized what was going on. "Don't look, sweetheart, oh god, don't look…" Dean himself was tearing up at the pain and horror that was laced through Castiel's begging words.

"Shit, Cas, baby, you gotta wake up." Dean was hesitant to shake Cas, but it was obvious what he was reliving, how painful the memories were and the actor needed to wake him up, to break the nightmare.

He knew the moment Cas woke up. His whole body jerked against Deans violently and his breathing grew harsher.  But his vivid blue eyes, which were open wide, were unseeing as he tried to draw in a steady breath. He failed, each breath coming out as more of shallow gasp.

"Cas, Cas, relax. It's okay. Just a dream. That's all it is…a bad dream."

"It's not…not just a dream, Dean." He had to strain to hear the answer. The words were soft and broken, barely intelligible. Dean's breath caught. Would Castiel trust him enough to tell him what Dean sort of knew already, thanks to Meg and the News stations?

"You uh, you wanna tell me? It could help." Dean's arms were still wrapped around the slightly shorter man as he shuddered. Taking a fortifying breath, his eyes still not completely focused on Dean, but on whatever he was seeing in his own mind, he managed a whisper.

"It was awful. So awful. Blood everywhere. Real blood, Dean, not fake…and they..their…bodies were…were…mutilated!" Castiel shut his eyes against the words. "How can people _do_ things like that? And it was," his breath hitched again and his hands tightened in Deans shirt, having never really let go, eve in in his uneasy sleep. "God it was bad enough that I saw this, but Claire…to have had Claire exposed to such, such…How can she ever recover from that?"

"Hey, hey," he soothed, "Kids are resilient and she's not going through this alone. You hear me? You were there with her and she knows, she knows she's got you to share this with, to…to…someone who can really understand what she's been through. And if you guys want, there's me and my brother, we both know what it's like to lose our parents, our whole world changing in the blink of an eye. It's another experience she can trust, can believe in. And she's got that lady helping her, Missouri? Cas you said she's good. With all that help and love, she'll heal, I promise. It might take a while, but she'll heal." Cas nodded against Dean's shirt, tears once again running, this time silently, down his face.

"Cas, have…have you ever thought about getting some sort of help for yourself, like Missouri? Child or not, you've been through something traumatic, and it can mess you up. You know there's no shame in needing help, even as an adult, right?"

Cas was silent for so long Dean was starting to wonder if he'd heard him or if he'd overstepped his bounds. _Again_. Then again, here he was, in the guys' bed for Christ's sake, tangled together and witnessing something Cas hadn't ever wanted to talk about.

"It…hadn't even occurred to me." Dean let out a sigh of relief when Cas finally answered.

"It really might help. Do you have….tell me you don't have these nightmares every night?" Dean dreaded the answer but he had to ask

"Nearly." Cash whispered. Dean cringed. "It wasn't so bad these, uh, these past few months, but then…"

"But then Claire came to live with you and you've been helping her deal with her own trauma….you're reacting to _her_ nightmares?" Dean's answer was an epiphany. "Are you worried that her being here is making things worse for her, based on that? Because it's brought back your own nightmares, you think it's done the same for her?"

A shaking nod, a shaky breath. At least the tears had stopped, Dean thought, though the traces were very evident. "It's foolish, isn’t it?" Castiel took another steadying breath and managed in a calmer voice. "It's not actually her presence that sets me off." He realized, "Its' trying to help her, soothing her, that brings back the memories and…and…" he trailed off. "But she doesn’t have to deal with that aspect with me. She's only dealing with her own trauma."

"Yeah, well, I'm no expert or nothing' but I think you're right. I bet it wouldn't hurt to ask Missouri for her perspective but, uh, yeah."

"But can I even do that? Wouldn't that be a breach of trust?"

"I'm sure she can at least give you a 'she's getting better' or a 'she's not getting worse' kind of an answer without betraying your nieces confidences." The two of them remained silent for a moment. "You still think your presence does more harm than good?"

"Well, Dean, I _am_ a constant visual reminder of half of what she's lost. How can she forget, how can she move on with the image of her father being shoved into her face, every damn day? You heard her in there!" His voice got rough and he finally pulled away from Dean, pushing himself up to sit on the edge of the bed, struggling some as he realized how tangled they'd actually been and blushing at the implications.

"Sorry man, you wouldn't let go and I was afraid to wake you. Seemed like you needed that."

"I'm sorry, Dean."

"Don't be, Cas, seriously. I didn't mind as long as you're okay with it too."

Cas seemed to hesitate and Dean felt his stomach drop. He didn't want to push Cas into anything – that wasn't what this was about, regardless of what Dean hoped for in the future – he just wanted to be able to help the man. He hoped Cas would let him. It didn't feel like he let anyone help him much, if he had any say on it.

"It's…I didn't…mind, really…"

"But?" Dean supplied as Cas trailed off, the but heavily implied.

"I can't, I need to focus on Claire right now, not me." He turned pleading eyes towards Dean.

"Cas, if that’s what you need to do, then that’s what you do. I won't force you into anything before you're ready. And if that's never, well, then, I'd still be honored to call you a friend. But I'll be here whenever you need me. And I really think I can help with Claire." He reached out a hand. "Just, keep this in mind. You have to take care of yourself too if you're going to be able to help her."

He considered it a win that Cas didn't pull away, though he stared at the wall and refused to turn and look at Dean.

"You know, Meg said the same thing, just a few months aback." The words were quiet, bared heard. "I…I don't know, Dean…I just…don't know…"

"It's okay, Cas. You don't _have_ to know right now. Not exactly something you should rush into anyway. Just…can I at least be your friend, no matter what happens?"

Cas finally turned then, leveling red rimmed eyes on Dean.

"You're already my friend Dean. I don't think I could part with that."

"Glad to hear it, Cas. We should probably get some more sleep though." He made to get up as the other man nodded in agreement and dropped back onto the bed heavily. Castiel felt the bed shift as he did and he cracked open an eye and turned to stare at his guest.

"Where are you going?"

"Uh…was gonna go an' sleep on the couch."

"Do you plan to molest me in my sleep, Dean?"

"No! Fuck, Cas, why would you –"

"Then just lay down. We'll deal with sleeping arrangements tomorrow." He yawned and closed his eyes again. Hesitantly, Dean settled back on the large bed and made himself comfortable. It was warm enough that neither of them thought anything of sleeping on the already rumpled covers.

"Night, Cas."

"Goodnight Dean."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you didn't imagine it, Dean slipped in quite a few "Babes" and "Baby"'s in there....He didn't mean to but, he cares about Cas and it just came naturally. And no, Cas didn't quite register it yet (or at all. i haven't decided) as he was just a bit too distraught at the time...


	20. Morning with Claire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire questions both Dean and Cas at breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters a little lighter to make up for the last one.
> 
> I'm about to go on vacation by the end of the week and i'll be traveling out of state. I might be able to get more chapters up, but i won't have access to a scanner so no pictures while i'm gone. 
> 
> and in less than 2 weeks, I'll be at my very first Supernatural con!! I'm VERY excited! I don't have much money, so i'm only going for one day, but I've got photo ops and autographs with Misha and Speight :D 
> 
> *EDIT 7/12* Added picture
> 
> I plan on having Misha sign the portrait I made of him and I still need to finish the one I started of Speight so I can get that signed. My daughter plans on getting her Winchester Journal signed (its a book of favorite songs and other geeky references, interspersed with pics - there are a LOT Of SPN references in it. I made it myself and so far, its 1/4 - 1/3 of the way full. It's a lot of work!)

Dean woke up the next morning, finding himself once again wrapped around the shorter man who was curled trustingly into him, his dark head nestled against his chest, despite having this time fallen asleep separately. It was better than his previous wake up had been. Cas was sleeping peacefully and deep and Dean relished the warmth in his arms for however brief a time he got to experience that. He was under no illusions, after all, that Cas was as yet conflicted about this.

A gentle stirring got him to lean back even as Cas did the same, blinking. He looked down at the still tear stained face, the slightly frowning mouth, the creases that had returned in what Dean was beginning to think was a perpetual state of worry and anxiety.

"Hey, uh…good morning. You, um…you feelin' better Cas?" Dean hesitantly started to pull away further, sitting up, wincing at the pinch of his jeans caused by the wrinkles formed when they slept. Not the most comfortable of sleeping clothes, that was for sure. He was sure Cas had fared somewhat better, having been in slacks instead. He would normally have taken his jeans off, of course, but he hadn't wanted to make things more awkward.

"That depends on how you mean the question." Holy shit! Cas's voice was even deeper and rougher when it was sleep fogged.

"Uh…" Dean floundered. Thankfully, Cas took pity on him and gave him a small smile as he sat up.

"Well, other than possibly highly mortified to have been crying my eyes out…with witnesses no less, I do surprisingly feel much better. I think that’s the best night of sleep I've had in weeks." Cas moved to the edge of the bed and swung his legs down, his back to Dean momentarily as he peeked nervously back over his shoulder. "I'm sorry about last night, my…behavior and my…breakdown."

"Cas, don't worry about it. I think you're entitled man." Still obviously a little sleep fogged, Cas nodded and stood.

"I think I'm going to take a shower. Um…help yourself to anything you want." Dean watched him move about the room, digging in drawers for the clothes he wanted.

"Sure thing, thanks." He got up and walked past the other man, startling him enough to drop some of his clothes when Dean reached a hand out to grasp him briefly on the shoulder when he passed.

He jogged on down the stairs and set off looking for a second bathroom. Surely a house this size had one? He found the kitchen first. With Claire. She looked up and nearly jumped out of her seat before she remembered him from the night before. He stood a little nervously in the door.

"Oh, uh, it's Claire, right?" She nodded slowly. "Yeah, so, I'm Dean. We haven't um, officially met or anything."

"Hello Dean. Are you my uncle's boyfriend?" Dean stared at her, mouth gaping, his hand dropping from where he'd been rubbing at his neck. He sputtered.

"Uh, I'm uh, no! No, we're not…no!" He turned red.

"Do you want to be?" He turned even redder at her innocent, curious question.

"I..I…uh…" He looked around desperately, unsure how to answer her. He looked back to where she sat, a bowl of cereal before her on the table, spoon resting on the side of the bowl and her wide eyes taking in everything. He slinked over to the table and slumped, head hitting with a thunk as he groaned. He turned his head slightly to look over at her as a soft hand started petting his head.

"So you know about…um…your Uncle Cas being uh…" God, how does one even talk about something like this with a _child? Would Cas appreciate him talking about this with his niece? Fuck._

"That he likes boys?"

"Yeah." Christ, she was blunt. Was that a family trait?

"Mmmhmm. Mommy and Daddy talked to me about it when I was little." _Wasn't she still little?_ He thought.

"And it…what do you think about that?" The hand on his head paused as she bit her lip.

"Well, Grandmother and Grandfather told me it's a sin, but they were mean." The soft, barely there petting resumed. "But Mommy and Daddy said it wasn't. That there was nothing wrong with love. S'long as everyone was…was happy."

Dean brought his arms up to the table and propped his head up on his hands to get a better look at the child before him. Still in her pajamas, long blond hair and serious blue eyes, so much like her uncle's. She drew back at the movement and returned to her cereal. There was silence as he just thought about her words for a moment. He briefly considered the fact that she spoke of her parents and uncle a lot less formally than she did her grandparents. He'd never known any kids who actually called their grandparents as grandmother and grandfather rather than gram or gramp or something equally relaxed. He held back a wince at the thought of this thoughtful and sweet child living in their cold strictness.

"So…do you like living here now?" he decided this was a good, opportune time to change the subject. She nodded enthusiastically.

"I don't know why I couldn't live here before, but I know it wasn't for the reasons Grandmother said."

"What did she tell you?" Dean sat up straight, angry all over again at Cas's parents, Claire's grandparents, but trying to keep the anger out of his voice. Claire didn't know him, and the last thing he wanted to do was scare her.

"That Uncle Cas didn't want me."

Oh hell, he wasn't just angry at them, he was furious. How could you tell a child something like that? Especially when it wasn't true?? Something must have shown on his face, something even a child could see because she started to giggle.

"See! Even _you_ know that's not true!"

"I don't think I like your grandparents, Claire."

"Me neither."

Castiel felt much better after he finished his shower. Padding downstairs barefoot, he found Dean and Claire together in the kitchen. He had barely enough time to feel any anxiety over the fact that he had left Claire alone with a stranger - regardless that Dean wasn't a stranger to him, because he certainly would be to her - and how it must have scared her before he realized that she really wasn't. The two of them looked fairly comfortable together as they talked. Dean had very obviously found his teapot - not like it had been hiding, Castiel conceded - and whatever mess they had left the night before had been cleaned up.

He stood in the doorway unnoticed as the two of them chatted quietly. Claire was eating cereal – he idly wondered how many bowls she'd had so far this morning – and Dean sipped the tea. He watched this sudden scene of domesticity in his home, something he never thought he'd have and just basked in the warm feeling it gave him before he tuned in to what they were saying.

"I think he's sad."

"Who? Your uncle?" She nodded. "I'm sure he's happy now that you're here." Dean flashed a grin at her and she giggled.

"I hope so. I missed him a lot. I'm so glad I get to live with him now."

"Dean's right, sweetheart. I'm very happy that you're here." Castiel decided it was creepy to be eavesdropping, especially when they were discussing him, and he stepped into the kitchen proper. He watched two pairs of eyes light up when they looked up and over at him and his stomach seemed to flip. He made his way over and dropped a kiss on Claire's head and headed towards the counter. "And how much cereal have you eaten this morning?"

"Um…." She mumbled something and he grinned, though his back was turned to both of them.

"Why don't you get changed Claire, after you show Dean where the bathroom is since I'm sure he'll want to make use of that, and then I'll make eggs for all of us? Unless you're already stuffed?" He turned back around and leaned on the counter, his stomach still making flips. Dean was grinning and Claire's eyes were wide as she jumped up and yelped.

"I'm not stuffed! Eggs! Yes! I want – "

"I know, I know!" Cas laughed, "Sunny side up. Dean?"

"Uh, over easy I guess. Nothing fancy, Cas, thanks." Castiel nodded at Dean and watched as Claire snagged his hand and pulled him up from the table. She was not normally a shy child though that had somewhat changed after the events of last year. She was more wary now, especially of strangers, yet she'd certainly taken to Dean amazingly quick. He stared after the two in wonder.

"C'mon, Mr. Dean…"

"Yeah, yeah, give my old legs a second there, Claire." Dean leveraged himself out of his seat and paused to snag his bag from the entryway where he'd dropped it the night before. "Okay, now you may lead the way, your highness." She giggled and grabbed his hand again and dragged him off as he looked back at Cas and rolled his eyes.

Castiel set about grabbing a pan and setting up the toaster, pulling the egg carton out of the fridge, all on automatic, a grin threatening to break his face. This had all felt so natural. It was kind of scary how natural it had felt. Claire seemed to take to Dean and Dean to Claire and that was a bonus he hadn't realized he'd even been worried about. And her giggles had made him feel real good,  warmth and joy radiating through him at the sound.

Could this work? Could this really work? Should he let himself try? He had Claire to consider, not just himself and yet…Dean seemed to mesh quite well with both of them, and he had a unique understanding that even Castiel didn't have for Claire's' situation. He lost a brother and a sister but she had lost parents. He couldn't even compare it. He never really had parents to lose. They'd always been the disappointment they were now even if he hadn't understood that when he was younger. Being disillusioned was not the same as losing the people who loved you, not when they'd never even loved him or his brothers to begin with.

Claire returned first, her PJ's exchanged for a spring dress, this one deep blue with sunflowers scattered all over. She came over to the counter and pulled down some plates and searched for a butter knife. Getting the butter out of the fridge, she was all set up for the toast when it was ready.

"I like Dean, Uncle Cas." She said simply, without even looking at him. Castiel drew in a sharp breath and let it out slowly.

"You do? You just met him, sweetheart."

"I know, but…I just do." She nodded definitively. "What about you? Do _you_ like him?" She looked up at him just as the toast popped and he nodded his head over at the toast.

"I think you should take care of the toast." She rolled her eyes at the obvious avoidance and set to work. They stood together in silence. Castiel realized he could hear the water from the shower above them. He cleared his throat.

"I um…I might…like him, like uh…more than um…" despite him knowing that Jimmy and Amelia had discussed his orientation with Claire when she was younger, he still found himself reluctant to just out and say it to the young child.

"Do you wanna be his boyfriend?" Castiel closed his eyes and turned red.

"I…I…"

"It's okay, Uncle Cas, if you wanna. I'm okay with it. I want you to be happy too." Castiel opened his eyes to look at the earnest blue ones staring up at him and just melted.  He turned and wrapped her in a big hug.

"I am sweetie, I am." He managed to choke out. A quiet footfall alerted him to Deans returning presence and he gave her a last squeeze and then let go. "Good timing, Dean. We're just about ready here. Claire? How's that toast doing?"

"It's doing good Uncle Cas. All done!"

"Give me your plate then." She slid it over and he lifted the pan, using the spatula to separate a couple of the eggs from the rest and slid it off on to her plate. She scampered away with it to the table as he set the pan back on the stove for another minute or so.

"Do you um, need any help?" the voice was unexpectedly close and he almost dropped the spatula.

"No, oh! Uh, actually, I'd like some tea with my breakfast, if you wouldn't mind."

"Of course not." Dean stepped away to grab the kettle and fill it with water and quickly set it to boil. When he was back beside the many choices of teas, he called out, "Any preferences this morning?"

"Surprise me. I like all of it." Dean nodded and proceeded to pick through what was there, finally settling on English Breakfast just because it had breakfast in the name. He debated one of the loose teas for a moment but decided against it. The eggs were almost ready and he'd have to wait longer for those.

It wasn't long before the three of them were all sitting at the table with various styles of eggs and toast and cups of tea. Even Claire had tea though Dean wasn't entirely sure she liked it or if she was just having tea because they were having some. He suspected the latter as Cas smiled indulgently at her, and he couldn't help the grin spreading wide over his own face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, Claire asking if Dean and Cas are boyfriends, and even telling Cas it was cool with her...yeah, i know she just met Dean but..kids do that. I know, both my sister and I did it to my dad and his girlfriend....


	21. Fan Mail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meg visits after breakfast with a surprise...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made the 5 hour drive to Long Island last night and now I'm chilling with my mom and my kid as we watch Stargate Atlantis and drink Tea. We'll be down here for a week before driving to Pittsburgh so again, I don't know how often updates will be at this time and pics are right out since i don't have a scanner right now.
> 
> anyway, have some fluff :D  
> I hope its not too abrupt...

There was a knock at the door just as they finished up. Castiel's eyes scrunched together in confusion. He wasn't expecting anybody other than Dean and he'd arrived last night ahead of schedule. Claire froze in place as Castiel got up to answer the door. Before he could reach it, the lock jiggled and it was pushed open, causing him to freeze for a second before he saw that it was only Meg coming through and relaxed. Right. She had a key. That had been useful in the past, but he might have to talk to her about that now. Have her only use it in emergencies.

Because, even in the short amount of time Claire had been here, he'd noticed how she'd tense up every time someone came to the door when they weren't expecting anybody. He was sure that had to do with her parents deaths. When their neighbor had come knocking, Castel was sure that he had been let right in. And though neither of them had been there, Claire had obviously thought the same, even if it was completely unconscious. He'd have to broach that subject with Missouri and see if there was anything they could do.

Meg broke through his reverie as soon as she caught sight of him frozen at the door. "Clarence! Good morning! Get your ass out here and help me with this."

"Help you with what, Meg?" He eyed her suspiciously. She knew Dean was to arrive today, so why was she here?

"With your fan mail, genius."

"What?"

"Hey there freckles. That your car outside? She's a beaut…" Confused, Cas turned to look behind him, almost crashing into Dean as he found him standing right there. Dean shot him an apologetic look as the blue eyed man took a step back and flushed.

"Sorry, Cas." Dean looked past him at the dark haired woman at the door. "Thanks Meg. So, what's going on?"

"I don't have a clue." Cas rumbled. Meg rolled her eyes and opened the door wider.

"I told you. Fan mail. Now help me unload the car." Barefoot, both Dean and Castiel followed her out to the car, feet slapping over the warm pavement despite the early hour.

Castiel took a moment to look at the black muscle car parked behind his own, more sensible car. More sensible maybe, but he couldn't stop staring at the beautiful sight before him. Castiel might not know much about cars, but he could sure appreciate the look of the Impala and how proud Dean was looking when he caught sight of Cas staring at it.

"C'mon Clarence, stop lollygagging!" He got his feet moving again and reached her car to find that there were three boxes spread out in Megs backseat. Then she popped open the trunk to show two more.

"Now, we already sorted it, so there's nothing bad in any of this. But this stuff's been coming in to the shop now for the last _month_ and I'm getting sick of looking at it. So." She picked up a box and shoved it into Dean's arms. "Make yourself useful."

With the three of them, it only took two trips, depositing the boxes into the living room where there was the most room. Claire finally came out of the kitchen and watched them bring the boxes in with wide eyes.

"Uncle Cas, what's going on?"

"Not sure, honey. Apparently, folks have been sending things to the shop. I didn't even know about all this till now."

"To be fair, you've been a little preoccupied. Gabriel and I thought holding off on all this would be for the best." He absently nodded at her as he sat down on the couch and pulled over the closest box he could reach. There were letters, a lot of them, and packages as well. Hesitantly, he picked a package at random and opened it.

If by picking a package, he'd been hoping to skip letters, he'd been mistaken because inside he found another one in addition to the couple of children's books and a…doll? He blinked. Maybe he should read the letter after all. That had to have an explanation for the doll.

_"Dear Mr. Novak,_  
  
We've seen your struggle on the news and we just know you'll win. Here are some things for your niece. Our daughter picked out the books and the doll. I hope Claire likes them.

_Betty, Veronica and Susie."_

Oh. Oh wow…Castiel couldn't believe what he was reading. He looked over at Meg who was grinning like a loon and Dean who was looking at him curiously. Claire saw the doll and squealed, snagging it from the box.

"Can I keep it?? Can I??"

"Sure you can, darling. It was meant for you." Meg drawled, totally unconcerned with what Cas might think of it.

"Meg, I don't understand." Castiel looked over in confusion, "This is….all because of the court case?"

"Well, some of it. You had some publicity for that and I think you would have gotten a bunch of this stuff in either case, but then you did that interview and fans from the show made the connection and it uh…pretty much doubled."

"But, they don't even know me, Meg, or Claire, even. I'm not actually on the show either, why would I even be more than a…a…blip on their radar?"

"You're still part of the show, and it was a real 'tug at your heartstrings' kind of case. Anyway, I bet if you were Dean, it would have been _more_ than doubled. You should feel honored anyway."

"Don't worry about it, man, the fans are a pretty supportive group. It's why I love them so much – they really take care of each other. Not a lot of fan bases can really say that."

"But I…we can't take all of this! I'm sure there's too much here that we don't even need, if any…"

"Read the letters, Clarence, let Claire pick a few things she'd like and donate the rest." Meg shrugged. "What's the big deal?"

Castiel nodded slowly, a little overwhelmed. He started to sort all the letters to another pile, even though most had already been sorted. He figured he could read those later. Dean helped pass things over. It would take some time to go through all of this. He couldn't even imagine how long it'd take to just read all those letters. As he picked up another package he stopped.

"Cas, Cas, where you going?"

"What's wrong Uncle Cas?"

"Nothing, I'm just going to get a notebook. I think if people were so kind as to send us stuff, the least we can do – whether we keep it or not – would be to write thank you notes." Claire clapped her hands together and then rushed forward to hug her uncle.

"You're the best uncle Cas!" she beamed at him. "Can we get Missouri to come over?"

"What for sweetie?"

"She must know lots of kids who could use some nice things. Maybe she can help us donate them?"

Dean watched the interaction between uncle and niece in wonder, at their selfless behavior. It was truly something remarkable and almost unheard of, especially in Claire's case.  She was so young and yet so aware and generous, in contrast to many children of her age he had met. That wasn't to say other kids weren't like her but…his respect for her parents grew. He wished he'd been able to meet them. It seemed like they were good, level headed people, to get a child as sweet and as strong as her.

  
  


He watched her laughing as she chattered excitedly with her uncle as she opened each package and sorted them by type of gift, even as Cas wrote things down. Who had given what and setting aside their letters carefully. Meg even joined in, and her and Dean started taking bets on what would be inside each package before Claire opened one. Eventually, Cas narrowed his eyes at Meg.

"Wait, you're cheating."

"What? How could you say such a thing?" She looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. He didn't believe her for a second.

"You said you already sorted through all of these to make sure they were 'safe'." He glared at her. "So, that means you already know what is in each and every package."

"Okay, so you're partially right." She shrugged, not feeling the least bit of guilt. "But I didn't open _all_ of them myself. You know me, Clarence, I recruited. So I don't know what is in _every_ package. Nor do I remember which package was which."

Claire giggled and rolled her eyes as Dean did the same and whispered conspiratorially with each other

"Aunt Meg loves messing with Uncle Cas."

"Does she now?" She nodded solemnly than broke out into more giggles.

"Daddy said she got Uncle Cas into a lot of trouble when they went to school together."

"Oh? What kind of trouble?"

"I dunno. Mom and Dad started laughing and said I was too young to know."

"Ooooh, that kind of trouble, huh?" He raised his voice. "You a bad boy Cas?"

"What?" Castiel tilted his head at Dean in confusion. His mock argument with Meg cut short. Dean snorted and Claire smothered more laughs behind her hand.

"Yeah, I dunno Claire, I don't see Cas being much of a trouble maker. I bet it was all Meg."

"Well, not _all_ me…" She winked at Dean and Cas closed his eyes with a groan.

"Please Meg. I'd rather not discuss this with my niece in the room." He paused. "If ever."

"Oh, now I _gotta_ know."

"Not happening, Dean."

"But Cas…"

"No."


	22. Free Pie? Where??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Dean's visiting, they wind up at Gabriels bakery...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, Short chapter....but i wanted to put something up...
> 
> Currently on Long Island and my mothers internet is doing some really weird things...it says we've got connection _(and a strong one at that)_ and the whole while, webpages refuse to load.
> 
> It took me over 10 tries to post my Gabriel/Richard Speight Jr portrait on tumblr - each and every time, the network connection said i was connected and nothing was wrong. _(you can find me on tumblr as dragonpressgraphics if you want :D I also have a deviantart under[dragonpress](http://dragonpress.deviantart.com/) but i haven't posted it up there yet because i want to scan in a good copy. What's posted on tumblr is a phone pic of the piece, but it shows it off well enough...)_
> 
> *EDIT 7/12* Added Picture

In the end, Dean spent a week with Castiel and Claire, the two C's or C-squared he liked to joke. It made Claire giggle, so Cas put up with it even as he tried to glare and roll his eyes at the same time. It was really amusing to watch, which made Dean do it all the more.

They visited Gabriel's bakery and Cas stared open mouthed as the green eyed man went into raptures over it. He quickly closed his mouth and hoped no one had noticed, but tearing his eyes away was proving almost impossible.

"Pie, Cas! The most heavenly pie ever." He moaned around a mouthful of pecan, having already tried and tested both a slice of apple and a slice of cherry. Castiel wasn't the only one staring either. He looked over at the counter to catch Gabriel with his eyes glued on Dean, mouth open in shock, a lollipop dangling dangerously from the corner of it.

He recovered quickly though, and in true Gabriel fashion, he sauntered over and leaned into the booth. With a smirk, his mouth opened to speak but Castiel cut him off.

"Whatever you're planning on saying Gabriel, I'd rather you didn't."

"What – why? Cassie, I'm hurt!"

"I'd rather not have to cover poor Claire's ears because you can't keep your commenting PG."

"Hey! It's not _my_ fault your boyfriend acts like a po-"

"Gabriel! Your internal monologue is not appropriate for children's ears." Castiel cut him off again even as Dean started to choke on the pie, his eyes wide as he stared between Gabriel and Castiel. Claire reached over and patted Dean on the back as he choked. Gabriel caught the easy and relaxed gesture between them and looked back at his brother, eyebrows raised in question.

"Gabriel, this is my friend, Dean. As you can clearly see, he's out visiting. Dean, this is my brother, Gabriel. Don't be too offended at anything he says. He likes to go for the shock value with his words."

Despite the chiding, Dean could see the real care that existed between the brothers as he exchanged a hand shake with the shorter man.

"I gotta say, I'd never expect you to be brothers. You two look nothing alike. You sure you're not adopted?" Dean smirked and Gabriel laughed. There was a small flash of pain in the artists' eyes and Dean cursed himself when he realized what he'd just said. _Shit_ …Before he could say anything else, and likely put his foot into it even more than he already had, Gabriel spoke up.

"Yeah, I know, I got all the good looks, Cassie could only _hope_ to be as hot as me." Castiel rolled his eyes and Claire joined in, both clearly amused at Gabriel's antics and expecting nothing less. Dean shot a grateful look at Gabriel for his help in defusing a bad mood before it could start and continued to banter back in an effort to return the mood to the easy lightheartedness they'd had before.

"I dunno man, if I had to choose, I'd say Cas is a lot handsomer than you."

"Dean-o! That's it – our budding friendship is over! And to think, I almost offered you free pie." Gabriel clutched at his chest in mock offense, as Castiel rolled his eyes yet again at his brothers over dramatic sense of humor, but at the thought of losing free pie, the dismay seen on Dean's face was all too real. He nearly whimpered.

"Don't worry Dean." Castiel looked over at him gravely, a smirk visible in his eyes if you took the time to look, "I know all of Gabriel's worst secrets…" he barreled over his brothers panicked yelp of _"No, no you don't!"_ with a grin and continued to assure Dean. "I'll make sure you are provided with ample pie."

It was Deans turn to be melodramatic, much to Claire's – and everyone else's, to be honest – amusement, and he heaved a dramatic sigh of relief, clasped his hands under his chin and tilted his head and fluttered his eyes.

"Ooooh, my Knight in Shining Armor, let me pledge my undying love for you and your selfless devotion to this greatest, and most epic of tasks – " Gabriel snorted, unable to hold it in any longer as Dean practically simpered up at Cas who was turning red but actually breaking into spates of rumbling laughter.

Claire looked on in admiration and joy, a grin breaking her face in two, it was so wide. Other than a week ago, when Claire found out she'd be going home with her Uncle Cas, Gabriel couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her so unabashedly happy. Who exactly _was_ this Dean character anyway? Even as he joked and smiled away, his brain continued to work on the problem. He looked familiar, but he couldn't exactly place him. He'd heard a bit about Dean over the last few months…but he couldn't remember…

Wait. That trip he went on with Meg. Wasn't there something that happened back then? Some guy Cassie had met that he'd seemed a total goner for? What was his name? Wait, he'd mentioned meeting a couple of new folks on his trip to California. Dean and…Sam? Yeah, and he'd mentioned Dean more than once. The only question was, what they had been doing in California to begin with. How had they met? And why was Dean so familiar looking?

As soon as the three of them had left, Gabriel shot back behind the counter, leaving it in the capable hands of Alfie as he headed straight back to his office. Not even bothering to shut the door, he booted up his laptop from standby mode and loaded the web browser. Now for the hard part. He hadn't caught a last name…and Dean was a pretty common one. He bit at his lips as he stared at the google search bar. Finally, he shrugged and typed in a few words and crossed his fingers.

To his surprise, he actually got results. Useful ones at that. He barely restrained from doing a little dance in celebration. Turned out, googling _Dean_ and _California_ while selecting Images had provided him with a lot of choices – which had included ones of the green eyed man hanging with Cassie today. He clicked on one of them for a closer look and wound up at an article talking about some new show that had started only three years prior but had gotten very popular.

And there he was. Dean Winchester. And…it looked like Cassie wasn't the only one to go into business with his brother. Gabriel whistled at the image of the taller man with an elbow resting on Dean's shoulder, hand dangling down as he used his shorter-than-him brother as a wall to lean on. _Damn…what a brother he was…He could lean on me anytime!_

He looked around guiltily for his thoughts before he realized that he was safe. He was in his own bakery, no one could read minds and his brother wouldn't care. Well, he might care if Gabriel was _inappropriate_ about his, um, sudden crush on Sam Winchester, but he wouldn't care that Gabriel _had_ a crush on Sam Winchester. That was the difference, and he needed to remember that. Of all people, he could count on Cassie to understand.


	23. Wave a Little Flag...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabe has succumbed to fandom...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for the short chapter yesterday, another chapter of about the same length. This chapter came out of nowhere after i got back from fourth of July festivities. i was literally keeping myself awake cause i had to get this out. I've spent all morning re-reading it and adding a bit more....

At the end of the week, just before Dean was planning on leaving, Castiel opened his door to find his brother standing there. Castiel stared, not saying one word as he looked at his brothers grinning face. The silence stretched and Gabriel waggled his eyebrows.

"Gonna let me in, Cassie?"

"That depends. Explain yourself."

"What's there to explain? I think this pretty much speaks for itself. Now let me in."

"Gabriel, why are you…where did you even _get_ all that?"

"I just binge watched three seasons of Hunters. Do you know how hard it is to do that around bakery hours?"

"No. Because I've never tried it."

"Yeah, I don't recommend it. I may be a little sleep deprived right now. But I don't regret one second." Gabriel's eyes took on a glazed, dreamy cast and Castiel shuddered, not sure what, exactly, had caused that look. He desperately tried not to think about it.

"That would explain your get up, I suppose."

"Just let me in, bro." Gabriel begged. Castiel stared warily at him.

"You still haven't explained why you've shown up at my door at 7am dressed like an obsessed fan or where you got all that stuff." He made the question an explanation.

"Look, I think it's pretty safe to say that the internet was involved." Gabriel reflected. "Actually, in all of it. First finding out who Dean was – cause seriously, it was really starting to bug me how familiar he looked and that I couldn't actually place him – then finding all those seasons on line and then the purchasing of all this." He brandished an old resume with Dean's picture on it.

"Okay, fine. You've resolved the…how. But not the why."

"Awwww….come on, Cassie. You're a fan of the show, right? It should be obvious! I want his autograph."

Castiel sighed and covered his face with his hand in exasperation. He shook his head firmly before dropping it and glaring at his overexcited big, little brother.

"No."

"What? Why? No! You can't do this to me! You are friends with a frickin' celebrity! I just want his autograph!"

"We are not abusing my friendship for your gains! Everyone needs downtime, Gabriel. Leave him alone. Treat him as a person. Go to a con if you want his autograph. Wait for _him_ to bring up what he does….there will be no accosting of him on his vacation."

"Look, I'm willing to pay him in pie! Pie!" The other hand raised into Castiel's view, a plain white box with a red and white ribbon tied around it, which was what Gabriel was using to hold it up by. "He'll be well compensated!!"

Before Castiel could say another word, Dean had appeared behind him, bag in hand to bring out to the Impala. There was no way he had missed the word pie, Castiel was certain, not by the look on his face. This was confirmed not 10 seconds later. Castiel wondered if he had a radar that pinged whenever pie was brought up or nearby.

"Did someone say pie?"

"Dean-o!" Gabriel swung the box upwards and higher, making sure Dean could see it. "I do indeed have pie! And it's free! If you could do me one teensy, weensy little favor?"

"Anything! Name it!"

"Wait, anything?" Gabriel paused, a thoughtful and evil glint appearing in his eyes. Castiel looked on in horror at the carte blanche Gabriel had just been given.

"No, no, no, Dean, that is a bad idea. A very, very bad idea!"

"Whoa, bro, thanks for the vote of confidence! It's not like I'm gonna ask Dean-o here to do anything illegal!" He shoved the pie box at Castiel with a muttered, "Hold this for a sec, would ya?" and using his now free hand, he dug into his pocket for a sharpie and held it and the resume up next to his face with imploring eyes.  "Could ya maybe, ya know, sign this for me? Just a moment of your time in payment for the hours I slaved over a hot stove to bring you free pie? Surely that’s just compensation?"

"More than just! I may even wind up owing you. Your pies are damn good!" Dean grabbed the sharpie and the paper after dropping his bag just inside the door. He backed away and towards the living room, still populated by boxes, now finally sorted into keep and donate boxes, and squatted at an end table, quickly signing with a flourish. He stood back up as Gabriel managed to inch past his brother.

Castiel rolled his eyes and let the door slip shut and brought the pie box into the kitchen. If he knew Dean at all, the man was going to want to cut into that now. He would be physically unable to make the long drive home with an untouched pie taunting him from the front seat of his car.  He busied himself pulling down plates and forks. He was unsure if Dean would be willing to share Gabriel's 'generosity', but even if he didn't, Castiel still had some things he could set out. He put the water on to boil and waited for his brother and Dean to come looking for the pie.

When Castiel turned around from the stove, he found both Gabe sitting at the table with a beaming look on his face, the newly signed paper clutched in his hands _. Wow_. Looked like Castiel had a new watching buddy. That could get weird though; having Gabriel and Meg in the same room at the same time…He wasn't sure he'd survive their personalities getting together. It wasn't like they clashed either. It was that they played too well off of each other.

What he was surprised about though, was Dean's absence. Here was pie, just waiting to be devoured and he was gone? He hadn't left, had he? The question must have shown on his face because Gabriel was carefully placing the resume onto the table, picture side up, and was quick to reassure him.

"He went to ask Claire if she wanted any pie."

"Oh." Castiel's eyebrow rose up on one side and he nodded noncommittally. Gabriel saw right through him of course, but refrained from saying anything. For now. Pulling down mugs, Castiel kept himself busy as Gabriel watched. Castiel had questions, but they were the kinds he didn't want Dean or Claire overhearing. He'd have to wait till he could ensure some private time.

It proved to be the right decision as his niece scampered into the kitchen, followed barely more sedately by Dean. He jiggled with excitement as he watched Gabriel open the box Cas had left on the table. Claire caught sight of her other uncle and ran over to him.

"Uncle Gabe!"

"Hey pipsqueak!" the two of them wrapped each other up in an enthusiastic hug. "Ready for some pie?" She bounced up and into a chair.

"Yeah! What kind did you make, Uncle Gabe?"

"Hmmm…what do you say about some good old, old fashioned apple pie?"

"Yum!" Castiel almost laughed at the twin sounds coming from Claire and Dean. As it was, he felt like the grin on his face was absurdly big. Trying to school his expression to something a little less insane before he turned around, he grabbed the tray with all the mugs and tea things and brought it over to the table where Gabriel was already opening the pie box. Dean looked up.

"I'm sorry, you need any help with anything Cas?"

"No, Dean, I'm good." Dean nodded as he watched the tray get set down. He found his attention divided by the unveiling of a scrumptious looking pie and the blue eyed man with amusement dancing in his eyes, a tiny quirk to the corner of his lips. Dean didn't notice how his anticipatory grin got a little softer as he looked at Cas, but Gabriel did. Gabriel looked over at his niece and she looked away from Cassie and Dean to share a knowing smile with him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the title is kind of a joke that i'm not sure anyone will really get. 
> 
> After I wrote the scene with Gabe showing up at Castiels door, i remembered one from an old favorite of mine, Strangers from the Sky (it's OST) where Kirk is described as showing up at a bookstore waving a little white flag and caving in to the peer pressure of what basically amounted to a fandom craze over a book.
> 
> Now that's not exactly what Gabe did here, but at the same time, once i remembered the scene, i couldn't get it out of my head so, i put a nod in the title. 
> 
> oh well, it's probably only funny to me...but i couldn't help it.
> 
> *EDIT 7/12* Added Picture


	24. Con-Versations...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam are at a convention getting questioned by the fans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a long chapter to make up for the shortness of the other two... 
> 
> This chapter is kind of inspired by the fact that I went to Pittcon this weekend. Sadly, i could only afford to attend for 1 day. 
> 
> And I drove there with my 10 year old from Long Island and then back again to NH. I turned a 7 1/2 hour drive into 10 hrs and a 10 hr drive into 12 hours...But we met MISHA! SO it was totally worth it! We also met Rob and Rich so that was also really cool :D I'm still sad we couldn't afford to do the whole weekend or get ANYONE else.
> 
> Despite that, I'm still really hyped about it. I kinda spammed my tumblr with posts and pics and stories (and partially spammed my twitter as well). i still have my own camera photos to go through...so after this story is posted, i'll be doing that.
> 
> I got Misha and Rich to sign the portraits I made for them and now I'm really disappointed that I never had time to make one for Rob to sign. My kid got her journal signed that I made and she's even more stoked/hyped than *I* am. 
> 
> I have never, EVER been nervous to meet an actor before, and while i haven't met one in over a decade and a half, i'd been meeting them since i was 15. But while we stood in line for Misha's photo op, i was DEFINITELY nervous. and when i walked out, i was also definitely shaky, i had to go sit down somewhere. As we walked away, my kid was like "I don't understand mom, i can't stop smiling!" "Neither can I, kid." and we were like that pretty much all day and EVERY time we saw him (we saw him quite a few actually!).
> 
> *edit - picture added 8/28

Dean was exhausted, but refused to show it to the fans. Only his brother _really_ knew how exhausted he was and being the (mostly) nice guy he was, was actually helping to cover for him. But then, that’s what one gets for driving as much as possible to avoid planes.

The ride back home to Cali from Cas's had been long. Of course, he'd done longer trips in his lifetime, but this one had been quickly followed by him and his brother hopping a plane to England. Well, multiple planes, really, but still. This meant that he hadn't slept since he had left Cas and Claire back in Pontiac, because – quite frankly - planes terrified him.

And it never seemed to matter how often he's been on one, or that he's landed safely every time. There's always that one time that he won't. He just knows it's going to happen. So yeah, after being sleep deprived from his long ass drive, followed immediately by his inability to take a nap on the plane because he was too keyed up, before heading straight to the con and the first panel of the day….followed by nonstop con activities…

Yeah, probably not his best planning…but he hadn't wanted to waste a second of his mini vacation with Cas. He ignored all the private little jibes from Sam about how if he'd just taken a plane in the _first_ place, he'd have had even _more_ time to hang with his new friend. Or if he'd just left the Impala at Cas's and caught a plane out there for the short hop to meet up with Sam for the long haul. Either would have worked.

Damn Sam's logic anyway…

So here he was, nearing the end of the first day at the con, trying his absolute best not to wilt during a private meet and greet with a handful of devoted fans. In some ways, this was better, because it was a small room, small crowd; he didn't have to pump his energy level up as much…

On the other hand, being a small crowd, they were all too likely to catch when he unfocused and he didn't want to cause them worry. Or waste their money. He could blame poor acoustics and constant chatter for missing specifics on a question in the crowded panels, but this was a lot harder to fake. Not that he wanted to, he felt like he owed it to the fans to not be all fake, but he didn't want to be seen as ignoring them either and he was so afraid that being tired, he would.

Sam slipped him a little red bull inside a can of coke at the beginning of the panel. He shuddered on its way down, but so far it was doing its work.

Or the taste was so disgusting it was keeping him awake…either way, it had done the trick. _Must remember to thank Sam later_ , he mused.

So far the questions had been easy and the panel had been pretty laidback and lots of fun. They didn’t seem to mind how much Sam and Dean goofed around and it helped him to stay awake and feel like he wasn't wasting their time.

In fact, it had been _so_ laidback that he was completely off guard when they started questioning him about Cas. It took him a little too long to answer their first question as he blinked and his brain stalled out.

"Is it true that the new artist working on Hunters almost had an actual part on the show?"

"Um…you mean Castiel Novak?" Sam asked, tossing a look at his brother and fielding the question as Dean stared in slack jawed surprise.

"Yes, that’s the one. The new concept designer."

"Well, uh, yeah, actually. Dean and I are among some of the only people who can verify that that _is_ true."

"Can you tell us why he didn't get the part?"

"Yeah, he's so dreamy, I think he'd have been a good addition to the show."

"Um, well truth be told, Cas is a little shy and wasn't actually signed up for the show. He's not an actor and never had any interest in it." Dean winced. The latter part might have been okay, but he wasn't sure Cas, or the PR department, would approve of him outright saying Cas was shy.

"I don't understand, than how did he _almost_ get the part?"

"Well, know how Sam and I like to prank each other?" he grinned at Sam as the fans nodded knowingly, "Turns out that his friend did something similar to him, though with better intentions than my brother is usually known for."

"Hey, you started the last war…."

"Stop giving my shit away, man, and I won't cover your trailer in glitter."

"Nobody deserves glitter, Dean. Nobody." The fans snickered at the exchanged, a couple even offering up their own view on glitter.

"Yeah, glitter is something I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy. It never goes away!"

"My roommate used glitter for a project once in her own room. It's been five years and I've moved since then and I _still_ find glitter on random things."

 Sam gave a triumphant bitch face look to Dean with a, _"I knew they'd be on my side man. I told you that was too far, but did you listen…?_ " expression quite clear to Dean. Thankfully, while adept at reading their body language, they all let it pass as Dean turned his back to Sam and pretended to ignore him, much to the giggling delight of most of the folks watching them.

After they managed to get themselves under control again, the questions resumed. Surprisingly, they were stuck on Castiel. Not that Dean really minded, _he_ was kinda stuck on Castiel as well. He just didn't understand why _they_ were.

"I noticed Mr. Novak didn't do an on camera interview, and that he avoided cameras as much as possible during his custody battle. Does this mean he'll _never_ be on the show?"

"I think it's safe to say he would never show up on the show. He's happier working behind the scenes." Dean treaded carefully, trying to make sure he didn't reveal anything Cas would care about. It was at this point he realized that he might want to steer the subject away from Mr. Dreamy – er, Cas – but he wasn't sure how.

"Hey uh, how did you all know about the custody battle anyway? You guys seemed to jump pretty quick onto Castiel once he was announced, and that’s pretty cool and all, cause this show is so much more than just us and I think it's awesome that other folks are getting some recognition, I just…I'm trying to figure out what made Castiel so different that he became known so quickly?" Dean was thankful to his brothers' eloquence. He wanted to know the answer to this too – and he was sure Cas would wind up asking as well at some point if he heard about this – but he was way too tired to even try to word it right.

The fans looked around at each other with perplexed looks and shrugging shoulders. A few had tilted their heads in thought or confusion in such a way as to remind Dean of the blue eyed man he'd left behind.

"I don't know."

"Someone else told me about him."

"His picture caught my eye. He looked so mysterious."

"Well, I know _I_ was trying to figure out who the two new mystery characters were when I ran across his interview announcing his participation on the show. He's dreamy…" There was a sigh to accompany that last bit.

"You already said that."

"Doesn't make it any less true, don't you agree?" The woman turned to stare expectantly at Dean.

"Agree with what?" Dean hedged, "That saying something more than once doesn't make it any less true? I uh…would have to agree with that, wouldn't you Sam?" Sam nodded, and the fan who had last spoken up rolled her eyes.

"No, that he's dreamy."

"Uh…well, it's no secret that I uh, and yeah, he's got a um, certain, pleasing aesthetic, it cannot be denied." Dean was flustered, afraid he'd say too much and it would get back to Castiel and piss him off.

The fans giggled at Dean's obvious fumbling as Sam just looked at him with an eyebrow raised. Dean glared at his brother. "Wait...you put them up to this, didn't you?"

"Seriously Dean? When do you think I would have had the time?"

The elder Winchester eyed his brother suspiciously. "No...You must have. Somehow you arranged this as revenge for the glitter. You thought the glitter was too far, but I can _guarantee_ you this went even further than that." Dean forgot about the fans as he continued to level an angry look at his surprised brother.

"Dean, what are you even talking about?"

"I mean it, Sam, pranking me is one thing...but don't drag other people into it...especially ones who don't like the spotlight. I think he's had just about enough of that recently." Dean was going to conveniently forget the fact that he had tried to enlist Cas into his prank wars since it had failed so epically.

One of the girls finally broke in as they exchanged their own mixture of surprised and thoughtful looks.

"Um...actually...he didn't put us up to anything, I promise."

"Yeah, we just wanted to know a little bit more about the guy than he gave out in his interview." A few nods followed that.

"Is he okay?" came a small voice hidden from sight. The question was so hesitant and so different from the rest of the conversation that Dean deflated and everyone turned to look at the dark haired girl sitting stiffly and shyly in the back of the group. She almost seemed to wilt when the gazes of the brothers and the rest of the group fell upon her.

"How do you mean..? Uh...?"

"Hannah..."

"Ok Hannah." Dean said gently and encouragingly, recognizing the signs of some sort of social anxiety. He wasn't sure what kind or how acute but he and Sam always did their best to take extra care with these fans who were brave enough to face them and the con environment despite whatever they were suffering through.

"Ah...I mean...I saw the news, about his family. With the…with what happened last year and then having to fight for his niece. It must be hard to go through something like that. And his parents seemed so...so..." words failed her and she trailed off. Dean held back a growl at the thought of Cas's parents.

"I just came back from visiting him. And I mean, I've no idea what he was like before...but I can tell you that he's pretty awesome. And he has a strong support group. He's not going through this alone I can assure you, which, yeah, nobody should really, but uh...from what I saw he's umm....he's doing okay."

Dean certainly wasn't going to air Cas's private business to the fans. He wasn't going to mention the doubts or the nightmares Cas had constantly. But he was strong and Dean had no doubt that Cas would persevere and that he and Claire both would be just fine.

"Thank you." Hannah was, if possible, even quieter as she expressed her gratitude and thankful as the attention shifted focus back away from her.

"Did both of you visit Castiel?" the questions resumed almost instantly.

"No just Dean did."

"How come you didn't?"

"Because I'm not Dean." Sam said slowly, the words drawing out as he wondered exactly what trap he was walking the other two into. He watched their faces turn to his brother. Some were thoughtful, some were mischievous, a few had such big ass grins that Sam almost snorted.

"Are you and Castiel an item?" Dean had the misfortunate timing of attempting to take a sip from his fortified soda and he wound up spitting it across the room. He wiped at his mouth and put the can down.

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry. I didn't get any of you, did I?" The room broke up into laughter as the ones in the front stared in shock, wiping at their faces. Sam almost fell off his chair with his own laughter. A staffer ran up with some towels to hand out. She handed some to Dean then more to the three folks in the front Dean had covered in soda. Dean was red with embarrassment and hoped that at least his embarrassment could cover for the fact that he hadn't answered the question. That his spit take had distracted them all from the question at all and they would move on.

His hope was short lived.

After they all finished wiping the soda of their faces and, in some cases, dabbing at wet spots on their clothing, and after the laughter finally died down – though Sam was still chortling every time he took a look at his brother – the fans all turned to look at Dean expectantly. Again. He decided to play dumb.

"What?"

"Aren't you going to answer the question?" one of them pushed into the silence as it started to grow a little awkward.

"I um…Well, no, we're not an item. Why would you think that?"

"Do you want to be?"

"I…what?" Dean was taken aback. He knew the fans were brave and curious, but he never expected this line of questioning to be happening. He knew he should throw them off with a joke or something but he felt blindsided and way too tired to think straight.

"I…" He coughed and his face turned red as he looked at his brother desperately for help. _Cas is gonna be pissed_ , was all he could think. He knew the artist wouldn't be finding out on his own time, since he didn't look things like this up on the internet. But it didn't even occur to him not to tell Cas about this.

"Awwww…." Came the nearly collective sound from the group around them, causing Dean to swing his head back around to stare at the faces all holding fond looks. Then Dean heard Sam choking beside him.

"God Dean, your face!" Sam managed before he doubled over in an attempt to keep his laughter in. Smothered sounds erupted from behind his hands anyway.

"I – we're just friends! Okay, Cas is a really awesome guy, going through a lot of crap right now, and I hang out with many of the non actors we work with all the time. You don't ask if Benny and I are an item, or Charlie and I. What makes Cas so different?"

"Well, for one, neither Benny or Charlie swing your way." Offered the only man in the group, who'd been silent thus far. The rest of them nodded. "And we know Castiel does. And he's you're type, and you've been spending an awful lot of time with someone you just met."

"I dunno man, I think you should just admit you've got a crush on poor Cas." Sam clapped his hand on Dean's shoulder, suddenly serious.

"Look, it doesn't matter if I did, or did not, have a crush on Cas, okay? He's not looking for anything. He's got way too much on his plate to worry about crushes and relationships or any of that. I'm sorry to disappoint you all." Dean managed to get out. He felt like he was able to skirt around his own feelings fairly well and Sam gave an approving look.

"Oh, I'm not disappointed at all…that means he's single." The man who'd spoken up before grinned. Dean felt his stomach twist up in jealousy but managed to refrain from showing it or gritting his teeth. _Must be nice to the fans. Must be nice to the fans._ He forced a smile and a wish of good luck and then Sam promptly changed the topic _– something he should have done when he saw Dean floundering to begin with,_ Dean fumed _–_ and things went back to normal.

Well, normal for a con, anyway. Only a couple more hours left before he could try and let his body catch up on some sleep. It wouldn't be enough to make up for all that he'd lost, but he'd be in better shape tomorrow to field questions such as this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did NOT have a meet and greet...and aside from however long it takes to get photos or autographs, i've only ever had a longer interaction with actors under completely different circumstances a small handful of times. 2 voice actors (one of whom I didn't even know), Robert Picardo and Richard Hatch. 
> 
> One was VERY memorable though, and was because I was on staff for a con.
> 
> Also, not all cons are created equal, and nothing could prepare me for a Creation Con...so the kind of scene I've got going here is pretty much all made up. 
> 
> Oh! I had them fly to England...but I did NOT attempt to 'put' English accents or wording into the text. I knew I'd fail miserably, and I hope you all can forgive me.
> 
> Lastly, the title is a joke (well obviously it is) inspired by Tom Smith's filk song ConValescence . 
> 
> Sorry there are still no pictures. I've been incredibly busy. My car also attempted to fall apart on my trip this weekend, so i was at the garage today AND grocery shopping...


	25. Brotherly Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somethings up with his brother Gabriel, and Castiel is determined to find out what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for how long it took to get to this chapter. I usually only go every few days, not over a week!!! So, yeah, I knew what I wanted from this chapter, but I couldn't find the words to START it. So I wound up working on another story idea I had a while ago and was putting it off because I didn't want to wind up working on more than one story at a time, again.
> 
> But when I realized how long it had been since I published anything, I put that up. (there went THAT plan, *sigh*)
> 
> It's part 2 of my Doctor Who / Supernatural Crossover story. This time, it's got Captain Jack Harkness in it. I've decided to call the series Colliding Worlds, to match the title of the first story. So, looks like I'm working on 2 stories at once. Again. Why do I keep putting myself into this position?
> 
> And that's not counting the 3 stories my daughter has asked me to write…Where is all this COMING from?
> 
> Sorry, no picture in THIS chapter today, but I added pictures to chapters 20, 22 and 23 :D

Castiel was of mixed feelings when Dean left. On the one hand, he was saddened. The week Dean had spent with Castiel and Claire had been like a breath of fresh air. Dean being around had somehow helped Claire to settle in. The artist was certain it was Dean's insights - insights that he, himself, had just been completely unprepared to provide, not having the same experiences as the actor - that eased the way and, while it sometimes left him feeling inadequate, he was also very thankful for the help.

The week had felt simultaneously too short, and too long. They'd had lazy days where they didn't leave the house and just watched Netflix with Claire, or played some board games. Occasionally, they'd left to go visiting and at the same time give Dean a tour of their favorite places, which wound up being mostly places to eat.  Dean had certainly had no objection to that.

They'd had a lot of fun and the artist had felt less panicked than he'd been recently. All in all, it had felt rather domestic. Before he knew it, it was time for Dean to go.

But as unhappy as Castiel was to see Dean leave, he was also relieved. He was still undecided on where this was going, where he would allow it to go. Part of him continued to fight against the mutual attraction, and how much they genuinely enjoyed the others company. And there was another part of him which was telling him to screw it, jump off that cliff and yell Geronimo! The tension had definitely gotten pretty bad at times and Castiel was certain that if Dean had stuck around any longer, something  _would_  have happened.

And it would have been him that cracked, not Dean. The green eyed actor had been very respectful of Castiel's boundaries and that had…well, it had only endeared him more. It hadn't even been a day, and Castiel was already missing him. So was Claire for that matter. He'd caught her moping around the house more than once that day, and not even a proposed trip to Gabriel's bakery could bring her out of her funk.

They'd gone anyway. He'd cited adults' prerogative when she tried to insist they stay home. He'd wanted a chance to corner his brother anyway since the morning Dean had left.  And that’s how he and Claire had found themselves in Gabriel's clutches, both of them having been put to work as soon as they'd entered.

"Bro! Great timing! Alfie just called in sick and I could _really_ use someone to man the registers while I keep things going back here. Be a champ and say you'll help?"

"Gabriel, I – " Castiel found the words caught in his throat as both his brother and his niece teamed up on him with begging eyes. He sighed and acquiesced, causing both of them to jump up and down in glee. He suppressed a laugh because that would only encourage them.

"Can I help you bake Uncle Gabe?"

"Sure sweetie, just go grab yourself an apron, you know where they are."

"She's helped you before?" Castiel asked in some surprise, an eyebrow rising without his even noticing.

"Sure, loads of times. I mean, there are things she's not allowed to do for safety reasons of course, but she can fetch stuff for me, and she can mix things together. She feels like she's helping _and_ she learns things at the same time. Sometimes that’s important, y'know? Don't worry Cassie, it's all under supervision, I promise. Maybe she'll follow in her Uncles footsteps and become a baker."

"Well, I suppose there are worse things she could choose to be." Castiel conceded with a smirk, only to receive a smack on his upper arm. He winced and rubbed at it.  He forgot how physical his brother could be in his enthusiasms.

"That's the spirit!"  Before Gabriel could turn away though, Castiel placed an arm on his shoulder. The warm, nearly gold eyes looked over brilliant blue ones and sensed a serious talk coming. "What's up Cassie?"

"The other day…what was that?"

"What do you mean?"

"When Dean was leaving and you showed up."

"I already told you. I wanted his John Hancock."

"No, I think there's something else going on."

"Weeeeell…I might, maybe, um… want to get in his good graces so I can score an introduction to someone else…maybe. Hypothetically. It's no big deal. Really."  Gabriel started pushing back at his hair, nervously. Castiel narrowed his eyes and then with a sudden realization they softened. Could Gabriel be…? Maybe, but he'd need his suspicions confirmed.

Question was, what was the best way to go about that and was it his business? Castiel remembered the discussion months back when he'd realized he hadn't been there for Gabriel during his identity crisis, when he struggled with coming to terms with what it meant and how it would – or could - change his life.

No, his business or not, he wasn't going to back off completely. He'd be there for his brother. He'd find a way to be Gabriel's support even if his brother wouldn't let him.

"Gabriel do you…" Before he could finish the sentence, Claire came running out.

"I'm ready Uncle Gabe!"

"Great!" He whirled around, clapping his hands together. "Let's get started then, Claire-bear." He grabbed her hand in his and they headed back into the kitchen, leaving Castiel to grind his teeth slightly in frustration at the interruption. No matter, there would be plenty of time, and possibly better opportunities, to attempt to open this discussion.

Several hours, multiple attempts and a flagging – but content, thank God – Claire later, Castiel was no closer to getting his question out or answered than he'd been when he had first arrived. And yet at no point could he really blame Gabriel. It wasn't like he was deliberately avoiding it – though Castiel would not put it past him if he'd been aware something was up. No, he just kept getting interrupted by a string of customers or other coincidences that not even Gabriel could have arranged so timely.

Claire had given up helping in the back with her uncle several hours before and had settled down at a table to color. Castiel was glad to see she was happier now then she'd been all morning. If nothing else, this had been a good idea for her, and he was grateful that he'd had the idea to visit his brother out of all the things he could have chosen to do with her.

By the time Gabriel was ready to close up, everyone was too tired for Castiel to push. Gathering a sleepy Claire into his arms, he bid his brother a goodnight and set off for home, tucking her in shortly after.

By the end of the next day, though, when he was no closer to an answer than he'd been three days before, Castiel was certain that his brother  _was_   _now_  actively avoiding the question, even as he was still certain it hadn't actually been on purpose the previous day.

Gabriel had come over for dinner, a new weekly occurrence they had arranged for themselves and for Claire, to ensure family bonding time. After Claire was tucked in for the night, Castiel made his way back down to the cozy little kitchen – it was quite possibly one of his most favorite room in the house - with the intention of cornering Gabriel.  And hopefully not panicking him or making him clam up when he did.  

When the artist reached the kitchen, he found that Gabriel had already started the hot water and pulled out the remains of the pastries he'd brought with him for dessert. His brother was puttering about the counter with an unusually serious air and nervous energy, quite contrary to his normal jovial self. Castiel felt like he'd seen more of his brothers' serious side in the last few months than he ever had in his entire life.

"Come sit down Gabriel. Please, let's talk." The shorter man stilled and huffed a breath out before nodding and bringing the tray of tea things and pastries he'd been futzing with over to the kitchen table. He set it down carefully before flopping into his seat. He took a deep breath and talked before Castiel could.

"Look, Cassie, I appreciate you looking out for me and all, but really, you don't need to. I know you feel obligated to, but…" Castiel drew in a sharp breath of surprise and growing horror. Was that what Gabriel thought? That their relationship was only a sense of duty on Castiel's part?

"No, Gabriel," He reached out towards his brother who was avoiding his eyes. "Gabe, no, it's not an obligation. Honest, I, you're my brother and, and if something is wrong, if there, if there's something bothering you, I  _want_  to help. We may not have always gotten along but, I  _do_  love you. I'm not asking to be in your life or for you to be in mine and Claire's out of obligation, I promise you. You're a good man, one of the best and you deserve support and love from, from _everyone_."

"You called me Gabe…" His brother had finally looked up during Castiel's stuttered and rough but heartfelt speech. "You never call me that…" His eyes were wide and looked somewhat glassy.

"I…I'm sure I have?" Castiel finally said uncertainly, head tilted as he thought about it. "I must have…? I…" Trailing off, he looked back at his brother. "I'm sorry Gabe, I guess you're right, I never did. I guess…I always thought that was Jimmy's name for you and it didn't belong to me. I'm sorry. I won't…" Castiel started to withdraw somewhat, both physically and emotionally, his voice still rough as he spoke. Gabriel lunged forward and grabbed him in a tight, rib breaking hug.

"No, it's okay Cassie. I  _want_  you to call me Gabe. Please." Gabriel's voice was smothered in the taller brother's shirt, but Castiel could still hear it breaking on the last word.  After a few moments, he was certain also that his shirt was getting damp. He returned the hug just as tightly, a lump in his throat.

"I'm so sorry Gabe. I, I never realized how…how broken we were as a family. I always thought," he cleared his throat, "I always thought it was just me." After a few moments, Gabriel cleared his own throat and pulled away from his brother, unashamedly wiping his eyes.

"I guess you don't need to put  _that_  shirt in the laundry, eh Cassie?" His attempt at humor made Castiel snort a laugh.

"God, you're ridiculous." A smile twitched up at the corners of his mouth and caused an answering grin from Gabriel, both of them falling into broken laughter seconds later. When they finally both calmed down, Castiel spoke again, more seriously, quietly, "I'm really glad Gabe, that, that we're in each other's lives and please, if there's anything troubling you, you _can_ tell me."

"Only if you return the favor kiddo." The brothers nodded at each other in agreement. "In fact, um, I guess…what you've been trying to find out the last couple of days…so, I might, maybe have a crush on somebody I've never actually met. Yet. But uh, it's um, looking good that I actually _might_ meet this person at some point and I don't know what to do about it. Got any advice?"

"Gabe, I've never seen you at a loss when hitting on anybody. You, yourself, constantly signed me up for online dating sites you swore would do the trick. You've never had a shy bone in your body. I don't understand…?" Castiel felt like he was being super dense as he tilted his head again in confusion. Gabriel looked away and fidgeted.

"Yeah um…but that was before…See I'm not really sure how to, um, approach…" he trailed off and looked at his brother, hopeful that he didn't have to spell it out. He didn't. He could see the realization dawning in his younger brothers' eyes, as well as the sympathy.

"It's okay Gabe. I think can we can work with this."

"Oh thank God Cassie." He let out a huge, dramatic sigh of relief.

"Now, it might help if I knew something about this person you have a crush on. How long have you known him?"

"Oh, actually, we've never spoke."

"Okay, this might be a little harder than I thought." Castiel rolled his eyes as Gabriel grinned at him with no shame. "Does he even know you're alive?"

"Um…not yet?"  Castiel resisted the urge to bang his head on the table. Typical Gabriel. This was probably going to take a loooot of work. "But we can still do this, right Cassie?"

Castiel looked at his brother in exasperation but saw the hope in his eyes and couldn't bear to break him. This kind of thing had never been his strength, but he'd find a way to help, somehow. As he reflected on Gabriel's words, both from tonight and the night he'd helped out at the bakery, he connected a few dots and his eyes went wide. He whirled in his chair to stare at Gabriel, jaw dropping open as Gabriel went to grab the hot water.

"Oh. My. God. Gabe!" Gabriel turned and looked at him expectantly with a weak grin. " _Sam Winchester???"_


	26. It's just a 6 Hour Time Difference...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas wants to get advice about Gabriel's little crush from Dean, and winds up talking about so much more when Dean's guilty conscience gets the better of him.
> 
> Hell, Dean had never intended on keeping any of it from him anyway, but he did kind of hope he wouldn't be sleep deprived during the inevitable discussion...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo....  
> Barring a last minute miracle (which, you never know), this chapter and a chapter for my other story _(Route 66, the sequel to Colliding Worlds - have you checked it out? It's a cross over , canon compliant SPN story with Doctor Who.)_ will likely be the last i put up for the next 2 weeks...
> 
> because I'm participating in GISHWHES for the very first time. i have no idea what i'm doing, how to prepare myself in advance or anything like that. But i do know that i'm both anxious and excited at the same time. 
> 
> my team is a mellow team and it's FILLED with first timers. So we know we're not going to win _(though that would be awesomely nice!)_ but we expect to have fun and get a better idea for next year...
> 
> Wish me luck?

Castiel held his phone in his hands, thumbs hovering as he attempted to compose a text to Dean. While he wanted to keep his brothers confidences, he felt this was something Dean deserved to know. Maybe the actor could give him some advice on how to proceed. If it was a bad idea, Sam need never know how Castiel's brother had had a crush on him, and therefore keep any future awkwardness at bay.

He hoped. Completely unsure of the wisdom of his actions, his thumbs began to move laboriously over the touchscreen. Gabe had tried to get him to use something called Swype, but it had butchered everything he'd tried to spell. He just didn't get along too well with technology. It's why he still did all of his art traditionally as well.

_::Dean, I think we should talk.::_

Well, that sounded ominous. Crap.

_:: It's nothing serious…maybe just disturbing? I found it so at least. You might, as well.::_

_::Let me know when would be good to contact you. My apologies for being a bother.::_

He stared at the messages. That was horrific. He closed his eyes at his stupidity and placed the phone down on the table. He had work to do and Dean was likely busy. But no sooner had he stood up, but the phone rang and he turned back to it in surprise and trepidation. He stared at it as it continued to ring, a classic rock song that Dean had jokingly programmed into it. Castiel hadn't known how to change it back and decided not to bother anyway. He liked knowing when it was Dean calling. Hesitantly, he picked it up and answered it, it taking three tries with shaky fingers to swipe across the icon.

"Hello Dean."

"I'm so sorry Cas! They ambushed me! And I was just so tired that…I think I screwed up. Please don't be mad?"

"I…what?" The dark haired man pulled the phone away from his ear to stare at it in confusion for a second before returning it to listen to Dean's panicked words. "I'm afraid I don't understand. To what are you referring?"

"Wait…Now I'm confused. Why did you want to talk?"

"I believe I asked you first."

"Yeah, but you contacted me first…"

"Fair enough. I suppose I'll go first, but I want to know what you're talking about too, Dean."

"Of course, Cas, I can do that. So, shoot."

"I don't know how to say this, and I hope you're not offended, but I think my brother um…likes your brother." He winced at his words. It wasn't an out and out lie, but he hadn't quite completely outed Gabe's secret to Dean either. He could always claim he was wrong later, but it didn't feel right to be anything less than completely truthful.

"Aha!"

"Ah…ha? Dean?"

"I knew something was up with that little rascal."

"You…aren't offended?"

"Pfft, why should I be? It's Sammy's life. Not sure he swings that way, but it's all up to him. And even if he has no returning interest, he'd still be pretty flattered. He's that way."

"I just, I wasn't sure what to do Dean. Should I encourage him – well, maybe encourage is the wrong word." He paused and looked up at the ceiling, staring at the patterns without really noticing them. "Should I discourage him from possibly pursuing something with someone he hasn't even met and who may not feel comfortable with being the 'object of his desires'?"

"Dude…I've got no idea. Your brother seems pretty cool and…" It was Dean's turn to pause.

"Dean?"

"Wait, I'm thinkin', Cas." The silence lasted long enough for Castiel to become concerned.

"Dean?" he prodded again, more gently this time.

"Yeah um," he cleared his throat. "I think um…it just might be best to arrange a meeting between 'em and see what happens."

"You do?" Castiel was surprised. He hadn't actually expected Dean to go for this idea, to actually encourage it.

"Yeah, so, we – I mean Sam, Charlie and I – were um, watching the news one day and your uh, well Gabriel was on it and uh…now that I think about it, Sam seemed pretty impressed. And I don't know if he'd be _interested_ or nothin' but uh, it seemed like he did want to at least meet your brother. That's a start, right?"

"I…guess so." Castiel tried to think when his brother would have been on tv. _Oh…_ his eyes widened. "You…watched the coverage on the court case?" There was another silence on the other end before Dean quietly answered.

"Yeah."

"So…did you already know…about…?" Castiel couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Uh, yeah…I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to pry, honest." If anything, Deans voice was even quieter, a hint of worry in it.

"No, no, that’s…that’s all right. It's not like the story isn't out there. I just…you didn't say anything when I…when I…uh…"

"Well, no, it didn't seem right to me, that I knew without you telling me yourself. I mean, it's pretty personal man and I know what that’s like, having your secrets, your…your pain exposed. Especially without your permission. I mean, dude, that's a private thing and those reporters should have left you the fuck alone!" Dean's voice got louder and more vehement as he finished speaking and Castiel blushed at the sentiment and feeling in his voice, behind his words, just glad that Dean wasn't there to see it.

"I…" he swallowed. "Thank you Dean."

"I really am sorry Cas. You're um, not mad that I knew already, are you?"

"No, just surprised I guess. I thought, if you'd known, you would have treated me differently."

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know. Pity? A lot of other people I know seem to…"

"Meg doesn't, does she?" Castiel huffed a laugh.

"God, no. Meg doesn't pity anyone…"

"Well there you go."

"Hey, Cas, if I'm gonna be totally honest with you – and I want to be! – I gotta tell you that, I knew before that. Meg um…thought I should know the first time I visited your town – you know, when the studio offered that contract – so I wouldn't get blindsided with it by someone else if we were out and about together."

"She did?"

"Yeah. Umm…it wound up not even being an issue I guess, cause no one said a word to us when we were out. And um…I guess Sam knew even before me, but I promise, I never looked it up, man."

"I believe you, Dean."

This time the silence that ensued was comfortable. Castiel was in no hurry to rush the conversation but then remembered Deans panic at the beginning of the call. His eyes narrowed and his curiosity got the better of him.

"Dean…what were you talking about when you first called?"

"Oh crap. Um…is your laptop handy?"

"It's nearby, I don't know if I'd call it handy." Castiel looked at his laptop dubiously. He often had issues with doing anything more than the most basic of things with it.

"Well, I'm gonna email you a link. I want you to watch something. It'll be easier than trying to explain what happened. But I just want to say, I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to, to put you on the spot like that."

Curiosity was now burning through him and he booted up the laptop after dragging it over to the table. It was old and took a while before it was ready. He listened to Dean giving vague but sincere apologies as he waited. Finally, he was able to open the email and click the YouTube link. Far from being offended, he almost died laughing at Dean's predicament and the complicity of his brother Sam. Tears _did_ wind up running down his face and he had to wipe them away often while gasping for breath.

"Cas? Are you…laughing?" Dean's voice was incredulous. "Shit, why aren't you mad at me?"

"Did you..haha…god, didyou want me to be?" Cas gasped the words out around his laughter.

"Hell no! but I don't understand…?"

"Dean…you should have seen your face. Have you _watched_ this video?" He snickered.

"No? I really didn't want to watch a video where I made a fool of myself."

"Dean, I'm not mad. You stood up for me at cost to yourself. And that’s, admirable." He could hear the sigh of relief on the other end. The video restarted before he could stop it. That wasn't supposed to happen, was it? He reached for the mousepad – he hated the thing but he didn't know how to bypass it -  but as the camera flashed out to the audience, he saw the girl that had asked after him. "I think I know that girl."

"What?"

"Yeah, Hannah, right? Well, she seems familiar. I'm certain I've seen her somewhere before."

"Should I be jealous Cas?"

"It's just, this is going to bother me, if I can't remember where I know her from." He heard a yawn from the other end of the phone and paused, remembering that the actor said the convention he was at was overseas. "Dean, what time is it for you?"

"Don't worry about it Cas."

"Dean?"

"Um, shit well…it's like, 4am."

"Dean, that's a 6 hour time difference. I could have waited."

"It's okay, really."

"I woke you, I must have…"

"Okay, yeah, but…it's not that much of a _yawn_ bother, I promise."

"Dean, go to bed. You still have the rest of the convention to go, right? And if I know you, you didn't exactly get much sleep before you got there, am I wrong?" Another yawn came from the other end of the phone as if proving his point.

"No, no, you're _yawn_ right. Okay Cas, I'm going."

"Sleep well Dean and, uh, I'm really not mad, you know, about," he took a deep breath, "About anything that you said, or anything that was asked or…or implied. Okay?" he hadn't said it outright, wasn't sure Dean would get what he meant, as tired as he was but…baby steps. Deep breaths, slow breaths, don't panic.

"Okay Cas, goodnight."

"Goodnight Dean."


	27. Disturbing Wake Up Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean can't settle down after the call with Cas, meaning that Sam has to resort to drastic measures to get him moving the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a short chapter and there's no art but...GISHWHES! ( I wrote this at work today) 
> 
> if any of my readers are taking part in GISHWHES i hope you are all having fun!!

It took way too long for Dean to fall back asleep after he and Cas ended their call. His mind was buzzing, racing with Castiel's' parting words, trying to decipher them. What had he meant by that? He knew what he  _wanted_  it to mean, but that could simply be wishful thinking. Cas's words had had just enough hesitation on them to give Dean doubt. Was he telling Dean simply that he didn't blame him for anything that had happened? Or was he trying to tell Dean that he was ready to give it a try, see if they had something?

Groaning, he punched the pillow and buried his face in it before rolling over and looking over at the clock blearily. Fuck. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. He was way too tired for this. After two days of almost non-stop driving and then the long, terrifying - and therefore sleepless -flight out, followed by the convention that kept him hopping, he was done for. About the only thing he was relatively certain  _wasn't_ affecting him was jet lag. You'd have had to have gone to sleep for the time change to fuck with you. Then again, he was so sleep deprived he wasn't sure if he was even right about  _that_. He wiped his hands down his face and tried to empty his mind and try again to fall asleep.

 He wasn't sure when he finally managed it, or how long he'd actually slept  _for_  before he was slowly brought out of a  _very_  nice dream about Cas by a pounding on his door. Dean got up and dragged himself over to the door as the level of pounding increased. He grumbled as he slid the lock aside and cracked open the door. Green eyes balefully met hazel.

"Do you have no regard for the other guests, Sammy?" His brother stood bright eyed and bushy tailed – of frickin' course – fully dressed, two coffees in hand, staring at Dean expectantly. Dean simply stood there, not opening the door any further. Leveling a bitch face at him, Sam shouldered open the door the rest of the way and pushed past the older Winchester. With a sigh, Dean let the door fall shut behind him as he turned and stumbled back to the bed, promptly face planting on it.

"No, Dean. Get your ass up. We're late. Like, really late, man." There was an unintelligible grumble from the vicinity of the bedspread currently mashed against his brothers' face. "Dude, get up. Look, I got you a coffee okay? And I even arranged for a coffee drip through the day – you can thank me later - now _get dressed_."

"I'm dead, Sammy. Just bury me and send my condolences to the fans." Sam did a double take as he worked out Dean's mumbled sentence.

"I think you've got that backwards."

"I don't care." The bedspread moaned with Dean's voice.

"All right then. I asked nicely."

"No y'din't." The slurred words prompted Sam to set the coffees down as far from the bed as possible before he briefly left the room. Dean barely registered the water in the bathroom turning on but he was too tired to be curious about what his brother might be doing.

Until he felt two arms grab him and yank him off the bed. He flailed at his sudden levitation, his stomach rebelling, twisting with nausea. Then again, that could be from the lack of sleep.

"What the hell?!" Dean struggled, but Sam proved too much. Normally, it would have been an even fight, but Dean's exhaustion worked against him. Next thing he knew, he'd been deposited – boxers and all – in the bottom of an ice cold shower.

He flailed again, arms smacking against the tiled wall, shouting as ice water rained down on him, sitting in a rapidly filling tub. He attempted to reach for the edge of the tub and slipped, water running down his face and obscuring his vision. On his next attempt, after swiping the water off his face, he saw Sam reach down to offer him a hand up. Glaring at his brother, Dean slapped his hands away before he slipped and fell back into the tub again. Wordlessly, Sam reached forward one more time and this time managed to grasp Dean's arms, yanking him upright and helping him out of the tub.

"Here, you're shivering." He tossed one of the hotel towels at his brother who was still glared at him.

"And whose fault is that, asshole?" Dean attempted to growl around chattering teeth. The effect was completely lost on Sam.

"You're awake now, aren't you?" Sam stepped out of the room and came back, tossing clothes on the sink. "Now dry off and get dressed, you've got coffee waiting and we're  _really_  late." Sam left the room laughing quietly at Deans mumbled, _"Fucker_."

Dean shoved the door shut behind his brother and set to work stripping off his boxers and toweling himself off. He draped the boxers over the rail of the shower to dry and leaned over to turn the shower off.  _Stupid brothers who couldn't even clean up after themselves._  Dressing quickly, he left the bathroom and bee lined for the coffee.

"Shoes first, Dean. You can drink while we walk."

"Goddammit, just one sip." Dean grabbed it and tossed back about half the coffee before setting it back down and digging about for his shoes. With Sam pushing at him, it wasn't too much longer before the two of them left. The door clicked behind him and Dean had a moment of panic as to whether he'd grabbed his room key or not. Sam waved it in front of his face. Dean snatched it and shoved it into his pocket.

"Dude, how much sleep did you get last night?" Dean trudged along next to his brother and grunted.

"I dunno man. You remember how late we got back. And then I had a phone call with Cas…"

"Why the hell were you making phone calls in the middle of the night Dean? Was it that important that it couldn't wait?"

"Hey, in my defense, I got a message and I thought there was something wrong so I called him."

"Was there something wrong?"

"Erm…nooooot really. He um…wanted my advice on something. And then we wound up discussing yesterday and then he told me to go to bed."

"Good for him. Did you?"

"Well, I tried…but I um, maybe I had a little trouble falling back asleep, okay? He said something that…I'm not sure what he meant."

"You want to talk about it?"

"Uh, no offense Sammy, but no. I am  _not_  discussing my love life, or whether or not there is even one to discuss, with my little brother, okay?"

"Dean, I…"

"Nope, not happening Sammy. Unless you wanna discuss yours?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I did want to ask you some-"

"Oh dear god, it's way to fucking early for this crap…" Dean groaned. They'd managed to get the elevator on the first try and travel down to the lobby without interruption. A car that was very obviously for them waited right outside the doors and they wasted no time heading towards it.

Sam sighed as they got into the car. He'd try again later. He really wanted to ask Dean about Castiel's brother. Surely he'd met him when he visited Cas, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, funny story - what Sam does to Dean? I pretty much based that on 2 events in college and mashed them together. 
> 
> The funnier one is the shower thing. So our weird little group of friends decided at some point freshman year that everyone in the group had to go through some weird initiation thing. Boy or girl, you were being tossed, fully clothed, into a tub with ice cold water coming down. It became a point of pride to see who could last longest in the struggle to NOT be dumped into the ice cold water.
> 
> I was the last one they went after, and their 'attack' coincided with the end of the semester and the start of break. My parents were picking me up the next day and i was wearing my second to last set of clean clothes _(the last set was, of course, set aside for the next day)_ and I had no money left for emergency laundry runs.
> 
> And that was when they came after me. Considering i was 100 pounds soaking wet and could pass for 12 years old _(nor did I know anything about fighting)_ i gave a pretty good accounting of myself _(i don't remember though, where i ranked on who lasted the longest)_ But I DID get them to freeze in the middle of their initiation and actually consider going through with it when i mentioned the laundry situation.
> 
> Then Chris light-bulbed and said "We're the same size. You can wear my clothes." and the struggle resumed...


	28. Sams Subtle Attempts at Getting More Info

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sams Subtle Attempts at Getting More Info are not quite as subtle as he thinks, despite Dean's sleep deprivation. Also, how the hell did he get his hands on prescription drugs for his brother without Dean being present?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still recovering from GISHWHES but i had a blast! it was my first one (i might have mentioned) but i definitely want to do it again. And I've posted a few of my fave entries on my DA and my Tumblr :D
> 
> *edit - picture added 8/28

Sunday. Only a few more hours and he'd be done. Only a few more hours and he could crash in his hotel and try not wake up for 12 hours before hopping a plane for home. Dean wiped a hand down his face, feeling more tired than he could remember feeling in a long time. Sam's constant source of caffeine had helped, but Dean could feel his body wearing down. It wasn't pretty, and he was surprised there'd been no complaints from the fans as of yet.

The couch dipped as someone dropped into it next to him. Though no words were spoken he could still tell who it was. He didn't bother to open his eyes, his head leaned back to rest on the edge of the couch, feeling like a million pounds. An elbow nudged his side and he grunted.

"Dean, look, I think you should get a Valium or something, for the flight back. You don't look good."

"Valium?!" This time, Dean opened his eyes. He raised his head with some difficulty from its resting place and glared in horror at his brother. "Hell no, Sam. I'm not – "

"It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm…no, it's…not that I'm ashamed. Well maybe a little, but…that’s not…" he finally pushed off from the couch, looking mightily uncomfortable.

"That's not why you don't want to take it?" Dean nodded reluctantly. "Then why?" Dean refused to answer.  "Dean?"

"God Sammy, I just don't like the idea of not being in control of myself." Dean mumbled.

"What are you even talking about?" the taller Winchesters brow furrowed as he frowned in confusion at his brother.

"Look I, I already looked into this, some time back, okay? And have you even read about the possible side effects of Valium? Jesus Sammy, some of that shit is scary. And yeah, that scary shit might be super rare but, my luck? I'll be that small percentage it affects like that and I don't like it. I just…no. Not happening."

"Well, what if there are alternatives? Dean I really don't think you should get on our flight home without something. You need like, a week of sleep, and you and I _both_ know you won't be getting that."

Dean had turned away, hands knotting in the hair on the top of his scalp before forcing his fingers to let go and scratch down until they laced together in the back, holding there. He forced out a breath, than another.

"What if I do something incredibly stupid when I take it? Aside from my public image, which I don't think Bobby or the rest of the gang at the studio would take too kindly to me if I do something unforgivable, what if I do something that could hurt somebody?"

Sam quickly stood from the couch and took his brothers shoulders into his hands, yanking him around. Dean's face was haggard, panicked, his eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot from lack of sleep, and they were wide in some imagined horror and Sam swallowed. It wasn’t often his brother was like this and he had no idea how much of this was a genuine feeling, and how much of his current state was induced by sleep deprivation.

"Dean, listen to me. You need to sleep. I promise, if you take the Valium, I'll stick with you the whole way. I'll make sure that nothing happens, okay?"

"Sam…

"No, I mean it. I know you're the big brother, but let me help _you_ this time, okay?" He watched Dean close his eyes and take in a shuddering breath before nodding.

"Yeah, yeah okay. Just, just promise me I won't do something stupid."

"Dean, you're you. You already do stupid shit all the time." That startled a harsh laugh out of his brother and Sam grinned. Mission accomplished. Dean's arms dropped from behind his head and grabbed at his brother, pulling the taller man in for a tight hug. Sam didn't even hesitate before reciprocating.

"Thanks Sam." He heard the whisper before his brother patted his back and let go. "Okay, I think we've got one more panel to do, right?"

"Yeah, closing ceremonies. Think you can make it?"

"Sure I can. I'm a Winchester." Dean grinned a little loopily and Sam rolled his eyes, clapping a hand on his back and propelling him out of the green room and towards the stage just before one of the staff could come over to tell them it was time.

"Yeah, yeah. I know…"

They paused outside the steps leading up to the curtain entrance, waiting for the announcement. Without turning his head, Dean addressed his brother, his voice quiet and hesitant. It was strange for Sam to hear his normally brash and confident brother so subdued.

"Do you uh…already have a um...I mean do we need to go and find a…"

"Relax, I already got you a Valium, Dean. You won't have to worry about trying to find one. When we're done with our obligations here, you just go to the hotel and sleep. Okay? Get as much sleep as you can before we head out. You take the Valium just before we get on the plane so you can relax, and hopefully you'll relax enough to fall back asleep. By the time we get back to the states, you should be feeling a lot better."

"How the hell did you get your hands on prescription medication?"

"Dude, if you didn’t think I could get it, why did you even ask? Anyway, we're about to go on stage and that's your take away?"

"Sammy…" Dean's voice dipped warningly.

"Whoops, no time now! Up you go!" Sam shoved his brother up the small set of stairs and through the curtain, following close behind him, leaving the two of them blinking in the harsh lights centered on them.

"Goddammit Sam!" Dean said as he tripped on the top step. He turned away from the lights and glared at his brother who simply shrugged apologetically and stepped past him.

"Later, Dean. Now come on."

The closing ceremonies passed in a blur for Dean. It was high energy at least, and if he kept moving, he could manage to stay awake, even though every movement felt sluggish, his brain slow to answer. His brother covered for him, prodded and helped and he was truly grateful for the support. He hoped he didn't do or say something stupid, because he sure as hell wouldn't remember it at this point and he didn't want it to turn around and bite him in the ass later.

Somehow, though, he made it through without embarrassing himself, and he and his brother were ushered off to dinner as attendees started to scatter and the rest of the staff started on the cleanup. He didn't actually remember dinner afterwards, as he let himself collapse once again into his bed. Thankfully, sleep wasn't long in claiming him this time.

Nine hours later and you would _think_ he'd feel rested but nope. He still had to drag himself out of his bed to answer his door when his brother pounded on it. Sam looked at him sympathetically, all of his luggage beside him – thankfully they both had a tendency to travel light – and two more coffees precariously balanced in his hands.

"Are you packed?"

"Uhh…." Dean looked around at the room. "Mostly?" He stepped back and let Sam in, taking one of the cups held out to him and downing it in just three gulps despite how hot it was. His brother raised an eyebrow and handed the second one over as well.

"Here, take mine too. But pace yourself this time." He reached down and grabbed his two bags and tossed them in, stepping in after them and letting the door thud shut behind him. "How do you feel?"

"Better, but still like shit." Dean grumbled. Tossing the empty into the trash and setting the other down on the bedside table, he started picking things up and tossing them into his suitcase.

"Dude, are those the clothes you wore yesterday?" Startled, Dean paused, looked down at his clothes and then back up at his brother.

"Uh…yeah?" his still sleep fogged brain provided uncertainly. "I mean, yeah, I was too tired when I came in last night. Hell, I don't even _remember_ getting back to the room."

"You were pretty far gone. At least you seem to be functioning now. You'll probably want to change though, in case some fans are still lingering around the hotel. They'd have a field day if they saw you in the same clothes as yesterday." Dean shrugged and rummaged in his bag for the last set of clean clothes he'd brought and promptly disappeared into the bathroom. As he changed, Sam busied himself checking the rest of the room for anything that could be packed. He didn't find much; Dean had a habit of living out of his bag because it made clean up easier when traveling. Which Sam was counting as a good habit right now if they wanted to get to the airport on time.

They were soon on their way, standing in the elevator. Dean's large canvas bag was slung over his shoulder, sunglasses on his face and an almost empty coffee in his hand. Sam had a smaller bag and a backpack and was mourning the loss of his coffee. The trip to the airport was silent, and check in went swiftly. They were stopped several times for selfies with fans who were also on their way home and this seemed to wake Dean up some, even breaking into a smile.

Once past the security checkpoint, Sam hunted down a shop that might have more coffee and replaced his own but refused to get Dean any more. His brother grumbled but agreed when Sam explained why. Instead, he handed Dean bottled water and a pill.

"Hey man, if you're taking a Valium to calm down enough to sleep, you probably shouldn't keep drinking the coffee.  You might calm down, but who knows if you'll get any sleep. And I really don't think you should waste a 7 hour opportunity to sleep."

"What, are you a doctor now?"

"No, but I play one on TV." Dean stared at his brothers deadpan face in disbelief. Sam's mouth twitched at the corners. Dean continued to stare, brow raising. His brothers' lips twitched again before finally breaking. "Okay, okay, I can't…" He gasped, laughing. "I can't even say that with a straight face." He doubled over, wheezing.

"You played a doctor one time, Sam. One time. I don't think you get to say that."

"Yes I can, it's…" Sam snickered as he tried to straighten himself up, "It's even on my resume." Dean rolled his eyes.

"You're such a friggin' dork." Dean rolled his eyes again and leaned back in his chair, slipping his sunglasses back on as they waited at the gate, the bright morning light shining harshly through the long corridor of glass windows. Sam smiled at his brother, relieved that he seemed to be a little more relaxed already. He knew, of course, that the Valium wouldn't kick in quite so fast, but he'd take what he could get.

And now, he'd have to make sure he didn't relax too much and fall asleep _before_ they boarded the plane. No problem. Sam had a plan. A relatively selfish plan that would also help to serve to keep Dean distracted. It was a win win, really.

"So hey, Dean, can I ask you a question?" Dean grunted, arms folded over his chest as he slumped further into his seat. Sam took a breath and tried to act casual. "What's uh…what's Ga – er, what's Castiel's family like?"

He must have failed the acting casual bit, because Deans head lifted slightly, turing towards the taller man, a hand came off his chest to push his sunglasses down his nose to look directly at his brother suspiciously.

"Why do you ask?"

"Uh, well, you know, you spent a lot of time there, you must have met his family, right? And uh, if this thing between the two of you becomes something, they'd be my family too. So.  I just thought, that I should, y'know, get to know them too?" Dean pushed his sunglasses back into place and dropped his head back where he'd had it.

"I only met his niece, Claire, and his older brother Gabriel."

"He's older? But he's so short – " He cut himself off as Dean turned to glare at him again. Right. Dean was still a little sensitive over the whole being shorter than his younger brother thing himself. Not like, insanely so or anything, but Sam did have a habit of needling him about it and if he wanted information, now was definitely not the time. "Not that there's anything wrong with being short…" he rushed to clarify. Time to get back on track. "So uh, what were they like?"

"Well, _she's_ a real sweetheart. Very nice, polite and super smart Sammy. Reminds me a little of you, before you turned into a jerk." Dean's mouth twitched up at one corner as he tried to repress a smile at his dig.

" _You're_ a jerk." Sam huffed. His brother snorted. "How about Gabriel?"

"Oh, he's a little shit. And funny as hell, and he owns a bakery. Goddamn those were some beautiful pies." At the memory of the pies, Dean got a dreamy look on his face. He cleared his throat and continued, thinking he knew a little bit of why Sam might be asking and wondering what the future would bring. "And uh, from the things I've heard from Cas, he's a really good, supportive brother. And you already saw he takes no shit."

From behind his sunglasses, Dean safely eyed his brothers' expression, trying to make heads or tails of what he saw. But he was still too damn tired, apparently, to get more than a thoughtful look out of what he saw. Not one to lose a captive audience when he had one, Dean started telling his brother stories of his trip to Pontiac, edited for things he was certain Cas wouldn't want being spread around of course. This managed to kill the time and did what Sam had hoped it would do – distract Dean and give him more information on the Novaks.

It certainly gave him a lot to think about on their flights back home, when Dean finally succumbed to the sleep he so desperately needed.


	29. An Offbeat Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, judging by Cas's cell phone, Sam wasn't too careful about not letting Dean do stupid things while drugged up. But methinks that Castiel didn't mind all that much...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAS ART for this chapter (I even did a WIP thing on Tumblr on request to see the process from start to finish) AND i put up some art in chapter 27, if you haven't seen it yet. :D
> 
> I mean, i have no idea if anyone goes back to see the art once they've already gone past a chapter, but its there (and i thought it was pretty hilarious too! ) :D
> 
> P.S. That steering wheel cover (that I'm not entirely sure why i felt the need to add) is one i remember my dad having on his car back when I was a kid. I tried to draw it from memory...This entire picture is done with no references, so its not meant to look like any particular car. And i haven't seen a steering wheel cover since the one dad had...

The text popped mid afternoon on Monday as Castiel and Claire drove down to the bakery. Once parked, he looked at it and felt his eyebrows react in surprise. In addition to the first text, several more had come in in rapid succession.

_::hey cas have I ever told u your eyes are gorgeous?::_

_::shit man, I could drown in those blues of yours::_

_::SooooooOOOooo bluueee…::_

  
  


Well that…he hadn't expected that. His stomach fluttered in a way he hadn't felt in a long time. A whole host of butterflies, it had to be for the strength of the fluttering. He swallowed and tried to think of an appropriate response.

"Uncle Cas?" he jolted at the reminder that he wasn't alone and immediately felt guilty for having – however temporarily – forgotten about Claire.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Who was that? Was it Dean?"

"What makes you think it was?"

"The way you're smiling." He looked up from his phone to stare at her in the rear view mirror. Her eyes were amused and hopeful and simply…happy.

He took a deep breath. This could work. He could make more than one person happy with his decision to try.  It'd already been pressing on him since Dean had left and this was just the icing on the cake. Because three people being happy would be better than three people being miserable. It was just simple math. He just wished Dean was here. He'd rather talk to him in person about this than to do it in a more impersonal manner.

Looking at the phone again just as the screen times out, he laughed a little. Well, _that_ hadn't been impersonal, but still, what exactly had brought _that_ on?

"Claire, you really are okay with me seeing Dean?" God he'd chickened out talking to his own niece. If he couldn't say it out loud now, how could he possibly manage to tell Dean?

"You mean dating him, right?"

"That's exactly what I mean." He let out a breath of relief that his niece understood him so well. Plus this would be good practice for later, when he finally had Dean right where he wanted him. Dean deserved to have someone who could discuss things like a mature adult. Which he really wasn't feeling like right at this moment.

"I think it would be great. He's really nice and you both smile a lot when you see each other."

"Do we?"

"You do." She grinned at him and he couldn't help but grin back. Before he could say another word, she was unbuckled and leaving the car, causing him to scramble after her.

Gabes' shop was fairly busy when they stepped inside, and his brother wasn't immediately available as he rushed to fill orders in the back. Castiel stopped Claire from going behind the counter with a shake of his head.

"It's too busy sweetheart. We'd only get in the way right now. Maybe later okay?

"Oo-kay." She mumbled with a pout.

Castiel went up to the counter with Claire trailing behind and quickly gave his order to Alfie, who was, while looking a little bit haggard, still cheerful and full of smiles. How his brother found this gem that would tolerate his insanity on a daily basis, the younger Novak would never know. He wasn't about to question it.

Despite the rush at the shop, Castiel and Claire still got their order in record time and they squeezed themselves into a booth at the back. Castiel checked his watch and wondered when Meg would get there. Then picked up his phone and re-read the messages he'd received with another blush. Still trying to think of what to say, Castiel never noticed when Meg dropped into the booth next to him.

"Hey Claire-bear! You keeping your uncle out of trouble?" the little girl giggled at Meg and answered as solemnly as she could.

"Uncle Cas never gets into trouble."

"You are _almost_ right about that. But what's got him so distracted?"

"It's Deeee-aaaan."

"Ooohh…really now?" Meg turned to face her friend and grinned at how he wouldn't quite meet her eyes, his face still quite red. Noticing the phone in his hands, she wasted no time in snagging it from him and reading the messages he'd received.

"MEG!" the protest came too late.

"Oh don't get your panties in a bunch. God, he's a real sap, isn't he?"

"What'd he say? Can I know too?" Claire's eyes were wide with curiosity, her earlier disgruntlement entirely forgotten in that way all children seemed to have.

"He likes your uncles' eyes. Thinks they're pretty." Meg leaned over conspiratorially.

"They _are_ pretty."

"See? Guess Dean's got good taste, even if he is a sap."

"Give me my phone back, Meg, and stop invading my privacy." He tried to glare, but Claire's giggles made it difficult to stay mad, even pretend mad. With a flourish she did just that and then turned her attention to the pastry she'd picked up before sitting down with them. Castiel had already finished his and was now savoring his tea. Claire was picking hers apart and eating the bits she liked and pushing aside the parts that were too sweet.

"So, Clarence, what's on today's agenda?"

"I um, have an appointment that I need to get to, and I need someone to watch Claire, but more than that, Claire needs to go shopping for some… _things_." He hesitated and pitched his voice lower so as not to be overheard by the neighboring booths. It wasn't quite a whisper, but the natural gravel of his voice would make it that much harder to pick out his words out of all the rest of the noise in the bustling bakery.

"Things, Clarence? Could you be a tad more specific?" She gave him a suspicious, questioning look as her fork halted midway to her mouth. He looked around to make sure no one would over hear, and his face turned even redder.

"You know, _girl_ things. I'd take her myself but I'm not sure she'd uh, want me around for stuff like this, plus, I don't exactly know what I need to look for. I was hoping you would?"'

"Oh my god! Claire! You're growing up so fast! I didn't know you were ready for big girl things!"

"Meg please! Keep it down. Don't embarrass her! Anyway, statistically speaking, she uh, could start, well, at her age, it _is_ possible to…" He stuttered. "God, this was embarrassing enough for the two of us just talking about it."

"Talking about what?" The dark haired girl threw a mischievous wink at Claire and then schooled her face into a look of such pure innocence that if Cas hadn't known Meg for as long as he had, he would have fallen for her ploy, hook line and sinker. She was going to make him say it. Dammit.

"Puberty, Meg. Something I never thought I'd have to worry about again." He shuddered. "It was hard enough going through it myself, now I get to relive it all over again and none of my experiences will be even remotely helpful for Claire. I need help."

Meg reached over and patted him on the cheek with a serene, smug smile. "Good for you in admitting that." She looked over at the little girl who just looked all sorts of done with the grownups  conversation and was currently trying to ignore them.

"So, you ready to go shopping?" Claire looked up at that with a grin.

"Can we stop at a bookstore?"

"I don't see why not. Not like I'm paying for any of this, am I Clarence?"

"Of course not. But not too many books, all right? We still need to redo your room for more shelves and things."

"Okay." She pushed the remains of her plate away from her. "Can we go now?" her eyes were lit up with excitement and it made Castiel feel good to see her acting like a normal, happy child.

"You need to wait for Meg to finish her snack. Patience, Claire." She pouted but her eyes were still lit up. She turned away for a second and noticed her other uncle was currently at the counter. She leaped up and ran off without a word. Castiel looked up sharply when she did, but relaxed when he saw where she was heading, leaving him alone in the booth with Meg.

"Spill it."

"Spill what?" he finished off his tea and resolved to get another before he left.

"What's the appointment? Is everything all right?"

"Nothing bad. I just, Dean made a suggestion last week and…I don't know why it never occurred to me.  I'm going to go see Dr. Barnes today. It's a preliminary meeting, talk a few things over, see if she can…well, if there's anything she can do or if I'm already on the right track myself."

"Pamela? I've heard good things about her. I'm glad you're taking this step. And I'll have to remember to thank Dean for suggesting it. It really hadn't occurred to you?"

"No…I guess I was just, too deep into my own funk that something like that never crossed my mind. And even hearing that Claire was seeing someone for, for everything, I was so wrapped up in taking care of her that…"

"You didn't stop to take the time and see what you needed for yourself.  I get it. I'm glad you have though. I think, I don't know if you want to hear this but I think you should…I mean, I think Dean's good for you. You should give him a chance." He looked down and away, fighting the small smile tugging at his lips. "Clarence! Are you and Dean- ?"

"No! No, not yet, anyway. I, I…want to talk to him first. But not by phone. And I've been uh, I've been thinking about this, us, for a while and seeing him with Claire just, I think it could work. You know it has to be that, Meg. For me? It has to be all or nothing. I don't think I could take it if I fell for someone who regarded Claire as a burden but…he doesn't." He took a deep breath and gave her a shaky breath.

"Somehow, he doesn't. I don't know why but he doesn't regard her _or_ I as a burden and he's…actually had a chance to see some of what he'd be signing up for. He knows the two of us are a…a bit of a mess right now. And he doesn't care. More it's…more that he does care, but about how he can be there for us. I don't know if this is the forever kind of thing, but, at least I feel safer in trying, knowing that Claire will be a big part of us, and that there will be no resentment on any sides."

Meg smiled at him softly and clapped him on the shoulder.

"I'm glad to hear it, because I think that boy is gone on you. And you deserve, you both - _all -_ deserve, some good things to happen. Now, I better go rescue your brother from cuteness overload." She stood up, gathering the garbage before her best friend and boss could. "Now, you run along to Pam and see what she says. I think this is a good thing. I'll take care of your girl and you just give me a ring when you're back home, okay?"

"I can do that." He gave a curt nod but a relieved smile was already hovering around his lips. "Thanks Meg, you've been there for me through a lot. It means a great deal to me."

"Oh great, freckles is rubbing off on you. Now _you're_ acting like a sap. I better get out of here. This could be catching and a freaking sap is the _last_ thing I want to be." She rolled her eyes but he took it in the vein she meant as she left the back of the bakery and collected Claire on her way out, the two of them sending him a wave before the door closed behind them.

He looked back at his watch and cursed silently. Forget that extra tea. He had to get moving. Which meant that he'd have to wait till later to respond to Dean. He hoped the man didn't take his silence as anything to be worried about and with a quick farewell to his brother, he made his way across town to see Dr. Barnes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah...apparently age 10 is NOT too young for certain changes to take place. I took my own 10 year old to see Civil War a few weeks back, right? She's looking adorable in her pretty sundress and then she leaned over in the theater.
> 
> as soon as the movie let out, i was hauling her to the department store. Kid is definitely maturing faster than *I* did. I mean, she's not even in 5th grade yet (about to start, sure but...) and i CLEARLY remember my 5th grade because it was the ONLY year in this elementary school where i wound up hiding in a back corner of the locker room because I was embarrassed that I didn't have anything.
> 
> i'm not ready for this...


	30. Repercussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets to find out Cas's reaction to those texts he made...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...no pic, sorry. I feel like crap today, but i wanted to put up this chapter.
> 
> SO NEWS! I made a new tumblr sideblog under the same username as here: pherryt  
> its for all things writing. mine, recommendations of others, advice, memes, what have you. i'm still experimenting with it.
> 
> feel free to add me! :D
> 
> Anyway, i started it off with a bang - this week has been fanfiction appreciation week and i've had stuff queued up for all week. I still have to figure out what I'm posting for saturday though. But it did have me write a quick little short story which i'm INORDINATELY proud of and if you like Star Trek at all, please check it out, its called Two Makes One :D
> 
> See ya 'round!

Dean groaned and stretched, blinking his eyes open with a yawn. He rolled over to stare at his clock. He was home? He didn't remember getting home. No, wait…vague memories of dropping in to his bed with relief rolled over him.

For the first time in days, he felt pretty good. He grinned and hopped up out of the bed feeling invigorated. He hit the shower, taking his time to enjoy the heat and the water pressure. Whistling, he emerged fully clothed – minus his socks. Who needs those when you're just lounging around at home? – and padded down the stairs to his kitchen. His brother was already there as Dean puttered about getting tea ready. He ignored the eye roll from Sam and cheerfully greeted him

"Morning Sam."

"Goooood Morning, Dean." Something in his voice made Dean pause and look up at his brother. Oh shit. That was his shit eating grin, the _'I know something you don't and you're not gonna like it but its fucking hilarious_ ' look. His brother had long since mastered a number of complicated looks like that. The bitch faces had just been the beginning.

"Saaaaaam?" Dean asked cautiously.

"Yes, Dean?" his grin didn't change one bit but with a slight widening of his eyes, Sam's face suddenly conveyed happy innocence. Dean didn't trust it for a second.

"Don't Dean me. What the fuck happened? Shit, did something happen on the plane?"

"Nope."

"Then what the fuck is that look for?"

"I’m just in a really good mood Dean. Is that a crime?" Dean continued to look at him suspiciously before he dropped it and continued to make his morning brew. He'd get it out of his brother eventually, he was sure.

Just before he sat down, Sam finished off his breakfast and stood, dropping his dishes in the sink. He walked out of the room, pausing in the door long enough to say,

"Have you checked your phone yet?"

" _Hell_ no, I just woke up."

"Hmm…Okay." he left Dean sitting in his customary place at the table as he started to sip his nearly scalding tea. His eyes widened and he brought the mug down with a thud. He stared at the empty doorway.

"Wait, why? Saaaaam!" he yelled, lunging up from the table and nearly toppling over his abandoned drink. He raced back up the stairs but Sam was already gone. Stupid brother, bailing so fast just  _had_  to mean something. He changed directions, bee lining for his room in search for his phone. It wasn't far. Sam or himself, who the fuck knew, had left it on the nightstand.

Thumbing it open quickly, he stared at the notifications of new messages with trepidation. They were dated from during the flight. His heart in his throat, he opened them. They were from Cas, in response to something he had sent. He closed his eyes briefly. Shit. What had he sent?

Skipping past Cas's responses, leaving them unread so he could read his damage first and gain context, he stared in horror.

So much for Sam's promise not to let him do anything stupid. _He'd_ promised not to push. This was most definitely over the line of NOT OKAY. How uncomfortable must Cas be right now? Dean sat heavily on the bed. He could find out, but he was too afraid to scroll back down. _Shit shit shit_.  He'd promised him. The things he said weren't raunchy or anything. They certainly weren't anything to get slapped over but still…Cas was different. And he'd promised.

With a sinking feeling, he knew he couldn't delay the inevitable much longer. He swallowed and opened his eyes again, thumbing the screen back on and scrolling down.

_::I find your green eyes equally as fascinating, Dean.::_

_::We should discuss this more in person though.::_

_::Possibly at length.::_

Dean breathed a sigh of relief. Well, at least it didn't look like Cas was mad at him. In fact, it kind of looked like he was flirting with him. _Was he really…? Did this mean…?_ He remembered the end of the last conversation they'd had and how he'd been wondering then. Was the man trying to drop subtle hints or something? Feeling a bit of hope, Dean started typing back, trying to feel his way through the situation carefully, in case he was wrong.

_::hey Cas…i have some time before my next show…::_

_::would u and Claire wanna come for a visit? hell, u can bring gabe 2::_

_::that way our brothers can meet::_

_::Sam was asking about him::_

_::thats a good sign right?::_

He forced himself to stop typing. He was starting to babble like a jackass…God, why was he so friggin' nervous? He jumped when the phone rang and his heart started to beat just a little bit faster when he realized it was Cas. Of course it was Cas. He gulped and answered the phone.

"Hey man…how are ya?"

"I'm well Dean. You?"

"I'm all right. I finally caught up on my sleep. I slept like the dead most of my flight, actually. And I don't really remember much from when I wasn't."

"Oh." The voice sound so disappointed. Dean's heart sped up.

"But I mean…that doesn't mean I, oh hell, I shouldn't have sent those messages, but I did mean them." He pushed out frantically. "If you're okay with them, that is. If you're not, I won't do it again…I swear, I know I promised to give you space and not push and then I did that…I wasn't thinking man. I can keep my promises, I swear." Dean closed his eyes. He sounded like such an idiot.

"Dean, Dean! Dean, it's okay. I um…must admit I was surprised to see the messages but, I um…didn't mind them. In fact, they felt…rather nice and I uh, well I wanted to talk to you anyway, I just…had wanted to do it in person."

"Do you have Skype?"

"…Skype?"

"Yeah, I mean, it wouldn't be 'in person' but it would be the next best thing. It's like, video calling man. You can set it up on a laptop or even your phone. But, we could, you know, we could see each other when we talked."

"My laptop barely functions, I'm not sure it's even capable...But, maybe my phone? But I don't know what to do."

"Okay, okay, no we can do this. I can walk you through it. You have a smartphone right? So just put it on speaker and I'll walk you through it."

"You can do that?"

"Sure, you can do all sorts of things with technology these days."

"Um…how do I put it on speaker…? Oh, there it is, never mind." Dean grinned at the cluelessness that Cas's wariness of all things tech left him with. It was painstakingly slow, and Dean booted up his own laptop in the meantime. He preferred to use Skype on his laptop, leaving his hands free and so he could use a bigger screen. He'd be able to see more of Cas, of his reactions that way. He was getting excited about it too.

Finally, finally, it seemed to be set up.

"Okay Cas, so I'm going to hang up. Then you load up the program and just wait. I'll call you so you don't have to worry about anything other than answering it. If it we can't seem to connect after 10 minutes, give me a ring back the old fashioned way."

"All right Dean."

"Bye Cas." The phone beeped as they hung up together and Dean waited about 30 seconds before hitting call from his laptop, putting the phone down. It took another minute before the screen turned on and wobbled as Cas fumbled to get it righted after answering it. It looked awkward as hell. Dean made a note to find out what Cas's laptop was and if he'd mind an upgrade as a gift.

"Hello Dean." Even though it hadn't been all that long since he'd heard Cas's low, gravelly voice, Dean relaxed as it washed over him, nearly melting him as he breathed, "Hey Cas," right back.

For a few moments all they did was stare at each other, both with a goofy little smile on their faces. Well, in Dean's case, it was a  _big_  goofy smile, but he didn't care. God, had it only been a week since he'd left the man? Was it even a week? He'd kinda lost track with all the traveling, sleep deprivation and time zones and shit.

"So um…I was thinking, uh yeah, that you and Gabe and Claire could um, come out here and visit. I figure it's summer so, Claire won't be in school and Sam and I have another 2 months before shooting starts back up. I mean, we do have some shows in the meantime, but they're at least in the states so, closer to home and I think only 2 more? I'd have to check with Sam, he keeps track of that shit. Um…crap, would Meg be offended if I didn't invite her too? Or maybe I should I invite her just to keep Gabe out of our hair if he and Sam don't hit it off?"

"Dean, calm down, you're babbling." Cas smiled fondly at him and Dean breathed in and out slowly. God, he was! He turned red.

"I'm sorry Cas." He ducked his head a little and rubbed at the back of his head.

"Don't be sorry, I…I might, sort of, think it's adorable." Cas ducked his own head, his voice dropping lower, almost to a whisper.

"Yeah?" Dean said hopefully, raising his head again in time to see Cas nod shyly and, wait, was  _he_ blushing now?  Feeling a little braver and more calm, "So I was thinking that, there are a lot of things we could do out here, take Claire sightseeing and crap…do the tourist thing right? And um…maybe we could, I could take you out to dinner, just you and me and we could, have our talk then? Properly like. If you want, I  mean if, if that was, well if that was okay?"

"It would be more than okay, Dean."

"Oh thank god." Dean breathed out in relief.

"I'd have to check a few things, but I think it would be do-able. I think it would um, also be good for Claire, give her a little break before school starts up again. She'll be transferring schools so she's bound to be a little nervous. I'll have to talk to Meg and Gabe. Meg pretty much runs the shop for me, though I've been…trying to pick that back up a bit and take the load off her shoulders. That aside though, she might be booked with her own appointments and unable to get away. Gabe owns his own place and he's kind of hands on. But he might be able to work something out as well. What kind of time frame were you thinking, Dean?"

"Well, let's say a week, so you have plenty of time to make arrangements. I mean, I know it's still kind of last minute, but you have the type of obligations that make that sort of thing easier to work with." Castiel nodded.

"I can work with that."

Dean leaned back on his bed, his laptop propped on his legs as he smiled and continued to hash out little details with the blue eyed man. He tried to keep his excitement under check as they planned their little vacation. Eventually, Castiel looked away and started to rise before turning back to the phone in his hand.

"I have to go Dean…Claire's home and I was supposed to get dinner ready before my brother came over. I'll talk with everyone at dinner and get back to you, all right?"

"Sure thing Cas, and have someone check your laptop, see if it can handle Skype. For future reference, y'know?"

"I will. Goodbye Dean."

"Bye Cas." The connection cut and Dean stared at the blank screen. He was feeling extremely giddy and ready to lord it over his brother. Maybe he  _wouldn't_ kill him for allowing Dean to send those texts to Cas.No, wait. It would be better to torture Sam by letting him think Dean was mad about that. He rubbed his hands together gleefully and got up to find some lunch.


	31. Arriving in California

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Claire go to visit Dean and Sam...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a horrible headache and now i'm leaving for work. i need to catch up on art, i'm so sorry!

Gabriel, it turned out, could go after all. He just couldn't commit to a week long trip like Castiel could. Meg couldn't go at all, as he had initially suspected was likely. But she did charge him with bringing her back a souvenir to display at the shop.

Claire, in the way of children all over the world, became very excited about the trip and the varying aspects of it. Seeing Dean again, and new places, flying in a plane for the very first time. Surprisingly, her own excitement helped Castiel stay grounded.

Huh. That was unexpected.  He would have to remember that. This was good. He felt great knowing that in some small way he could make this trip even better for her by not getting as anxious over it as he would have had he been going by himself.

Idly, as he packed, he wondered if that had been part of Deans' plan all along and how he would have known this could help? Or had it all just been a lucky coincidence because he truly had wanted to see both of them, not just Castiel? Either way, it endeared Castiel to Dean all the more, giving strength to his decision to give this, to give  _them_  a shot.

Busy with answering all of Claire's questions, and keeping tabs on her, the trip to the airport, the subsequent boarding and the flight all happened in a blur. He let her have the window seat, even though it was  _his_  favorite spot to sit when on a plane, and she stared avidly out the window for nearly the whole time. He smiled fondly at her and took a few pictures to send to his brother and Meg.

It was easy to spot Dean when they disembarked from the plane, Claire still bouncing with pent up energy and babbling on about a mile a minute. Even if he hadn't spotted Dean first, Sam would have stood out like a beacon, taller than anyone around them as the two waited for Claire and Castiel.

Castiel stopped in front of Dean, so very glad to see the man, but suddenly uncertain how to show it appropriately. They weren't actually dating, yet. Hadn't even kissed! Surely a hug wouldn't be amiss? As he got lost in Dean's eyes, trying to decide, the man before him just as uncertain, Claire swooped in and lunged at Dean with her arms wide open and stealing the moment for herself.

"DEAN!" She yelled happily. He scooped her up into his arms with a laugh. Sam laughed as well at her enthusiastic greeting and even Castiel couldn't bring himself to be jealous of the easy affection Claire was able to display. He smiled happily at the scene before him, his eyes crinkling up as he did so.

"Hey Claire! You keeping your uncle out of trouble?"

"Yup!"

"You wanna meet my brother Sam?"

"Uh huh." She looked over a little shyly, and a bit in awe. Sam  _was_  rather tall, Castiel supposed, to someone who was still as small as her.

"Hi Claire. It's nice to meet you! Do you wanna know a secret?" She nodded, her eyes wide. Sam leaned forward, ducking a little to be more on her level. It wasn't hard since Dean was holding her on his hip. She placed a hand on Dean's shoulder and leaned toward Sam as he stage whispered to her, "You're braver than Dean is."

"I am?"

"Oh yeah. He hates planes! Can you imagine?" Dean couldn't help the shudder that ran through his body.

"Cut it out, Sam." He glared at his brother. Claire turned to look at him very seriously, and then rushed forward with a hug.

"It's okay to be afraid of things Dean." She said softly in his ears. Dean felt his heart melt again as he closed his eyes and hugged her back. She was such a sweet child. She pulled back and he opened his eyes to stare into her blue ones. Still serious, she leaned forward again. "You wanna know a secret too?" he nodded at her. "When I'm scared, I think of my Uncle Cas. He chases the scary stuff away. You should try it too."

"I think I will Claire. Thank you. You don't think he'd mind, do you?" He teased back to leaven the solemnity of the moment.

"No, he likes you." She grinned as she said that. Their 'whispered' conversation hadn't been very quiet and Sam guffawed even as her uncle turned red, despite his own smile.

Carrying Claire the whole way, the three of them made their way quickly to the baggage return where, luckily, their luggage had not been banished to the ninth circle of hell. Castiel pointed out their bags to Sam as they looped around the carousel, both of them reaching out to grab one before they could pass.

Bags thus acquired, Sam and Castiel followed Dean and Claire out to the Impala, a car Castiel was sure he was falling in love with even more every time he saw it. He felt the sudden urge to draw it. Perhaps with the Impala's owner leaning against it. That would be a pretty picture. He blushed at his thoughts, though hardly inappropriate and climbed into the back with his niece, even as Sam tried to give up the front seat for their guest.

"No, it's all right Sam, thank you. Another time perhaps." He glanced down at Claire who, while not seemingly nervous at all, he wanted to ease into it all. This whole week would be an up and down of new things, likely both exciting  _and_ scary.

He wasn't sure, exactly, what would actually scare the little girl, but with all the upheaval in her life this last year, so much of it bad, he was sure that he couldn't possibly be blamed at all for wanting to take things carefully. To ease her into as much as possible so she wasn't overwhelmed later with the things that couldn't be eased in to. He wasn't even sure it was necessary, to be honest. But even if  _she_  wasn't nervous, he sure as hell was.

Despite the California traffic that he'd heard horror stories about, Dean smoothly navigated the Impala safely and quickly back to the house he and his brother shared, parking her in the garage before shutting off the engine.

"Welcome to el Casa de Winchester!" he threw open the door leading from the garage, straight into the kitchen and made a grand gesture into the house with his arms thrown wide. Claire giggled and scampered inside, stopping just inside the door, but far enough so as not to block the adults following behind her.

"Do you have a dog?"

"Nope. We're not home enough for one of those."  Sam sighed mournfully at Dean's words.

"I wanted a dog but Dean wouldn't let me." He pretended to pout and she patted his arm in sympathy.

"I don't have any pets either, but I've always wanted a cat." Castiel tilted his head. That was the first he'd heard of this. Dean nearly drew back in horror, causing the artist to look at him questioningly.

"Oh…umm…I love cats but, I'm allergic to them."

"That's so sad." Claire said with a melodramatic sigh.

"It's okay. If I feel sad about it, I just go look up cute cat pictures online. There are tons of them out there. Now, let's give you two a tour of the house! It's not overly big, but it's just right for the two of us."

The house was a two level, open concept with a decent sized kitchen, cozy den, a living room and even a small dining room on the first floor, complete with a sunroom on the opposite end of the house from the garage and kitchen.

The second floor only had three rooms. Though both floors had bathrooms, the one on the second floor was bigger, and at the end of the open hallway, since the second floor hall looked down onto the first floor, had a door to an outside rooftop style deck, built over the sunroom from the first.

At the end of the tour, Dean led the way back to the guest room, which was situated between his and Sam's rooms. It was the only extra room, but it was large enough for a decent sized bed as well as a little cot which had obviously been put there for Claire, in addition to the other normal things a bedroom would have. Curiously, she entered the room and wandered about, immediately finding the plushy left on the cot for her. She beamed happily and pounced on it, squeezing it tightly in a hug.

"I guess she likes it." Dean chuckled. "That's yours to keep, Claire. It's up to you if you want to keep it here for when you visit or bring it home with you."

"Thank you Dean!"

"That was very kind of you, Dean. You didn't have to do that."

"I know." They smiled at each other, than Dean glanced back in the room, dragging Castiel's gaze with it. Talking softly so the little girl wouldn't hear, the actor continued to speak. "So um, I put you two in here together because I wasn't sure how Claire would be in a strange house and I thought you'd want to be close. Just in case." Castiel didn't have to guess that Dean was thinking about that first night he'd spent in Pontiac at  _his_ house. While Claire had had other nightmares while Dean was there, that first night had been a doozy. For all of them.

He nodded in acknowledgment, watching as his niece continued to coo over the plush animal. The large white teddy bear with the blue bow tie was about half her size and obviously very soft. "I think that was a wise idea." He turned back to look back at the man only to get caught in green eyes that were already staring at him.

"No problem, Cas. Promise." He grinned and the grin was infectious, the happy child in front of them contributing to the general good humor of the room. Passing them, Sam shook his head with a fond smile.  _Saps._  He thought.  _They are definitely gone on each other_.


	32. Regaining Equilibrium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first night into the visit proves to be a little stressful...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headache is gone and i made art for the last chapter AND this chapter! 
> 
> So! A little bit of angst rounded off by fluff in this chapter and THEN!!!!
> 
> WARNINGS:
> 
> So I know this story has been mostly fluff for a while now, and I think that I should warn you that there IS more drama coming. (Not of our own characters making.) I've been trying to update the tags for it but have been uncertain how exactly to put it (succinctly). If, when we reach and pass those points of drama and you note the tags, if you have better suggestions, feel free to tell me! I won't mind!
> 
> Anyway, I've already written most of the upcoming drama, I just don’t know yet how long before we reach it (when I write a story, I start with the idea, and a goal and make some mile markers to hit along the way and then let the rest go as it will…I'll edit / update anything in the mile markers as necessary for the flow of the rest of the story, but for the most part they remain unchanged.).
> 
> There are two specific points in the upcoming drama. One has been planned for quite some time, though I wondered if I should actually include it. But then it felt wrong to take it back out. I'm not TOO worried about it. But as I wrote it out, I realized I was missing something. Something that will cause more drama and THAT’S what I'm really not sure how to tag and hadn't intended on including in the story.
> 
> I'm kind of worried for that part and the tagging for it. I really intend on certain things for it to be very vague, in which case the warning tags I could put on it would be very misleading…this writing thing can certainly be FRUSTRATING sometimes! If I make tagging mistakes like I'm afraid I am, I hope you can all forgive me! And again, please feel free to make suggestions!

The first night in Dean and Sam's house was, as Dean and Cas had both feared, just enough of a change to offset the precarious balance Claire had achieved. While she was certainly enjoying herself and her stay there, the nightmare she had that night was a little more vivid than the ones she'd been having lately. It was as if the nightmares had been lying in wait and swooped down as soon as she'd changed her routine.

 Missouri, and now Pamela even though he had only had the one appointment with her thus far, had insisted that routines – for the both of them – could be essential for their healing process. Just that they had to be careful not to rely overly on them. Claire needed to learn how to deal with the world as it hardly ever stuck to your routines. Without the help of anyone, he had long ago developed his own to calm himself and to regain his balance.

But none of that was neither here and now. Being in the same room as Claire as she dreamed was nerve wracking on her uncle. It took a long time before he was able to fall asleep. Every sound he heard, every shift from the little girl, he was certain was the prelude to a scream. But when he stood up to check on her, she'd be sleeping peacefully.

Finally, _finally_ , he fell asleep. It was fitful, not quite allowing him to settle down deep enough to be restful. In that half-awake state, before the nightmares even started properly, he was woken by whimpers and the sound of flailing limbs caught in blankets. Before he could even do more than register the sounds, she had cried out loudly causing him to leap up and away from the guest bed, tripping over the giant white bear that had been flung to the floor.

He reached her before she could get much more than a short scream out, and hoped he'd be able to wake her before she woke the rest of the house. He thudded to his knees next to the cot with a wince, thankful for the rug that softened the blow, and immediately reached a hand out to her shoulder. She shot up in the bed at the soft touch and her eyes opened wide. She gasped before bursting into sobs. His heart wrenched as he gathered her in close and tight for a hug, her little arms wrapping around her uncle's neck as she shook.

He was so preoccupied with soothing her, that Castiel didn't even hear the door creak open, or see the sliver of light that appeared from the hallway. He only registered Dean's presence when the man sank to his knees next to them. In his arms was the teddy bear that had been tossed aside and he held it with white knuckles, nearly squeezing the super soft plush in half as he seemed to wait for the right time to pass it back to Claire, obviously hoping he could use the bear to help soothe her, but not wanting to intrude either.

In the meantime, he leaned into Castiel, a hand on his back, giving him as much emotional support as he could without saying a word. The blue eyed man appreciated it, the warmth of Dean's body seeping in to chase away the chill of his own nightmares as he was hoping he was doing for Claire.

The nightmares had seemed to lessen in intensity, and Castiel had been foolishly hoping they'd disappear soon. Intellectually, he understood that it was too fast for a recovery like that, even though she'd been removed from the toxic environment of his parents' home, but he couldn't help hoping. However, tonight had proven that hope wrong.  Castiel continued to soothe his niece until her sobs turned to hiccoughs and sniffles until eventually even that faded away as she became a dead weight in his arms. His arms and knees and even his lower back ached as he continued to kneel there. Neither man knew how long it took before the child fell back asleep, this time much more peacefully, but eventually she did.

Castiel leaned her back slowly and gently, Dean keeping him steady as he lurched slightly. He tucked strands of hair away from her face and gently wiped it down with the hem of the tee he'd been sleeping in. As he brought up the blankets to tuck her in, Dean set the bear gently down next to the little girl, so obviously afraid he'd wake her.  The fear was unfounded as, without even opening her eyes, she rolled over to her side and clutched the bear to herself, burying her face in its soft fur, her own hair fanned out on her pillow.

The two men breathed in relief as they helped each other stand. Dean hesitated, unsure, but when Castiel left the room, he followed after quickly, closing the door quietly behind them.  Dean gestured to the stairs and the blue eyed man nodded. They made their way down to the kitchen and, despite the late hour, found Sam already there setting mugs on the counter, an electric kettle already steaming away. He looked up as they entered.

"She all right?" Though they were downstairs, Sam's voice was very quiet, afraid he'd wake her.

"She's sleeping now. Thank you." Castiel sighed tiredly, his voice equally as quiet as Dean guided him to the little table and pulled out a chair for him. "Thank you Dean."

"No problem Cas. So, that…um, that didn't seem as bad as the first one I saw so…the nightmares are getting better, right?" Dean pulled a chair out for himself and sat across the table from Castiel, close enough that their knees touched underneath the table.

"They come and go. They were starting to…taper off…but I think the change of routine brought them back."

"Shit…this is because you guys are visiting  _me_?" Dean obviously thought this was his fault as his face looked equal parts horrified and guilty. Castiel found himself reassuring the actor, reaching a hand out to grasp his arm, sliding down to his fingertips.

"No, Dean. She's enjoying herself. And Missouri didn't think this would be a bad idea. It's just…changes." He shrugged. "Missouri says she'll learn to adjust. That I should do as much as I can but not to…coddle either. It's a fine line."

Steaming mugs appeared before the two of them, a third being placed down in front of an empty seat beside Castiel and Sam joined them, pulling a plate of warm buttered rolls into the center. It was strange, for Castiel. At home it was just himself in his kitchen, following his own self soothing routine of tea to regain his equilibrium and peace of mind. This was different but…it was welcome, he realized.

"I'm not a great connoisseur of teas like Dean or yourself, but I picked something that doesn't have caffeine. I think it's called Sleepy Time? Wasn't sure if that was a brand or a specific tea, but figured it wouldn't matter."

"Thank you Sam. I'm sorry we disturbed your sleep."

"Don't worry about it man, Dean warned me before you even arrived. It's understandable. A few sleepless nights won't kill us. Well, maybe Dean." He smirked at his brother and Dean was tempted to kick him under the table but he didn't want to risk upsetting the steaming mugs before them and possibly burn someone. A trip to the emergency room was not what he or anyone else needed to round out the night.

"Shut your face, bitch."

"Jerk. If you'd just used a plane…"

"Or next time, you can come with me and we can take turns driving."

"Dean, you barely ever let me drive the Impala if you can help it." The elder Winchester grumbled and glared at his brother but couldn't deny the truth of his statement so instead he sipped his tea and yelped at how hot it still was. Castiel looked from one brother to the other.

"Are you really that afraid of planes?"

"Uh, yeah Cas, remember I told you when we met?"

"I remember. I didn't realize how deep seated the fear was."

"He'll avoid it as much as possible. He's even managed to avoid it in an official capacity a few times. But that’s impossible to do when you gotta fly overseas. He just panics for the entire flight and usually when we get in and the adrenaline wears off, he crashes to make up for the sleep he didn't get."

"But that didn't happen when you went to your last show?" Castiel was starting to realize.

"No, 'cause he asked them to push off our flight till the last minute and there was no time between our arrival and the show."

"Why would you do that, Dean? You should take better care of yourself." It was then that Castiel realized he was still essentially holding Dean's hands as the other man's fingers curled around his and he blushed and muttered. "What? I didn't hear that?" Dean ducked his head as it turned even more red and Sam started snickering. Dean looked up long enough to glare at him before his gaze softened and he looked at the blue eyed man sitting in front of him.

"Well, I uh…wanted to…enjoy as much of my vacation as possible…you know? I was having too good a time to leave."

"You mean…me? When you were visiting me?" the actor nodded and Castiel sighed, overwhelmed. Saying nothing he simply squeezed Dean's fingers and was relieved to feel him squeeze back. He realized, suddenly, that in the aftermath of Claire's nightmare, he felt fairly calm. He was sure it had something to do with the green eyed, freckled man before him. Here, in this kitchen, Castiel's' own routine had altered as the two brothers chatted with each other and with him, warm biscuits were eaten and tea was drunk. He wasn't entirely sure how it happened, but he found he really didn't mind.


	33. Sunflowers and Trips to the Zoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel arrives in time for a trip to the zoo. Dean and Cas get ready for a first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a sudden hankering to draw sunflowers and i blame that on the person whose story i'm doing art for, for the DCBB :D  
> Since I haven't actually DRAWN any yet, i took some photos at the grocery store. 
> 
> So note, i did add new pics into several of the last chapters.
> 
> Other note, I have been consumed by the need to write another story - that i can't even publish yet. I promise i'm STILL writing this one! I have a lot of this written up in different places of the story, different mile markers i want to hit, if you will, i just need to write the transitioning pieces, so i don't anticipate much slow down. plus i think that other story is almost done. it's a little out of my comfort zone though so I'm hoping it will go over well.

The week was coming to a close way too fast for Dean and Castiel. Claire was having too much fun to take much notice of how much time was left. And with only two days left for their vacation, that was when Gabriel showed up. He made his own way, by a rent a car from the airport, to the Winchesters house, Sam opening the door as the bell rang repeatedly. Gabriel stared up at Sam after first taking a long, slow, traveling look from his toes to his crown. He whistled.

 "You're a tall fucker aren't ya?"

Sam stared at the shorter man  who simultaneously sported a stunned expression on his face, but with a twinkle in his eyes. The taller Winchester wasn't sure how to react to that statement. "Uhh..." he blinked, looking nervously at his brother and back at his brothers' new guest.

"Seriously...how does the world look from all the way up there?"

"He's not serious, is he? Tell me he isn't serious…" Sam stage whispered to his brother where he was standing with Castiel and his niece. Cas and Dean both looked like they were trying to hold back laughter and smiles.

"He might be. Gabe's usually messing around but sometimes you just can't tell."

"No seriously, Sam my boy...you are living a dream - my dream in fact- and if you don't tell me then I'm gonna climb you like a tree and find out for myself!"

Sam backed up warily and Dean lost it, doubling over and wheezing. Castiel shook his head as Claire started clamoring that she wanted to see from up that high too. Flushing red Sam did the only thing he could think of to escape the stares of the man currently flustering him. He indulged the 10 year old child and swung her up on his shoulders to her much delighted squeals.

Gabriel pouted at the unfairness of it all. He opened his mouth to say something else, he wasn't sure what he was going to say, that was part of the fun of it, when his brother grabbed his arm and pulled him inside, Dean shutting the door after and picking up Gabriel's bag.

"So, we only have the one guest room, but we have an awesome sleeper couch you can use. Just in here. You can stow your bag in that cabinet if you like and then we can give you a tour, if you want."

"Just let me know where the bathroom is so I don't fumble around in the middle of the night and I'll be good. On second thought…don't show me, I'll just open doors till I find the right one." Gabriel mused while glancing back over his shoulder at Sam. Sam blinked as he realized what Gabriel was implying and turned red again, ducking his face to hide behind Claire. Gabriel snorted. This could be fun. Maybe. If he didn't screw it up. O-kay! Time to distract himself.

"So! What's on the agenda for today?"

"We're going to the zoo Uncle Gabe!" Claire called out from on high. Nope, he refused to be jealous of a ten year old. He looked at the tall actor and those strong arms and sighed. Crap. He was jealous of a ten year old.

"A zoo? Are we going to see relatives of yours?"

"No!"

"Isn't any relative of hers, also relatives of yours?" Sam pointed out and Gabriel's jaw dropped. Damn!

"Uh, point. I was um, thinking of majestic lions."

"Sure you were Gabe. You were trying to make a monkey joke till it backfired." His brother called out from the den he and Dean had reached without the new houseguest, since he was rather preoccupied with standing in the middle of the previous room ogling Deans brother and behaving like a stranded fish. Castiel was glad he wasn't the giggling type, he might have lost it over his brothers expressions and actions when he finally met Sam face to face.

"I…no! Pfft! I was going for a giraffe joke! Totally unrelated."

"Exactly." Dean snickered at Gabriel's expression and decided to let up on the guy who was, apparently, very nervous. From the little he'd gotten to know of Gabriel, that seemed uncharacteristic. He gave Cas a questioning look and got a minute nod in answer. The short baker was completely flustered by his brother. His brother should be proud. And if he wasn't, then _Dean_ was going to be proud for him. Achievement unlocked – flustering both sexes with your good looks and charm. Ahhh, Sammy was all grown up.

 He mentally wiped away a pretend tear and wished he wouldn't get strange looks or questions if he'd done the short, dramatic scene currently running in his head. Never mind that now, they had a zoo to get to.

The plan for the zoo turned out to be a great one, despite it being four adults and only one child, they all had a blast. Dean watched Gabriel scampering about and thought, _Scratch that. Three adults and two children._

Cas was fascinated most by the butterfly house – Dean thought it was because it was the closest to bees he was gonna get at a zoo - while Gabriel was fascinated by the various monkey like animals. Claire's favorite area was when she could feed the budgies and they actually landed on her. More than one phone had been pulled and pictures taken when that happened, though she'd had a short, surprised freak out when it first landed on her hand.

Dean couldn't stop staring at the lions or the other felines there, and everyone was disappointed that the wolves were hiding further back in their enclosure. But by the time they'd gotten to the wolf enclosure, Dean couldn't blame the animals for wanting to hide. _He_ wanted to hide from the sheer amount of people and noise. Sam, the dork, couldn't pick a favorite.  He seemed equally fascinated with all of them, making sure to read each and every plaque for each enclosure they had found, Claire and Cas often found reading right along with him.

Despite the heat of the day, it went well. Sam and Dean managed to get away without being recognized once – or at least bothered if they were – and they took their time walking around taking it all in and making sure to carry several bottles of water. They ducked inside some of the interior sections that had AC from time to time to get a brief respite and then continued on. They ended at the souvenir shop where Cas attempted to give Claire a limit on how much she could spend, but when each adult bought her something approaching that limit, the purpose was kind of defeated.

Still, Dean couldn't regret the purchase of a $40 stuffed animal that was nearly as large as she was. Even bigger than that damn bear he'd gotten. The glare he got from the blue eyed artist only made him grin cheekily. Besides, Cas wasn't really mad that everyone else had undermined him. He was actually quite glad that Claire was having such a great time and would have so many mementos from her week spent in California.

The day sped away and before they knew it, they'd returned to the house. After making sure that Sam, Gabriel and Claire were all set for the night – they'd turned the living room into a blanket and pillow fort they could snuggle down in comfortably while watching movies and eating pizza and popcorn – Dean and Castiel went up to their respective rooms to get ready for their dinner.

Putting on some nice dark slacks and a casual, deep blue button up, Castiel looked at himself in the mirror above the dresser in the guest room. He should have been nervous right? It was, after all, pretty much a date. A first date. With someone he had really grown to like. He should be anxious right now. He'd been so in the past. He couldn't count the number of times Jimmy or Meg had had to talk him through his anxiety before a first date. Yet…he wasn't feeling it. He was nervous, he had butterflies in his stomach but he wasn't full on panicking.

He wondered why that was. Was it Dean? There did seem to be something about him that soothed him. He wasn't entirely sure what it was. He nervously tried to smooth his hair down again. Fuck, now it didn't even look natural. His stomach was jittery, but still a far cry from the anxious balls he would normally be tied up in.  

Mentally reassuring himself could only do so much though, he heard a quiet knock on the door. He swallowed, took a deep breath – remember, breathe in, breath out, breath in, breathe out – ran a hand down his shirt and tugged a little at the bottom before he reached over and opened the door.

Dean stood there with a bright sunflower in his hand with a small, plush bee grasping the stem, sitting pretty in a skinny blue vase. Castiel blinked. Flowers. He hadn't expected flowers. Was Dean really giving him a flower? _Him?_ With slightly trembling hands, he reached out to pluck the sunflower from Dean's hands. Dean grinned.

"Thank you, Dean. This is beautiful. I never expected – no one's ever gotten me flowers before."

"Dude, you should totally get all the flowers you ever want. Next time, I'll get you a real plant, something that'll really attract those bees for you that you can put in your yard." Castiel looked up from the sunflower to stare in bemused wonder at the actor. Reluctantly pulling away, the nervous knot in his stomach having calmed as he watched how adorably nervous Dean was, Cas gently placed the sunflower to stand on the dresser.

"So, uh, you ready to go?" Dean looked over at Cas who smiled back at him.

"Of course."

  
  



	34. Tatami Rooms Make a Perfect Private Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally gets to take Cas out on what he hopes is officially a date - but then, that's what this dinner was about, right? discussing the possibility?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its early, but i got hit with sudden inspiration for this chapter ANNNNNND a picture I wanted to do. I looked up a ref cause the last time i tried to draw 2 men kissing it looked awkward as hell, but when i finished with the ref it looked more anime like than i had intended. which, i guess works? Because of the setting of date night, but it truly wasn't intentional...

Taking the Impala, of course, Dean drove Cas out to one of his favorite restaurants. It wasn't his usual fare, but it was something he liked to treat himself to on occasion. In his experience with restaurants, it was unique, and this particular place had a setting he was particularly hoping they would both enjoy. He just hoped Cas liked Japanese Cuisine. Or, well, at least the Americanized version.

He pulled in to the lot and noticed that it was busy. He thanked god for the fact that the place only dealt with reservations, and that he had one. He nervously looked over at the blue eyed man only to find that he was looking out the window with interest and Dean relaxed.

"I probably should have asked if you like Japanese food?"

"I don't have a wide exposure to it, but I remember liking what I've tried. I don't think Pontiac has any Japanese restaurants. Though I could be wrong." He tilted his head slightly in a thoughtful muse then glanced back at Dean. "Don't worry, I'm open to trying just about anything and I'm looking forward to this." Dean smiled back shyly and the two of them got out of the car and made their way in.

As they entered, Dean swiftly found the hostess and told her his name and time of reservation. She nodded and beckoned them to follow. Since he'd arranged it, he knew exactly where they were going and he let Castiel walk in front so he could watch the other man's reactions.

She led them to the sliding grid doors delineating private rooms, Dean thought he remembered it was called a Tatami room and that the doors were Shoji. Or was that Furusama? No, Fusuma…never mind. They were sliding paper doors, which was all manner of cool. The woman instructed them to take their shoes off and tuck them under the step before going into the room. Castiel was obviously surprised as he leaned to slip his shoes off, but didn't look like he was upset, so Dean was counting this a win so far.

Inside, instead of chairs, there were cushions on the floor surrounding a low table. Dean and Castiel both scooted into the room and around the table, picking seats at the corners so they could still sit next to each other yet look at each other fairly comfortably. Castiel looked relaxed as he sat down, crossing his legs under the table and Dean followed suit with a smile.

Quickly, with Dean's recommendations, they ordered a few small appetizer dishes – Gyoza and Yakitori – to start, as well as some hot Sake before deciding on a double order of Sukiyaki Hot Pot for their main.

"Dude, I don't even know what they put into the broth for this Sukiyaki stuff, but I'm telling you, it even makes the vegetables appetizing! I swear to god." Castiel laughed at Dean's enthusiasm, both of them pausing as a bowl of what looked like green pea pods were set before them and hot towels were offered up. He followed Dean's example and wiped his hands on the hot towel provided and reveled in its warmth. That was a tradition he could get behind, he thought.

Their Sake arrived at the same time and Dean poured it out, both picking up the tiny cups. Castiel had never had hot alcohol before and had no idea what to expect. He looked over at Dean who raised a challenging, yet encouraging brow and they both drank at the same time. Castiel decided that, while odd, he actually really liked that. He picked up one of the pea pods and stared at it.

"So what is this? We didn't order this, did we?"

"Nah, we didn't. It just kinda comes with the meal. They're great though. I even look for the ones in the grocery stores sometimes. But these are always better. Don't tell Sam though, he thinks I'm allergic to any kind of plant matter." Dean snickered. "Anyway, it's called um..ed –a-meem? Ed-ah-maim? Um…crap! No, I know this…um…ed-uh-mommy."

With each odd, and apparently wrong, pronunciation, Cas's face contorted as he tried to hold in his laughter, but finally, on the last one, Castiel broke. The laughter bubbled out as his nose squinched up and the corners of his eyes crinkled up, one arm leaning over the table as he tried to rein himself in, the other still holding the green pea thing whose name Dean was currently mangling. It was adorable.

"Oh god, I'm sorry Dean, but…" he pealed out in a new spate of laughter. "Ed-uh-mommy…that’s just…oh, boy." He wiped at the corners of his eyes and finally got himself under control. "I am sorry for laughing Dean, truly. I probably would butcher the word - whatever it is - just as badly."

"Nah, it's cool Cas, I was hoping to impress you with my knowledge but uh, yeah, I have no idea how to say that. I can admit it." He grinned right back in good natured humor. Castiel was glad Dean hadn't taken offense after this effort.

The room was larger than the two of them really needed but it was very cozy with the hint of privacy the paper grid doors provided. Dean showed him how to eat the _" - basically, they're soybeans in salt, Cas_ ," and they continued to sip at their Sake as they awaited their appetizers. Their knees brushed together under the table and Cas felt warm and content.

They chatted as the remains of the soybeans were replaced with a light salad with some sort of bright orange dressing – he thought she had told them it was ginger. It was unusual but god! It tasted so good!

"I actually hate salads." Dean mumbled around a mouthful of the hated object under discussion, "The more lettuce gets put in, the more I hate it. But I eat every piece of this because of the god damned dressing. I think it's some kind of sorcery."

"I am inclined to agree – on all counts." Castiel answered after swallowing the last bite of his own salad and feeling mournful that it was gone. Thankfully, he didn't have to mourn for long, because its lack was soon filled with their order of fried dumplings and grilled chicken.

They had to request more Sake just as their main meal arrived. Castiel watched with wide eyes as an assortment of dishes was laid out before each of them and a black metal pot – was it iron? – on a heating element of some sort was placed between them to share, filled with a broth the like he had never smelled before. The lady bringing it all in gave them instructions that Castiel completely missed but Dean smiled.

"Don't worry, I've done this before." They spent the next little while adding various veggies and meats to the broth and letting them cook and simmer. Castiel mixed his with his rice while Dean ate over his own rice, just letting the juices drip into it and add their flavors.

"What's in this dish? And what kind of meat is this?"

"Well, it changes from place to place, but I _think_ that this one is using beef and chicken, bean sprouts, tofu, shitake mushrooms? Well, mushrooms anyway, and I think that's a scallion and I have no idea what kind of noodles these are but I've never seen them outside of this place. And I have no idea what that thing is either." He pointed at the leafy pieces floating in the broth. "I want to say spinach, but it doesn't taste remotely like it."

"Well, whatever this all is, it is certainly heavenly. I am really enjoying this, all this. The food, the atmosphere and um," Castiel looked up at Dean a little shyly, "and most of all, the company."  Dean's breath caught briefly as he stared back at Cas. Blue eyes and green met and their hot pot was forgotten.

"Yeah?" the breathless word almost made Castiel laugh, but he nodded instead.

"I um…heh, I'm actually kind of nervous, Dean." He looked back down at his hand, realizing that his fingers had dropped the chopsticks on the side of his plate and were now reaching towards Deans without even consciously being aware of it till this very moment. Just as he registered what he was doing, his fingertips touched Dean's fingers and he shivered slightly at the heated contact. Dean pulled in a breath, than another as Castiel reminded himself that he, too, must breathe. Their fingers curled around each other, increasing the contact.

"What? Why? You have nothing to be nervous about Cas." Dean's unoccupied hand had dropped his own chopsticks a lot less carefully then Castiel had, and just as slowly, he closed his fingers over the other mans, making a sandwich of three hands.

"Because I…I think you already know what I mean to say, but it's best to make sure we are all aware of where we stand and I…I really like you Dean. And I, " he paused and swallowed, lifting his gaze back up from his hands to lock on to Deans freckle framed green eyes once more. "God, I have no idea what I'm doing but, I want to, I want to try…I want there to be an 'us' if you're willing."

"Oh god am I willing." Dean breathed. Without realizing it, both had drifted closer to each other. "And…I have to be honest with you, I've sorta been fantasizing about kissing you for a while now." He heard Cas make a sound as his hand tightened their grip on Deans bottom one. His voice growled out so low that if they hadn't been so close, he might not have understood him and would have regretted that for the rest of his life,

"Then kiss me, Dean."

And Dean wasted no time in doing just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s. So one - another warning if i didn't post it already, yeah, there is some drama coming...
> 
> two...if you aren't already following me on tumblr, i made a blog just for writing. mine, others, recs, advice, humor, etc, etc...feel free to follow it :D Its small and new but i hope it will grow: [Pherryt's Corner](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/pherryt)


	35. Pillow Forts and Strange Noises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Gabe, Sam and Claire fall asleep in the pillow fort and Gabriel finds he's got his own issues that need dealing with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been awake for um...wait, i need to do math here...40 hours with a short 3 hour nap. Not for lack of trying. Sooooooo.... here's a chapter i wrote today. Thought of how it would go when I first couldn't fall asleep. Wrote it down hours later. Maybe i should have just gotten up then and wrote it all down. Maybe my brain was afraid i'd forget it all. 
> 
> Anyway, it occurred to me that...Gabriel must have his own issues about Jimmy and Amelia's deaths. He didn't get brunt of the trauma like Cas and Claire, but he WAS affected in more than the expected way, even if he didn't realize it. aside from his grief, he hadn't dealt with any of it. And thus this chapter was born.
> 
> Sorry guys!

Gabriel shifted and his eyes blinked groggily. Why was he awake? There was snoring, and a warm body cuddled up next to him. Huh, that hadn't happened in a while. He blinked again and realized that the warmth was actually his small niece all curled up around that ridiculously sized plushie she had been so keen on getting and he smiled fondly at her.

He yawned as quietly as he could and wondered why he was awake. Wait, what was – ? He looked further down and saw a large hand curled on his hip, warm and comfortable. His eyes followed the hand along the arm to where it was attached to the taller Winchester, sleeping peacefully on the other side of Claire.

Gabriel almost choked as he remembered. They'd all been watching movies in the pillow and blanket fort they'd created and obviously they must have fallen asleep like that. It was dark and only the slight light from the dim TV allowed him to see Sam's face at all. It was one of those fancy TVs that put itself into standby when people hadn't interacted with it for a while. It wasn’t nearly good enough for Gabriel to stare at him admiringly.

Sam. Who was snoring. And reaching his long arm across a small child to touch his – _his_! -hip. Was it on purpose or was it one of those instinctive things? Gabriel thought he might be on the verge of a small, gorgeous hunk, why-is-he-touching-me meltdown. Sam was a handsome fellow, and he'd certainly enjoyed the day which had included getting to know him, but he had no clue what to do now. What exactly was the protocol for waking up in a pillow fort with your crush? Who was likely to remain just that.

His mind already kicked into overdrive, his senses straining to make sure he wasn't caught as he stared admiringly at the man; he froze when he heard the noises. Strange noises from outside the little haven the three of them had created. Noises that could be anyone. His breath caught and he forgot how to breathe, his eyes widened as his whole body tensed. This was why he was awake so suddenly – someone had broken into the house!

He heard a crash and flinched, not noticing the whine that escaped or the tremble that ran through him. It was Jimmy and Amelia all over again. Someone had broken in and they were gonna get killed in their sleep - ! Only Sam and he were playing their parts and this time Claire was here too. Oh god…and if Cassie had to walk in on this again, Gabriel was sure it would kill him this time. He wasn't sure which thoughts distressed him more, himself getting killed, his _niece_ – his poor, innocent little niece! – getting killed or how it would destroy his brother.

The panic was quickly overtaking him and Gabriel didn't notice the hand on his hip flex momentarily and then slide up his side to grip his shoulder tightly and give it a shake. His breathing had grown ragged as he stared unseeingly. He was shaken again and a carefully pitched voice managed somehow to penetrate his panic.

"Gabriel! Gabe! It's all right man; it's just our brothers coming home." Slowly Gabriel's gaze refocused on Sam. "Come on, it's okay…I promise. You don't want to wake up Claire right?"

"N-no…" He swallowed. "How – how do you know it's our brothers? How do you know it isn't some creep who broke in to kill us in our sleep?" his whisper had a high pitched tone to it and he swallowed, trying to push it back. Sam was right; he didn't want to wake his niece, especially if it _was_ just his brothers. He didn't want to scare the poor child.

"I heard the Impala pull into the garage. There's no mistaking that. It must have woken you up too."

"You were snoring."

"Yeah, I still heard it though. I'm rather attuned to the sound." The hand on his shoulder started rubbing at him lightly as Gabriel tried to latch onto Sam's eyes, trying to use them to make himself calmer. Though the light wasn't good enough to see much, Sam's calm demeanor and the confidence in his voice was starting to help.

"There was a crash…I know I heard something break."

"Yeah, I did too.  But I'm not going out there to find out what. I've had enough of being scarred by seeing things that cannot be unseen for this lifetime."

"What?" Gabriel blinked.

"Dude, they went on a date. What do you _think_ they're doing?" Sam chuckled quietly as Gabriel's face underwent understanding but it had done the trick. The panic had receded, the trembling had ceased, the smaller mans' body relaxing and his breathing had almost returned to normal.

"Not, not my Cassie! He's so _innocent_ and _shy_."

"Yeah, I really don't see that, at least, not around Dean and I have _only_ ever really seen him around Dean so…" He trailed off. "I'm not going to take any bets on what base they are or aren't getting to tonight, 'cause I really don't want to know."

"Ewww, Sammy, god…I do _not_ want to think about our brothers doing… _anything!_ " He gave an affected shudder but he smiled and relaxed before he finally realized that Sam was still touching his shoulder. He blinked at the other man, hardly daring to breathe.

"Same here man, same here." Sam patted his shoulder and pulled back. "We should go back to sleep. So we're well rested enough tomorrow to tease 'em."

"Uh, yeah…yeah, that sounds, uh, that sounds good." He said, once again in a daze. Sam was mesmerizing. What had happened to the part of him who knew how to hit on people? Oh yeah, this was kinda uncharted territory for him. Other than the single, drunken one night stand he'd had months ago that had started him questioning himself, he'd not really explored this new side he'd discovered and it was making him nervous, despite the bravado he'd put on in front of his brother. Which he was relatively certain Cas hadn't fallen for anyway.

He'd been mostly joking when he and Castiel had made 'plans' to get him and Sam together. In fact, he was relatively certain Cassie had just been humoring him. Gabriel wasn't dumb. He knew unattainable crushes occurred all the time and he had been certain Sam would be one of them. But Sam was…more than he had expected and he had a feeling that it wouldn't take much of a push for the crush to go out of control. And he _still_ had no idea what to do!

 How would he gauge interest? Did Sam even swing his way? How do you bring something like a person's sexual orientation up in polite conversation? And if it turned out that he didn't, would he take offense at Gabriel trying? If he would, then Gabriel didn't dare, he realized, because Cassie had something special going on with Dean – any fool could see that - and he didn't want to fuck that up.

He blinked and realized he was staring at the other man, his thoughts circling in on themselves again. He was grateful that Sam had closed his eyes and wasn't aware of his creepy behavior. He closed his own and tried to steady his breathing and lull himself back to sleep. He was completely unaware of the concerned look or the small smile Sam gave him after his breathing had evened out and the taller man had dared to open his eyes to look at him.

Gently, Sam reached forward and smoothed Gabriel's floppy hair away from his eyes. He thought he understood how Dean felt, now. Gabriel's instinctive reaction earlier had been heartbreaking, as well as understandable, knowing what Sam knew. And he felt a protective streak a mile long surface.

It was a side of Gabriel he didn't think others were allowed to see often. That vulnerable part of him that he hid with jokes and pranks. He'd seen his brother do it often enough to recognize it for what it was. Sam wasn't sure quite what to make of the man, but he thought that it just might be possible for Gabe to grow on him.


	36. Watch Your Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel gets hurt. Winchesters to the rescue!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying this from my phone while at work....please let me know if you see any mistakes!!!
> 
> Also...i didn't mean to hurt Gabe, it just...sorta...happened. Eeep!
> 
> Warnings for some blood.

The next time Gabriel woke up, he was alone inside the blanket fort. He groaned a little as he stretched. The TV was on once again, this time showing the cartoon network, but it had been muted. Hearing muffled voices coming from the kitchen; he crawled out of the little enclosure and carefully stood up. It was a neat little change, having to watch his head for once. He snorted quietly and padded into the kitchen.

Sam was sweeping something up while his niece perched on the counter, chattering away.  Claire looked up and her smile fell away, her eyes widened.

"Uncle Gabe! Stop!"  Still feeling sleep fogged, he blinked at her as he continued stepping inside.

"Huh? What's the matter Claire Bear?"

"Gabriel! Stop moving!" Sam's voice cut through the fog a little too late when Gabriel stepped on something sharp. He jerked, cursing and stumbling backwards. Before he was quite aware of it, Gabriel had landed on his ass and was clutching at his foot.

"Fuck - !" He pulled his leg in to look at the source of the sharp pain and realized blood was seeping through his fingers and his hand automatically flexed to stay over the wound, causing more pain as his grip tightened around it. He cursed again and closed his eyes against the pain.

"Claire, stay right there, okay?" she nodded blankly, her eyes wide and terrified as Sam dropped to his knees beside Gabriel. "Shit…umm…"

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Gabe - ?" At the sound of Dean and Cas's voices, Sam's head shot up.

"Unless you two have some goddamned shoes on, freeze. Dean, I need the first aid kit."

"Right." Wasting no time, Dean turned on his heels and disappeared. Castiel stood frozen in the doorway, staring at his brother and the blood he could see starting to pool on the floor. His eyes were wide and Sam mentally cursed.  He was no expert, but he was pretty sure he knew what was happening and he could only take care of one person at a time. Then a small cry came from behind him and his heart sank. It was enough to break Castiel out of his shock to look up and over Sam's shoulder to find a white faced Claire trembling on the counter as she, too, stared at all the blood.

"Shit, Claire…" Forgetting what Sam had said about shoes – or maybe he'd never registered the words to begin with - he started to take a step forward.  Before Sam could tell him to stop moving again, a hand grabbed Cas's arm and yanked him back, shoving a pair of shoes into his hands. As soon as that was done, Dean darted past Castiel, his own shoes untied but on his feet as he dropped down beside his brother with the first aid case.

"You know this isn't good enough?"

"Yeah, but I figured we could get it wrapped and then drive him out to the hospital."

"I dunno. Shouldn't we try calling an ambulance instead? People will move out of the way for a siren. You know how hard it is to get through the traffic around here. Might actually be quicker to wait for them."

"Oh please…it's just a…a tiny cut. I'll be fine." Gabriel was pale but rolling his eyes. Clomping past them as soon as he got his shoes on, left untied just like Dean's, Castiel rushed into the kitchen and past the three men huddled together on the floor, drawing Gabriel's eye.

"She okay, Cassie?" Castiel ignored him in order to scoop a silently crying Claire up into his arms. She clung to him and hid her face in his shirt.

"It's okay, Claire, it's okay. Yes, Uncle Gabe is hurt, but it's just a cut. It looks worse than it is. We'll get him to the doctor and he'll be all better. Okay sweetie?" He patted and rubbed at her back as he looked back briefly at the other three, blanched and looked away again. The sight of the blood was bringing back the same bad memories for him as it was for Claire.

"Gabe, move your fingers."

"But I'm bleeding." Gabe's voice was pained and was starting to become a little distant. Sam and Dean eyed each other before turning back to him.

"I know." Sam said gently, placing his fingers over Gabe's and trying to pull them away.

"I have to stop the bleeding."

"Not like that you're not. I need you to move your fingers Gabe…You just hold your foot stead for me and Dean, okay?"

"Uh, yeah, okay."

"Shit, Sam. That's a huge chunk of glass." Sam shot his brother a dark, quelling look as Gabriel gulped and Castiel averted his eyes. Gabriel's hands reached down to pull the glass out. Dean dropped the gauze to stop him as Sam tried to calmly talk him out of it.

"No Gabriel, you can't pull that out. We don't know how deep that is. We're gonna pack around it. Dean, you have the gauze?"

"Yeah, right here." He picked the package back up from where it had fallen back into the kit and ripped it open.

"Good, just, either side of the glass and hold it there for me. Stay steady Gabe."

"I know what I'm doing Sam." Sam spared a single second to give Dean a halfhearted bitch face as he started wrapping up his foot carefully, skirting around the glass, spreading out the pressure until it looked like a giant ball of gauze on his foot. Gabriel huffed a bit, straining for some humor.

"You've mummified me."

"There, that’s as good as we're gonna get. Dean, you get the keys, I'll help him into the car. You guys coming?"

"Of course." Shakily, Castiel slid his arms down to get a better and more secure grip on his niece and pulled her off the countertop, her arms already flung around him and clinging tight. He stepped carefully so as to not trip over the loose laces. One casualty going to the hospital was already one too many.

"Crap, wait, where's Gabe's wallet?" Sam paused in helping Gabriel to stand up, leaning his weight heavily onto the taller Winchester, and looked over at Dean's question.

"Why do we need - ?"

"Insurance shit or something."

"Good point."

"Uh…table next to the couch." Gabriel winced as he tried to move forward with Sam. He made the mistake of looking down and seeing the blood he had left behind. He swallowed and tried to focus on something else. Sam didn't have proper shoes on. More like sandals. He swallowed again. There was blood all over the sandals. Shit.

Then they were moving again, Dean getting in front of all of them to get the doors opened and the Impala ready. Sam helped him into the backseat and then with a quick glance at Castiel and his niece, got in beside Gabriel and urged the other two into the front. Thank god for bench seats. Sam knew it wasn't exactly the safest move, especially with a child, but he didn't think it was a good idea for either of them to be trapped in the back with Gabriel bleeding all over the place. None of the Novak's were looking all that great right now, though Castiel was managing to keep himself together for the little girls sake. He figured, at least, if they did get pulled over, one look at Gabriel and the cops would give them a pass.

Despite dire predictions of the traffic by Dean, he managed to work miracles, weaving in and out of the traffic, finding the most unlikely holes and slipping into them in his bid to move forward. He cast worried glances at the two beside him as he drove, looking into the rearview and catching Sam's eye once or twice. But he daren't take his eyes of the road for too long.

It was a huge relief when they made it to the Emergency Room entrance of the closest hospital. He gritted his teeth as he left the Impala idling, letting Castiel and Claire get out, Sam helping Gabe out as well. As soon as the four of them slammed the doors, Dean pulled away to park, hoping he didn't have to go too far and he could rejoin them quickly.

 It didn't take long to find them, the Emergency Room not being overly crowded thank god, but before he could make his way over to them, there was a click and then a squeal from right next to him. He jerked back from the suddenness of it and turned to look at the very young woman standing there with wide eyes.

"Oh. My. God! It's Dean Winchester! Can I –"

"I'm sorry, I need to – " he gestured inwards and tried to sidestep her.

"Please, it'll only take minute!"

 "Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I kinda am in the _Emergency Room_ for a _reason_ , so please, excuse me." Hardly capable of restraining his temper, Dean swung around the woman with the phone blocking his way. The disappointment on her face was obvious and he hated that he had caused it, but he needed to get back to Castiel and his family.

Gabe was slumped, pale face against Sam, eyes closed and brow pinched but making no complaint. Sam had a reassuring arm around him while Gabriel's leg was stretched out, another chair pulled over to rest it on. Castiel sat on the other side of his brother, Claire still huddled in tight but no longer crying. That was an improvement. Both of them looked pale as they looked up at Dean's approached. Claire twisted and reached out her little arms and Dean easily picked her up from Cas's lap and dropped carefully into the seat next to him, leaning in his direction. The elder Winchester held her tight.

"How you all holding up, here eh? It was kinda scary there for a few minutes, right?" Claire nodded into his neck but didn't say a word. Cas's blue eyes were a lot less panicked then they had been earlier as he stared at Dean and Claire. He reached forward and brushed aside a lock of her hair, though she didn't notice.

"I think we're okay now, Dean. We're just waiting for someone to see us. I don't understand what's taking so long. It doesn't exactly look like it's hopping in here." He hesitated. "Dean, I don't know who they'll let in there with him, if I need to leave Claire behind, will you…?"

"Of course Cas, you don't even need to ask. Claire, you okay with staying with me if your uncles can't bring you with them?" She nodded again. Dean looked over Cas to his brother. Gabe's eyes were still screwed shut. "How you doin' there Gabe?"

"Just peachy, Winchester." He grumped. "My foot is throbbing painfully and every time I move it I can feel the glass. Why the fuck couldn't I take it out?"

"God Gabe, we have no idea how deep it is or where it hit. Taking it out before getting here could have meant a hell of a lot more bleeding if it was in the wrong spot. That wouldn't have been good for you. Then it really _would_ have been an emergency. This should be just a few stitches and you're good."

"Yeah, and even if it _is_ in the worst place possible, well now you've got surgeons instead of a couple of barely trained first responders. Trust me; you don't want Sam doing stitches. You should have seen the state of his clothes whenever he tried to mend them himself."

"Shut up Dean. Like you were any better." Gabriel managed a weak laugh before moaning. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could get a sound out, a nurse came over with a wheelchair.

"You boys ready?"

"Fuck yeah." Gabriel tried to get up but Sam stopped him. Standing, he helped maneuver Gabriel into the wheelchair as the rest of them stood up to go with him. The nurse shook her head.

"No fellows, I'm afraid we can't let you all in. The rooms aren't that big and it's probably best not to bring the child through there anyway. One of you can come if he wants you. Family only." Castiel nodded, wrapping Claire in a hug, kissing her forehead before speaking up.

"I'll go then." He put a hand on Dean's arm and patted it briefly, before looking over at Sam. "Thank you both for everything. Claire, you be good for Dean and Sam. We'll be back before you know it, all right sweetie?" She nodded at him and Castiel followed the nurse as she wheeled Gabriel away. Sam and Dean stood watching after them before finally settling back down in the chairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fan interaction, yeah I know. not all fans are that inconsiderate. I've got a better one coming up in the next chapter.
> 
> also, i just did some fixing because of some issues that happened trying to use my phone to post this. all minor though.


	37. Hospital Visits and Fan Interactions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not all hospital visits are bad, and neither are fan interactions. Dean, Sam and Claire meet a fan and her kid who help distract them while waiting for Castiel and Gabriel to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CaptainAwesomeEllie is running a weekend writing marathon, and geek-kitty is running writing sprints on tumblr throughout the weekend. I hadn't intended on doing any writing this weekend (i have a bunch of art projects to work on) but i left my prep work AT work and since i'd already started this chapter, which is a direct continuation of the previous chapter that i had just finished, i decided to use the sprint to finish up and polish it off so i could post it for ya! 
> 
> I almost posted it as a single chapter, but It's broken up because it would wind up being overly long if i didn't, an i like to keep things somewhat consistent in each stories if i establish a certain length chapter for them. I know i don't always succeed though. Sorry guys!
> 
> Now i'm off to work on one of my other projects. I did some DCBB (art) work today, and i'd LIKE to get another chapter of Route 66 done cause its been a while since i posted one, and i'd also like to do some editing on Broken (which isn't open yet for viewing but i really want to get it done so i can put it out there)
> 
> Wish me luck?  
> Also, can you tell me what my favorite part of this chapter was? :D

They watched Cas follow Gabe as the nurse pushed him down the hall."Sammy, what exactly happened anyway?" Dean spoke softly as Claire huddled down in his lap with her eyes closed.

"Well, when I woke up this morning, there was broken glass all over the floor. It was that fruit bowl that Ellen gave us for a housewarming gift."

"Ugh, that ugly thing? But how'd it break?"

"Don't you remember? It happened when you guys came home last night."

"I think I'd remember doing something like that."

"I'm pretty sure it was you guys. I heard the Impala pull in and then very shortly after there was a crash in the kitchen."

"Shit, so it's my fault Gabe got hurt? Cas is gonna kill me."

"I don't know if it was you or Cas or a combination of both. Hell, for all we know, you just knocked it a little off center and it teetered till it finally fell after you left the room."

"Still doesn't make it  _not_  my fault!"

"Dean, you can't fix something you didn't know about and I know you would have cleaned it up if you knew. It wasn't on purpose and Gabe'll be fine. I just wish I'd finished cleaning it up before he woke up. It's obvious he forgot about it by the time he woke up. I was lucky I remembered before we stepped in and I made sure that Claire and I put our shoes on first."

"Why was Claire on the counter?"

"Have you _seen_ some of those kids' shoes they sell? I didn't trust them.  I'm positive even the smallest chunks of glass could have still gone right through. So I carried her in and set her down so we could talk while I cleaned up. Keep her entertained and not wake up her uncle, either of them."

"So basically, you're all around saying it was all of our faults except for Claire?"

"Yeah, I guess I am. But more accurately, that it wasn't really  _anyone's_ fault. It was just an accident, a bad series of missteps…um...so to speak." They were silent for a few minutes before Dean looked down and realized Claire's eyes were open and staring up at him.

"What's the matter, Claire?" His voice was gentle and she reached up and patted his cheek with a small sniff.

"It's okay. I'm not mad. I was a little scared, but I'm not mad. Sam's right, it was just an accident." Dean held his breath as he realized that Claire had been listening in on their conversation.

"I'm still sorry, sweetie." The term Cas often used when talking to Claire slipped right out of his mouth without Dean even realizing it and she smiled at him before laying her head back down against his chest and taking comfort in him.

 

 Dean wasn't sure how long they'd been waiting there - how long could a couple of stitches even take? - before his brother started laughing. He startled and looked over at him, brow raised. Even Claire looked up at Sam with a curious tilt to her little head, so like her Uncle Cas.

"What's so funny?"

"Dude!" He snickered some and tried to bring himself back under control. "I just realized...we're all of us still in our pajamas!" Dean blinked at Sam's words. He looked at Sam more closely, then down at himself and Claire.

"Huh. I guess we are. Now isn't that silly?" He grinned at Claire and was glad to see an answering smile on her young face.

"Oh my god!" he heard a whisper and he closed his eyes in dread. "Sam and Dean Winchester...! Oh my god...! Are you two all right?" he blinked his eyes open to find another young woman there, a small child in tow.

"Oh, um...no, I mean, yeah, we're fine. We're here for a friend." She looked at the three of them, her wide eyes traveling over their clothes but it was her little boy that mentioned the blood all over Sam and Dean's pants. Claire winced and hid her face again.

"Shhh…Billy!" the woman looked down at her little boy in horror and then back up, concern still in her eyes, mixed with an apology. "I'm sorry about that. Anyway, I hope it wasn't anything serious?"

"Oh, no, no, he'll be fine."

"That's good to hear." She sighed out in relief.

"How about you? What brings you to the ER on a day like this?" Sam asked.

"Oh, my husband broke his arm. We're just…trying to kill time before he comes back. Looking for uh, a distraction for…" She broke off with a look downwards, playing with her sons' hair. "I think you know what I mean?" She looked back up and stared softly at the little girl curled up on Dean Winchesters lap.

Dean relaxed the longer the woman talked with them, her little boy staring up at them shyly. He and Sam both followed her gaze to Claire as Dean nodded. "Yeah, we do."

"Billy's a big fan of the show. I guess that's my fault." She said with a shrug and a sheepish smile. Dean and Sam laughed and Claire peeked out and stared at the little boy. They looked to be about the same age. He waved, a small wiggle of fingers really.

"I'm Billy."

"Hi Billy. I'm Claire." She sat up and Dean let his arms drop away so she could slide off his lap. As the two children stared at each other, Sam had another epiphany, one somewhat less amusing than the one about their current state of dress.

"Dean, did you bring your phone? Cause I didn't seem to have."

"Yeah, I grabbed it when I picked up my keys. I always put them down in the same place when I hit the hay."

"Great, can I borrow it for a few minutes? I want to check something." Dean shrugged and handed the phone over; he was glad the sleep pants he'd used for pajamas in polite company had a set of pockets in them. Just enough for phone, wallet and keys.

Sam was just turning it on when there was a chime from the messenger app and Dean recognized it as Charlie immediately when the Harry Potter themed sound effect came across loud and clear.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to open that. Bad timing…" Dean shrugged again at Sam's words.

"Whatever, what's she saying?"

"Let me check." Sam looked back down at the phone and frowned, tapping the screen and then sliding his finger down again and again, his frown deepening. "Dude, you were rude to a fan? Today? When the hell did you even have time to do that? We just woke up for god's sake, and we've been dealing with an emergency ever since."

"Sammy, what are you talking about?"

"Charlie found it on twitter and its blowing up everywhere apparently. There's a picture of you in those pajamas – blood and all!" he turned the screen of the borrowed phone back towards Dean who looked at it, ready to deny everything when his mouth rounded into an "Oh" of realization.

"Ah, yeah, I remember that. You guys were checking in here and I'd just finished parking the car and was trying to get back. I mean, I know Gabe's injury isn't all that serious and everything – it looked a hell of a lot worse than it was, and yeah, I know it could have _been_ worse depending on…well anyway. You know I was more worried about…" Dean paused and glanced over at Claire where she and Billy were now chatting quietly and Sam nodded in understanding. "But she didn't know why I was in the ER, how bad it could have been and she was pushing for a photo or something and wouldn't let me by. I did try to be polite first. I promise."

"On the bright side, some of our fans seem to be calling her out on her behavior, pointing out the state you're in and where you are as reasons."

"I guess some people have some sense, at least."

"Wait, someone here is mad because you wouldn't take a picture with her?" The woman stared at the two actors in disbelief. "What did she think you were here for? A pool party?" Dean just stared and Sam started laughing.

"Oh god…that’s great! I think I love you." He covered his eyes as he laughed. The silence of the ER room was broken by the sound, drawing attention to them. A few people looked annoyed, a few others looked on in hopeful interest. Dean figured any distraction was a good one when people were worried. He managed to close his jaw as he stared at the blushing woman.

"It's just, I mean, we're in a hospital. Not just the hospital, but the Emergency Room! You could have any number of horrific reasons for being here and I just don't understand why anyone would behave like that." Dean could see the fan was getting mad on their behalf and he leaned out from his seat to catch her arm.

"It's okay - ?"

"Melissa."

"Melissa. Nice to meet you Melissa. And it's really okay. Most of our fans aren't like that. We're not going to judge the whole kit and caboodle by one who probably wasn't in a very good frame of mind herself, considering she was also in the Emergency Room." Sam's laughter stopped and Melissa's mouth shaped into an "Oh" of understanding, a mirror of Dean earlier, her eyes widening.

"I hadn't even thought of it like that." She looked between them both, at their serious but kind faces. "You two really, you guys are really something else, did you know that?" Both of them blushed, Dean kind of ducking his head a little as Sam stumbled out a sincere thank you.

Melissa took a seat next to them since Billy was playing with Claire now. She looked over at the Winchesters a little uncertainly. "Um, do you mind if I sit here?"

"Go ahead. I promise we don't bite." Sam smiled at her and she relaxed. Dean's phone chimed again and he looked down at it to find another message from Charlie.

"Huh. Charlie's suggesting we do damage control."

"Like what? It's pretty clear from the picture that you were in an ER and probably didn't mean to be rude, or that if you were, you probably had a good excuse." The phone chimed again even as Dean tried to tap out a response. He groaned at the phone's interruption and checked the message.

"Um, apparently quite a few people are freaking out because I'm at a hospital covered in blood without a sign or mention of you and everyone thinks something happened to you. And we haven't exactly told Charlie anything yet ourselves, so as far as she knows, something _did_ happen to you."

"Oh, that probably would be a good idea. Um…what should we do?" Dean looked thoughtful for a second and then looked over at Melissa who was trying not to eavesdrop, which he appreciated but wasn't too concerned about at the moment. An idea came over him so suddenly he felt as if a light bulb should have gone off.

"Melissa, want to get a selfie with us?" Her head whipped around, eyes wide once again, her mouth dropping open.

"I – uh, well I wanted to ask but…I mean, we're in the ER and…I just, I thought it'd be rude to ask and so I didn't…"

"Relax, Melissa," Sam held a hand out in a placating manner as he spoke. "Dean had an idea. You heard what we were talking about right? No offense if you did, we weren't exactly being quiet."

"Do you have a twitter account?" Dean continued. She nodded. "Great, we're gonna take a selfie with you on your phone and then people will have picture evidence that Sam's doing just fine, plus, you've been so considerate I just, I'd like to give you something and I don't exactly have much on me at the moment."

Her eyes were a little star struck as she nodded at them. She looked down and fumbled at her purse for her phone and the three of them arranged themselves to get a picture. Eventually, they settled on Claire taking the photo for them, Billy sitting on his mother's lap. That worked just fine for Dean since he didn’t know Castiel's stance on pictures of Claire being on the internet.

After about a minute of tapping on her phone, Dean's twitter alerted him to a tag and he looked down at the picture of the four of them, complete with her tweet:

_At the ER. Bad day got better. Thnx to @Impala67 and @HunterSam_

Dean showed it to Sam and they both grinned before Dean went back to his phone and started tapping out his own tweet. Might as well update everyone personally right? Plus, Charlie would also receive it. It took him a while to come up with something suitably short enough to fit within the twitter limit, but eventually he settled on:  _Bad morning @ house = in public in bloody PJs. Not 2 serious but I feel disgusting. cant wait 2 go back home & get clean! @HunterSam agrees. _He reviewed it several times and hit the tweet button. Sam practically yanked the phone out of his hand so he could see what he'd come up with and he frowned at him.

"God Dean, you're practically unintelligible."

"Yeah?  I'd like to see you do better with that character limit."

Sam grinned at him. "Challenge accepted, jerk." Melissa started laughing at the brothers antics even as she continued to watch the children playing together. She was so glad for this moment. Billy had been distraught and as much as she'd tried to assure him that a broken arm wasn't anything except inconvenient and painful, he wouldn't calm down. But now he was distracted and happy and would probably not even notice how long it was taking for his father to come back. And the same was happening for the little girl. Melissa didn't know who she was, though she looked familiar, but she didn't want to invade the actors' privacy any more than she already had.

"Hah!" the taller Winchester called out triumphantly and handed the phone back to Dean who grabbed it with a skeptical frown and looked at it.

_@impala67 & I came to a friend's rescue this morning. Thank God nothing serious but what an exciting way to start the day._

"Oh screw you." Dean did not pout at his brother. He almost threw the phone back at him before he remembered that it was _his_ phone, not Sam's. Melissa smothered another laugh at his aborted arm movement and the look on his face.

Dean tried to ignore them both by looking back at his phone, checking the time and seeing responses to his, Sam's and Melissa's tweets. Charlie was still messaging him too and he hadn't yet answered any of her texts. He should probably do that. Sam shook his head at Dean's behavior and offered Melissa an apologetic look.

The three of them stayed that way, sitting together as they watched Billy and Claire playing while they talked. Dean occasionally answered messages on his phone. Other people came and went through the ER and Dean was just glad that nothing gory had come in while they were there. If there _had_ been, he wasn't too sure what Claire's state of mind would be like, or if he'd be enough to help keep her calm while her uncle's were tied up.

At last, a door at the end of the hall opened and Dean looked up - as he did every time he heard it opening - to see Cas pushing a wheelchair filled with Gabe and crutches down the hall and back towards them. Gabe's eyes were open, but his head was lolling in the wheelchair with a goofy grin on his face _. Oh yeah, they must have given him the **good** painkillers_. Dean smirked and stood up. Startled, Sam looked up and leaned forward to peer around Dean and then stood up himself. Melissa noticed their movement out of the corner of her eye and had her own gaze drawn up from her phone to look at them before following their line of sight to see who they were looking at.

And then it clicked. The little girl was Claire Novak. Because the man pushing the wheelchair was her uncle, Castiel Novak. She didn't obsessively follow the fandom, but she'd seen enough through friends to hear about both of them and some of their troubles. Before she could think any further on the subject, the little girl leaped to her feet and ran over to the approaching men.

"Uncle Gabe! Are you okay?"

"I'm all good Claire Bear! Just a little cut on my foot! Docs closed it up by sewing it, just like that doll you had once. Yooooou know, the one with the tear in its arm that I fixed for ya." Gabe's words were a little loopy but the child didn't notice, just happy to see that her uncle was alright.

"Why do you have crutches _and_ a wheelchair?" Claire tilted her head at the sight of her uncle clutching the crutches crossways across his chest so he didn't snag anything on their way past. The crutches drooped in his lax grip as Gabriel pouted.

"Cause they won't let me keep the wheelchair. They said I just have to keep off my foot for a few days though, so they gave me crutches. Cheapskates."

"Huh? Why are they cheapskates?"

"Don't listen to Gabriel, sweetie, he's a little out of it because they gave him some medicine."

"Pffft, I'm fine, Cassie, no worries." Sam and Dean finished saying their farewells and good lucks to Melissa and finally reached the Novak family.

"All set? Who wants to get out of here?"

"God yes." Cas muttered.

"I'll get the car." At their nods, Dean set off, almost jogging so he could get out to the car and back with it quicker. Gabriel looked over at the taller Winchester and grinned.

"Saaaaaaaaaam! Can I kiss you? I wanna kiss you. You know, they say if you kiss a booboo, it makes it _aaaaall_ better. You wanna kiss my booboo?" Gabriel gave Sam a puppy dog look, ruined by his waggling eyebrows and his giggles. Castiel groaned.

"Oh my god, Gabe. I can't believe you right now. I am so sorry Sam."

"Don't worry about it Cas. Here, I'll take over, I think Claire would like one of you right now and since Gabe is a little out of commission here, that leaves you."

"Are you sure?" At Sam's nod, Castiel let go of the wheelchair and scooped his niece up into his arms. "How have you been, sweetie?"

"I'm okay Uncle Cas. I made friends." She pointed back towards the Emergency Room and waved at the little boy who was waving enthusiastically back before crawling into his own mother's lap. Castiel looked back down at his niece, a far cry from the scared little girl she'd been just a few hours earlier, and smiled.

By the time they arrived at the entrance, the Impala was already pulling in front of the doors. Sam helped Gabriel into the backseat, Cas and Claire climbing in on the other side to be next to him. Claire latched onto Gabriel and hugged him hard before settling down between her uncle's with a happy smile. Sam wheeled the chair back towards a nurse who had followed them out to reclaim it.

Within moments, the car was full and they were well on their way back to the Winchester household.


	38. Breaking Down and Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to leave California - so much has changed from such a short trip....and nobody really wants the Novaks to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an extra long chapter because I couldn't decide where it was good to cut it. One of the choices would have left the NEXT chapter REALLY REALLY small and usually when i have super small chapters i'll post the next one right away but I can't do that with the next one (though it is also really small) because I have it paired with another chapter to keep a certain section together.
> 
> I wrote MOST Of this chapter during Captainawesomeellie's Weekend Writing Marathon
> 
> this chapter has some (small) time skips
> 
> p.s. I edited the last TWO chapters to add in pictures :D Sorry for the delay!

"Do you have everything Claire?"

"Uh huh…"

"Are you sure?"

"Cas, relax." Fingers gripped his shoulders and he relaxed into them as they pressed into the knots. He managed not to moan when Dean hit a particularly bad spot, but it was close. "If it's anything important, we can mail it out to ya, and if it isn't important, we can always hold on to it for the next time you guys visit."

Castiel nodded, his eyes slipping closed as he enjoyed his boyfriends – boyfriend! This was real right? – fingers and proximity. Who knew the next time they'd get a chance to see each other? He'd squeeze in every bit before he had to get on that plane and leave Dean behind. He was already not looking forward to that part.

"Gabriel, are you sure you shouldn't just stick around for a few days? I mean, you've got the crutches, I'm betting that’s hard to deal with on a plane."

"Wish I could Sam-bo, but I got a shop to run, and I've already taken more time away than I probably should have."

Castiel peeked one eye open to try and look at their brothers discretely. That had been a surprise. He knew Gabe had something for Sam but hadn't thought it was all that serious. Just regular old, fan hero worship. There was plenty of it out there in the world that he didn't think anyone could blame him for the thought. But still, Sam's reaction had been…well, not negative. Maybe even welcoming? It'd only been a couple of days, he's almost positive the two of them hadn't done anything…yet. But…there was definitely something there.

Dean's lips brushed his ear and Castiel took in a shaky breath. His voice rumbled out soft and low as he tried to make sure no one else could hear him when he spoke.

"So Cas, you wanna make a bet about those two?"

"How so Dean?"

"How long it takes before they man up to each other and go for it."

"Dean…its…If Sam was female, I'd say Gabe would be all over him. But he's not, and Gabriel's just figuring himself out right now. I don't think he's comfortable with making the first move. I didn't get the impression that Sam would do so either. I'm betting they're stuck in limbo as long as or longer than we were. Which, yes I know, was pretty much all my fault."

"No, Cas, you had reason. I don't fault you for it at all" Dean turned Castiel around so he could look into the blue eyes that captured him since day one. He reached a hand up, trailing his fingers across Cas's cheek. The artists' eyes fluttered closed as he sucked in a breath. He covered Deans hand with his own, halting its progress, just holding it there as he leaned into it.

"I'm going to miss you Dean."

"Yeah Cas," he cleared his throat. "Same, man. Same."

"God Cassie, you're such a sap. Get a move on or we're gonna miss our flight!" Gabe called from the front door, where Sam already stood, carrying Gabriel's bags. Castiel turned with a sigh.

"I thought you were going to meet us there so you could return the rental?"

"Sure, but I wanna make sure you're actually moving before I go. I'd hate to get to the other end of the flight and realize that not only have I been grounded because of these stupid crutches, but that I'm stranded because your love sick ass was sitting on standby at the airport."

Castiel rolled his eyes at the dramatics of his brother, but he supposed they were, at least partially, deserved. Not to mention, Castiel still felt pretty damn guilty about what had happened the day before.

_When_ _they'd arrived back at the Winchesters house, phone out to speed dial an order for a couple of pizzas, Castiel had needed to take a few moments to himself. He'd found himself sitting on the bed of the guest room by himself. Claire was fine. She'd recovered from her freak out, largely thanks to the Winchesters and the fact that Gabe was, in fact, all right, just a little banged up. But he had been pushing off his reaction as best as he could and now he was breaking down and he didn't want anyone to see it._

_He was frankly amazed he'd managed to last this long without breaking down. He started to shake as he remembered that morning, how he'd frozen in the face of his brothers' injury. How useless he'd been. Instead of staring in horror, he could have fucking **helped**_ _him. But no, he'd just stood there like a moron.  And if nobody else had been there, if Sam and Dean hadn't taken charge, would his brother have bled out? Fuck!_

_Before he knew it, his breath was catching in his throat and he was gasping, doubling over, arms wrapped around himself. His usual mantra was useless, he couldn't even get his mind to slow down enough to whisper the words that would help him regulate his breathing and calm his panic. Instead, he was stuck on a loop, remembering the events of that morning over and over and over and over –_

_Breathing came harder and pain started to lance through his chest. Hands grasped his shoulders, warm and firm and **there**. They pulled him into an embrace, tucked his head into the crook where shoulder met neck, leaving his face open to breathe instead of buried in cloth._

_"Breathe Cas. He's alright. Your brothers' just fine. You left him only a couple of minutes ago. Claire's all right too. I swear, this morning didn't traumatize her any more than she's already been. She's not gonna backslide. You've both come too far for that. Come on, baby. Breathe for me. In, out, in, out. Match me, okay." Dean took in deep breaths and let them out, each one slow, establishing a rhythm. Unconsciously, Castiel had started to echo it. His breathing became normal enough to stop gasping, though it was still harsh. His body still shook, his eyes were squeezed shut tightly._

_"God Dean, I froze. My brother needed me and **I froze**." Dean slid his hands up Cas's shoulders, down his arms and back up again and rubbed at them, pushing at the knots gathered there._

_"Babe, yes, you froze. Hell, you both froze. But when Claire needed you, you were there for her. Gabe was taken care of. Sammy had him. He was good. I bet a part of you knew that even as you were freaking out."_

_"But – "_

_"It doesn't matter that you froze, man…Gabe isn't mad at you. In fact, if anyone would understand, I think it would be him."_

_"That doesn't make it better Dean." Castiel managed hoarsely._

_"Doesn't mean it's bad either." Castiel tried to pull away, but he was still shaking, still breathing roughly, though at least he was breathing better. Dean's arms tightened around him, his hands continued moving up and down._

_"What if you or Sam **hadn't** been there Dean? How many times will something like that happen and I become a fucking immovable block? What if it had been more serious and that happened?"_

_"Cas, babe, you're strong. Stronger than you know, and just based on how you reacted when Claire needed you, you'd have been okay. And **then** you maybe would have freaked out. You snapped out of it. You were able to cope and deal just fine as soon as you did. Look, I know I'm not an expert, you should talk to Pam about this, but I'm sure I'm right man. I really think that, when push came to shove, you'd have done everything you needed to, everything you could do. I mean, look at you, Cas, you didn’t fall apart till everybody was safe." All the while he spoke Dean had stroked Cas's head, his back, kept him pulled in tight against his chest, gauging the rising and falling of the blue eyed mans chest._

_They had stayed silent for a good long while as Sam kept Gabriel and Claire occupied downstairs. Probably getting the man comfortable and setting up the television. Dean had only needed to give his brother one glance for Sam to nod and help keep Claire away from her uncle till Dean had had a chance to check on him._

_He was damn glad he had. As the shaking ceased and the breathing became steadier, calmer, Castiel had to admit that he was glad Dean had come after him, despite his initial belief that he'd need to fall apart alone. Despite his embarrassment that anyone, even Dean, would see him like this. He hated it, breaking down, though he was sure many people hated it. But it seemed especially bad for him._

_Eventually, after he'd calmed down, they'd made their way downstairs in time for the pizza to arrive and everyone dove in. No one made mention of what Castiel may or may not have done, and things moved onward. He relaxed even further through the night, even as the day of departure loomed closer._

Now here they stood, putting his and Claire's things into the trunk of the Impala. Dean hadn't wanted to just let Cas go, but he couldn't drive everyone when the rental needed to be returned as well. So Dean would drive the Impala with Cas and Claire, while Sam drove Gabriel in the rental. They lost each other on the highways due to traffic, but Dean wasn’t worried. Sam knew where he was going.

They all made it with plenty of time to spare and they checked their bags in. Due to the new airport laws and security, it was here that would be their last time to look upon each other for who knew how long.

Castiel, Gabriel and Claire stood in the security line and the three of them stared mournfully at the Winchesters who were dwindling further away with every step forward towards the x-ray machine, metal detector and TSA agents they took.

It had been hard, not kissing Dean at the airport. But he knew his fans could be anywhere and he wasn't ready to be made any more public than he'd already been. It was torture though. He'd managed to caress his cheek, down his jaw line. The yearning in Dean's eyes had been almost impossible to resist.

"Call me when you get in?" Dean whispered helplessly. Castiel swallowed and nodded. Claire threw her arms around Dean, breaking the moment. She sniffled.

"Come visit us soon Dean!"

"I will, promise Claire bear." She grinned happily before throwing herself into Sam's arms next.

"Will you visit us next time too?" She asked excitedly.

"Who knows, it's a good possibility. A strong maybe." He said solemnly to the little girl. She hugged him as she had hugged Dean and that was that. The Novak's turned away, with multiple, reluctant glances being tossed behind them at the Winchesters.

 The next week was torture. Castiel had insisted that Gabriel stay with him while his foot healed up. "It's just a cut Cassie, not a broken leg." He'd protested. Castiel had glared at him with narrowed eyes.

"I know you Gabe, you'll try to do too much and hurt yourself further. Just…it would make me feel better to see you." Gabriel had taken one, long look at his younger brothers face and finally nodded.

"Okay, Cas, if that's what you need." He said softly. To be honest, Gabriel wasn't really all that averse to it either. He'd seen how shaken up both his brother and niece had been, had needed to distract himself from looking down at his foot and all the blood and he'd seen it. Cas had held up well, considering how he must have been feeling. The sight of blood must have thrown him and Claire right back to the very memories they had been trying to get over.

So no, Gabe didn't _really_ have any objection to staying with Castiel and Claire for however long was needed. It would make all of them feel better in the long run. But he hadn't counted on Claire pouting about not being able to see Dean or Sam. And if he thought Claire was bad, Cassie was impossible to deal with.

"I'm not moping, Gabe." The younger Novak insisted with a growl as he stomped around the kitchen.

"Then what do you call this?" Gabe gestured at him and Cas rolled his eyes.

"I call them pajamas."

"Yeah, Cas, and it's like, 3 in the afternoon. Why are you still in your pajamas?"

"Because I work from home and they're comfy."

"Or you stayed up too late last night Skyping Dean." Castiel rattled around in a cabinet and pretended to ignore Gabe, making as much noise as he could. Yup, staying with his brother was definitely harder than he'd thought it would be. Gabriel looked around carefully to make sure Claire wasn't within earshot before he hobbled over to be near his brother for good measure before saying in a low voice,

"You know how to improve your mood right? If you're missing him? Phone sex! Or whatever they call it if you do it on Skype." Gabriel waggled his eyebrows leeringly and Castiel fumbled a couple of the tea containers from the upper cabinet in shock, dropping and spilling them all over the counter and floor. He leaned his head against the cabinet door, his fingers gripping the countertop tightly, eyes closed as he growled.

"Fuck, Gabe!"

"No, don't involve _me_ in your sex life Cassie. I'm not that kinky."

"Gabe!"

"Though, I suppose, if you want to share, just let me at the tall one and I'll be happy." Gabriel sighed dreamily. He looked back over at his brother when he heard a repeated clunking sound, only to find Castiel hitting his head on the cabinet door. "Hey, hey! You know I'm just teasing right? I mean, sure, I like Sam, I'm not teasing about that. I just mean, I'm just teasing _you_. You know, trying to lighten the mood?"

"There is no mood to lighten." He stepped away from the counter in search for a broom, thankful it was just tins and leaves. He suppressed a shudder at the thought of more broken glass.

Gabriel eyed him, then the mess on the floor and back at his brother again, now returning with the broom and dustpan. "Sure, whatever you say Cassie."

In the end, it was Claire that managed to achieve what Gabriel had set out to do. Sneaking her uncle's phone, she'd called Meg up and convinced her to come over for a visit. Armed with loads of Chinese food and beer, Meg had showed up unannounced. She took over the living room and set up some movies and had everyone laughing and in a much better mood within the hour.

It was the first time they'd seen Meg since they got back from California, Castiel realized belatedly, and he was glad that she had come over. Claire chattered excitedly about the trip, interrupted only by her uncle's for their viewpoints and their own tidbits. Eventually, Claire fell asleep on the couch and he carried her up to her room carefully, settling her in. He returned downstairs and the talk turned more serious, a little more intimate, as Meg tried to dig out a few juicy details from the trip.

"Please tell me you kissed him finally, eh Clarence?"

"Oh, I'm pretty sure they did." Gabriel leered. Castiel blushed.

"What I have or have not done with anyone is nobody's business but mine and the other person involved." He tried for serene composure. Meg broke it with peals of laughter.

"Fuck, Clarence, it was more than a kiss, wasn’t it? How far did you go you sly dog? Wait! Was I right about the freckles? C'mon, I'm your best friend! Ya gotta tell me, for science!" His face burned brighter and both Meg and Gabe fell over laughing. The phone ringing saved him from further torture – so he thought. But when he looked down at the caller ID, his face broke out in a grin, warmth curled inside him as he happily answered it.

"Hello Dean."

"Hey Cas…" Castiel abruptly stood and left the room with a pointed glance at both Meg and Gabe who looked back at him solemnly, crossing their hearts. As soon as he left, they both snorted. Meg fell sideways onto Gabriel's shoulder.

"Oh god, he's got it bad, don't he?"

"Very. But you know, seeing them together, even the little bits that I was able to see…Dean's good for him. For both of them. I'm glad my brothers actually giving this a try. I was worried about him, y'know?"

"Yeah, I know. I was too. I've also seen them together. Clarence has, well, he's definitely improved since he met Dean. I hope this works out. I hope that…" She trailed off, uncertain of how to put what she wanted to say into words, but Gabriel understood her anyway, nodding sagely.

"That life stops fucking him over? I hear ya on that one. He deserves something good. They both do." Gabriel said wistfully.

"So do you. Don't forget about yourself in your worry for your brother and your niece."

"Do I look like the kind of person who'd forget to take care of himself?" She looked at the bandage on his foot, the crutches lying within reach and he hastily added, "Never mind, don't answer that."

She snorted in answer as he told her all about Sam. Upon discovering that she had also met the taller Winchester, he started to pick her brains on everything Sam.

"Geeze, dough boy, I'm not exactly a Sam expert you know."

"Yeah, but you've spent more time with him than I have."

"Just go for it."

"I don't even know if he likes guys! How do I even ask? I hate to admit it, but I'm not exactly the subtlest tool in the box."

"I think you've got that saying a little off." Gabe waved off her comment.

"Who cares, you get what I mean, right?"

"Have you tried just asking him? Sam doesn't seem the type who'd be offended if you did."

"I'm uh…well I haven’t…" Gabe started wringing his hands together and Meg stared. The Gabriel she knew was overconfident and brash. Quick with wit and fast with pranks. This was nothing like she'd come to expect. A voice from the doorway startled them both.

"Actually, you have. You asked Sam to kiss you when you were drugged up. He didn't seem offended, but I think we all figured you were just too loopy to know what you were saying. Or at least he did. I, of course, knew better." Castiel's voice rumbled from the doorway and then abruptly broke closer as he walked further into the room to resume his seat on the other end of the couch.

Gabriel's eyes widened as Meg cackled. "Oh, you smooth talker you." She cackled louder around her words.

"Fuck! I didn't! Really?" the Novak's stared at each other, one in amusement the other in horror. "You are joking, right?"

"I am not. Further, Dean told me Sam was asking after you.  I hope you don't mind but – " Castiel was interrupted by Gabriel's phone ringing. Automatically, his eyes still glued to his brother, Gabriel picked it up and slid the lock screen open.

"Yo! You stab 'em, we slab 'em."

"Uh…I thought you were a baker, not the undertaker of a mortuary?" Sam Winchesters voice came over the phone, clear as a bell and Gabriel winced, his eyes reflexively closing at the same time.

"Oh, uh, Sam!" he squeaked out. "Um, hi! Uh, yeah, no, I mean, it was, just a, you know, phone joke!" he managed to gasp out. "I don’t normally, it was just a…um. Hi Sam." He took a deep breath and tried to calm his suddenly quickly beating heart as he glared over at his brother. He mouthed, "You did this!" and Castiel shrugged.

"Yeah, I did. Your welcome." Castiel whispered back. Grabbing Meg's arm he stood up from the couch and yanked her up with him. "We're going to get some tea in the kitchen. We'll be a while. Join us if you want something."  Gabriel nodded at him, his expression quite as dazed as those who depended on several pots of coffee to wake them up in the morning – before they actually got it.

To Gabriel's surprise and joy, that was just the first of many phone calls and text messaging marathons he wound up having with Sam, though he didn't quite get the courage to straight up and ask Sam if he would be interested in anything more.

It didn't take long to figure out that, just as he didn't have regular conversations with Dean, Castiel didn't have similar contact with Sam. And while it gave Gabriel hope, he also wasn't sure just what to do with that hope. But it never failed to bring a smile to face when he heard his phone chime throughout the day as he worked at his bakery. The fool grin bringing questions from his small staff.

They talked about nothing. and everything. They'd talk for hours, leaving Gabe a beaming mess and yet often, he couldn't tell you what exactly they had even talked about. Sometimes, Sam and he ran prank ideas past each other and then Sam would report how they went after he used them on his brother. Gabriel inevitably fell off counters or out of chairs whenever he listened to Sam's stories because he was laughing too hard at Dean's reactions, even secondhand.

Sadly, though Dean had managed a couple more visits over the next few months, Sam hadn't. Gabriel tried not to think about it. It's why he didn't ask for more, why he tried to quash the hope that had burgeoned. Because if Sam were really interested, he'd make an effort to come out their way, wouldn't he? After all, Dean did, and he avoided planes like the plague which made the effort that much more meaningful.

He tried not to let it get him down. Instead, Castiel and he started throwing themselves back into their old plans. The ones where they had meant to move the shops to a different location in town and work side by side. It wouldn't be the same. Cas was hardly at the shop these days unless his staff needed him. Most of the administrative stuff was capable of being done via computer, and now that Cas had upgraded and taken some classes on how to more effectively use some of that stuff, that’s exactly what he did. From home.

But still, it had been more than a year, closing in on a year and a half since Jimmy and Amelia had…died…and they thought it would be a fitting tribute to them and their undying support, and to Jimmy specifically, to finish the plans that had been set into motion once before. Luckily, no one had shown interest in all that time in the place the brothers had initially looked into. When they reopened communications with the realtor for the space, he first expressed his condolences on their loss, which almost threw a pall over the whole thing, followed by his sincerest wishes that everything worked out for them.

Gabriel and Castiel both walked away from that preliminary meeting more than a little shaken. Together, they debated switching to a new contact for the property but finally decided against it. a new contact would have meant starting over. This guy had already read over all their requests and seen what they liked and didn't like. He had their offer and all they needed to do was give the official okay after one last walk through of the place, to make sure it hadn't deteriorated any since they'd last looked at it.

If nothing else, it kept them busy. The next several months were spent finalizing the deal and hiring contractors to fix up the place the way the needed it to be done. All while Gabriel handled all the day to days in his bakery and Castiel did his own contracted work while learning how to be a father to his niece, and still continue a long distance relationship that had Gabriel wishing for his own. He tried not to dwell on that though, even with continued contact with one, gorgeous, Sam Winchester.

Yup. He was good. Not gone at all.

He even refused to be jealous when Cas received a six month anniversary gift from Dean. Instead he jabbed at him for the corniness of the gift when Cas opened the box and found a bee themed watch and a card that said "Sorry I couldn't Bee with you."

Absolutely refused. Not gonna happen.

That didn't stop the pangs though. The loneliness that was settling deep in his bones. And he knew he was lost because his heart was already decided on Samuel Winchester, actor extraordinaire.

He was well and completely fucked, wasn’t he?


	39. Embarrassing Tattoos and Sappy Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We've seen what Gabe and Cas were up to since they departed California...but what were the Winchesters doing during that time? Also, some things are revealed between Dean and Cas...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied. THIS is the longest chapter. To be fair though, i hadn't written it yet. THIS Is a bonus chapter that I hadn't intended on.
> 
> You can blame Jess (who i guess isn't a member of A03? i hope you see this!) for the nudge. Chapter 38 did what I wanted it to do...i KNEW i wanted some time skips but I guess it was too big. And i was already kinda thinking that, in the back of my head when I got Jess's comment. So thank you :D I hope you like what i've done. 
> 
> So, I thought about it a little and this came about. It's still a time skip, but it picks up at the airport about mid chapter 38 and follows the Winchesters home instead of the Novaks. I stand by what i said - there isn't much to write about with a long distance relationship (or maybe that was just me?), but once i got going, things just flowed...
> 
> still, even though i hadn't initially intended on this chapter, i don't regret it happening this way. Much of it is the same time frame, but in different locations and different viewpoints. It would have been too much and too broken to smush it all together at the same time.

Dean watched Castiel leave with a heavy heart. Sighing mournfully, he turned about and walked away, slapping Sam on the arm and breaking him from his own Novak induced reverie. Sam turned and gave him a half hearted bitch face and fell into step next to his brother as they left the airport.

"So, what's our schedule like for the next couple months?"

"You're asking me? Dude, I leave that shit to you, since we do all of this together, why bother trying to remember."

"I'm not a walking calendar, Dean."

"Yeah, you are."

"And what would you do if I wasn't around?"

"Check my phone." Dean grinned at him. "Bother Charlie. Call Uncle Bobby."

"You're doing this shit on purpose, aren't you?"

"Maybe."

"You're gonna miss him aren't you?"

Dean paused and sighed, running a hand down his face. He nodded. "God, Sammy, this week has been just…it's been something else. It felt just about perfect. Well, aside from a trip to the ER."

"You really feel that way?" Sam eyed his brother as they started walking again. "I mean, it doesn't seem like it'll be easy, with Cas and Claire. They've got so much…just so much stuff."

"You trying to say baggage without saying the word?" Dean narrowed his eyes at his brother who winced in response.

"I guess? And I'm not saying you should drop them because they do, but, I just mean that…you don't feel overwhelmed by it all?" They reached the car and both paused as they got in and settled. Dean took the time to start the Impala and listen to her comforting rumble as he took a minute or two to sort his thoughts. He wasn't a feelings kind of guy, but he thought Sam needed to hear this, because it would apply to him and Gabriel as well.

"Sammy its…it's hard to explain okay. I mean, sure, it's a lot to handle. And I have no idea what I'm doing, if I'm helping him and his niece or not but…at the same time, I can't _not_ try. And he's worth it. God, he's just…I can't put it into words but, I think that…" Dean swallowed and closed his eyes. "I love 'em man, and it hurts to see him going through shit, to think about what he _has_ been through and I just want to, to, wrap him up in my arms and shut the rest of the world away. And Claire is just so innocent, and sweet. They don't deserve what's happened to them."

"Heh, you always did love kids." Sam joked, but then he turned serious again. "Wow Dean, I didn't realize that…you really love him?"

Dean got the car moving as he nodded. He cleared his throat. "Yeah. A lot."

"Have you told him?"

"God! No, Sammy. I can't, not yet. He's just so…we only just got to the point where we're dating, where he's okay with us dating and I'm not, I can't rush things. I can't risk losing him because I spoke too soon."

"He's scared?"

"Wouldn't you be?" Dean snapped back. "His life has been turned upside down and backwards, more than once, and he's got more than himself to worry about. He's the kind of person that will put someone else's needs above his own."

"Sounds like you."

"No, I'm not – "

"Yeah, Dean, you are. Want me to cite examples? I've got something like 30 years worth saved up for you."

"Just, shut up bitch."

"Wow, witty comeback." The traffic parted and the Impala slipped through effortlessly. "So, you really think it's worth it?"

"God yes. I love him and that's enough to be going on I think. I mean, I'm not crazy enough to think it won't be work, but –"

"But it's worth it." Sam turned away and looked out the window as Dean drove. Silence descended on them as he thought about Dean's words. He blindly watched the scenery and before he knew it, they'd returned home. Functioning on auto pilot, he undid his seat belt and moved to get out of the car. Dean's hand on his arm stopped him and had him turning to face his brother.

"Sammy, if there's anything you need to talk about…?" Sam snorted out a laugh.

"What, you're offering to talk? Like, willingly? Emotions and crap?"

"Hey, I was spilling my guts out for you not half an hour ago." Dean grumped back. Sam relented. Dean was right.

"I'm, I just, I was thinking about Gabriel."

"Do you like him?"

"I'm…not sure. I mean, yeah, but I mean, do I, like you and Cas? I don't know."

"Well, I think you need to be sure. I might not say this right, but here goes." Dean took a deep breath, "Gabe doesn't appear as broken up as Cas and Claire do but he's, well, they share a lot of the same history so he's bound to have some issues of his own. And if that's true, I don't think he could handle being toyed with right now. Much as he likes to joke around, that’s not the same kind of thing."

"God Dean, what the hell? I'd never - !" Sam jerked away and pushed out of the car, slamming the door behind him harder than normal. He heard the creak and slam as Dean did the same on the other side.

"Dude, I'm not saying that you ever would, not on purpose. But if you're not sure, I just, I want you to be careful, that's all, jerk." Dean came around the car and stepped past his brother, keys angling for the door. He shot a glance over his shoulder as he pushed the key in. "Look, I've never seen you date anybody other than women, and if you think you might have a broader range than you once thought, it might be a good idea to just…take the time to figure yourself out before you try to pursue anything. If it's gonna work out with Gabe, if it turns out he's the one for you, then I think you owe it to both of you."

Dean left him standing there in the garage and he leaned heavily back on the car, running a hand through his hair. He let out a heavy breath. Dean was probably right. He didn't want to accidentally lead the guy on if it turned out this was just a passing notion. He didn't _think_ it was but, again, Dean was right. He'd never shown any interest in guys before. So what made Gabriel different?

This would take time. He pushed away from the car and stepped into the house. Dean was already moping around the kitchen because Cas was gone and Sam felt a pang of sympathy for his brother.

In the following months, his brother became addicted to his phone and to his computer, barely pausing long enough in the first week after the Novak's departure to drop a piece of paper on Sam's lap as he barreled through the living room and up the stairs. He looked down to find a string of numbers scrawled in Deans overly neat penmanship with the words, " _Call him, bitch"_ written in blue ink.

That was another thing Sam noted over the course of the next several months. How Dean seemed to prefer blue over everything else these days. Given the choice of colors for an accessory, or clothing, it would be black or blue. It used to have been greens or reds but now… Sam shook his head, smiling.

But even that observation hadn't prepared Sam for the day Dean returned from an outing with Charlie, laden down with bags. Helping Dean unpack the shopping bags, Sam noted that more than one item had a bee theme going on. He picked up the newest piece, one of a set of mugs and inspected it, turning it this way and that.

"Dude, what's with all the bees? This is new."

"Yeah, man. Um…well, Cas likes bees. Thought I'd pick up a few things to make this place feel a little more like home next time he visits."

"God Dean." Sam chuckled. Dean's shoulders tensed.   
  
"What?" he barked out.  
  
"You're such a sap."  
  
"Shut up jerk." Sam grinned because there was no real heat behind Dean's words. He pretended not to notice when after everything was settled, Dean took out his phone. Sam heard the snap of the camera and smiled as he left the room.

Dean sent the picture to Cas with the caption " _look what I picked up today_ ". He grinned when he saw Castiel's enthusiastic response. Sam was right, he really was a sap. For the right person, anyway. And god was Cas ever the right person.

The six months after Cas had left was a whirlwind for him. The show took a lot of his time when filming started back up again, broken by interviews and conventions. Thankfully, the con schedule was a lot lighter during filming and he was able to take a few trips to Illinois.

And when he couldn't, he'd hole up in his room with his laptop – much to the teasing of Sam, of course – and turn on Skype. He would never admit it to his brother, but his face would light right up as soon as the call went through and the screen showed a tired face with gorgeous blue eyes and a gummy smile on the other side.

Some days were better for Cas than others. And while Cas would never bring it up himself, not wanting to burden Dean, Dean could tell just by looking at him. The tightness around his eyes, the furrows in his brow, the pure exhaustion in his voice all added up to a bad day. The artist would be drooping more than usual and it was hard, sometimes, to restore the sparkle Dean loved to see in his boyfriends' eyes. It was times like these that he felt the distance between them more keenly.

And other times it was as if the distance was nothing at all as they talked about anything and everything. Filming, conventions, Claire's schooling and how she was adjusting to it. The tattoo business and the upcoming move for him and Gabe. Sometimes Dean found himself sitting down with his brother and comparing notes about the Novak brothers plans for their Heavenly shops, coming up with ideas of their own. Not that they knew anything about businesses like that, but it was fun to brainstorm and then run the ideas by Gabe or Cas.

"You know that Sam thinks we're sexting or something up here?" Castiel blushed at Dean's words as they talked over Skype one night, set up in their respective rooms.

"Gabriel has implied, more than once in fact, that we should be if we weren't already." Castiel reluctantly admitted. Dean let out a hearty laugh.

"Of course he did. What did Meg have to say about it?"

"Why would you think she would say anything?" Castiel tilted his head at the camera and Dean tried not to think about how adorable it was.

"She's your best friend, and kinda snarky. If she was hanging out with you and Gabriel at the time, well, I'm sure she said something."

"You're right, she did. She assumed we'd already "rounded some bases" and asked me about your freckles. She seems highly vested in whether or not you have freckles all over your body for someone who doesn't actually have an interest in you. I don't get it."

Dean snorted and shook his head. "I dunno about her, Cas." He chuckled. "What'd you tell her?"

"I told her it was none of her – or their – damn business." Castiel grinned at him and Dean couldn't help his chuckles from becoming a full on, booming laugh.

"Fuck, Cas, you totally played the innocent. You must have got away with a ton of shit growing up."

"It was easy enough to blame anything necessary on Gabriel. He pulled enough crap that everyone always believed me."

"Does he know?" Castiel looked thoughtful at Dean's question.

"I'm not sure…but I'm not going to go out of my way and ask him."

"Why not?"

"Why not?" Castiel's eyes widened incredulously. "I do not feel prepared to face his revenge should he discover all the blame he undeservedly shouldered for things growing up, from me _or_ Jimmy. It's not something I'm terribly proud of now, not that any of it was overly  _bad_  you know, just…no. I will not be making Gabe aware of any of it, thank you very much."

Dean shook his head and chuckled again, filing it away as potential joking around blackmail for the future and the conversation moved on. Castiel's designs were starting to show up on the set. They were being used for almost everything and the constant reminder that Cas was now a part of it all was a wonderful feeling.

 Dean and Sam wound up wearing clothes made with some of his patterns on it. There would be paintings or sketches in the backgrounds that were his. There would be weapons etched with runes and sigils. Temporary tattoos or body designs for creatures were especially good. And each unique piece of art was picked up on by the fans quickly and lauded for their simple beauty. Castiel was, even though he wasn't even acting on the set, actually picking up a small following and Dean felt inordinately proud of him.

Occasionally, after a particular episode was done, if there was something that would never be used again, Dean would try to sneak it off the set. He managed more often than not and by now he had more than a few things gathered in his room, a veritable collection of Castiel Novak art. He found their presence comforting and wished there were things he could make to send to Cas in return.

Cas's eyes had widened the first time he'd realized what Dean was doing. Dean was panning his laptop across his dresser, showing off the little bits and bobs he'd stolen.

"Won't you get in trouble for that Dean?"

"Only if you tell on me. You gonna snitch Cas?"

"No, of course not. But you know I'll make you anything you want, you don't have to steal from the set." Dean swung the camera back around to look at his own face instead of the things he'd been showing off. His green eyes had become thoughtful.

"I uh…I've been thinking about, well, I told you right? That I wanted another tattoo? I just, I haven't been able to decide on anything. Maybe you could…design me something? I've known I wanted something of yours since I first set foot in your shop."

"Of course, Dean. Maybe you could tell me about the one on your chest?"

"Oh, me and Sammy both have 'em. It's this protection sigil we found in a book at Uncle Bobby's house. When we were younger it was…well, I told you about what happened when we were kids. It's silly, I guess, but, we did it to ward off any further bad luck. Sort of. Does that make sense?" Dean had settled back on the bed again, laptop across his lap and he rubbed at the back of his neck subconsciously. Castiel smiled back.

"It does."

"So what about yours? How many do you have? What are the stories behind them?"

"You know, not all tattoos have stories."

"Really? Most people I know with tatts always have a reason for them."

"I just like them. Jimmy did too, and I'd let him practice on me." Castiel got a faraway look, sad but it wasn't as heartbreaking to watch as normal. Dean felt a glimmer of hope for Cas, that he was making progress, starting to move on. "The bee was the first one he did. My design of course. And a lot of people think it must say something particular profound, being all angelic script and all, but it just really says 'I watch the bees' and it's signed with my name." Dean couldn't stop laughing, though he tried to smother it with his hand.

"Seriously? Oh man, that’s gold. I love it. What else?"

"I have black wings across my back, a few feathers going down my arms. It was, I guess you could say it was a nod to my name and, well, the rest is hard to explain. The wings also represented getting out of our home and away from our parents, flying free. We added the falling feathers afterwards when I came out and I 'fell from grace' in the eyes of our parents."

"Oh." Dean was quiet for a moment. "That must have been hard."

"It was at the time but now…" Castiel shrugged. "I find I couldn't care less about my parents and what they think of me. I know now that they were less than exemplary."

"That's one way to say it. I'd have been a hell of a lot ruder if it was up to me."

"Gabriel would be too." Dean wanted to shift the somber mood, not that he didn't appreciate Cas opening up to him like this but he wanted this to end on a positive note, wanted to get Cas smiling again.

"What else you got?" He nudged. "You got anything anywhere  _inappropriate_?" Castiel turned red. "Oh my god! You do! What is it? Where?"

"I um…it's stupid. And I was drunk."

"Oh man, you gotta tell me now! Unless you wanna show me?" Dean grinned at him and waggled his eyebrows.

"No it was really, really dumb. You'll laugh at me."

"C'mon Cas." Dean wheedled. "If we keep this up - and I plan on sticking around forever, just so you know - you know I'll see it someday. Wouldn't you rather tell me now and prepare me so I don't laugh my ass off when I see it at the wrong moment and ruin the mood?"

Castiel covered his face with his hands and groaned. His face was the reddest Dean had ever seen it.

"Pleaaaaaase…." Dean wheedled some more. Abruptly Castiel shifted the laptop and stood. His face bright, bright red, he turned a little and carefully shifted his clothing. He angled himself so he could check to see that the tattoo was in line with the camera and then looked away again, not daring to look Dean in the eye as he waited for a reaction.

He didn't have to wait long. There was a strangled sound from the computer as Dean attempted to keep from laughing. Castiel rearranged his clothes and sat back down with a sigh. He peeked up at Dean to find his face morphing and contorting as he attempted to hold back the laughter. It was painful to watch, though Castiel had to appreciate the effort he was going through.

"Dean, just…just let it out. You're going to hurt yourself if you don't." Castiel's tone was resigned and Dean lost it. Squinting, Castiel managed to piece together the words Dean was gasping around and through his laughter.

"A…a kitten…oh fuck…oh my god. It's a…it's a fucking kitten."

"Yes Dean, it's a kitten. I'm well aware of that."

"Playing in the…you have a kitten…it's playing in the, in the leaves…oh my god." Dean fell over sideways and broke from view. "I can't believe…you have a tattoo of a kitten…" the voice drifted from off camera.

"I told you it was stupid." Castiel's voice was mournful and Dean managed to pull himself together a little, sitting back, a brilliant grin on his face, green eyes twinkling.

"It's fucking adorable. I just…I've just one question for you." He smothered another giggle and tried to keep a straight face. "It's just, a kitten, okay, I can see it though I'm really surprised it's not another bee, but why is it on your butt?" He broke after that and fell back out of view of the camera as he laughed.

"I wish to god I knew. I'm reasonably certain Meg is responsible for that."

"Meg?"

"How else do you think it got there? Cause it wasn't Jimmy. Not his style. This tattoo is the one design I did _not_ make."

"Okay, okay…" Dean tried not to be jealous about Meg getting her hands all over Cas's ass. To distract himself he went back to chuckling over the tattoo, the vision of it burned into his mind. Yeah, that didn't take much. He smiled fondly at his boyfriend. "God, I love you sweetheart but, a _kitten_?" Dean still couldn't get over it.

"What?" Castiel breathed out. He leaned in closer to the camera, blue eyes wide with surprise and hope. "What did you say?"

"What?" Confused out of his laughter, Dean stared back at Cas. He replayed what he had been saying in his head. What could Cas be talking about?

"Did you mean that?" Cas's gravelly voice was breathless. Dean finally registered what he said and his eyes also went wide, but in shock and fear instead. He stumbled over his words as he rushed to get them out.

"Shit, Cas, oh my god. I'm sorry it just, it slipped out, I didn't meant to…you don't have to...don't have to say it back. It's okay. I didn't want to pressure you…" he was babbling and Castiel felt his heart ache at the look on his face, in his eyes.

"Dean," he said gently, reaching for the screen and wishing Dean was right there to touch in this moment, this precious moment. "I love you too. I just wish I'd…that _we'd_ said it in person for our first time."

"Yeah, me too…" Relief flooded Dean and he gazed at Castiel adoringly. They got lost in each other's eyes for quite a while, each wishing they could take the other into their arms. "I miss you." Dean said softly. Castiel nodded in agreement and opened his mouth but before he could say anything more, his head turned away from the camera. He listened for a few seconds before turning back.

"I'm sorry, I have to go Dean. When will I see you next?"

"I dunno, babe. I've got filming the next two weeks straight. Hopefully I can find a block of time after that. I'll text you, kay?"

"All right." Castiel reached for the mouse, and then hesitated; shyly he smiled and said, "I love you."

"Love you too Cas. You take care of yourself, okay?"

"I will. You too." They broke the connection and Dean fell asleep chuckling to himself.

"A goddamn kitten." He was never letting Cas live that down.

Several days later, Sam found his brother in the living room cursing up a storm. He carefully stepped inside, eyeing all the stuff cluttering the room, his brother sitting at the epicenter of the mess, down on the floor by the coffee table, and cradling his hand.

"What the hell are you doing?”

“What's it look like? I’m trying to make something."

"Yeah, no shit." Sam carefully maneuvered through the mess and picked up a few scraps of leather that was lying about of various sizes. He eyed the metal rings and charms with his brows raised. "This place is a disaster area. What is all this? How'd you hurt yourself?"

"Well, these things are grommets and I've been trying to use  _this_ to punch holes in the leather straps. It's going to be a bracelet." Dean stopped cradling his hand – Sam was relieved to see there wasn't any blood, so likely he'd just pinched himself or cramped his hand – and waved a small, silver cylinder at him.

"Ah." Sam took a closer look, sitting down on the edge of the couch and leaning over. "Dude, I think you've damaged the coffee table." Dean looked up at Sam's words and then over.

"Oh yeah, sorry about that. The grommets need a solid surface, only it's _not_ working." Dean growled.

"You must be doing something wrong."

"Well, duh."

"So why the sudden interest in arts and crafts?" Dean turned red and mumbled. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

"It's for Cas. Our 6 month anniversary is coming up and I wanted to make something special for him. I mean, I can't even be there with him thanks to our filming schedule and I just…wanted to make it up to him."

"What happened?"

"What do you mean what happened? Nothing happened. Can't I want to do something nice for my boyfriend?" Dean turned red again. Sam wasn't letting this go though.

"Yeah well, I know you Dean, and you knew this was coming. You weren't panicking like this before, so why the sudden rush?" Sam pressed.

"No reason." The elder Winchester turned away and picked up the metal cylinder again, obviously considering the topic closed as he set up for another try at pressing a grommet.

"Dean…" Dean couldn't see him, but he knew his brother was tossing him the " _Don't pull this shit with me"_  bitch face. He sighed and resigned himself to spilling it all.

"It's just, I told him, okay. It just slipped out by accident, you know I was planning on waiting but I told him and I thought I'd messed everything up but, he said it back."

"Oooh Dean, that's great!" Sam grinned but Dean didn't look very happy and his smile dimmed. "So what's wrong?" Dean finished setting up the pieces of leather and metal and picked up a hammer. He tapped it a few times, gauging it, and then swung hard. There was a clunk and the cylinder flew out from under the hammer and skittered away across the table and to the floor. Dean cursed. He picked up the leather band and inspected around the grommet and frowned.

"I just, I wanted to…" Dean gestured at the mess surrounding him, the leather flapping in his hand. "It was…it was a big moment, y'know? It should be commemorated or something. And I don't want to just buy a random thing. I wanted it to  _mean_  something, if that makes sense. He deserves it you know? It's just that he's so talented and I can't do shit." Dean tossed the leather piece he'd failed to punch through – again – down to the table. It fluttered down without even a satisfying thunk. He continued to frown at it. "Fuck."  Sam rolled his eyes at his brothers' melodramatics.

"Yeah, he's talented. So are you. Arts and crafts just isn't your talent. How about this, just bite the bullet for now and buy something  _this_  time. I'm sure he'll love whatever you buy anyway. Then we'll use the extra time and I'll help you figure out  _how_  to make what you want and then you can give it to him for his birthday or your 1 year anniversary or another equally special occasion instead. This won't be the only one you guys are going to have."

"Yeah, I guess, it's just that…I don't want to mess this up Sammy, and I'm so scared that I will." Sam clapped him sympathetically on the back.

"It's gonna be fine, Dean. You guys are gonna be fine. Look, I'll go get my laptop, see if I can find any tutorials about making grommet…thingies." Sam stood and Dean looked around at the mess as if seeing how bad it was for the first time. He nodded and stood as well.

"I'll make some tea. Want some?"

"Sure."

The two of them huddled over the laptop in the kitchen, the tea growing cold as they looked up tutorials and YouTube videos. Dean pulled out the sketch of the design he was hoping to make and Sam found more resources based on what Dean wanted to do. It was complicated, for someone who'd never done anything like this before, and it would definitely take some time to get right. Sam was right. He shouldn't rush something like this, not if he wanted it to be special.

Eventually, he hit the store and found something else he thought Cas would like. It was bee themed of course, you could never go wrong with bees when it came to Cas, he mused. It was weird, but nice. He might not understand what Cas saw in bees in general, but he himself was getting kind of attached to them himself. That, he had to concede to himself as he looked at his bee mug dreamily one night, might have something to do with the association that came with it.

All in all, as much as he hated the distance, he was in a good place with Cas. And despite his fears, he had a great feeling about all this. He'd never felt this way before, so happy and content, so in love. It was a little scary how much he felt, but he wouldn't trade it in for anything in the world.


	40. A Parents Worst Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With one phone call, Castiels life is sent into a tailspin again, but he's not alone to pick up the pieces...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been written for a while and is the reason for the tag added many chapters back for 'hostage situation' that i hope everyone noticed. if you didn't, i'm warning you all now.
> 
> if you're super worried, i can promise you it is resolved in this chapter, and no one is hurt. There is nothing graphic either. AT ALL.
> 
> there are 'repercussions' ( for lack of a better word as i fight off another super headache) that will be felt in other chapters, but thats it.
> 
> this was originally broken up into 2 chapters (you'll see where i meant as you know i don't like doing the type of breaks this one has. i like the natural breaks to be chapter break ups.) but i really didn't want folks to worry. so you now have the OFFICIALLY longest chapter in the story.
> 
> I did worry about this chapter. I know i've put a lot of fluffy in this story and i didn't want to take people by surprise if that's what they were looking for but, well, here it is. Please don't be mad at me?
> 
> I don't know when i'll get art for this. i'm trying to work on a whole bunch of projects at the same time that i keep (stupidly) taking on, plus i have a convention that i'm selling at in 2 weeks that i need to prepare for. i'm trying to finish p art for the DCBB, and i've signed up for the CBB as an author (Panic!!!) among other things. Including Inktober where i've probably bitten off more than i can chew since instead of doing a picture and done for every day, i'm working on full comic pages for 2 different stories (one of which is The Things He Kept)

Castiel was deep in the throes of creating when his phone rang. At first he let it ring, not quite registering the sound. When he did finally notice it, he considered not answering. It would break the flow and now, while Claire was at school, was the ideal time to work.

Then again, it could even  _be_  the school, in which case he'd  _wan_ _t_ to answer it. Not that he expected Claire to be in trouble – on the contrary, she was well behaved and despite everything she'd gone through, she was still focused and doing well in school - but she could be sick and sitting in the nurses office right now just waiting for her uncle to get her. Crap. Now his imagination was running away with him. He'd better just answer the damn phone and find out what the hell was going on and hope he didn't lose his creative flow.

"Hello?" He heard a click, a small hiss of static before an automated message started up.

"This is Principle Lee of the Pontiac School District informing all parents of a potentially life threatening situation currently in process at one of our schools. Please do not attempt to contact your children or enter the school. Please let the police handle the…."

The phone dropped and hit the floor, the rest of the message unheard as Castiel struggled for breath. Now was not the time. He needed to know what was happening, what was going on. Was Claire safe? He struggled to get to his feet and stumbled towards the living room. Breathing hard, he found the remote for the TV and with shaking hands he got it turned on and tuned in to the nearest news station. He started to back up to sit on the couch, but he never made it. His knees were too weak and he collapsed right where he stood instead.

"…Yes Michael, it does appear that a single gunman entered the Elementary school only half an hour ago. There were reports of shots, but no information yet on whether or not anyone has been hurt. A few teachers and students managed to escape the school, but most of the faculty are still inside with the children and are unaccounted for…"

The news camera was focused on a woman standing outside the closest elementary school to where Castiel lived. The very same school that Claire attended. His heart was in his throat.  _Oh god! What do I do?_ His breathing was becoming more and more erratic as the TV droned on in the background.  _Why was this happening? Why did things like this keep happening to his family? Oh god, what if Claire…what if…_ He couldn't finish the thought.

He didn't know how long he'd been staring in shock before he realized there was a pounding sound coming from elsewhere in the house. The front door, he managed to think, but he didn't even attempt to move. He continued to stare blankly at the TV as the woman spoke. He couldn't understand her. What was she saying? Her mouth was moving, but he couldn't focus on her words.

"Cassie! Oh god, Cas!" Hands grabbed his shoulders and a face blocked his view of the TV. Still, he was slow to change the focus of his line of sight. He shuddered in his brothers' grip as he finally managed to look up at the concerned face of Gabriel. Castiel realized he was crying when the face wavered strangely. Reaching up to his own face, he felt the wetness currently streaking down his stubbled cheeks.

It was then that he heard a gasping, moaning sound and slowly came to realize the sound was him. Gabriel knelt on the ground beside him, gathering him in close.

"Fuck, it'll be ok, Cas." He rocked his brother as the younger Novak's hands came up to clutch at Gabriel's shirt. "I swear to God, it's going to be okay. Focus on me, okay little brother?" Gabriel continued to talk, continued to rock until finally Castiel was able to calm himself enough to function, though he continued to be a hairs breadth from panic even after Gabriel succeeded.

Drawing in a deep breath, he spoke for the first time since the call, his gravelly voice even rougher than normal, his throat thick and hurting.

"I need to be down there, Gabe. I need to see…"

"I don't think that's a wise idea, Cassie. There's not exactly anything we can do standing outside the school except get in the way. And you're still not as calm as you need to be before you do anything. Let's get you up and into the kitchen all right?"  Castiel shook his head violently.

"No!" his voice was sharp and nearly itself broke on the word. "I need to, I need to…" He gasped again and covered his face.

"You need to take some time to get a grip on yourself. Let me handle things, okay? I'll find out more about what's going on, I promise." Gabriel stood, grabbing his brother by the elbows and levering him up off the floor before steering him into the kitchen and setting him down at his table. He pushed aside the drawing implements and then started for the kettle. He knew his brother, and he needed something common place to ground him, something comforting in its normalcy and consistency. He filled it and quickly placed it on the stove to boil before returning to the living room.

He found his brothers' phone on the floor still droning on. Not having hung up, the automated message just kept repeating, a continuous loop of horrible words. He hung it up quickly. No sooner had he done so, but it rang. He debated answering it – it wasn't his phone after all – but it could be about Claire and his brother was in no condition to be answering it right now. Executive decision made, Gabriel swiped at the screen.

"Hello?"

"Fuck, Gabe, is that you? Where's Cas? Is he all right?"

"Uh, not really Dean. Why are you calling?"

"Why am I – dude! It's all over the news! Are they okay? Is Cas…how's he…how's he handling it?" Dean's voice went from loud and incredulous to soft and filled with trepidation in seconds. Gabriel wiped a hand over his face.

"He's not taking it well. Hell,  _I'm_ not taking it well, but Cassie's a hell of a lot worse off than I am. If something happens to her, I think…fuck," he closed his burning eyes, "I think it'll break him. I don't know if he can come back from this." He whispered.

"Fuck, I'm coming out."

"Dean, I hate to tell you this, but a two day drive isn't going to help much…"

"Screw driving. I'll get a fucking plane. I can be there in…" there was tapping, whispering on the other end, "7 hours. I can be there in 7 hours."

"Okay, okay that’s better than…yeah. Okay." Gabriel swallowed. "Just, be ready Dean, he's a mess, and I don't think I'm far behind."

"You guys hang in there okay? I'll be there soon." More whispers on the other end of the phone. " _We'll_ be there soon. Keep me updated?"

"Yeah, of course."

Gabriel hung up the phone feeling strangely slightly better. He heard the whistle going in the kitchen and pocketed the phone on his way back in. Castiel hadn't moved an inch, just staring at his hands clenched together on the table. Gabriel felt his heart clench in response to the view before him. They'd get through this, they had to.

~~~~ At the same time ~~~~

Dean was bitching at his brother as he packed a bag and his brother was just grinning at him like a loon.

"What, Sam?"

"Dude, it's just, you!" Sam gestured at his brother from where he sat on the edge of Dean's bed and laughed. "You act like this isn't par for course."

"Filming was supposed to be over 3 days ago. I was supposed to be  _in_  Pontiac right now. I had plans, man."

"Did Cas know you were coming?" Dean paused to glare at his brother. "I take it that means no. So why are you so upset? It's not like you've disappointed the guy by not showing up when you said you were. Instead, you're just showing up unannounced."

"Shit…should I not do that? I just wanted to surprise him."

"I don't know Dean, you know him better than I do. Does he like or hate surprises?"

"Um…I think he's kinda neutral. Okay with it unless it's something truly horrible, like uh…" He paused, unable to think of something while his head was a whirlwind of checklists for his trip.

"Like how you met?"

"Uh, yeah, that!" He snapped his fingers and pointed at his brother. He turned around to get back to packing but then his phone rang. He twitched and tossed the bag down to the bed beside Sam. Growling as he answered the phone – another fucking delay, son of a bitch – he dropped down heavily onto the bed beside his brother.

"What?"

"Whoa…you already know?"

"Charlie? Know what?"

"Dean, turn on the news, right now."

"Why?"

"Just do it!" Charlie's voice was nearly hysterical and it gave Dean pause.

"All right, all right, keep your pants on." He got up and left the bedroom, padding downstairs so he could turn on the freakishly huge, nearly cinematic TV he'd splurged on – hey, it was great for Star Wars marathons and made movie night really freaking awesome, so sue him – and scrolling through the channels before he found the news.

Phone still glued to his ear, he sat down on the nearest surface – which turned out to be the coffee table, not that he really noticed – his brother joining him with a perplexed look on his face.

"What am I looking for Charlie?"

"Wait for it, it's about to loop again." Her words were being proved right even as she spoke. He shushed her, missing the very beginning. Turned out it didn't matter. He figured out right damn quick why she'd called him.

"…it has been confirmed that what was initially thought to be a single gunman is in actuality multiple people, all of them carrying weapons, and all of them confirmed as hostile. The Pontiac Elementary school is still on lock down, several teachers and entire classes still unaccounted for. There is no news on whether any demands have been made or if there have been any casualties at this time…"

Dean and Sam gaped at the screen in silence. Unnoticed by him, the hand holding the phone had dropped to his lap until his attention was drawn to it by the sound of Charlie yelling. Without taking his eyes off the screen, he lifted the phone back up to his ear.

"I'll call you back." He said flatly and promptly hung up. Swiftly dialing his boyfriends' number, he barely registered Sam lunging for his laptop. It continued to ring and his stomach lurched.  When the phone _finally_ stopped ringing it wasn't Cas on the other end. The dread in the pit of Dean's stomach worsened. God, what he wouldn't do just to be there for him. And what he heard from Gabe wasn't good. Even as he talked, Sam waved him over to the laptop and showed him the screen, already thinking ahead.

"The earliest flight out is in 45 minutes, but we'd have to leave now to get there in time." Sam's words were quiet as Dean nodded, for once, his fear of flying taking a backseat for other concerns.

"Book it." he told him, then turned his attention back to Gabriel, "7 hours, I can be there in 7 hours."

"I'm going with you Dean." Dean nodded as he corrected himself as he imparted this to Gabe. He hung up, his brother already shutting down the laptop.

"Hurry it up. Barest of essentials. I want to be out of here in five. I'm not risking missing that plane."

"Don’t worry Dean, I got it." Sam assured him before sprinting towards his own room. Dean swiftly turned back to his own room. He didn't want a lot of luggage. Just enough to get into a carry on. They wouldn't have time for checking baggage. He dumped his bag and grabbed a backpack. Shoving in 2 tee shirts and a pair of jeans from the duffel and leaving the rest, he also grabbed his bag of toiletries and a handful of boxers and socks, that would be good enough. He'd borrow clothes if he had to.

He zipped it shut and slung it over his shoulder, grabbing his phone charger off the nightstand on his way past and shoving it into his pocket. He nearly bumped into Sam when he threw himself through the doorway and together they headed for the garage.

They took Sam's car. Dean wasn't thinking straight, wasn't even thinking about his car, but Sam knew he'd want no part in leaving Baby in an airport parking lot. Who knew what would happen to it there.

Despite not speeding – Sam didn't dare risk getting pulled over when a delay could be costly – they got to the airport in record time, as if someone on high was looking out for them. Though whoever that could be had a weird set of priorities. The check through was painlessly fast, thank God, and as soon as they were in the air and it was safe to do so, Dean put his phone back on, checking for any and all updates he could get.

Sam mused silently that it was the only time Dean had willingly stepped on a plane, and also that it was the only time he'd ever seen Dean not freak out during a flight. If it wasn't for the horrible circumstances surrounding this milestone, Sam would have been teasing his brother mercilessly for it.

The messages from Gabe were sporadic, but luckily they had Charlie on the case as well. With nothing else to distract her, she kept them abreast of the situation at the school, while Gabe kept them in touch with how he and Cas were doing. Dean's stomach was tied in knots the whole flight and he wasted no time on touchdown to get himself off the plane as fast as possible, Sam trailing behind him and making their apologies.

They bee-lined for the rental area, Sam internally thanking God or any other deities responsible for the fact that no one had seemed to recognize them. He didn't want to be rude to their fans, but he knew that Dean had no capacity to deal with them in a polite way, as even long enough to say that  _there was an emergency and that he was sorry, but he really had to go_  would feel too fucking long if they were constantly being stopped. If he was being honest, Sam wasn't sure he would either.

But they weren't recognized and they closed in on the first rental place they saw without incident. Sam stepped up again to take charge, agreeing to the first car they offered and signing the contracts, handing over his credit card, eager to get this show on the road. He looked at his brother in concern all the while. Dean's face was stern, eyes worried and glued to his phone, his teeth biting at his lip. He paced back and forth behind Sam, jittery and anxious to just get out of there already. Sam understood the feeling.

His phone chimed.

"Fuck, change of plans Sam. We're not going to Cas's house, we're going straight to the school." Sam grabbed his bag as he pocketed the keys and lead the way out of the terminal and towards the car, Dean following, their long legs setting a fast, ground eating pace.

"Why? What happened? Is…?" Sam couldn't say it.

"Nothing's changed, except that Gabriel couldn't keep Cas at home anymore. He's been trying to go down to the school since everything started I guess. But Gabe managed to convince him he couldn't do any good down there."

"But…?"

"But nothing. Cas is a stubborn man and when Gabriel wasn't looking, he grabbed his keys and ran. Gabe's on his way down there now." They didn't bother with the trunk, just opening the doors and tossing the bags over their seats and into the back as they climbed into the car. Sam started it, none of the usual arguments about who drove. In the end, if it wasn't Baby, Dean didn't really care about driving, and he was too distracted to be doing so safely anyway.

His phone chimed and he looked down, his face paling. "Drive faster Sammy."

"I don't think getting pulled over would be the 'get there as fast as you can' scenario you want, Dean."

"Dude, all the cops are at the school, no one's pulling us over, just floor it." Sam gave Dean a dirty look, but he understood the sentiment. He wasn't willing to go crazy, but yeah, his foot grew a little heavier on the gas and they made it to the school sooner than they should have.

They couldn't park very close and the two of them stared out over the dash at the circus in front of them. The multitude of vehicles and uniforms, rotating lights and several news crews, separated only by a small police barrier and a handful of cops. The rest were beyond the barrier in a perimeter around the school. It was dark now, and the lights flared painfully in their eyes, glancing off a face here and there.

"We're never going to find them in this Dean."

"Yeah we will." Dean texted Cas's number again and waited for Gabriel's response. "They're over there by the flagpole, as far from the news vans as he could get." Sam nodded and the two of them got out and started making their way over, but they weren't the only ones to spot the Novak's hovering just outside the barrier. By the time they got there, one of the news stations had managed to find and surround the brothers.

"Castiel Novak, tell us how you feel about the apparent ill star you and your family are suffering under? What do you think your chances are for your niece getting out alive? Do you think that someone is targeting your family? Is it mere coincidence that your niece is going to this school when it gets attacked?"  As Dean got closer and heard the questions his anger reared. He watched Cas crumbling under the onslaught, his brother attempting to shield him but it was apparent that he was being affected by the reporters words as well.

Without a thought, Dean stepped forward and punched the man waving a microphone under Cas's nose. The mic dropped and a hand rose to cover his nose and the lower half of his face, eyes stunned as he stared at Dean. Dean just glared at the reporter and his camera man.

"What. The.  _Fuck_. Is wrong with you people? There is a tragedy going on inside that school. This man and many of the  _other_  parents here are all in agony and you are making it worse you god _damn_ …." Dean's words strangled, tangling in his throat as rage suffused him. His hands clenched into fists and the reporter hastily stepped backward, his own hand had moved so that he was holding his sleeve to his face, blood dripping down. The cameraman played no favorites and backed up to catch the whole scene with glee.

Dean unclenched enough to point away from Castiel.

"Now leave us  _the fuck_  alone! While you're at it, leave them  _all_ alone! When this is all over, I will be filing a harassment claim on you and your news station." Turning his back on them, he stalked over to the blue eyed man and without a word drew him into his arms, tucking his dark head into his neck. He breathed in a few times before he calmed down enough to say a few words.

Cas spoke first, confusion and relief battling with his fear and grief.

"Dean, what are you doing here?"

"Cas…Claire's in danger. For both of your sakes, I couldn't be anywhere else." He felt the artist clutch at him, a sob muffled into his shirt.

"Look man, we can't do anything here. Let me take you home, okay?"

"No, Dean, I have to, I have be here when she comes out…"

"You don't know how long that's gonna take, baby."

"I don’t care. I have to be here for her. Don't make me leave. Please Dean?"

"Okay babe, I won't make you leave. Shhh…."

"Why is this happening? I don't understand…." His voice broke and he clutched at Dean harder, burrowing close. He had no answer for him. Dean could hear various voices around him, obviously other parents and family members to the children inside echoing the same sentiments.

While Dean stood there, arms wrapped around the love of his life, he barely even take notice to Sam and Gabe's interaction. The taller Winchester had reached out for the short man, but hesitated. Despite months of friendship, he was uncertain if a physical touch at this time would be all right with Gabe, if it would be welcomed at all, even though all Sam wanted to do was comfort him, support him. He let his arm drop.

"Gabe, how are you holding up?"

"Not well. Hold me Sam!" Gabe threw himself into Sam's arms. Sam was pushed back, stumbling slightly at the sudden onslaught, but he shifted a foot to stabilize himself and wrapped his arms around Gabriel. Gabe, for all his joking tone, was shaking just the slightest bit. God, what their family had been through.

"I don't get it, this is just an elementary school, never mind why some sick fucks decided to attack a school full of children who can't fight back, what I wanna know is why this isn't over already? One way or the other, shouldn't this have been  _over_  by now?" Gabriel's voice was strained, but he was managing to hold it together. Sam's grip tightened.

 Watching them, Dean relaxed slightly. Good, Dean didn't have the ability right now to focus on more than one person and Cas needed him more.  _Dean_  needed Cas to be okay. And depending on what happened today, Cas might not ever be again. He tightened his own arms around the shaking man. _No, don't think about that. Stay positive._ Sam's quiet voice reached him as he answered Cas's brother.

"I don't know Gabriel. Maybe…there must be a reason, something we don't know that the police are keeping quiet."

Sam went silent as he and Gabe watched their brothers taking comfort in each other. He spoke even more quietly. "We were keeping tabs on everything as well as we could while in flight, and I don't know if we missed something, but you're right. This isn't normal. It seems to me…it seems to me like whoever's in there is looking for someone."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, correct me if I have any of this wrong, you were watching too?" A nod. "Okay, well, a few hours after the initial…attack, the gunmen released a class of kindergarteners and their teachers, and anyone who'd been hurt in the rush right? In fact, that’s how the police and the news found out there was more than one guy inside."

 Gabriel nodded again.  Sam pushed on, trying to keep his voice low. All he was doing was speculating and drawing his own conclusions. He didn't want to get any of the other parents' hopes up, he didn't want Castiel to overhear and he certainly didn't want those vultures reporting it as truth. But he needed to work this out aloud.

"Well, I'm just thinking…why did he or they let them out? If it's a hostage situation, why give up hostages willingly? The police say they haven't even been able to make contact with the folks inside, so if there's no negotiating – that we know of – then there's been no demands from the gunmen and the police were unable to even ask for a 'sign of good faith'. And then, what, two hours ago? They started releasing whole classes a few at a time. And once they were cleared, the families have been rushed off before the media could get to them."

"Yeah, you're right. But maybe the police just ain't saying?"

"That's certainly a possibility. I just, I got the feeling something bigger than we know is going on. And unless something goes drastically wrong, I bet the children are in the least danger in there. It's like they're sorting through everyone in the school and after determining that whoever they're looking for isn't there, they let a group of 'em go. And I mean, I could be wrong but…"

"It makes sense to me, Samsquatch." Gabriel's eyes were wide. "But who the hell could they be looking for? And why go after them in a school? There's gotta be better ways to do whatever it is they're doing?" He wiped a hand down his face, his eyes turning back to his brother, burrowed deep in Dean's shirt, hands clenched in the sides of his jacket. "It's gotta be over soon, right?"

"God I hope so."

Suddenly, from the other side of the police barrier, there was a flurry of movement and sounds. Everyone on their side turned almost as one, straining to see what was happening. Another group was being released from the school, this one bigger than any of the others yet, Gabriel realized. Police and EMT's ran forward to great the children, most of them crying, being herded forward by teachers. Parents surged towards the barrier, trying to see if their child was one of the ones being released and police had a difficult time trying to keep them back.

"Please, for everyone's safety, remain where you are. We will return your children to you as soon as the EMT's clear them." A rise in the voices from panicked parents caused the police at the barrier to have to shout to be heard. "I can assure you that no one in this group appears to be injured, we are  _just taking precautions_."

Castiel turned around in Deans' arms, still leaning against his body as a pillar that kept him upright. Hope and dread alike shone on his face, in his eyes. Gabriel broke from Sam's embrace to reach out a hand and grasp his brother's arm, Castiel tossing him a tight, thankful smile. Dean's arms wrapped around Cas from behind, rubbing up and down the shorter mans arms in a soothing, warming gesture.

Gabriel shuddered at the cool air. He'd been in such a rush going after Cassie, he'd never grabbed his coat. And now that he was no longer ensconced in Sam's arms, he felt the cold wind bite at him. For that matter, Cas had forgotten his own coat, which was probably just one of the reasons Dean was keeping him held in tight. A jacket fell on his own shoulders and Gabriel jumped.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Sam let out apologetically. Gabriel let out a breath and then breathed in the scent of Sam's jacket. It was, strangely, very soothing, though nothing would get rid of the anxiety he was feeling until his niece was safe and sound at home where she belonged.

"It's okay. Thanks Sam." The taller Winchester nodded and continued to peer out over the barrier. Gabriel couldn't see anything with all the people standing in the way, but Sam had no problem with that.

Gabriel shivered again, despite the coat, crowding close to his brother where he stood, wrapped up in Dean. Sam hovered behind Gabriel, a supporting hand on his shoulder. He had no idea where they stood right now and it was the furthest thing from his mind, but it was comforting and warm and he'd take what he could get, anything that made him feel a little better. At least if Sam had a problem with it, he was being kind enough to let Gabriel get through this crisis before saying something about any of it. Gabriel needed this, this grounding as the four of them watched anxiously, straining their eyes to see if they could get even a glimpse of the children as they left the school

Gabriel suddenly realized that he was more than shivering. His pants were vibrating. He shoved his hands in his pocket to pull out Cas's phone. He'd forgotten he still had it, and right now they were getting a call. He hesitated, looking over at his brother and wondering if he had the presence of mind to answer it himself or if Gabriel should answer it for him. Before he was fully aware of making a decision however, he swiped to answer it, afraid that whoever was on the other end would hang up if he took too long.

He listened for a moment as Sam's' grip tightened on his shoulder, a reminder that he was there should he need him. He let out an explosive breath and slumped against Sam, very grateful for the tall pillar of strength behind him.

"Gabe, Gabe are you all right?" Sam caught him easily, but was now tense himself. He gripped Gabriel with both of his hands now as Gabriel dropped the phone to his side, closing his eyes.

"Gabriel?" Castiel's panicked voice made Gabriel's eyes fly back open. He started to laugh a little, bordering on hysterical. He tried to speak, but his mouth just opened and closed a few times. His brothers' hands joined Sam's on his arms. "God, Gabe, what happened? Is…" Castiel swallowed, eyes wide and fearful, afraid to say the words aloud.

"Shit, she's, she's good. She's okay, Cassie. Claire's okay." Gabriel drew in a big breath then lunged forward to grab his brother in a tight hug. Cas closed his eyes and almost collapsed into his brothers arms, only Gabriel and Dean keeping him upright as his knees went weak with relief and dropping his weight onto the smaller man.

"Oh, oh thank god." The Winchesters exchanged relieved smiles above the Novak's heads. Dean felt the vise that had been gripping his heart lighten as he heard the news and watched the brothers. He'd become rather invested in the wellbeing of the Novak family, including Gabriel, and it was evident from the look his brother was giving Gabe and Cas, that he was just as invested.

Dean wasn't usually one to pray, but he sent up a thankful prayer that everything was going to be all right anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a parent. This is a fear of mine. We actually had our daughters district completely shut down last Christmas a day early because someone phoned in a bomb threat to the high-school. I mean...talk about panic inducing. (though speculation has run that a student called it in just to get extra time off. that doesn't make it any better)
> 
> This year is the first year they sent us home a pamphlet on what to do IF there's something going on at the school. which basically boiled down to DON'T COME TO THE SCHOOL!!! Stay home, we'll contact you. Don't get in our way. 
> 
> so...yeah. *shudders* i'm off to work now. with my headache. wish me luck?


	41. Happy Reunions, Hard Talks and Finally, a Quiet Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel learn the reason behind the hostage situation and it's heartbreaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 - The DCBB story I made art for just posted earlier today - check it out: [Airplanes, Beers and Dubious Protection Techniques](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8233291/chapters/18868522) by [poppybeatles](http://archiveofourown.org/users/poppybeatles/pseuds/poppybeatles)
> 
> 2 - TRIGGER WARNING - triggers possible in this chapter. (though i may be overstating it but I'd prefer to be safe than sorry) (mild/vague) discussion of child abuse. See end notes for more detail
> 
> 3 - Nearing the END??? Say it isn't so!!!
> 
> So, I'm really hesitant to say we're almost done but…I think we're definitely getting near it. Most definitely past the halfway point. Probably closer to the ¾ point. Which side of the line, I couldn't tell you.
> 
> I just know I've hit a lot of the major mile markers I had planned on, but the last time I tried to predict the end of a story ([Colliding Worlds](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6121899/chapters/14031240)) I was very wrong. (As in, before I finished the chapter, I thought Chapter 12 - which would have made the story about 35ooo words at that point- would be the end. The story has 17 chapters . I wrote almost 20k more after chapter 12. Talk about a fail in predictions!) (yes, i know the story is marked as 18 chapters. if you haven't read it, it's actually an updated timeline graphic in the last chapter. Go ahead, read it! let me know what you think ? :D )
> 
> But yeah, it's hard to predict something like this and its harder when my chapters usually wind up being flexible sizes since I write them by feel. I break when it feels right and move on to the next.
> 
> Also, what you think might be a minor thing you might wind up expanding more than you expected, while things you THOUGHT you might be in your story wind up getting axed completely and you look at it longingly thinking, "But I liked you. I wonder if I can salvage you for another story?"
> 
> In the meantime, I find myself already sad thinking about the end of this story. I really really will miss this story when it ends.

Following the brief instructions Gabriel had heard on the phone, Dean and Castiel went to meet up with Claire. She was being safely kept away from the media and the crowds, so they wound up sending Gabriel and Sam back to Cas's place. They couldn't all go and get Claire – much as they really wanted to - but Gabriel knew, without Cas even asking, that his brother would need all of them. Sam arranged to follow Gabriel since he had no idea where Cas's house was and they left to work out arrangements, leaving Dean and Cas behind.

They quickly walked over to the barrier separating the school and all the emergency people and police from the rest of the crowd and looked for the FBI agent they'd been told to meet with. Cas spotted him first and they made their way over to meet him.

"Agent Henriksen?" Castiel called out as they got close enough to be heard. There was a nod from the agent as he pulled the barrier aside.

"I'msorry to be seeing you again Castiel. And you might as well call me Victor. I think you can consider us on a first name basis by now. At least this time the news is good. I'm glad to be able to tell you that your niece is safe and sound."

"Thank God." Cas breathed out, only Dean hearing the words before the artist raised his voice to be heard again. "Of course. Victor. Thank you. And this is Dean." Castiel's rough voice answered back as they followed Victor through the gap he'd created in the barrier before replacing it behind them.

"We have a lot to talk about and we need some privacy to do it. Please, come with me." That sounded ominous despite the fact that both Gabriel and Victor had insisted that Claire was perfectly fine and had not one scratch on her head. Dean and Castiel exchanged dubious looks, the artists' stomach doing somersaults as they followed Victor to a series of tents.

Before they could step inside, he held up a hand to get them to halt.

"Claire is just inside, but before you go in, I'd like to tell you all a little about what is happening here. Now, we're not exactly telling the public any of this just yet, so we'd like you all to keep this under wraps until this is over. We'll provide you with cover to leave without the media hounding you. I suggest that when you do, you just go home and stay there for the time being. Young Claire isn't in any trouble, none of the students are, nor were they even in any actual danger other than accidental."

"I don't understand, what's going on? I just want to see my niece." Castiel leaned heavily into Dean, having been stopped just short of being able to feel fully relieved. He wouldn't believe she was all right till he could see her with his own eyes. Dean wrapped an arm around his shoulders to comfort and support him. He concentrated on breathing and Dean's warmth to hold him steady as Victor spoke.

"I understand that. Please, just a few more minutes. Now, a case like this is very sensitive, and Claire will probably ask questions about what happened. I just thought you'd all want to be prepared." The agent shook his head and sighed heavily before continuing. "The gunmen were kids." Both Dean and Castiel's jaws dropped in disbelief.

"What? Why would - ?"

"Turns out a family and some of their friends, a mix of middle schoolers and high schoolers – not a single adult in sight - were the ones who held up the school today. How they got their hands on the guns they did, I'd like to find out, but that's a completely different problem. And I hate to be saying this, but they had a reason for what they did and - while I don’t condone their actions, the danger they put the other children in - it was a pretty damn good one."

"What the – what god forsaken reason could they have to take an elementary school hostage?" Dean couldn't hold back any more though he tried to keep his voice down. If Claire was on the other side of the tent he didn't want to scare her. Castiel's grip tightened on him, his breathing slightly ragged. Dean tried to loosen his own grip – he hadn't even realized he'd clenched his hands around the artists arms -  to rub at Cas's arms to soothe him. It was hard as tense as they both were.

"I know, that’s what _I_ said when I found out."  The agent sighed and ran a hand over his head. "Their younger sister was, apparently, being abused by someone at the school – I'm sorry, I can't divulge who is being accused at this time, or who is even involved, I'm divulging a lot more than I normally would in any other situation as it is. Sadly, nobody believed her but her brothers. And not one of those damn kids was listened to when they tried to report it to any adult they could get their hands on. Their parents, their teachers, even the local cops. They were ignored. Again, and again. So, they took matters into their own hands."

Castiel's face paled and even in the floodlights, Dean could see it when he looked down at the sudden trembling of the man in his arms.

"Oh my god…"

"And that’s why I wanted to talk to you before you went inside to see your niece. You might want to talk to Claire, feel her out and see what she says. As far as I am aware, it's just this one child. But where there is one, there could be more." Castiel's breath stuttered at the thought. He was fairly certain that if anything  _had_ happened to Claire, she would have said something. But then again, she was just a child. What if she hadn't? Dean spoke into the silence,

"I don't understand something, man. I mean, you know it's just a bunch of kids. You know why they're doing this and it's been hours; shouldn't they have found who they were looking for? Shouldn't this be over? Why aren't you putting a stop to this and taking over looking for this guy yourself? Why aren't you putting all those parents out there, all those families, out of their miseries?"

"Listen, I understand your concern. Believe me, I do. But right now, they're releasing the hostages unharmed and of their own volition and on the off chance they're wrong, we're detaining all of the adults and questioning them ourselves while releasing the children to their families. I'm afraid that any aggressive move on our parts will do more physical damage, _by sheer accident,_ if those kids panic. Since we'd like to avoid that and we have a fairly good indication that this will be over soon…"

"This is, this is horrible." Castiel had been prepared to hate whoever had put his niece in danger, but he could sympathize with the people – mere children themselves! – who would do anything they could to protect their family. He couldn't even imagine what he would have been capable of if it would have prevented Jimmy and Amelia's deaths.

"Agreed. Now. take a moment, if you need one, but you can go in anytime. Let me know when you want to leave and also, take this, if Claire tells you anything you think I should know." The agent handed over a card with his number on it and Castiel took it numbly. He already had a card like that in his wallet, but he supposed the man was just being thorough. After all, for all he knew, Castiel could have thrown it away. And he might well have, since it was just another unwelcome reminder of what had happened to his brother and his brothers' wife, but he had tucked it away in a corner of his wallet and forgotten the thing even existed.

"Thank you, Agent."

"Call me Victor, Castiel. Much as I hate to say it, after everything we've been through together, I think you deserve that." Victor reminded him gently, briefly clapping a hand on Castiel's shoulder before moving past him.   
  
As soon as he got the go ahead, Castiel rushed inside the tent, Dean close on his heels behind him. Claire spotted him as soon as he entered and she leapt up with a cry of "Uncle Cas!" and lunged for him. He fell to his knees and held her tight, trying to swallow around the sudden lump in his throat.

"I'm sorry Uncle Cas!" She said into his shirt, still loud enough around the muffled sound of it. He pulled away, tears of relief in his eyes. He could see traces of tears on her own face and his heart broke all over again, his voice breaking too as he spoke.

"Oh sweetheart, why are  _you_  sorry?"

"Weren't you scared?" She looked up at him with wide eyes, her voice quiet, and he felt his heart breaking all over again.

"Of course I was. We all were." He looked up at Dean and reached a hand out to him. Dean snatched it up so fast, coming to kneel down beside them that Castiel knew he'd been holding back. That he had been trying to give them their space, their moment, despite his desire to join in on the happy reunion between uncle and niece. "Weren't you?" He said as he looked back at her. She nodded a little.

"Yeah, at first."

"At first?"

"Mmhmm...but, they were scared too. And sad, real sad. They said someone hurt their sister and they wanted to find the person and stop him from hurting anyone else again." She sniffed. "I understand that."

"You do?" Castiel looked at her incredulously, and then up at Dean. She looked over at Dean as she sniffed. She pulled away partially so she could include him in the hug with her uncle.

"I'm just really sad for them, and I'm sorry you were all still so scared when I wasn't scared anymore. I'm glad you're here too, Dean."

"We're just glad you're safe, Claire." Dean murmured into her hair. "Your Uncle Gabe and my brother are waiting for us back at your house. Should we get going now?" he looked between Cas and Claire and saw both of them nodding emphatically.

They wasted no time in getting a hold of someone who could help them dodge the media on their way out. It was something being provided for all the parents, as Victor had mentioned, but in their case was doubly necessary. Cas would be easily recognizable with all that had happened to his family, the number of times they'd been in the news. And if he was seen leaving with his child, people might actually show up at his house to find out what happened.

Now that he thought about it, they might show up anyway. They had already seen that Castiel was there when Dean had arrived. The news people might not know what other families they could hound, school lists being private, but _Cas_ they knew.   _Cas_ had already been on their radar and they knew where he lived, where he worked, his phone number, his relatives. So unless someone was stupid enough to give their names to the reporters, things would be relatively calm for them. Cas wouldn't be quite so lucky. Which made it even more important to have people that could support him and his family with him right now.

Besides, Dean was apparently not above knocking out obnoxious reporters if the occasion called for it. He was sure Sam was trying at this moment to decide whether or not to give him a piece of his mind for it. While Sam would understand why, he'd maintain that Dean shouldn't have done it. Dean found he really didn't care.

As soon as they called Agent Henriksen back, another man was dispatched with Cas's keys to fetch the car. The authorities didn't dare let Castiel go back for it on his own, not when it was surrounded by media hungry for news and worried parents wanting their own children.

While the waited for the car to come around the back and to get the okay to leave, Cas attempted to broach the subject with his niece that Victor had warned might be necessary to talk to her about, in light of the events of the day. "Sweetheart, you'd tell me if someone was hurting you, right?" Dean's heart broke as he listened to Cas's words.

"Of course, Uncle Cas. Didn't I tell you about Tommy pulling my hair last week? I did, didn't I?" She sounded anxious as she spoke. Dean could tell she didn't get it, didn't understand.

"No, of course you did, and that's great. But I mean like, worse than that." She slowly shook her head.  Her eyes widened suddenly.

"You mean, like the other girl from today?"

"Yes, exactly. They said an adult…at the school…" Castiel stopped and swallowed, eyes closing briefly. The subject was distasteful and how much did you say to a child? You wanted them prepared, you wanted them to know some things were wrong. But you didn't want to scare them, and there were some things they'd just be too young to understand. He tried to take a deep, calming breath so he could continue. Dean's hand, warm on his back, gave him the strength he was having trouble finding after such a horrible, roller coaster day. "You know if anything ever happens, you can tell me and I'll believe you, right? I'll get help and do whatever I can to fix it. Anyone, anything that hurts you, anything that seems…weird, or that you don't want to do. If it, if you…" he stumbled to a halt, his breathing becoming more harsh, making it difficult to get another word out.

"Breathe, Cas." Dean whispered into his ear, rubbing at his back. The blue eyed man nodded and let out another shaky breath.  Carefully, he drew one in and let it out, repeated it again, then one more time before feeling steady enough to continue.

"If I'm not around, or Uncle Gabe or anyone else we trust, and you get scared, or hurt by another person, anyone at all, then I want you to run and find someone else to tell. And if they don't believe you, make them call me." Or maybe, he thought, he should just get her a basic phone of her own for emergencies. Yes, that would probably be best. Because what if, instead of just not believing her, whoever she ran to turned her back around, or refused to contact him? Shit, he had to stop thinking about that or he'd panic her with his own panic.  He had to remain calm. He thanked god for Dean's support.

Claire stared back at her uncle, her own tired face and red rimmed, blue eyes so serious and solemn for a ten year old child. Almost 11 now. She bit her lip and nodded, then threw her arms back around her uncle and buried her face in his shirt once again. Cas let the subject drop for now. He had assured her the best he could at this time. He'd have to talk with Missouri, see if there was a good way to broach anything further, especially since Claire had her own traumas on top of everything else.

"Y'know, Uncle Cas, I  _was_  scared. I was scareder than anybody else there. But the other kids with the guns saw that and they were so sad and so nice. A boy came over to me and talked to me to help keep me brave." Her voice was muffled and both men strained to hear her.

"And it worked Claire bear?" She nodded, not lifting her head otherwise. "What did he tell you?" None of them noticed the man standing outside the tent, hand raised to push back the flap a little more so he wouldn't scrape his head on it.

"He told me they weren't going to hurt any children at all. Not a one of us. That they were looking for a bad person who  _did_ hurt other kids. That they were there, that all of them were there, to protect us. An' the only person who should be scared was the bad person." She was silent a moment before leaning back to look up at Dean and her uncle. Her face was distressed, her eyes held much confusion and under it all, so much empathy. "How come nobody believed them? How come they had to do this?"

Castiel had no words. His mouth opened and shut, but no sound came out. Dean leaned in a little closer, though it was hard to get any closer than he already was. "I don't know baby.  I guess the easiest answer is that not all families are the same. Each family is made up of different types of people. Uncle Cas isn't anything like Uncle Gabe, right?" She nodded. "And neither of them are like your grandparents." She shuddered.

The blue eyed man looked at Dean gratefully as he talked. "When things like that happen, the kids grow up and they move away, sometimes as far as they can get, and they try to be better parents. Sometimes that's hard. And some kids tell lies, or have such vivid imaginations and love to tell stories so the adults around them don't realize when they're telling them the truth. Sometimes the people a kid should be able to talk to don't even realize they're not actually listening to the kids. There could be many reasons for it and it's sad, but it happens sometimes.  But sometimes, Claire bear, you get lucky enough to know people like your Uncles. You know you can always talk to them if you need to, right? And me, if they're not around. I promise to always listen to you."

"Thank you Dean!" She sniffled and threw her arms around him again. Castiel looked Dean in his green eyes and mouthed his own thank you. Dean just gave him a small, sad smile and a nod before turning his attention back to the little girl in his arms. He was with her. He would never understand other people sometimes. It was up to the adults in their lives to protect the children. How could they not try their best to do so? How could they ignore the very people who depended on them for their safety?

Dean found his thoughts interrupted when the man at the entrance came through and cleared his throat. "You can leave whenever you're ready." He held up the keys and Castiel nodded.

"C'mon Claire, let's get home." They picked themselves up off the ground, snagged the keys with a nod and a thanks, being directed around the back of the tent where the three of them piled into the car with a breath of relief.

It wasn't long before they found themselves back at Castiel's place. As soon as they parked, the front door opened and Gabriel ran out, rushing for Claire, while Sam held back, keeping the door open unnecessarily. As soon as he reached them, Gabriel grabbed Claire up in a tight bear hug and just stood there for a few minutes as he tried to hold in the tears of relief. Like his brother, he hadn't really believed she was all right until he could see her for himself.

  
  


Instead of setting her down, Gabriel carried her into the house and all of them made their way to the living room, just piling onto the couch into a massive group huddle. Claire was shared across both of her uncle's laps as each tried to hug the stuffing out of her. Dean pulled Castiel into his side to help support him as Sam hovered uncertainly on the other end of the couch beside Gabe. No one really talked for a little while, just reveling in the fact that Claire was safe and sound. The tension and fears that had had hold of them for more than 8 hours finally draining away.

Dean threaded his fingers into Cas's hair, scratching and soothing. Eventually, he realized that all three Novak's had fallen asleep and his mouth twisted in a grin as he looked down at them all fondly then back up at his own brother who was also watching in amusement.

The moment was broken not long afterwards when the front door slammed open and a whirlwind rushed in. A whirlwind called Meg, who was laden down with bags.

"Oh no, don't mind me…" She started to say before the Winchesters turned to shhh her. "Well, that's gratitude for ya…" She grumped as she stalked into the kitchen to set down the bags. She returned to the living room and went to lean on the doorframe with her arms crossed. She opened her mouth, took a good look at the tableau in front of her and stopped. She stepped in closer and sat on the coffee table – Castiel would have had a fit about that if he'd been awake and she knew it – and her face softened as she stared at the sleeping family. With the softest smirk Dean had ever seen on her face, she quickly pulled out her phone and snapped a photo.

"I brought food for you all. I didn't know you both were also here, so I hope I have enough. I should have known though. But uh, I was a little worried since neither of them are answering their phones." She spoke quietly.

"Yeah, I haven't checked mine in a while, but they're probably all dead by now. They got some hard use today." Dean's voice was just as soft, Sam nodding along.

"I bet." She managed to keep her little snort quiet as well, though she suspected nothing would wake the three in front of her unless she was trying to do it.

"You brought food?" Sam rolled his eyes at his brother because of course, he was thinking of food. Then again, the last thing they had had to eat was something crappy on the plane, and lord knows they already hadn't had much of an appetite with their stomachs all twisted in knots. Sam's traitorous stomach chose that moment to make itself known with a loud rumble that had his brother trying to hold in his laughter, the shaking of his body moving Cas. The man slept through it still. Meg smirked.

"Yeah, well, I didn't know exactly what was going on, him not answering his calls and all, but I knew that, however it all fell out,  he'd need some support. Figured easiest thing to do was check here first."

"Awww…you were checking on him? Face it Meg, you have a real soft spot for Cas."

"Pfft…Clarence is my boss. It's only practical that I make sure the man signing my paychecks is doing okay." Despite her protestations, the Winchesters looked at her knowingly and she blushed but refused to back down.

"Should we wake them?" Sam finally ventured into the quiet that had ensued.

"I dunno." Dean's fingers still ran through Cas's hair as the man shifted against him and his blue eyes blinked open. "I guess that answers that question." Castiel blinked again and yawned.

"I smell food."

"Yeah, we were just wondering if we should wake you. When was the last time you ate?"

"I don't remember."

"And that, Clarence, is reason number one that I brought you all some food. Figured you'd be afraid to set foot outside your house just now, what with the media lurking about. Which is reason number two, actually."

"Lurking about?" Castiel looked at her in some confusion before taking his glasses off and peering at them. He gently rubbed the lenses on his shirt and put them back on, frowning and twisting just enough to make use of Dean's softer shirt. He put them back on a second time, making a little ah of satisfaction when it proved to have worked better. Dean snorted and leaned down to place a quick peck on Cas's lips.

Meg stood up, sidestepping around the couch and reaching behind them to pry open a few slats without opening the blinds fully. Dean, Sam and Castiel all carefully craned their heads to peer out, Gabriel and Claire still being conked out. There was, indeed, a news van parked outside on the street, and a couple of non descript cars. People stood or sat in front of them, waiting. Cameras at the ready. Meg let the slats fall back into place.

"Fuck." Castiel breathed as Sam and Dean exchanged knowing glances.

"So, I'm offering myself up as go to girl. I'll run errands for you, fetch you food, that kind of thing. But only this one time, all right? Don't get used to this sort of treatment." She admonished.

"Thank you Meg." Castiel was grateful for his best friends support. "You may regret that offer though. Who knows how long they'll be camped out there." She shrugged.

"Meh, maybe. I'm not gonna be able to miraculously make any of that go away, but I just thought I'd make it a little easier to deal with. For a short time. So," She slapped him on the shoulder, a little less boisterously than she usually would, not wanting to disturb the child in his lap. "How about some dinner? Oh, and you all better plug your phones in at some point. It's a little disconcerting to try and get a hold of someone when you're worried and they don't answer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cause of the events from last chapter are revealed. 
> 
> There is nothing graphic. It's discussed in vague terms, with stuff left open to interpretation, but there is discussion of child abuse. Which leads Cas into being scared of the same ever happening to Claire and he tries to talk to her about it but also tries to keep it simple because he doesn't want to scare her. 
> 
> i mean, its a pretty much a necessary parent/kid discussion that at some point gets done. usually at multiple points in their lives, covering different aspects of it. Reiterating for them to speak up if something is happening. And it's hard for all the reasons Cas states here. Believe me, i'm a parent and can totally relate. *shudders*
> 
> I've recently tried to have several more 'adult' talks with my kid and i flounder for words. what's appropriate to say at this age? how do you warn against certain things withOUT getting graphic? how do you explain to a kid who might not understand yet why something is wrong and should be reported? cause kids DON'T always understand, age depending of course. and you can't just say 'beware of strangers' because family is just as guilty of doing bad shit too! and you don't want to make the kid a nervous, anti social wreck! 
> 
> i'm becoming a nervous wreck just thinking about this...
> 
> Anyway, for those of you who might have skipped the chapter, it wraps up with a fluffier cuddle moment, interrupted by Meg who brings food past the lurking press camped out on the front lawn so Cas won't have to deal with them.
> 
> don't worry though, there are bits of fluffy gems hidden away inside this chapter. I'm sure you'll spot them.


	42. The Morning After Comes a Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winchesters and the Novaks wake up to surprising news...that cause certain things to come to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took it upon myself to do Inktober this month - I did it last year too and i had a lot of fun. Only I upped the ante. I think I bit off more than I can chew. I had PLANNED to do an entire COMIC page per day...I've managed 6 total. ([Raising a Geek Pages 1 - 3](http://dragonpressgraphics.tumblr.com/post/151475197362/dragonpressgraphics-dragonpressgraphics-so), [ Raising a Geek Pages 4 and 5](http://dragonpressgraphics.tumblr.com/post/151474995337/dragonpressgraphics-its-almost-4am-on-the), [ Raising a Geek Page 6](http://dragonpressgraphics.tumblr.com/post/151913422772/inktober-raising-a-geek-page-6-so-this-was) ) 
> 
> I've done other art though because I had a convention also this weekend where i had a table and i sold stuff, AND because I started this [ Color Palette Challenge](http://dragonpressgraphics.tumblr.com/post/151940732977/dragonpressgraphics-dragonpressgraphics) so all in all, I did 5 other pictures that I'm counting as part of the Inktober. That means i'm only 6 days behind (cause I've decided this chapters picture counts too! And if i could count the [ink and pencil bee doodle ](http://dragonpressgraphics.tumblr.com/post/151935035612/tabascostone-dragonpressgraphics-im-stuck-at) that is apparently my most popular post on tumblr right now, then I'm only 5 days behind, but that wasn't a finished pic, so not sure I should count that. vote time! what do you think?)
> 
> So this month has been busy...sorry guys! Anyway, Some angst coming up in this chapter. Meep. 
> 
> But at least I made sure to get a picture for this chapter ( i didn't get any for the last two, i'm so sorry!) and i'm rather proud of this, though there is a bit here and there that could use some more work, i think. but its about the size of my hand, maybe a tad wider, so its pretty small and I like it. Hope you do too!

Meg, having not being able to decide on just one, broke out the various different take outs and placed them on the coffee table, alongside the paper plates and plastic ware she'd brought along with. They ate while all of them continued to curl up against each other as much as was feasibly possible without spilling any food. Gabe kind of lost that fight though, much to Dean's delight as they watched a container of chicken chow mein get upended all over Sam's lap. Castiel's brows scrunched together suspiciously as Dean guffawed and Claire giggled. Meg snickered even as Gabriel floundered and flapped around Sam trying to 'clean up' while a protesting Sam insisted he could take care of it.

Castiel was almost 100% positive that his brother had done it on purpose. But he couldn't actually prove anything so he kept his mouth shut and chewed his food. After the food, they put on some movie Dean was actually unfamiliar with, and just enjoyed each other's company in silence. Meg finally left when everyone else had fallen asleep on the couch. She snorted, grabbed her jacket and tiptoed out of the room, locking and closing the front door behind her before braving the gauntlet of news crews camped out practically on the lawn.

It had been so calm and peaceful inside her best friend's house that she'd almost forgotten they were there. As soon as she stepped a foot outside the doors, a handful of cameras were raised to shoulders and questions shouted. She smirked and flipped them all off before crossing the lawn and passing them all.  _Vultures._

Inside, the five sleeping beauties snored away – some rather louder than others – in total unconcern.

When they all awoke the next day in various states of stiff necks and sore muscles – except for Claire who didn't even realize how resilient she was compared to them – they had, to a man, completely forgotten the outside presence of any people, news or otherwise, laying in wait for them.

They had all plugged in their phones to charge the night before after Megs reminder to do so, and as they stumbled around in the kitchen at various tasks – warming up leftovers and making tea were high on the agenda – they one by one unplugged and powered up their phones.

"I always forget that I have to turn it back on if the phone's completely died."

"Yeah, me too. Like, shouldn't it just miraculously turn on once it's got power again?" Gabriel held the power button down and let go, watching the loading screen flash before placing it on the table. The others did the same and there was a mild cacophony of startup sequences going off at roughly the same instant. "Ooooh, maybe that should be a thing? I should go down to the patent office and copyright that idea. Then I need to do something like Shark Tank to get funding so I can hire a bunch of people to make it for me."

"I don't think that's the way it works, Gabe." Sam snorted and shook his head at the absurdity of it.

"Can it, Sam. You gotta let me dream." Gabriel flashed him a grin and headed for the cabinet hiding his coffee supply. He opened his mouth again but before another sound could escape, they were all shocked by the insane, almost ear splitting, number of notification noises that were coming off the kitchen table as all four of their phones blew up simultaneously.

They all of them paused and stared at the vibrating, noisome mass of phones dubiously; none of them daring to move till the sounds petered out. Finally, they deemed it safe enough to move, to pick up and check their phones.

Dread pooling in his gut, Cas scrolled through the notifications. As Meg had implied, there were quite a few missed texts and calls from her. There were also a great many from unlisted numbers. A few numbers he even recognized from previous harassments by the media and he deleted all of those without a second thought. There was a voice mail from Missouri and he paused long enough in his ruthless deletions to listen to her concerned voice letting him know that she was prepared to clear her schedule for an emergency session, should Claire need it.

He smiled gratefully. He couldn't believe how lucky he'd been, how lucky  _she'd_  been. Not just in how last night had worked out – that could have gone so  _much_  worse than it had, even if it had been just a bunch of kids. Those kids were inexperienced, could have panicked much as Victor had feared they could have been. So yeah, they'd been lucky, damn lucky. But he looked around him, at Sam, Gabe and  _Dean_. He thought of Meg, who had left sometime after they'd fallen asleep, and then looked back down at his phone, thinking of Missouri and Pam.

He and Claire really were lucky to have them. Dean looked up from his own phone and caught Cas's eye. He scrunched up his brows as he stared at Cas, stepping closer and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I think so." Castiel looked down at his phone again, then back up. "It's mostly junk. A bunch from Meg, but she was here last night. And one from Missouri." He flashed a look at Claire who was taking out a plate from the microwave with a happy little grin. "What about you?"

Dean snorted. "A lot of junk, like, a lot. A whole mess from Charlie that I gotta answer. The ones from Meg that I missed, guessing from her reaction last night, she didn't actually know I was here, but just wanted to let us know something was going on." The artist nodded as he listened, scrolling through the rest of his messages. There had been one or two from Gabe at the outset but when he hadn't responded, Gabriel had abandoned the phone and come over directly. He was immensely grateful for how fast Gabriel had been there for him.

"Oh shit." Dean's eyes widened as he stared at his phone.

"What? Dean what is it?" Castiel dropped his own back to the table and turned fully to face Dean in concern.

"Umm….do you remember me punching that reporter last night?" Castiel nodded slowly. "Yeah…umm…it kind of blew up on social media. And after. I mean, after the punch." He turned the phone around to show his boyfriend what he'd just seen. "I'm sorry…the fans are um…actually using this as evidence. Evidence about us…"

Cas tilted his head a little as his eyes went from Dean's face to Dean's phone. He took in the picture featured there. Dean and him wrapped together as Dean had held him to comfort him the night before. The love and concern in Dean's eyes had Castiel reaching towards the phone to bring it closer. He looked back up into the same eyes, now worried. He put his free hand on Dean's cheek and rubbed his thumb across the day old scruff that had formed. Dean's brows scrunched together again.

"Cas?"

"It's all right Dean. Actually, I, I find I like this picture." He flushed a little, "Can you send it to me?"

"Really? That's it? I thought you'd be…well, you'd be mad? I kinda made a scene, put you in the spotlight, revealed  _us_  without asking if you were ready for that…and that’s…that’s it?"

"Dean, really. It's all right. I'm okay with the world knowing about us. As long as they don't try to put a camera in my face, I really don't care what they know or say. I mean, sure, I'd wish things could stay private, but unless they're hiding in my closet when…" he trailed off, blushing and turning away, remembering they weren't alone.

He grabbed Dean's hand and pulled him out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room. Their brothers never even noticed them leaving.  Neither did Claire as she hummed away, apparently oblivious to all that was going on in that way only kids seemed to be able to achieve, when they wanted to.

Gabriel turned to ask his brother which tea he wanted and found him gone. Dean too, for that matter. He looked quizzically at Sam, "What's that about, do you think? You don't think they're…?"

"Knowing my brother, he got some message about another PR nightmare and since it would involve Cas...Probably wanted a private discussion for that." Sam's' eyes had returned to his own phone, though he and Gabe had at least sat down. "I mean, he did punch that reporter after all. In the lack of any other news, how much you wanna bet its being broadcast everywhere?"

"Aaaah." Gabriel paused, and then blew a raspberry. "Well, who cares anyway? Guy deserved it."

"Oh…" Sam cleared his throat nervously, looking up as Gabriel looked back at him suspiciously.

"What?"

"Umm…I think it was, um…something else, actually." It was Sam's turn to show the screen of his phone to a Novak. It was an email from Charlie, whom Gabriel hadn't met yet, which simply read _, "Yo, Sam, I don't think this is what they mean by 'brotherly love'. Also, how **could**  you and Dean hold out on me like this? I thought we were friends, Samuel!"_

Under her text, which Gabe found amusing, if not a little confusing, was a headline for a fan run news site. Which read:  ** _"Keeping it in the Family_** " accompanied by a picture of him and Sam when he'd thrown himself at the taller man at the school. Dean and Cas in a similar embrace next to them.The baker's confusion was instantly cleared up. Gabriel barked out a laugh, and then sighed.  _Of course,_ he snorted inwardly, mentally shaking his head _._  Deprived of their morbid drama, confined by the lack of any new developments from both the cops tight lips on the situation and their having spirited away anyone that could be confronted, they'd come up with their own gossip.

He could see what was being implied as easily as Sam could, but didn't see how a simple hug in despairing times could suddenly equate to a hidden relationship. They must be desperate, he thought bitterly. Gabriel handed back the phone and stood up. He headed to the stove just as the teapot Cas had put on to boil started to whistle.

"I can't believe anyone would do something like this, at a time like, well…I guess I should know better, really. Doesn't matter anyway." Sam sighed and pushed a hand through his messy morning hair as he stared at Gabriel's back. "Don't worry, man, I'll fix it." Sam failed to notice the wince Gabriel tried to hold back at the words, but he did notice something off in his tone when he spoke.

"Um…right-o, Sammy." He poured water into the waiting mugs, though he paused before the ones set aside for the actual lovebirds in the house - cause lord knew he and Sam weren’t – unsure when they'd be coming back.

"Gabe?" He heard a chair push back and footsteps approaching. He carefully placed the pot on the back burner of the stove. Sam's voice was suddenly behind him. "Is something wrong?"

"Uh, no, nothing. Why would you think there was?" Nope. He was fine. Sam had just confirmed what he'd already feared - that he cared nothing more for Gabriel than friendship. He tried not to let it hurt so much. After all, he'd been preparing for this moment for a while. They'd become friends, sure, and Gabe wasn't about to throw that away, but he couldn't help but wish for more. And yet, all his preparations for outright rejection had meant absolutely nothing. He still felt crushed.

And then, with a sinking feeling in his stomach, he felt Sam's hands on his shoulders, gently turning him around from the counter and the steaming mugs. Gabriel refused to look up, not sure he could control his face right now. What the hell had happened to the cocksure man he'd once been? The one who could be defiant in the face of _anything_? He swallowed past a lump and tried to look past Sam. Claire was gone, he noticed, leaving him and Sam all alone in the kitchen. There went his last escape.

"Gabe, are you…are you  _really_  that upset about the picture?" Sam's voice was low and hesitant which brought Gabriel's confused and despondent thoughts to a halt. He raised his head a little, wanting to look at Sam's face, but still afraid to meet his eyes. "Does it really…I mean, is it that…is it…" Sam blew out a breath that ruffled Gabriel's hair. Gabriel tried to angle up just enough to look through the messy curtain of bangs floating over his eyes, having not had a chance to brush it that morning, and hoping his hair would hide his eyes from Sam while still letting Gabriel see the other man's face. What was Sam trying to say?

"Sam?" His voice came out a little shaky and it was his turn to clear his throat and take a breath before continuing. "I think I should be asking if  _you're_  all right."

"I am, I guess. I mean, I really don't know. I just thought…but then…I dunno." Sam's hands dropped from Gabriel's shoulders, leaving them suddenly cold as the taller man turned away. "Never mind. It was stupid."

With a sudden return of his old bravery and a dash of daring, Gabriel's hand shot out to clutch at Sam's arm, halting his turn and causing the actor to turn and look at him, confused. Gabriel took advantage of the hesitation to lurch forward and up on his tiptoes to plant a quick kiss on Sam's mouth before reeling back, his face bright red while Sam just gaped.

  
  


The silence stretched as Sam said nothing and Gabriel turned redder and dropped his head. "I'm…I'm sorry." Gulping –  _what had he done? He'd probably just ruined his friendship with Sam, that's what! –_ he ran out of the room, passing by the living room where Claire sat on the couch with her take out, watching a Disney movie. Gabriel didn't stop long enough to see what it was, but headed towards the front door and his shoes.

It wasn't until the front door slammed that Sam recovered from being stunned at the kiss and he realized what Gabe must think with his utter lack of reaction. _Shit._ He turned on his heel and sped toward the kitchen door and had to skid to a halt when a little girl appeared in his way. Her eyes were wide and a little wary, a little scared.

"Sam? Who -?"

"I uh, I think that was your Uncle Gabe."

"Why would he leave?" the fear gone, her eyes filled with tears instead. "He didn't even say goodbye." Sam itched to follow Gabe but he couldn't abandon Claire like this.

"I’m sorry Claire, I think that’s my fault. I think –" no, he  _knew_ , "that I made your uncle upset." He paused, thinking for a second if it was wise to ask – "Did your uncle, does he, does he like me?" She sniffled and nodded with a roll of her eyes.

"Well _duh_. Didn't you know that?" Sam shook his head.

"How did you know?"

"I heard my uncles talking about it." She said innocently.

"Oh." Sam said in a small voice.

"He talks about you all the time too."

"Oh." He said again. Sam didn't think his voice get any smaller but apparently, it could. He looked at the front door. Gabriel was probably long gone in the time he'd had to stop to talk to Claire. But he'd had to, Gabe would understand, once he knew, anyway, but right now he must be feeling horrible, and would think Sam really,  _really_  didn't care about him in any way. "I need to find Gabe, I need to…" Sam trailed off, looking for his shoes. "Will you be all right if I leave Claire? I gotta find your uncle…"

"Sam, what did you do?" He flinched and looked up at Gabriel's brother, blue eyes glaring down at him where he crouched, a shoe in each hand. Sam hadn't even registered the footsteps coming down the stairs in his pre occupation with dealing with Claire, and thinking about what he needed to do.

"It's more…what I didn't do, actually. Just, he took me by surprise. But I swear, I can fix this…I just gotta find him. Where would I find him?" He pleaded with Cas and thought he saw Cas's eyes soften some even as Dean stared at him intently before finally laughing and bringing his boyfriends glare down on him instead of Sam.

"Oh my god, Sammy! Was that your first? Your first guy kiss? It was, wasn't it?"

"Dean!" Sam turned red as he nearly shouted at his brother. "You are so damn immature!" Instantly his brother sobered, turning serious.

"No, you're right; I shouldn't tease you, not about that Sam. I'm sorry. Uh," he looked over at Castiel who was now looking at Sam again; eyes filled more with sympathy then anger now. "The bakery, do you think?"

"Oh, yes, most likely. Gabriel likes to bake when he's upset."

"Great! I mean, not great that he's upset, and I'm going to fix that, but I mean, that I can find him. Where's the bakery?"

Dean and Castiel stared after Sam as he yanked the front door open and slammed it shut behind him in his haste, making it the second time that morning they'd heard the door slam.

"I feel like I'm chaperoning children on their first date." Castiel said in a dazed voice.

"Wait, is this what we have to look forward to with Claire?" Dean said without thinking. Castiel wondered if Dean realized he had said "we" and not "you". It filled him with warmth until the rest of the question penetrated his morning fuzziness.

They both shuddered at the thought.


	43. I'm Not Leaving You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seems like our boys have some confidence issues?  
> Dean and Cas have a talk and Sam goes after Gabe. He's gotta fix this. But what if Gabe won't see him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, for again, not having any art. i'm just so tiiiired.
> 
> had a con last weekend. Then monday, my kids 2ds died and we had to decide if we wanted / could afford to replace it. her birthday is tomorrow and she was originally not going to get anything because the trip for a day at an SPN con in Pittsburgh was supposed to be her gift and party all rolled into one.
> 
> Eventally we did replace it but we had to call Nintendo to help with a system transfer because, her old system was literally deader than a doornail. Did that friday afternoon, just finished about half an hour ago. She's lost all her streetpass data from the cons she attends when i staff/sell over the last few years, and all the game progress on DOWNLOADED games, but we saved everything else. so there's that.
> 
> Work is ramping up again and I am applying for an in house move that will require some training but would mean more money in the long run. and, i dunno if I can do it....or how long it will take or how much more time this training will eat out of my day. 
> 
> Then the other day there was an FB post I got tagged in by my mother. Something I really didn't want to see. So i figure, i could just ignore it, right? except EVERYONE is commenting on it and now i'm getting notifications and these little 'reminders' that she posted it. Sure, i could untag myself, but then i'd have to explain why...and that is one conversation i am NOT having.
> 
> So i'm just feeling all sorts of drained and unmotivated and my concentration just seems shot. I hope you all like the chapter at least! It's another decently long one. I'm sorry about the lameness about not having any pictures. :(

Castiel left the kitchen, dragging Dean behind him as he fled up the stairs to the bedroom. He shut the door behind Dean, finally dropping his hand. Before Dean could do more than open his mouth to speak, Castiel was kissing him, almost desperate and Dean moaned, his eyes slipping shut as he kissed his boyfriend just as eagerly. It had been a while since the last time they'd seen each other. Every kiss after a long absence always felt like they were trying to make up for lost time.

This was more than that though and eventually Dean pulled back, finding himself standing beside the man's bed. He didn't even remember moving. Cas took the opportunity to sit down and pull Dean after him. He went willingly, curling around the blue eyed mans warmth as they both lay down on the bed, but Dean held a hand out to his chest when Cas dipped towards him for another kiss.

"Wait, Cas, I thought, I thought we needed to talk?" he asked quietly. Castiel sighed and leaned his head against Dean's shoulder.

"Yeah, I just…"

"Hey, I get it. It's okay, I was scared too." Dean ran a hand down Castiel's face, reassuring himself just as much as he reassured Cas. He pulled him closer, not wanting to be any further away than he had to be. "God, I hate being so far away." Dean whispered into Castiel's' ear. Without opening his eyes, just basking in the warmth and comfort of Dean's arms, Castiel agreed.

"I won't lie, I hate it too Dean."

"If something happens like…like…Cas, god, I know it was no picnic for you, but it was hell for me too. Just thinking about Claire being in danger, about what you must be going through. Not being able to just… _be_  there for you."

"I know, but you're here now."

 Dean was quiet and when he spoke again, his words were just as quiet, making Castiel strain to hear him despite how closer they were. "What if…what if I was here all the time?"

"What do you mean Dean?" Castiel asked slowly, pulling away to see Deans face clearly, head tilted in confusion and disbelief. The actor took a deep breath and spoke in a stronger, steadier voice.

"What if I quit the show and moved here. I mean, not  _here_  if you're not ready, but to, to Pontiac."

"Dean…how could you… _why_ would you quit the show? That's your dream."

"Because  _you're_  here, Cas. I…there's a lot of reasons baby, but I've already been thinking about this. I can't ask you and Claire to come to California. It's not fair to you guys. Your brother is here and both you and he have businesses here to run. You can't just pull up roots and hare off across the country.  Even if you decided you could, there's no reason for Gabe to and I don't want to cut you off from your family. Family is important."

Castiel frowned at him and pulled a little further away. "I'm not so needy that you have to throw away your life for me!"

"No! That's not what I – I just, I want to be near you. It has nothing to do with you being needy, 'cause you're not, and everything to do with…with me thinking of you and Claire as family. And it just hurts that I'm so far away."

"Dean, I couldn't ask you to quit a job that you love." Cas's eyes softened with understanding.

"You're not asking, I'm offering. Just, just hear me out, babe."

"Fine." Cas sighed, rubbing his head. "You said you had other reasons?" Dean nodded.

"Look, I know how much you don't like the spotlight, and already just by knowing me, without us even telling people that we're dating and I've inadvertently put you there more than once. And now, with the picture…I just -"

"Dean, I've been in much harsher spotlights already - more than once, as you say - and none of those times have been your fault in any way." Castiel's hand cupped Dean's jaw. The pain in his eyes, the sincerity behind his words, Castiel understood it but he couldn't just let Dean throw away his dreams. "It's just, that…your idea, it will never work Dean. You wouldn't be happy."

"Oh god, are you…we're done? That's it? Cas, please don't be mad at me…we can make this work, somehow, just listen…" Dean's hands grabbed Castiel's and squeezed tight, and the fear in those green eyes, the heartbreak was killing Castiel.

"Dean, no! I'm not -! Why would you  _think_  that? Why would I be mad at you?"

"I couldn't be there for you, babe.  _I wasn't here for you Cas."_

"But you _were_ , Dean. And I just, I refuse to let you give up everything you've ever worked for, just for me."

"Why not? You're worth it."

"So are you."

"Then what are we going to do, Cas? I can't take it, not being able to be near you more often." Dean dropped his forehead back into Cas's neck, the artist pulling him in close again and comforting Dean in a way that was the complete opposite of everything they'd been through so far. It felt good to be able to be there for  _him_  for once, yet Castiel wished with all his heart that neither of them ever had to feel this way. He hadn't realized Dean held  _any_ insecurities, certainly none like these, yet it was glaringly obvious at that very moment that he did _._

"Dean, I'm not leaving you, and I'm sure we'll figure something out, but where is this coming from?" the artist finally asked as he felt Deans breathing steady again. He heard a gulp and felt the flutter of lashes against his neck. Dean's fingers tightened their grip on Cas before he spoke, his voice rougher than usual.

"I don't know, babe. I guess I just…I'm always afraid I won't be good enough and everyone will always leave in the end." Castiel looked down at the dirty blonde head in astonishment, mouth gaping before he could find the words to put into it.

"Not good enough? How on earth could you believe that?" Dean shrugged, still refusing to move, to look up at Cas. "Do you know how many times I've felt I wasn't good enough for  _you?_ " Dean shook his head and Castiel sighed. "Often enough that I almost didn't take this chance. I've been so happy these past six months that I know I would have regretted it for the rest of my life had I not." Castiel thought some more. "There  _must_  be a reason you feel like this? I don't understand."

"I guess…it started with my parents dying." Castiel's eyes widened in comprehension.

"Oh, oh Dean. I think I can understand that. You were just a child…and then, they almost took Sam from you." Dean nodded again. "Dean that’s…none of those things happened by choice and it doesn't mean you're not worthy of love. And I do, I love you, god I love you so much it hurts sometimes. That weirdly good kind of hurt that I never understood, but there it is." Castiel stroked the spiky head, threading fingers in and around and through the hair. "Please, never doubt that, never doubt the strength of what I feel for you." Dean shuddered at the low rumble of his boyfriends' voice and nodded into his neck.

"I love you too, babe. Just the same, the exact same way." Dean whispered into the artists' ear, the warm breath making him shudder slightly and dip his eyes closed. The moment of soothing peace was broken by the distant slam of a door. They both sat up in alarm but didn't hear anything else till a minute later.

"I think that was Gabriel's car." Castiel struggled to stand up and Dean did his best to help untangle their legs and help him up. Castiel barreled down the stairs, Dean fast behind him, only to find Sam babbling to Claire about needing to find Gabe as he fished around for his shoes. Castiel was instantly suspicious but when he saw how desperate Sam was to fix whatever had happened, he relented.

Nearly as one, Dean and Cas turned to Claire to ask what had happened. Her answers were singularly unhelpful, expect for one. Sam had asked her about Gabe's feelings and seemed genuinely surprised to hear of the extent of them. After hearing this, Sam had become even more determined to find the man. Cas and Dean shared glances and hoped for the best.

They returned to the kitchen, to the hot water left on the counter with the mugs that had been left out. Their conversation was tabled, for now, since no real resolution had come of it. They had both said some things that needed dwelling on. Maybe, when they weren't so emotional from the turmoil of the last few days, they could work out some sort of solution.

In the meantime, their thoughts went to their brothers, anxious to find out how that would resolve. Dean even chanced a look out the kitchen window, carefully, to see what was out there. Sam was already gone. He saw the news crews recovering from the whirlwind that was his brother and chuckled, hoping it hadn't been too hard for him to leave.

When Sam had ducked out the front door, he was confronted with the forgotten and harsh reality of just what had brought him to Pontiac to begin with. Thankfully, he was used to ducking cameras and reporters – much more politely than his own brother. Of course, these reporters' were also getting a little desperate.

After all, the entire city had been held in suspense the entire day prior and they still had never gotten to the meat of it all. The only people they  _knew_ to ask were avoiding them. Then one rushed out of the house – Sam had no idea how that had looked, what state, Gabe had been in, but guessed it wasn't good. And then not long after, here he was racing out the door as well as if the hounds of hell were after him.

They knew, as sure as sharks' smelled blood in the water, that something was going on and it was killing them not to have  _anything_ to go on the air with.

Sam found he couldn't care less.

Still, he tried to be polite, because he couldn't be any other way.

"Sorry, I have nothing to say. I'm only here for moral support, should it be needed. Now I really need to get going – a time sensitive issue, a personal one, that isn't connected in any way to what you are asking about, I'm sure you can understand."

He pushed his way to his rental car, grateful to note that Cas hadn't blocked him in and made good his escape before the few news crews had recovered. Quickly setting up his phone google maps, he followed the directions to Heavenly Treats and parked.

He was thankful to note that the place wasn't far and it seemed to be currently empty of patrons. That would help. If he could just gather the courage to move.

He sat in the front seat, car turned off as he tried to look in the windows without moving, but he saw no sign of Gabriel. He was positive that was Gabe's car in the lot, though, so taking that as a good sign, he took a deep breath and pushed open the car door.

He slammed it shut and jogged across the small space separating the lot from the front door. It jingled when he opened it and the warmth and smell of fresh bread and pies and other tasty treats hit his nose. God, dean must think this place to be heaven.

It was early on a weekend and Sam was not surprised to find only one other person in the place. Obviously an employee of Gabe's. Suddenly very nervous, suddenly unsure if this was the right way to go about this, Sam stepped up to the counter.

The kid stared up at him with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. It took him a few tries, opening and closing his mouth like a landed fish, but he finally stuttered out the stores greeting.

"W-w-welcome to Treatily Heaven, I mean, Heavenly Treats! How - how can we, uh, how can we treat you t-t-today?" the question squeaked out nervously would normally have amused Sam but his tension and anxiousness at this moment was just too high.

"Um, yeah, I um…" Sam paused and looked at his name tag. "Alfie? Hi, nice to meet you. I'm um…I'm actually here to, to talk to Gabe?" he managed not to gulp but he'd stuttered through his sentence almost as bad as the kid had.

Alfie's eyes widened even more if that was even possible. He darted a look towards the back and then back to Sam, licking his lips nervously.

"Um, I'm sorry sir; I don't think um, I mean, he's uh, he's unavailable right now. Maybe another time?" The kid sounded unsure, but was determined to get the words out with another glance back to where his boss must be.

Sam's heart sank. Gabriel must really be upset and it was his fault. He'd never thought of himself as oblivious before, but he had most definitely been blind to Gabe's feelings for him and his reaction – his lack of one – must have really hurt the shorter man. Sam wasn't so sure, suddenly, that he could fix this, not of Gabriel wouldn't give him the time of day.

He swallowed and opened his mouth, his voice cracking on the first words. "You don't…" He cleared his throat, "You don't understand. I really need to see him. I need to tell him something really important." Sam pushed the words out in a rush, though clearing his throat hadn't helped and his voice was still thick with apprehension that Gabriel wouldn't see him. "Please?" Sam begged, starting to lean in but then stopping. As desperate as he was to see Gabe, he didn't mean to intimidate the poor kid, was stepping back and stuttering out another rejection on his boss's behalf. Sam didn't even notice he was wringing his hands together, didn't notice his eyes had closed in despair, until another set of hands clasped over his and his eyes flew open to fall upon Gabriel.

He sighed out in relief that Gabe was  _there_  in front of him. He still had a chance to tell him. He opened his mouth and Gabriel shook his head and Sam's heart plummeted even further. Shit, he really had fucked it up. He'd gone past the point of – Gabriel pulled him and Sam stumbled forward in surprise.

"Wh-what?" Sam managed to gasp out. Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"If we're going to talk, it's not going to be out here, in front of the virgin. Follow me."

"I'm not a virgin!" Alfie called out after them indignantly as Sam allowed his feet to follow Gabriel, not even registering the poor kids' objection or Gabriel's answer.

"Nothing you say can convince me otherwise. You're as sweet and innocent as the day I hired you."

"Which I wasn't!"

"La la la!"

"So mature Gabriel!"

"Do me a favor Alfie – listen for the buzzer, okay?"

"Yeah, I can do that boss."

Gabriel's heart was pounding as he led Sam back into the office. He hadn't expected Sam to chase after him, and he was babbling nervously in reaction. Sam had made it clear how he felt, so what did it mean that he was here  _now?_  It didn't make sense, unless - ? No, Gabriel told himself firmly, it was no use getting his hopes up again. Sam was probably just upset that he had upset Gabriel, it was the way he was, while Gabe was just an asshat most of the time. Sam was too kind. He should have known it would never have worked out between them. Trying to school his face so it didn't show his thoughts, the fall into moping and how empty he felt, he turned and sat heavily in the chair at his cluttered desk. Sam perched on a chair on the other side almost as if he was ready to bolt and Gabriel noticed again that he was clutching at his hands, nearly wringing them.

"What did you want Sam?" He asked tiredly. "I'm sorry I presumed…more than was proper and I won't do it again. All right? You don't have to worry about me." Gabriel forced a smile onto his face.

"NO!" Sam blurted. Gabe startled.

"What? I don't…?"

"No, I don't…I don't want to…you didn't presume. Shit…" Sam took a deep breath. "Look, I mean, I didn't think you had any feelings for me. I mean there were a couple times I thought maybe? But then I convinced myself I was wrong so…when you kissed me, it wasn't that…that I was opposed but more…just so totally surprised I didn't know what to do." Gabriel's forced grin faltered to be replaced by something more genuine, astonishment and hope mixing on his face.

"What are you saying, Sam?" he breathed out.

"Look, I'm sorry for giving you the impression that your…kiss was unwelcome, cause it wasn't, it was just…new to me and felt a little out of the blue. I was…I guess you could say a bit overwhelmed." Sam leaned forward earnestly, picking up some steam. "I mean, I'd thought there was no way you were actually interested in me, so I've been trying to bury these feelings that have been growing in me every time we talked. You're funny Gabe, and loyal and sweeter than you let on to most people and I admire you a lot." Sam's mouth quirked upwards, "And um, I wouldn't mind if you kissed me again. If you uh, if you still wanted to."

"Sam, you," Gabriel breathed incredulously. He stumbled up and out of his chair, heart in his throat. You," he froze then, staring at Sam with wide eyes, afraid to make the first move – again. "Sam?"

This time it was Sam that lurched up and toward the other man, ignoring the desk between them. The taller man made use of his height to simply lean over it to plant a kiss full on the bakers lips.

Big hands came up and gripped Gabriel's shoulders after the first, tentative kiss. With no objections forthcoming, Sam dove in for a second, much less chaste one. Gabriel's eyes closed and he lost himself in the sensations, in the emotions.

When they finally pulled away from each other panting hard, Gabriel found his own hands were fisted in Sam's shirt. He left them there, unwilling to pull even further away despite the awkward angle. Instead, they stood there, simply staring at the other, hazel and honey colored eyes both searching the ones opposite. Gabriel's chest felt tight with emotion, heavy under press of it. Finally, he managed to unclench one hand and raised it, shakily, to touch Sam's jaw, pressing up towards his cheek. He swallowed a gasp when Sam leaned into his hand.

"S-s-so, um…you said, new? Um, how, how new?" Gabriel tried to get a grip on himself, bring himself back under control, but he was sure he still looked a little wild as he stared up at Sam. He was rewarded with a blush and a shy, sheepish smile. Sam looked down, swallowed and looked back up.

"Very new. Gabe, I've never…it's uh, why I was afraid to make a move before. I don't have any experience with other guys. I wasn't sure…" Gabriel snorted, then laughed. His hand dropped back down and he slumped a little more forward over the desk, his head falling to hit Sam's chest. In doing so, he missed the hurt and offended look that appeared on Sam's face.

"Oh god, it figures. We're a couple of morons." Gabriel laughed again before it dissolved into a heavy sigh.

"What?" The look on Sam's face started to break a little with confusion.

"I don't have much experience in these matters either, Sam-bo. It's aaaaall new to me. Lost my last partner because of it. I have no idea what I'm doing and Cassie made me promise to not be inappropriate. Hell, I'm not even sure I know _how_ to do that. Not much of a prize here Sam, I've always known that. Throw in the fact that you're famous and that I couldn't tell if you were interested in me at all, and I'd practically convinced _my_ self that you wouldn't want to settle down and date someone like _me_."

"What does that even mean?" Sam was still offended but now he was offended on Gabriel's behalf. "Someone like you? I already told you – "

"Yeah, but I didn't know that before. Didn't know that’s what you thought of me. Not sure I really deserve it –"

"Of course you do Gabe!" Sam pulled Gabriel's face up and away from where he was hiding in Sam's shirt, voice muffled. The shift caused some clatter as things were knocked off of his desk and the two of them laughed. "Here, man, uh…" Sam drew away and Gabriel almost whined at the loss before he realized Sam was walking around the desk to pull him into a proper hug.

Oh, now that was nice. Gabriel felt his eyes close again in contentment, a small smile easily falling away into a bigger grin as he was tucked against Sam's shoulder. He wiggled a bit to get even closer to Sam and listened to the bigger man huff out another laugh. They stood there silently, content with just that for more than a few minutes before one of the broke that silence.

"Do you really think that about yourself?" Sam's quiet words were still clearly audible, as close as his mouth was to Gabriel's ears. Gabriel shrugged, unwilling to answer the question. "I don't understand?" Gabriel sighed.

"What's there to understand? I've always felt that way. Just, usually I'm pretty good at hiding it."

"Oh Gabe." The arms around him tightened with Sam's words and Gabriel sighed again.

"So…what's this, what does this _mean_ Sam? For us?"

"What do you mean, what does this mean? I thought…"

"Sam, we've wasted who knows how long at this point dancing around ourselves because we didn't communicate. I just…want to make sure we're on the same page."

"Fair enough." Sam relented with a nod. "Well, I'm hoping for, well, I guess something meaningful. I mean, I know it won't be easy, with the distance and all, but our brothers make it work, somehow. If, um, if you're amenable to it?"

"Sam Winchester," Gabriel leaned back to look him in the face with a mischievous glint in his honey colored eyes. "Are you asking to be my first boyfriend?" Sam blushed and nodded again.

"Yeah, yeah, I guess I am."

"You guess? Our relationship will be off to a rocky start if it's just _'I guess._ ' " Gabriel teased. Sam rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm positive. What do you think?"

"I think you talk too much." Gabriel grinned again and leaned up to kiss his new boyfriend with wonder and an undercurrent of disbelief. Had this really happened? Or had he somehow knocked himself out in his own bakery and was even now having some Coma dream or something?

Either way, he was going to enjoy this as much as possible before it disappeared on him. Cause either it was real and he shouldn't let this opportunity pass him by, or it wasn't and what would it hurt to pretend for a little while? Who remembered their coma dreams when they woke up anyway? From the look on his face, Sam was having the same dilemma and choosing to act in just the same manner.

Neither heard the knock on the open doorway, or saw Alfie's scandalized face.  He gently closed the door and gave them their own space even as the look melted into his own soft little smile. His question on what to do with the next batch of oven baked goodies could wait.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note, since i don't think i'll actually come up
> 
> Alfie is (mostly) so nervous cause he recognizes Sam. :D Gabriel made him a fan of the show with how much he gushed over it (and Sam, *ahem*) until he finally watched it and got hooked. But Alfie, being Alfie, was trying to be polite.
> 
> *EDIT* 12/3/16 - ADDED A PIC! - I imagine that Gabe would make any of his employees wear cutesy aprons like this. :D


	44. Talks With Missouri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missouri talks things over with the Novaks and Cas is now convinced the woman is Psychic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, i got art done for this chapter but its' really lame. But i also got art done for two other chapters : #40 and #41 and I really like the one from 41. i might revisit that and make it a bigger picture since it's actually only about the size of my hand right now.
> 
> chapters still missing art: 25, 30 and 43  
> only 3 out of 44 - not bad :D

"So Claire, how are things? You doing all right sweetie?" Claire nodded quietly. She liked Missouri, but it always took a little bit before she felt comfortable talking. "is there anything you want to talk about?" Claire tilted her head a little, and then shrugged.

"Can I have a cookie?"

"Of course you can." Missouri smiled at the little girl as she leaned forward to pick up one of the still warm chocolate chip cookies from the low table between them. Missouri bent to get one of her own and the two ate their snacks in a companionable silence. After dusting off their hands, Missouri smiled again to see that Claire had relaxed a little into the couch.

"I heard there was some excitement this week for you." She said gently. Claire nodded.

"Yeah, it was scary at first. But I think it scared my uncles more." Claire tilted her head again and looked at Missouri with her face all scrunched up. "Maybe you can talk to my uncles?" Missouri's heart melted at the sweetness of the blonde girl.

"I'm sure your Uncle Cas has several people he can talk to. Didn't you say he was seeing someone like me? And don't forget his boyfriend Dean, and his brother Gabriel. Having familial support like that is a wonderful thing."

"Oh yeah! Dean and his brother Sam, they flew out here _all the way from California_ because they were worried about me and Uncle Cas!" Claire said it with a tone of awe.

"That's wonderful. Your Uncle and Dean must have something really special. You said before that you like Dean, right?"

"Yeah, he's pretty cool. Also…" she looked down at her hands and then peeked back up. "Dean and Sam lost their parents when they were kids too, just like me."

"Did they? I didn't know that." Missouri, while not wishing hardship on anyone, least of all a child, gave thanks for that. If Dean and Sam were going to be part of the Novak family as she suspected they were, given what the child had said on multiple occasions, their own tragedy would help Claire deal with hers. "Does that help you? Knowing that you're not the only one who's lost loved ones? Knowing that they understand you in a way that others can't?"

Claire, wide eyed, nodded. Then she whispered guiltily, "Is it bad that I'm glad they lost their parents too? Am I a bad person?"

"No sweetie. Don't think that. It's okay to want someone who understands you. Are you sad they lost their parents?" Claire nodded at Missouri's question. "Would you actually have _wished_ for them to lose their parents? For anyone to?" For each question Missouri asked, Claire shook her head almost violently. She sniffled a little. "Then no, child, I wouldn't say you were a bad person. You're human, and hurting. It's only natural not to want to be alone when you're sad. Have another cookie. I find cookies always help me when I'm feeling sad. Not too many though, because then they make my tummy feel sick."

Claire giggled at the conspiratorial whisper Missouri used to share this fact and she wiped at her nose before reaching for a second cookie. Missouri let the silence go for another moment or two and then tried to steer the topic back towards her initial line of inquiry.

"So, about Friday, have you talked to your uncle about what happened?"

"Yeah. Coupla times. Dean was there too." Claire paused, biting her lip, and then rushed forward again. "Uncle Cas has me and Dean and Pamela and Meg and Uncle Gabe to talk to. An' I have you and Mr. Fizzles, an' both my uncles an' Dean an' I guess Sam too, but not as much. But Uncle Gabe only has Uncle Cas to talk to. Is he gonna be okay?"

"I'm sure you're uncle will be fine...Didn't you say he likes Dean's brother?" Claire nodded and grinned. She leaned forward to whisper even though they were the only two in the room.

"Yeah, and I think Sam likes Uncle Gabe back too! They're just confused."

"Well, if it will make you feel any better, I can suggest someone for your uncle to talk to."

"Really?" Claire beamed at the woman before her. Missouri just smiled right on back. Claire really was something precious. Speaking of talking to her uncle…

"Sweetie, I was thinking of talking to your Uncle about some of the things we talk about. I wanted to ask your permission before I did? Would you be okay with that? If there's anything you do _not_ want me to talk about, I won't. This is all up to you."

"Yeah, I'm okay with it." Claire settled back again, then she bounced up with a slight jolt, eyes going wide. "Oh! But, please don't tell him that I cry sometimes because he reminds me of my dad. I don't want to make him sad because I love him an' I love living with him and he makes me very happy!"

"Don't worry, I won't." Missouri assured the anxious child. "Now, was there _any_ thing else you wanted to discuss for today? Anything else about Friday?" Claire shrugged and shook her head simultaneously.

"Nope." Claire looked at Missouri's disbelieving face. "Honestly. I was a little scared, but nobody hurt me. Not them or anyone else. I already told Uncle Cas and Dean I'm okay. Why doesn't anyone believe me?"

"Because they're scared. What happened scared them. Adults gets scared too, you know that." Missouri's voice was gentle and Claire nodded. "Just remember, any of us are here for you if you change your mind or if something about that day starts to bother you, okay?"

"Okay."

"Well then, I think we have just enough time that I can speak to your Uncle. Is there anyone that can wait with you in the waiting room while I do?"

Claire leaped up nodding. "Yeah, Dean came with us today."

"Wonderful. Then why don't you send your uncle in for me?"

"Sure." Claire raced out of the room after giving Missouri a quick hug and bee lined for her uncle as soon as she hit the reception area. She plowed into him and he picked her up and held her tight.

"You're done early, Claire." She nodded into his hair and then pulled back.

"Missouri wants to talk to you before we leave." Her uncle paled slightly and she patted his cheek. "It's okay, Missouri's really nice. You don't have to be scared of her." She leaned in again to whisper in his ear. "I was scared the first time I came to see her, but I really like her."

Castiel cleared his throat and looked over at Dean. "Well then, I guess I'd better uh, go and talk to her then. Dean, if you would…?" he trailed off and the actor grinned at him.

"No worries Cas, Claire and I'll just go over there and play with that piano while you're gone."

"Really?" She perked up and scrambled to get down from her uncles arms and made a mad dash for the piano bench. Castiel raised an eyebrow.

"You may regret that."

"Maybe. You go talk to Missouri. I can handle Claire." He gave Cas a quick peck on the lips to bolster his spirits, then pulled back with a grin. "Go on, then."

With a sinking heart and hesitant steps, Castiel went through Missouri's open door and closed it behind him. He stepped over to the couch and gingerly sat down on the edge of it, sitting up straight, hands clasped together nervously.

"Relax Castiel. I promise I have nothing bad to say today. I just wanted to let you know about Claire's progress. I think that, overall, she's in a much better place then she was a year and a half ago. Both she and I are lucky that we were able to strike up such an open and easy rapport as we did, so I've been there for her throughout her whole journey. You might not be able to see all the changes, but I can assure you, she has much improved, the most of which since she started living with you."

She leaned down and pushed the plate towards him. The cookies weren't quite as warm as earlier, but she knew they were still good. His eyes were drawn to the movement and he took a quick glance upwards to see her nod before he reached tentatively for one.

"I also wanted to note that I don't see any detrimental effects from the events at her school, though of course, I'll watch to make sure we don't miss any signs that might surface later. She has a pretty healthy attitude over it so far, though she didn't seem to be willing to talk about it. Not because she didn't want to because something happened, or something scared her, but more like she'd already put it behind her and couldn't see why I hadn't done the same."

"That…sounds promising." He said slowly. She nodded back at him and handed him a few pamphlets.

"Of course, you are going to always be her first line of defense. These are to help _you_ know what to look for. In the meantime," She drew back as he accepted the little booklets, "your niece is especially concerned for everyone _elses'_ well being. Particularly your brother. She worries that he doesn't have as many people to talk to about things as you and she do. So, if you think it's needed, let me know and I can make some recommendations for him through you. I told her I would speak to you about it."

Castiel looked down, lips quirking into a small smile, sad and proud. "Claire is just like her father, always thinking of others first." He looked back up. "Thank you. I'll uh, talk to Gabe, though he um…may have expanded his 'support group' just this morning."

"Is that right? Well, I wish him and Sam the best of luck." Castiel's eyes widened as her words registered.

"How did you - ?"

"It's my job." She stood up and Castiel rose with her, dazed. "So, after this, I'll see Claire again at her regularly scheduled appointment. Stay strong, but I believe the worst is over." She startled him again when she wrapped him in a motherly hug, the kind he never really got from his own mother and he blinked before returning it.

He pulled back after a moment with a nod. "Thank you Missouri, for everything. You've been a godsend."

"It's no problem, Castiel." He turned and stepped over to the door but paused with his hand on the knob as she spoke again. "Oh, the jewelers on West Madison would be a good choice. Good luck."

He turned to her in even greater shock but she smiled serenely at him and gave him a little wave before returning her attention to picking up her papers and putting them away in prep for her next patient. His mouth gaped and he snapped it shut. Blinking again, he turned and opened the door and stepped out.

All he could think was, _How did she know?_

Followed by wondering how soon he could get there without Dean suspecting.


	45. Tell it to the Press

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh, Gabe? I don't think you should have done that...maybe? Crap...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a ....rough/off kind of day.
> 
> so, have a chapter. (with a completely ridiculous ending. Cause i needed a laugh)
> 
> on the bright side, i pretty much have the ending of the story all written up. i just got to get us there. But OH MY GOD it feels SO PERFECT! I hope you guys like it too! since it's written a bit (how much further is this going to go? I don't know! i'm wary of too many time skips but there may be some coming...) ahead i'm hoping to get some really epic art done for it. Kinda make up for all the chapters that were missing art when they went up. (with this chapter, count of chapters with art goes back up to 4. Still, not bad!) Wish me luck!

The next few months would prove difficult for the four of them as both couples tried to figure out how to move forward from there.

But those months started with remainder of today. Castiel, Dean and Claire didn’t bother leaving the house at all except for the one trip out to see Missouri. Instead, they spent time with Claire and browsed social media while Dean occasionally talked to Charlie or Bobby and some other folks from the studio about how to handle certain issues.

Gabriel and Sam finally came back, but they spent most of the day away from the house. Castiel didn’t blame him; he still had a business to run. And anyway, they needed time alone as well. Actually, thinking back on it, Castiel didn’t think Sam or Gabriel had ever had much one on one time that didn’t involve their brothers or Claire acting as an accidental ‘chaperone’. This was, then, long overdue.

When Sam and Gabe did finally return they said that they had merely lost track of time (“Yeah, whatever,” teased Dean). Braving the gauntlet outside of Castiel’s house again, as well as the new one that had formed in front of the bakery (the news outlets knew full well who Gabriel Novak was, and that he was seen leaving his brothers house after the school incident had quickly become widely spread knowledge), they had dinner, watched another movie and sent Claire to bed with many hugs. Tempting as it was to have another cuddle pile in the living room, Castiel’s back would never allow it. Plus, he wanted to get their lives back into some semblance of order, for Claire’s sake, if nothing else.

But afterwards, the four men found themselves gathered around the little kitchen table once again, mugs in hand. The serious looks on their brothers faces as they attempted to ask Dean and Castiel for relationship advice blindsided them, and neither of them could really help the little hysterical laughs that escaped them.

Castiel was glad Claire had already gone to bed before they started discussing the newly formed relationship between Gabriel and Sam. Neither Dean nor Cas could say they were surprised at the sudden development with the way their brothers had been acting for months. And in fact, they wished them all the luck they could.

But it didn't stop them from laughing at the question. Or being glad that the child wasn’t there for whatever awkward questions might arise. Like this one. Not that it was anything to be embarrassed about, but it was easier to not have to divide his attention between his brother and his niece. If he wanted to help and support Gabriel, he couldn’t be turning away from him constantly to explain things to Claire. He’d rather help the new couple settle in, and _then_ answer her questions.

Gabriel looked offended at the laughter and Sam huffed. "Gee, Dean. I thought I was supposed to ask advice from my elder brother?"

"That doesn't," snort, "That doesn't explain Gabe…" Dean tried to stop laughing, he really did. "He  _is_  the older brother."

"Age wise, sure, mentally…" Castiel trailed off. Gabe tried to take offense at this too, but couldn't help shrugging and agreeing right along with him.

"When Cassie's right, he's right. Now, stop evading the question. You guys have been doing  _something_ right or you wouldn't still be together. What can we do? I don't exactly have much experience with a long distance relationship."

"Aside from this one, neither do I." Castiel replied. Dean finally sobered and nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, what he said."

"Look, I can't say what will work for the two of you, I honestly can't." Castiel leaned forward, placing a hand on his brother to try and reassure him. "I know that Dean and I kept in constant contact. He made as many trips out this way as he could…if I didn't have Claire, I'd have returned the favor, but I can't do that during the school year." Castiel looked away guiltily, dropping his hand from Gabe's only to find an arm wrapping around his shoulder, Dean's face pressing into his hair and a murmur echoed in his ear.

"It's okay, Cas...I understand man. We're both doing what we can."

"Look, I think that, if this is real affection and you're both willing to work at it, don't give up at the first speed bump, you'll be fine." Dean breathed in the scent of his boyfriend before he pulled back to look at his brother and Gabriel a lot more seriously as Castiel finished speaking.

"To be honest, the reason we laughed is because Cas and I have been trying to figure something out ourselves. I proposed quitting the show so I could move out here with him. I…want to spend a lot more time with him and Claire than I get to as it is. But…"

"I won't let him. There's got to be a solution that doesn't involve Dean giving up the show. I just, I can't figure out what it is." Their hands twined with each other as they lost themselves in the eyes staring back at them. "You'd be more than welcome to move in here Dean, you I know that. I just…don't want you to regret it if you make such a drastic change in your life. You deserve happiness too, to do what you love to do."

"I don't understand, why can't he live here  _and_  work on the show too?" A sleepy voice intruded, and the adults turned to find Claire standing there, clutching her white bear and rubbing at her eyes.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry, did we wake you up?"

"No, Uncle Cas, I'm just thirsty." Before he could stand, Dean had done so, getting her a fresh bottle of water that she could bring back with her to her room. Cas didn't want any open drink containers for fear of it being spilled in the middle of the night by sleepy groping. Dean thought that was a wise idea and had resolved to change his habits with that in mind. He'd stepped in a cold, wet spot in the morning way too often to enjoy it.

He was glad he’d had the presence of mind to keep that thought internal. He wouldn’t put it past Gabe to go straight to innuendo on that one, regardless of what Dean had meant. Hell, he was having a hard enough time keeping himself from making a joke about it. He shook his head and the four of them remained silent until after Claire went back to bed.

“It won’t be easy.” Sam noted finally.

“Nothing worth having is rarely easy, and never all the time.” Dean responded with no hesitation. “I’ll start looking for a place out here. We’re not filming all the time, and it would be better than nothing, right?”

“Dean, you don’t have to – “

“No, Cas, I want to be near you as much as I can…”

“No, Dean, what I mean is, you don’t have to get another place. I was serious. You could stay here. There’s no reason for you to keep up two different places when you don’t have to. Because you and Sam would keep the place in California, right? It only makes sense for during filming…”

The Winchesters looked at each other contemplatively and nodded their agreement, but it was Sam who spoke. “That makes the most sense.”

“Oh Sam! Are you going to move in with me too?” Gabriel lunged over to him and latched onto his arm like a lamprey and waggled his eyebrows at the taller man. Sam was a little taken a back but he huffed out a small laugh.

“I hadn’t exactly planned on it just yet Gabe. We’re…still kinda new, aren’t we? Shouldn’t we wait?”

“Pffft….I’m not like Cassie. I’m more of the impulsive, leap before I look kind of person.”

“The evidence of the past few months would beg to differ on that point.” Cas pointed out. Gabriel ignored him.

“Wait, are you serious?” Sam asked incredulously.

“Serious like a heart attack!” Gabriel dropped the act and eased up on Sam. “I feel like we’ve been stuck in a holding pattern for forever trying to figure this – us – out. I want us to get moving forward. We’ve already spent time getting to know each other, even if it’s been long distance. And you’d probably happier if you were around family, right? So why not?”

“I…yeah, I, um…if you really mean it, then sure.” Sam finally answered, still a little stunned. Dean’s mouth dropped open in surprise even as Gabe fist pumped the air with a hissed “Yes!”

“Holy shit, Sammy, seriously?”

“What?” Sam straightened up defensively at his brothers’ tone.

“It’s just, that…you’re not the kinda person that usually jumps in head first like this. You usually like to do the whole pros and cons list thingy before you make a decision like that.”

“That might work for buying a car or a house, jerk, but I think, in this case, it should be a decision based on how we feel, don’t ya think?” Sam bit out. Dean grinned.

“Proud of ya, Sammy.”

“And stop calling me that!”

“I’m sorry to interrupt such a loving, family moment, but now that Sam’s living accommodations are taken care of, can we get back to this plan you were coming up with?” Castiel couldn’t help the small smile hovering around his mouth. Dean brought his attention back to the blue eyed artist and looked at him lovingly.

“I’ll talk to Bobby, and he can talk to anyone he needs to. We’ll adjust the filming schedule a little, maybe, hmmm…spread it apart? Or would it be better to get as much done in one fell swoop as possible.”

“Dean, no, that would burn you out…” Cas leaned into him. “As a creative person myself, I promise, you really don’t want to do that.”

“Heh, yeah, you’re probably right. Okay, well, I’ll still talk with Bobby. He might have some ideas. I mean, other celebrities do this right? Not _all_ of them wind up with broken homes. God, some of those people are just dumb…”

“Dean,” Sam chided. Dean raised his hands in mock surrender.

“Fine, fine, whatever. But okay, we have a tentative plan. Step one, move out here. Step 2, talk to Bobby.”

“That sounds…a little too simple.” Gabriel noted. “And that’s coming from _me_ so take that as you will.”

Dean shrugged. “Don’t really care. I’m sure steps will be added along the way. I just…want to be here. As much as possible.” He looked down at Cas again, who was still leaning into him. Cas stared right back.

“Uh oh, they’re at it again.” Gabriel breathed out under his breath. “What say you and I skedaddle and leave the lovebirds alone.”

“You just want to get _me_ alone again.”

“You got _that_ right, Sammy-kins.”

“Oh god…if you’re going to keep it up with the pet names, I think I’m gonna back out.” Sam joked.

“You love it.” Gabriel smirked as the two left unnoticed from the kitchen, heading for the living room. He paused by the door and a crazy grin flooded his face. Before Sam could even _think_ to stop him, Gabriel had flung open the door – much to the surprise of the few news people still holding out hope for some sort of interview with one of the Novak’s – and yelled,

“They’re moving in! Hal-le-lujah!” and slammed it shut again.


	46. The Novak's are a 'Bad Influence'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bartholomew, the actual head of the PR department for Sam and Dean's show gets taken to task for his decisions and beliefs...while Charlie has some very wise words to impart to the rest of the crew about the whole situation.
> 
> And somewhere else, two Novaks and two Winchesters could swear their ears are ringing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Crap you guys!
> 
> Okay, so things have been weird - but first, I've been practicing my short stories (I've published 4 since i last posted a chapter. One of them was a Coda, so time sensitive, one of them was a request to cheer someone up, another was a request when asked for something fluffy to work on cause...last week...and another was a random thing i thought of - also on the fluffy side in response to last week...yeaaaaaah)
> 
> BUT WHAT THAT MEANS IS: (aka, why I'm bringing it up)
> 
> I'm running a giveaway/raffle contest where the winner gets a short story based on a prompt they give me. Head on over to my tumblr to check out the details [ HERE](http://pherryt.tumblr.com/post/153044005326/pherryts-a03-mile-stone-giveaway-raffle)
> 
> In other news - I've been doing an unofficial Nano Wrimo...hence all the short stories. Of course, concentrating so much on words means that the art is falling behind...*sigh*
> 
> Also, my laptop kept freezing on me. So i got a new one and I've been trying to get it all settled in and set up. I'm still learning the quirks of it too (it's several OS's past what I'd been used to, it has a touchscreen in addition to the laptop mouse which I've always hated, but i find i like the touch screen) and i just tried to upgrade my Word 2007 to the 2016 (i got a deal through work to do it) and it caused some glitches with my docs....
> 
> And don't get me started on the fact that I can't get any of my art programs to transfer for one reason or another....
> 
> last night, I lost some of the words i typed up for THIS STORY which is making me upset. most of them are on paper at work and I'll just have to retype them, again, but there was a WHOLE SECTION I had added that was not on paper.
> 
> I'm also writing parts of this story out of order. I'm honestly, I've been working on the ending and then working backwards from there just trying to figure out how much more there is between here and the end. there will likely be SOME time skipping involved, i just want to be careful not to do too BIG of one...

"This is a Public Relations nightmare!" Bartholomew blustered.

The meeting – consisting of Bobby, Chuck, Michael, the PR department and a few of the Studio Execs - was interrupted before it could really gain any steam by a voice piping up from the back, "No it's not!"

Almost as one, they turned to spot a redhead waving from the corner. Bobby squinted at her. "Charlie, what are  _ye_  doin’ here?"

"Saving your hides." She beamed. "Y'all act like the Empire is breathing down your neck and there's no hope in sight. But you're wrong. This here is an opportunity. You just need a better PR team, a younger crowd with, say, their fingers on the pulse of social media?" Bartholomew sputtered indignantly at the implied insult. Everyone else ignored him.

"And you're saying that's you?" Michael finally asked. "Charlie, you're just tech. Sure, you're invaluable, but that’s it. You mic people up. You make sure we're not about to electrocute someone with shoddy wiring for a stunt. You fix the cameras when no one else can...You're not PR."

"No, I'm not. But maybe I should be instead of that old fossil." Charlie narrowed her eyes at Michael's words. He hadn't meant the insult, she decided, but that didn't make her any happier.

"Charlie!" She couldn’t tell who the protest came from, since a few voices had chimed in on the calling out of her name.

"What?! You know it's true." She waved her hand negligently. "Go ahead, list the disasters for me. You were about to go through them anyway, so just humor me."

"Fine.” Bartholomew sniffed haughtily, “Several months back, Dean was inordinately rude to a fan, causing a social media uprising – "

"Quickly quelled because of 'you know who' and by that, I mean by  _moi_." She buffed her finger tips on her shirt and looked up at them through her lashes. "I gave Sam and Dean the heads up and they defused it before it could get out of control. Defused it by telling the  _truth_  I might add, by letting their fans know why Dean may  _not_  have been in the best mood that day. Instead of being a jerk, he came across as the human being he is – that we _all_ are -  and people were worried instead of mad."

There were nods at her words from a few of those gathered around the table. Bartholomew stayed resolutely silent and still, arms crossed over his chest. She continued, "I'd also like to point out that  _our_  PR department wanted to drag the woman who made the original post in the  _mud_  and call question to her character. That is  _not_  behavior we should be condoning. Yes, Dean  _was_  a little rude, and to say he wasn't would have been a lie. To say she lied, would have been worse. Satisfied? Okay, hit me with the next one."

"He punched that reporter just the other day."

"Right, and I still think he was well within his rights to do so. Even the news station that covered it painted themselves as the villains of that piece, not him. Trust me, _anyone_ watching the media coverage would realize that they were harassing a panicked man, a man they'd  _been_  harassing for well over a year, almost two, despite his repeated requests to be left alone.  Just because he didn't feel able to push back in that moment, doesn't mean no one else couldn't. And he's part of our studio too. Shouldn't we be supporting him and his family? Not throwing him to the dogs because he’s not one our public faces? "

"As you say, Charlie, he’s not one of our public faces. He’s just an artist – “ Bartholomew ignored the protests he could hear around the room and simply spoke louder, “ – and he can easily be replaced if he’s a problem. And I say he is. Because now Mr. Winchester – both of them – are being associated with those, those…they're being 'linked' to the Novak's in a more 'amorous' way." Bartholomew hissed. The room went silent.

"You're kidding me, right?" Charlie's voice was flat. "Is that your real issue, _Barty_? This whole time? Because Dean and Sam were seen hugging two men that they  _may_  be in a relationship with? Which, oh by the way, I happen to know that  _they are_. Are you suggesting they cover it up? Are you suggesting that their private lives are so disgusting they're not allowed to have one? Are you trying to say something about their choice in partners?" With every word, Charlie's voice held more fire. Bartholomew shrank back.

"Bartholomew, I'd answer her questions, an' I'd think carefully about what yer sayin'." Bobbys' gruff voice broke the silence that had fallen after Charlie stopped speaking, a reminder that the two stars of the show were also his adopted kids. Bartholomew gaped, looking from one face to the next as if hoping to garner support. He didn't find any.

"I…I…it's just…The Novak's are a bad influence on the Winchesters. These uneducated louts have a bad history. They're associated with a pair of unsightly murders, not to mention implied child abuse. Castiel was disowned by his parents and Gabriel is a known trouble maker, a loose cannon. And let's be honest here, Sam and Dean Winchester were never cast unfavorably in the spotlight before this…mark my words, this is just the beginning!"

"Uneducated?" Charlie shrieked, bouncing up from her seat and surging forward…"I'll have you know –" Bobby placed a hand on her shoulder to halt her progress as she tried to bull past him and she stopped, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "You obviously haven't done  _enough_  research on the Novak's to realize how false that is. Which is shoddy work for someone in your position,  _Bart._ As for their 'association' with 'unsightly' things," she hissed, "are you trying to imply that the victims of such horrible events are in any way  _responsible_  for them? Barty, if you're mother went out tomorrow and bombed the White House, should we hold you responsible because she's related to you?"

"Well, of course not, that would just be ridiculous –"

"Exactly." Charlie spat out triumphantly. "As for Gabriel, the man's a genius. Castiel is a godsend to  _any_ PR department. In all honesty, he should be thanked. He gets out of the way and says  _nothing._  And Gabriel is clever. He turns it back on the press, paints them in a bad light for their harassment and completely distracts them from the things that aren't even any of their business. Like I've been saying, gentleman…this is not a disaster. You need a new PR department. Or at least a new Head."

"I think we're starting to agree with you Charlie." Chuck spoke up for the first time and the rest of the room went silent. "Barty," Bartholomew winced at the diminutive of his name. He hated it, which was why Charlie had used it. Chuck was showing that he was not above putting it to use and Bartholomew knew then he was in trouble. "We'll go over your decisions for the last few 'fiascos' you decided we had, and unless you can prove that your decisions were necessary, I will have to ask you to pack your bags."

"What bags -?"

"It’s an expression. Never mind that. Now Sit. Convince me."

The next few hours were Bartholomew scrambling to find a position that didn’t crumble away from him as soon as he aired it. He wasn't doing very well in that department. Each and every time he brought something up, he would explain the situation and how he handled it, or ordered it handled. Then Charlie would chime in with how it  _was actually_ handled as his own team had disregarded his orders and gone to her. _Each and every time_. How her honesty, humor and ability to stay on top of things and talk to the Winchesters as real people deserving a life and some semblance of privacy, helped keep a minor situation from becoming something serious.

It was also quite clear very quickly that Bartholomew didn't like the idea of their 'stars' dating men. But that wasn't his call. He had no authority to try and demand they hide that. He had no leg to stand on in present company and he knew it.

In the end, the result was inevitable.

"I'm sorry Bartholomew. It appears that you really aren't a good fit for this studio or this show. We'll give you a severance package, of course. We wouldn't want to be unfair after all, because unlike you, we take care of our own no matter  _how_  long they've been with us. We don't throw some of them under the bus because they aren't the stars, or have opinions that we disagree with. Part of your job, Bartholomew, was to protect Castiel Novak as much as Dean and Sam, as we would expect you to do for any or all of us, and you failed. We want you gone by the end of the day. Charlie, do you think you can do two jobs at once? With a pay raise, of course. You're too invaluable to lose in Tech but you've also proven your own words."

"Oh, totally. I've been doing it all along already, kind of in my spare time, so, sure, let's make it official."

"Great. Now, the current situation. Is there anything we need to be doing? As you say, Dean and Sam’s - and Castiel too – private lives should be just that. Their relationship status is not really the public's business, but Dean  _did_ punch someone and that won't cast a favorable light on him, deserved or not."

"Don't worry about it, Chuck. I've got it all taken care of." She grinned. Chuck dismissed the meeting but asked Charlie and Bobby to stay back. As soon as the door closed behind the last person, he turned back to Charlie.

"In all seriousness, Miss Bradbury. Is there anything we need to worry about? I meant what I said, their lives are their lives and I'm not about to dictate who they date. That’s not my business. But as much as I hate to say it, Bartholomew was right, it could cause us problems, couldn't it?"

"Look, Chuck, I'll be frank. There are always going to be those people, and sure they  _will_  be loud, who think they have the right to tell us who our actors and crew are supposed to be, and who they're allowed to date and everything else. But I can tell you already that Sam and Dean have long since become role models to our fans. You already know this. Most of them won't be taken in by that kind of thinking." She leaned forward as the two elder men listened to her every word.

"And Castiel, as soon as our fandom clued in to who he was, and to his history, he became a very sympathetic figure. Some of them have had bad histories themselves, and they found they connect to him. That’s something people crave. And now this? Dean and Cas dating? _It's inspiring the fans_. Through the characters, and through Cas, they see a strength that overcomes all the hardships and obstacles that life throws at them. They see the strength of their camaraderie and the value that is placed on people. They see hope for a different kind of future too. Cas might not be much in the spotlight, but he's  _there_  all the same and they see him. Through the lens of the rest of the cast and crew, through Dean and Sam's eyes…and by what we as public relations say. They're connecting to him, and to their stories – both on the screen and off it. We owe it to them – to everyone really – to not hide that."

Bobby nodded at Charlie with a wide grin, his usual gruff demeanor sparkling with approval at her words. Chuck was silent a long time, mulling the words over. Not as if they were distasteful, far from it, but just taking it all in, thinking about the future. Finally, he gave her a nod.

"I'm more sure than ever now, that you're the right person for the job. What next?"

"Next I talk to all four of them, Winchesters and Novak’s alike, and see how much of their private lives they'd be comfortable in sharing with the public. To be honest, the fact that Castiel doesn't  _like_  the camera or any kind of interviews or public appearance is probably the biggest reason why Bartholomew hated him. It does make our job a little harder because people will think he's hiding something. But it doesn't have to be like that. So, I should talk to them and see what we can work out. This could be a real good thing guys, and I promise, I won't let you down."

Bobby chuckled and gave her a hearty smack on the shoulder while Chuck shook her hand.

"I'll let you get to it then, Miss Bradbury. Let me know if there's anything you need, okay?"

"Of course!"


	47. Moving Plans and Interviews

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are moving fast in the aftermath - conference calls, moving plans and, wait, Cas agreed to an interview? Did the world end when nobody was looking? 
> 
> Charming Charlie is at it again - or maybe Cas has an ulterior motive? Or maybe, it's a little from Column A and a little from Column B...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We really are heading towards the home stretch here - I'm tentatively thinking chapter 50 we'll be done. Not gonna set that in stone, but this is already the longest story I've ever written. It's both kind of intimidating and amazing! Also, I worry that parts of it are just dragged out and THAT'S how it got to be so long. I don't want to be the writer who doesn't know when to stop! (Eep!)
> 
> Oh! also already thinking of a time stamp that will go in chapter 49...it would be um...pretty special if I do it. I'll have to see what I can pull off.
> 
> Don't forget about the giveaway raffle on my writing blog - a story written for you! - [here, on Pherryt](http://pherryt.tumblr.com/post/153044005326/pherryts-a03-mile-stone-giveaway-raffle)
> 
> Picture! WE HAVE A PICTURE! I didn't want to put up YET ANOTHER CHAPTER without a picture!
> 
> Disclaimer - I LOVE the picture, but I should warn you that I don't actually know what the interface looks like from the USER side...so I faked it. Hope nobody minds!

It took several days for things to return to normal in the Novak household, though Castiel supposed that normal was a subjective term. Who really knew what normal was? He was fairly sure he didn't.

The news crews had finally dissipated after their bosses got on their asses for wasting company resources and time on something they were obviously not going to get – an interview with Castiel Novak. _Really, they should have learned by now_ , the artist thought. _When had he ever really given an interview?_

At least the news people _did_ learn to avoid Gabriel, and even they had the good sense not to harass a small child. Especially in the wake of the school incident.  This let up of pressure came about coincidentally when the police were finally ready to let out reports of what had happened. It looked like several adults were now under investigation: a handful of teachers, one of the guidance counselors and even the parents. The children had been taken and put into a temporary home as it was decided what to do with them.

What they had done…Castiel still ached at the thought and he hoped that Victor had been right and the kids themselves wouldn't get a harsh punishment. What they should get, instead, is someone who understood them, who would listen to them the next time – though god forbid there be a next time.

But time passed and the incident was put behind them, as it hadn't seemed to bother Claire all that much, for which  _all_  of them were very grateful.

It was in those same days that Charlie contacted them through Skype, allowing them to have a series of conference calls. Gabriel met her for the first time, while Castiel renewed his brief contact with her - dear god, was it a year ago? It very nearly was! –  from when they had first met. Charlie quickly proved to be the kind of person he'd want as a friend and he wasn't surprised in any way that she was Dean's  _best_  friend.

And how she managed to talk him into things, he still wasn't sure. If he didn't know better, he'd have thought she was in contact with Meg and taking lessons from her. Dean just chuckled at him when he ranted about it. Castiel glared back. Dean's chuckle turned deeper as he pulled Cas into his arms. He gave the disgruntled man a kiss on the top of his head and spoke,

"The number of times Charlie has talked me into something against my own better judgement is amazing. It's just nice to see someone else at the mercy of her devious mind for once." Castiel simultaneously relented and relaxed in Dean's arms. Their little moment quickly devolved into a small make out session before they had to break apart and meet up with their brothers again.

It was during one of their conferences with Charlie that Gabriel brought up a point Castiel had been too afraid too. "Hey um, are you guys gonna get in trouble?" Gabriel sat on Sam's lap, lounging in the taller man's arms, totally at his ease. But Castiel could see otherwise as he watched Gabriel tense up a little under his own question to the Winchesters. Sam’s arms were wrapped around the baker and he gave a visible squeeze to reassure the man when he felt him tense up.

"That's what these calls are about, Gabe. I'm pretty sure we've been able to avoid all trouble with Charlies help." Sam noted. Gabriel shook his head and swallowed.

"That's…not exactly what I mean, big guy." Sam and Dean exchanged confused glances before returning to look at Gabe. Gabe looked at his own brother, his eyes pleading for help. Dean tracked it and leaned in close to his boyfriend.

"Cas?" Dean asked, looking at his boyfriend with concerned but confused eyes. With a sigh, Castiel leaned into Dean in turn and took a breath.

"Gabe means…because the two of you rushed off here in the middle of filming. Surely the studio is losing time and money because you left and then you stayed…"

"Oh, oh man, didn't we tell you? We'd finished filming when we came out. In fact, Dean was packing to come out and surprise you when…well, we found out what had happened."

Charlie's welcome voice came over the laptop to address the confusion plainly showing on the faces of both of the Novak brothers. "I know it's weird, but a lot of shows are doing it this way now. I don't know the reasoning behind the other studios, but for us, we're filming in smaller chunks, spreading them out so the actors and the crew don't get burned out. So that they can actually spend time with their families instead of being away from them for such long periods of time. They're not due back on set, me included, actually, for another 2 weeks."

"Oh, oh that's wonderful." Castiel breathed out with a beaming smile. Gabriel grinned as he, too, let out a breath of relief.

With two weeks ahead of them, you would have thought that move in day would be easy, but a cross country trip like this one made it unbelievably hard, especially when you added in the fact that neither Sam nor Dean were planning on packing up every single thing they owned to bring back out to Pontiac. Not when they planned on maintaining a second household. Decisions had to be made on what to bring and what to leave.

Nor did either of them want to lose any more time with the Novak’s then necessary. So instead they made lists of what they wanted, what they could leave, and the bits and pieces of things that would go back and forth. They could start packing while they were on set. Sorta. In their spare time anyway, what little they would have.

The next question was how they would move it all. Sam had suggested mailing most of it, and only keeping the most important, sentimental or breakable items to be personally lugged across state lines in their cars. Dean was against that plan. He was too afraid the post office would lose their stuff (“That’s why we only ship the non-important things Dean.” “What non-important things will we be shipping, Sam? If that’s what we’re leaving behind to furnish a second house?”) and suggested a moving van in addition to the cars (“I need my memory foam mattress, Sam.” “Dean, if you ship it Cas’s place, then you won’t have it in California…maybe you should just buy a second one?”).

Sam thought about Dean’s idea while Dean tried to convince Cas that a memory foam bed was the best invention ever. After all, Cas hadn’t yet had a chance to test drive Dean’s bed since most of their -ahem- bedroom activities had happened at Castiel’s place, what with Claire being in school and all. Kind of made it a little difficult to make another trip out to California, so Dean had been stuck with doing all the traveling, which of course Castiel felt more than a little guilty for.

“Wait, Dean, which car?”

“What do you mean, which car?”

“I mean, if we’re going to drive a moving van across half the country, that leaves only one of us free to drive a car. Which car?”

“Duh, the Impala of course. I’m not leaving her behind in California all alone if I don’t have to.” Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes. How could Sammy even _think_ he’d leave Baby behind?

“So, I’m just supposed to suck it up and leave my car behind?” Sammy’s face pinched at his brother’s assumption. Gabriel and Castiel cast worried glances at each other.

“Uh, Sam-moose? Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’d be flying back anyway, right? So, it may actually be a good idea to leave a car behind, so you wouldn’t have to waste even more money renting one when you got in.” Gabriel cut in with Dean nodded vigorously, arms crossed over his chest.

 Then Castiel chimed in. “He’s got a point Sam.”

Sam very nearly threw his hands up in the air in surrender as he backed down. “Fine. I’ll drive the moving van, Dean will drive the Impala, and I’ll leave my car behind to use when we return for filming. It’s not that bad an idea, even I have to admit.” He grumbled.

That having been decided, the continued to have Skype interviews with Charlie and Bobby as they planned workloads and dates. Some were unmovable, but it quickly became apparent that their uncle was on board with everything and helping to make arrangements.

It was during these talks that Castiel finally had an epiphany of his own. An idea that had been niggling at him for a while, even before Missouri had ever said anything to him about it. He’d been worried about it all being too soon…and maybe it was. He and Dean had moved faster than he’d thought, and yet sometimes it felt too slow. But an idea had formed in his mind as he watched and listened to Dean and Sam talk with Bobby and Charlie about scheduling and now he was itching to get something in the works. He could work on part of it as soon as the Winchesters returned to California without Dean getting suspicious.

 In fact, getting it done while Dean was away was the best opportunity. But he needed to talk to Bobby about how to arrange the rest of it. And he couldn’t do that where Dean could hear. So now Castiel was stuck in this loop where he didn’t want Dean to leave, but at the same time, he couldn’t wait for him to be gone.

He had some plans to be making.

But right now, he was stuck doing the thing he wanted to do the least. Because of Charlie. It was a video interview. Not only was it a video interview, it was a _live_ video interview. Because having panic attacks wasn’t enough, he had to do it on fucking camera.

Then again, he wouldn’t be seeing the audience, he could trust the cameraman (Dean) and the interviewer (Charlie) and he needed a ‘soft open’ if his plan was going to work. If Dean could get on a plane, over and over again despite his fears, Castiel could damn well at least _try_ to get over this.

Despite his pep talk, and Dean’s (or, for that matter, the ones given to him by their brothers, Meg, Claire _and_ Charlie), he felt really damn close to panicking anyway. Only Dean being there with him helped him hang on at all. Breathe in, Breathe out. He could do this. He had to do this. He had to be _able_ to do this.

“How does this even work?” Castiel muttered at Dean as the actor set everything up according to Charlies specifications, even though they’d already gone over it a million times. So what? He wanted to make it a million and one. Somehow it helped.

He watched as first Dean loaded Skype up on Castiel’s phone and signing in. Charlie would conduct the interview as audio from there and they would be walking around various parts of the house. All of them had thought it might help keep Castiel calm, being in familiar surroundings and having control over where they went.

Second, Dean would use his phone to livestream with Facebook over the studios social media page, while still using his own. He had no idea how that worked, Charlie had walked him through it. After fiddling with the phones, Castiel holding his own so that Dean would have both hands free to mess around with the livestreaming one, Dean raised it up and poised a finger over it. He looked over at Castiel with a reassuring smile. “You ready, angel?” Castiel gulped and nodded. Dean slipped his finger down and Castiel waited. After a few seconds, he tilted his head slightly and scrunched up his eyes.

“Is it working?” Castiel’s low, gravelly voice came out nervously, but still strong and Dean breathed a little easier. Hurdle one accomplished. Hurdle two…

“Uh, I think so? Charlie?”

“Give it a second and…Yeah, we’re good to go. Not many people watching yet, but that’ll change. So let’s get started, bit- er, yeah, soooo, let’s get started!” Charlie said enthusiastically, barely managing to catch herself from using her regular catchphrase. Castiel, even though he’d really known Charlie only for a short time, had to restrain an undignified, possibly slightly hysterical, snort when he realized it. New head of PR probably shouldn’t be caught live saying stuff like that.

There was another moment of silence before Castiel gave Dean a look and the actor cleared his throat. “Um, we’re kinda waiting on you, Charlie.”

“Oh, right! Sorry. First, just, introduce yourselves.”

“Both of us?” Dean hesitated. He was supposed to just play cameraman today.

“Yes, Dean, both of you. And I’m watching the stream too so why don’t you angle that thing so both of you are in the shot.” There was an amused exasperation in her voice. Dean nodded and flipped the phone as suggested, walking to stand beside Castiel.  “Uh Dean, swipe across the screen. Yeah, there you go, now you can actually see what you’re doing.”

“Are we backwards?” Castiel leaned in and watched his face grow larger on the screen, obscuring Dean who laughed a bit. Castiel flushed and backed off some as Dean continued to chuckle.

“Yeah Cas, think of it like a mirror.” Charlie’s voice came over the phone again, nice and strong. “Now go on boys, don’t be shy.”

Dean grinned and cleared his throat. “Hi guys! I don’t know who all is watching, but if you’re fans of the show, you certainly know who I am. I’m Dean and Sam’s around here somewhere too. But this here -“ he paused and slung an arm around Cas’ shoulders and pulled him in close. Cas almost stumbled in his surprise. “Is Castiel Novak. Wave for the fans Cas!”

“Um…hi.” Castiel gave a small, shaky smile and did, indeed, wave at the camera. A short finger wave with wide eyes. He desperately wanted to hold on to Dean right now but his other hand had the phone with Charlie waiting impatiently. Suddenly he blinked and jolted slightly. “Dean, what’s that?”

“What’s what? Oh, those are um, little hearts.”

“Yes, I can see them, but why are they there?” Castiel watched the hearts and a few thumbs too, float upwards across the screen.

“Because people are sending them to us. They’re enjoying our livestream.”

“But we haven’t done anything yet,” he turned to look at Dean, his head tilting again.

“They’re probably excited. Look, some of them are sending questions too.”

“Wait, Dean, we have an interview to conduct!” Charlies voice, tinny from being on speaker phone, did its best to cut into their awareness.

“Okay, okay. Hold your horses, just let me…Okay so guys, the moment a lot of you have been waiting for! Today our new head of PR is going to interview this guy, right here! We’re also gonna go on a small tour through his workspace, see some of the awesome stuff he makes. We’ll do a question and answer session afterwards. Just uh, please be patient, Cas really doesn’t like the camera so he’s a little nervous.”

Castiel closed his eyes briefly at Dean’s words and took a couple of deep breaths, then opened them again. All he saw was Dean and himself with little hearts floating around their heads. That was…actually a rather sweet image. He started to muse about a picture idea he could do, but Charlie broke in with the first question.

She eased him into it, mostly simple questions. They’d planned everything out in advance and he was grateful now for it. It helped, a little, to keep the panic at bay. Or at least to a minimum. Honestly, he was in a much better headspace these days than he’d been in a long while and while his dislike of cameras would never go away, it became just the teensiest bit easier to deal with.

At any rate, the plan was to keep it short, a little teaser for the fans but it would also serve to help keep him from having a full blown panic attack on camera. The fact that Dean was now in front of the camera with him and kept a hand on his shoulder, arm or waist at all times just to ground him, reassure him he wasn’t actually alone in this, really did help.

Before he knew it, it was over, and Castiel was sitting on the couch of his living room, pressed up fully against Dean’s side. Dean’s phone was off, and Charlie had just finished telling them what an awesome job they’d done and hung up. Castiel blinked, both of Dean’s hands coming around to rub at his arms. Lips pressed against his head as Dean murmured,

“Breathe Cas. It’s over, you did _great._ I’m fuckin’ proud of ya! You did it, man!” Castiel curled in on Dean and concentrated on his warmth, his touch, forced himself to breath with each rise and fall of Dean’s chest. He closed his eyes and just let it all wash over him.

Dean was right, Castiel realized, he’d done it. He had. Sure, it hadn’t been altogether pleasant, and there hadn’t really been an audience he could fully realize, but he’d done it! He wrapped his arms around Dean Winchester and just breathed in the reassuring scent of the man he was dating, a smile hovering around his lips as Dean continued to hold him.

He could do this…


	48. Moving Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving day couldn't come fast enough...filled with some secret plotting and a few heartwarming moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story still tentatively planned to end at chapter 50.
> 
> Updating from my phone...please let me know if you see any mistakes.
> 
> I got assigned my bbs that im doing art for... The spn mega bang, the spn au bb and the dean/cas pinefest!
> 
> Im gonna be a busy little beaver :)

As soon as Dean and Sam left, armed with their lists and plans, Castiel cornered Gabriel, Meg and Claire to fill them in on his own. Their reactions were, to say the least, definitely promising. Claire practically squealed, Meg grinned smugly, all while Gabriel’s eyes shone wetly as the baker stared open mouthed at his younger brother.

“What?” Castiel shifted uncomfortably under Gabriel’s gaze.

“You are such a sap…and I’m just happy for you, Cassie. You’re just so much happier these days and I’m just, so, so, sooooo glad.” Gabriel tried to hide the real sniff with an over exaggerated one, pretending to wipe at his eyes in a dramatic fashion. He slung an arm over Megs shoulder. “Our little boy’s finally growing up…Sniff.”

“Did you…just…say sniff?” Castiel could barely get the words out of his mouth in his astonishment.

“Maybe I did.” Gabriel evaded poorly. Claire giggled at both of her uncles and suddenly surged forward to give her Uncle Cas a hug.

“I think it’s a really good idea,” she said.

“So, you approve?” She nodded and Castiel breathed a sigh of relief. He turned back to Meg and his brother. “I have to make some calls but…I was hoping when the time came, you’d all help me out. You know how I am…when…” he trailed off. “Though I think I can do it, for him.”

Getting serious again, Gabriel crushed his brother in a hug – seriously, how could someone so much smaller than him have quite that much strength? – before dropping back to look at Cas, his hands gripping the artist’s shoulders tightly. “Of course, bro, anything you need. We got your back.”

“Count me in,” Meg finally chimed in. “Even if it’s just babysitting duty. Claire’s kinda cool.”

“Hey!” Claire exclaimed, not quite sure if she’d been insulted or not. Meg reached out and ruffled her hair and now the little girl was glaring as she tried to untangle it. Long hair was a lot of work and her hair tangled so easily that it was overly painful to undo the snarls. She’d often wondered if it was worth it, but then she’d remember how much her mother had loved her long hair and she wouldn’t wonder any more. And Uncle Cas knew better than to even suggest cutting it off. He knew she’d regret it.

Combing his own fingers through her hair lightly, Castiel smiled gratefully at all of them. With their support in hand, Castiel proceeded to put his plan in motion. First, he contacted the studio, talking initially with Charlie and then, after her input, Bobby as well.

With events thus set in motion, it was time to get back to the drawing board, literally. Castiel had some designs to make and he needed to finish them before Dean got back. It would be a lot less stressful if he didn’t need to worry about someone – Dean – looking over his shoulder and spotting his surprise a little too early.

Time to get to work.

Almost a month later saw Castiel safely tucking away his finished designs with a significant amount of proud accomplishment and no small amount of eagerness as he and his family made ready for the Winchester’s return.

Particularly Dean. Claire was so excited herself that she was perfectly willing to help her uncle reorganize the house around their various schedules and his drawing projects. They quite literally made room in nearly every room and nook and cranny of the house, clearing shelves and drawers for him to place his things. Castiel may or may not have also spent quite an awful lot of time on his laptop Skyping Dean to discuss furniture. Things Dean might be bringing and where it might fit, or things that Castiel was looking to replace anyway and what would they both like.

And while Castiel couldn’t wait for Dean to return, Gabriel was nearly beside himself waiting for Sam. While he was excited – don’t get him wrong, he was thrilled - he was also super anxious. After all, Sam and Gabe had not had all that much time to adjust to the change in their relationship before they had decided to move in with each other.

Which meant that the few weeks before the Winchesters’ had gone back to filming had sort of been a trial for the new couple. While they had fallen into a groove rather quickly – and a rather nice groove at that! Gabriel’s mind helpfully provided – the baker was petrified that the weeks apart had put a strain on their relationship.

“Stop worrying, Gabe.” Castiel rumbled from the counter as he wiped the it down for at least the tenth time since Gabriel had sat down.

“That’s easy for you to say, Cassie. I don’t exactly have anything to occupy myself with at this moment, unlike some people I could name.” Gabriel retorted just as Claire had run in.

“Are they here yet?”

“No, sweetie, not yet.” Castiel resisted the urge to check his phone again. It was on the counter nearby and if there had been anything new or different, he’d have heard the alert. He’d made sure the volume was up loud and clear to avoid missing anything of import.

“But they said they’d be here hours ago!” she complained.

“That was before they ran into traffic. Don’t worry, with their last message, it sounded like they’d be here any minute, okay?” Gabriel caught his niece around the waist and pulled her into a hug when she tried to grumble on past him. Very quickly her grumbling turned into peals of laughter as he tickled her unceasingly.

A door slammed and the three of them froze for an instant before exploding into motion. Just as it registered that he heard the Impala, Claire tore out of Gabriel’s arms and ran straight for the door. Her uncles were close behind at a more sedate – just barely – pace.

Castiel stopped in the doorway as he took in the scene before him. The moving truck and the Impala parked side by side in the driveway, Dean just stepping out of his car, Sam already halfway to Gabriel. Dean had barely had time to slam the heavy door shut before Claire was in his arms.

Castiel smiled happily at the sight, and then smirked when he realized that Gabriel had done the same thing. His brother was certainly not feeling the same insecure nerves he’d been feeling all day – make that all week. Or more – but Castiel was feeling some of his own as his stomach took up a little flutter at the sight of his boyfriend. It wasn’t the same though, he realized. It was a happy dance of butterflies and a swell of love that rose in him as he watched Dean carry Claire back towards the house on his hip, a smile on both their faces.

What had he ever done to deserve this man?

Dean looked up from Claire as they reached the front door, were Castiel still stood frozen with a soft smile on his face. Dean answered in kind as he shifted Claire some to reach in for a kiss. It was brief and gentle, followed by another before Dean felt hands wrap around both him and Claire, drawing them into a tight embrace. Castiel breathed into Dean’s neck.

“God I missed you. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Me too, Cas, me too.” Dean answered softly.

“Me three!” Claire exclaimed emphatically, and the three of them laughed. Castiel pulled away first.

“C’mon, you’ve been driving a while. Moving can wait. I made lunch.” Castiel moved back into the house with Dean eagerly following.

“Lunch? I can definitely go for some of that.” The three of them headed inside, leaving Gabriel and Sam with enough space to have their own private little moment.

Sam had pulled up in the moving truck, his stomach a twist of knots. He wondered if Gabriel felt the same way as he turned off the vehicle. He’d barely had a chance to step out of the cab and shut the door before the front door was bursting open. He let out a surprised woof as Gabriel collided with him, wrapping arms around Sam’s middle. He immediately relaxed into the hug – was Gabe trembling? – never noticing the youngest Novak similarly barreling into his brother or the reunion between Dean and Cas.

They were left alone and didn’t even realize it, didn’t actually care. Sam strained to hear the words Gabe was muttering into his shirt. Shit, he thought the man was trembling, just slightly. Sam started running the hands wrapped around the smaller man soothingly across his back.

“Missed ya, Sammy…” the words were low and a little broken.

“Hey, you all right Gabe?” Sam tried to push Gabriel off just enough to actually see his face but not make him think he was pushing him away.

“Of course, I’m perfectly fine.” The man gave Sam a cocky little grin, but Sam could see his eyes were a little wet. He raised a hand to cup Gabriel’s cheek and run a thumb under his eye, catching a tear. Gabe closed his eyes, embarrassment heating up his face. “Okay, I…I might have been a little – just a little mind you – worried you’d change your mind. That…you’d think we were moving a little too fast.”

“Too fast? Man we’ve been dancing around each other for over six months. I think you could say we already did the ‘get to know you part’ of dating. We already know we like each other in like, a million different ways. Now we actually get to be with each other. I’m not changing my mind.”

Gabriel’s eyes opened then, a little wetter but shining more with wonder than trepidation. His voice came out soft, with a barely breathed out “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Sam pulled Gabriel closer again – not that he could pull him much closer than he already was – and leaned down to give the shorter man a very thorough and breathtaking kiss. Gabriel’s fingers curled in their place against Sam’s back, clutching at the fabric of his shirt as his eyes rolled up and fluttered close under the kiss.

One might say he was on cloud nine.

One wouldn’t be wrong.

When they breathlessly broke apart, they realized they were still standing in Castiel’s driveway, in full public view of the entire neighborhood. Sam flushed a little red even as his stomach growled and Gabriel grinned. He backed away, slid his hand around to grab Sam’s and pulled.

“C’mon, it’s lunch time. We’ve cooked up a smorgasbord for the both of you.” Sam let Gabriel pull him to the front door with an answering smile, feeling even more sure and relaxed then he’d felt in a while.

Lunch was a happy, boisterous affair, with the efforts of Claire, Gabe and Dean – not that it needed any sort of extra efforts to be happy. Castiel and Sam were both simply content to bask in everyone’s presence, feeling no need to be nearly as loud or as energetic as the other three. In fact, Castiel wasn’t even sure how Dean had so much pent up energy when he should have been exhausted from over 30 hours of driving.

Actually, now that he thought about it, taking into account the traffic that had delayed them, Sam and Dean had made it out to Pontiac a hell of a lot sooner than Castiel would have expected. He did the math in his head and narrowed his eyes at the brothers.

“Did you two even get any sleep?” The conversations paused as Castiel’s question seemingly came out of the blue. Gabriel looked over at the Winchesters, his own eyes narrowing suspiciously. Castiel could see the math calculations now happening his brothers’ head.

“The hell? He’s right! How are you two not falling asleep right now?”

Sam and Dean looked at each other sheepishly, but it was Dean who spoke up. “We got some sleep, I promise. We didn’t drive straight through.”

“If I’ve done the math correctly, you very nearly did.” Castiel was a hairsbreadth from his voice dropping into a growl. Dean shuddered a little.

“We were just, y’know, a little too excited to really get some sleep.” Sam hurried to explain. “We did try. But uh, the best results came from just driving a while and then pulling over somewhere to rest our eyes for an hour or so.”

“You slept in the truck!?” Gabriel almost shrieked, a lot less capable of staying calm then Castiel was. Outwardly of course.

“Of course not, we slept in the Impala. Much safer that way.” Dean protested. Gabriel threw his hands in the air and Claire looked back and forth between all the adults, staying silent, her eyes wide. Castiel covered his eyes with a hand and sighed. Finally, he wiped it down his face and looked back up at the brothers.

“Look, you two have to be exhausted. I don’t think it’s a good idea to start unloading right now. Why don’t you try taking a nap? There’s really no rush.” Castiel felt his anger and worry drain from him, just happy they were here safe and sound. Gabriel was slower to shift mental gears, but as soon as he did, he nodded.

“Yes, a nap. That’s a great idea. And if you have any trouble falling asleep, Sam, I can assist. I will totally be your teddy bear if it helps.” Gabriel beamed at Sam’s embarrassed face as Dean laughed heartily.

“All right Cas, I can take a hint. Let me get my bag and I’ll go collapse on your bed.” Dean smiled at the blue eyed man whose face softened as he stared right back at Dean.

“Our bed, Dean.” The artist corrected serenely. Dean’s eyes widened as the words hit him and he gave Castiel a lopsided and completely sappy grin.

“Oh yeah…” After another minute of staring or two, Dean spoke up again, “Will you be my Teddy Bear?”

"Of course, Dean," Castiel answered with an indulging smirk.

Claire rolled her eyes at her uncles and their boyfriends but smiled happily before cleaning up her mess. She climbed into her uncles lap as her other uncle helped Dean and Sam grab their overnight bags from their vehicles, their voices trailing off as they exited the house.

"Gabe, we don't really need help just to get our stuff."

"Is it a crime to want to spend every second I can with you?"

Claire heard her Uncle Cas snort in amusement. She turned to look back at him as he held her. "Uncle Cas, can I cuddle with you and Dean too?"

"Of course, sweetie, I'm sure Dean wouldn't mind. But," he tapped her on the nose, "Dean needs rest. Letting you snuggle with us is not an invitation to chatter at him. You'll have plenty of time for that from now on." She rolled her eyes again.

"I know."

The blue eyed man smiled at her and hummed as they all prepare for a midday nap. They'd need their energy to unpack everything – first here and then across town at Gabriel's place.

As Castiel had suspected, Dean didn't mind at all that Claire wanted to be with them. As they settled down, Claire between them – not exactly how Dean or Cas had imagined their first night in the new bed, but that was okay. It drove home the fact that the two men were creating a family between them and, at least in Dean's case, it took his breath away – the little girl spoke up, very quietly.

"Dean…could I…should I call you Uncle Dean now? Since you're dating my uncle?" Castiel tightened his arm around her, the other reached out to grab at Dean as he let out a small, surprised gasp.

"Would you want to? 'Cause, it's okay with me if you do…" Dean finally managed to get out a little breathlessly, the hope in it clearly evident to Castiel. She smiled and nodded, then closed her eyes and tucked herself in close. Dean looked up at his boyfriend with a watery smile. He really was home, he thought, as he took in the beaming grin from the artist, a hand soothing down Dean's arm. If he hadn't been worried about squishing Claire, he'd have leaned over to give the man a kiss – he could never get enough of those – but he couldn't, so instead he closed his own eyes and settled down to sleep, feeling more content and happy than he had in a long time.

He wondered if it was the same for Cas – he sure hoped it was. That would make this all so perfect.


	49. Has It Already Been a Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes with a ton of feels and reflection till before they know it, it's their one year anniversary...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it. This will end at chapter 51...I am already very very sad...
> 
> the next 2 chapters will also be fairly short - delays only for making art for a grand finale! - but it didn't feel right smushing these 3 pieces together so, anyway, hope you like!
> 
> also, i seem to be having trouble with my website again. every now and then it just goes down and then it comes back up. usually it happens at night so i'm thinking some sort of server maintenance.
> 
> in the meantime, any pictures hosted directly off my own site will be down temporarily. (gah!!!!) but the ones hosted off tumblr or DA will work...

Castiel couldn’t believe how quickly everything happened after that. It was amazing how fast Dean settled into their lives, how fast he became an integral part of their household, until Castiel could no longer look around and even remember what the space had looked or felt like without Dean’s touch upon it, his laughter ringing through it.

That wasn’t to say they didn’t have their share of spats or bumps in the road, but they smoothed over with a little effort on both their parts. Castiel didn’t regret a bit of it and became more and more certain of his decision with every passing day.

 Gabriel often poked fun at how quickly his younger brother had fallen into domesticity, but Castiel merely took the opportunity to point out that the baker had done the same. At which point Gabriel would flush and grin proudly and mutter things under his breath that Castiel couldn’t quite hear, but the baker wouldn’t – or couldn’t – deny the statement in anyway. He and Sam had their own issues, of course – what couple didn’t? - but they settled in just as quickly. It was equally amazing to Castiel that their relationship had progressed so much in such a small time span.

 Of course, the time away for filming was heart wrenching. It felt like a part of Castiel was missing every time Dean left with his brother. It was during those times that Gabriel felt a mightier need to visit his younger brother and his niece. Castiel found himself taking their niece down to the bakery more often as well.

 Gabriel joked around about how they were like military wives, without the fear. Castiel gave him a quelling look. “Somehow, Gabriel, I don’t believe military wives would find that comparison all that funny.”

“Maybe not, but it isn’t any less true. I mean, our boys are gone and we’re stuck waiting here and feeling lost without them…the only upside is that we’re not waiting half as long as those poor women –“

“Not just women –“ Castiel tried to interrupt, “that’s a stereotype, Gabe, and –

 Gabe continued with a wave of his hand, “- and we don’t live in panic of a phone call.”

 “I always live in panic of a phone call.” Castiel noted quietly. Gabriel sobered and reached out to his brother and patted his arm in apology. Castiel gave him a thankful smile, small and barely there but filled with feeling.

 “Sorry, Cassie.” Gabe said just as quietly. Castiel nodded and then they changed the subject. Before long, his nerves were ramped up in anticipation of his and Dean’s one year anniversary. How had it come up on them so fast? Had he really known Dean for a year?

 Actually, upon reflection, Castiel realized it was much longer than that. How could he have even predicted how much his life would change – and for the better – when he first met Dean? When he’d crashed into him on the set at Meg’s ill-conceived trip. He’d been upset at the time but what if they hadn’t gone?  Even if that had been a one-time thing – which he was sure as hell glad it hadn’t been – it had happened around a turning point in his life.

 Sure, even without Dean in his life, he would have still gone after Claire, and the two of them would have been happy to have each other, but the love, care and support that Dean had provided had helped to heal them both more than Castiel could measure.

 They would have been happy, but he knew – without a doubt – that they were both even happier and they could owe it all to Dean. Even if he and Cas had never become more than friends, they would still owe a lot to him. It was just overwhelming to him how much Dean _and_ his brother had become a part of their lives.

 Shaking out of his thoughts, Castiel got ready for their big night. Because of Dean and Sam’s filming schedule, Dean and Cas had arranged for their celebration to happen a few days early. Castiel didn’t mind, not with what he had planned anyway, but Dean seemed agitated beyond measure.

"Dean, don't apologize." Castiel’s voice rumbled out as comfortingly as he could.

"But babe, it's our one year anniversary. It's bad enough we missed our six month anniversary because of me, but now we're going to miss this one too." The 'because of me' was left unsaid this time, but they both heard it. Green eyes looked at Castiel with such sadness and apology that Castiel raised a hand to cup Dean's cheek, a smile quirking at his mouth.

"Why, Dean Winchester, you are, secretly, a sap." Cas said smugly. Dean grumped.

"Like you didn't already know that."

"You're right. I did. But I don't mind the 'reminder' every so often." He leaned forward and gently kissed his boyfriend and a smile finally formed on the actors’ face. "There you are. Don't worry about it. This was set in stone long before we started dating. We'll just be extra vigilant for next year's milestones."

"Oh, you bet I will be." Dean stated firmly, pressing a kiss to Castiel’s mouth which he eagerly returned before Dean pulled away. "Now, c'mon, we got reservations to get to."

Cas and Dean made their way downstairs, finding Claire still doing…something at the table. The doorbell rang and Cas left Deans side to answer it. As expected, Sam and Gabe stood on the other side. They both looked behind him to make sure Dean hadn't followed the artist out, but they kept their voices low anyway.

"I talked to Bobby, everything's all set." Sam said while Gabe nodded.

"You got the other thing bro? To throw him off the scent?" Castiel nodded at his brothers' question.

“It’s been ready for a while, actually.” Castiel answered.

"Hey, you guys having a secret little powwow or something out here? Should I be worried?" Dean stepped out of the kitchen and eyed the three of them suspiciously.

“Yup, hugely secret powwow's Dean-o, green eyes not invited." Gabe exclaimed with a grin. Sam rolled his eyes as Castiel’s heart leapt into his throat. Thinking hard at Gabe and wishing he was a mind reader, "Don’t give it all away!"

"We were just discussing our top secret plans for Claire tonight." Same saved the day and Castiel breathed in relief. It was too soon to have the beans spilled. He had it all planned. He stepped away and called into the kitchen.

"Claire, are you ready? All packed?"

"Yes, Uncle Cas." She called before bouncing out of the kitchen with her backpack pulled on. She nearly squealed with delight when she saw her Uncle Gabriel and his boyfriend Sam – whom she’d early on taken to calling Uncle just as easily and eagerly as she had Dean - literally throwing herself on them. Sam picked her up as Gabe chirped

"Hey Claire bear, what do you say we start this sleepover with mini golf and ice cream?"

Dean paused in helping Cas with his coat as the dark-haired artist whipped around with a glare

"GABE!"

"Cas, don't worry. I'll make sure they BOTH get some real food first." Sam answered as he started to push the shorter man out the door. "You guys just get going on your special night, okay?"

They watched as their brothers left with Claire and then turned to each other with a smile. Dean leaned in for a kiss that turned into two or three before finally pulling away. “Let me finish getting ready.”  Castiel nodded and watched Dean walk away before shaking his head to clear it. He wandered back into the kitchen and checked the place over, channeling his nervous energy into cleaning up the mess Claire had left behind.

It was when he was returning some food to the fridge when something caught his eye. Letting the door close, he noted something new was hanging off it, held up by the various magnets they’d started collecting. He pulled the paper of to take a closer look at and felt a lump form in his throat. He startled slightly when warm arms slipped around him and a breath tickled his ear.

“What’s that?”

“Claire made it.” The blue eyed man choked out, too filled with emotion to make any more sense than that. He held up the picture so that Dean could see it clearer and he heard the gasp behind him as a trembling hand reached out to pluck the paper from Castiel’s hand and bring it closer to his own eyes. Castiel leaned his head back on Dean’s shoulder, putting his now empty hand over the one that still remained on his waist as he watched Dean’s reaction.

“Is that, us?”

“Yeah…” The two of them stared at the picture Claire had drawn of her family for a few long moments before an alarm on Castiel’s phone went off. They jolted and sheepishly, but lovingly replaced the picture back on the fridge.

“Wow…” Dean was still in shock as Castiel turned to face him. He touched his face and pulled Dean’s attention down to him.

“Do you still disbelieve how much you belong here? With us?” Dean tried to shrug it off, but Castiel caught it. “You do, every second of every day, belong here. We love you Dean and we’re both so glad to have you in our lives. We’re both very, very lucky to have someone like you. So good and kind and loving.” Dean blushed at the praise. Praise from his fans, he was used to, but this was on a much more personal level and it both embarrassed and pleased him in ways he just couldn’t name.

“C’mon, let’s go or we’re gonna be late.” Dean mumbled, still red. Smiling fondly, Castiel nodded. They made their way out to the Impala and made it to their reservation just barely on time. It was when dessert came along that Castiel decided to present his gift. As he pulled it carefully out of his jacket, he found that Dean had had the same idea and they both laughed.

“You first, Cas.”

“No, you Dean.” Dean rolled his eyes at Castiel’s words but listened, nervously handing over a small, but long box, simply wrapped with a tiny ribbon on it. Dean flushed again but held it out resolutely. Castiel reached for it and quickly opened it, slipping the lid off to find a leather bracelet, beautifully crafted. He pulled it out and turned it this way and that, noting the little engravings and charms – all seemed to be bee themed and angel wings – and finally noted the text. Long practice of using Enochian in his tattoo designs made it easy to read and he wasted no time to do so aloud,

“For my angel, Castiel.” Castiel looked up. “Dean, did you make this?” Dean blushed and nodded, a hand reaching up to rub at the back of his neck in embarrassment and pleasure.

“Uh, yeah man, took me forever but, um…yeah. Sammy helped. I had to throw away a lot before I could get it just right. Is it okay?”

“It’s more than okay Dean, it’s breathtaking. Here, help me?” Castiel held out his arm and Dean eagerly slipped the bracelet on, fastening it easily. As soon as he was done, Castiel yanked him down for a kiss that was barely this side of publicly acceptable. After they drew back, Dean stared at him dazedly, but happily. Castiel figured it was his turn. He picked up the unassuming envelope he’d pulled from his jacket and handed it to Dean.

“I’m sorry the wrapping isn’t all that fancy.”

“That’s okay Cas, no need for fancy with me, y’know that.” Dean chuckled as he opened the envelope and then he gasped. “Shit, Cas, did you…design this just for me?”

“You _did_ ask me for a new tattoo design. I was thinking that could go on your shoulder, if you liked. The left shoulder is often used for memorial tattoos.” Castiel gazed at him, heart in his throat, hoping that he hadn’t gone too far. It had taken a while to figure out a design that just felt right, but he had finally done it.

Dean stared at the perfect and yet simple design. The Impala was represented by its sleek emblem, used as the central part of the picture, while a ribbon wrapped around it, the names of his parents written upon it, with the date of their death. There was Enochian mixed in as well. “What does it say?” He asked without looking at Cas, his fingers tracing the design.

“Angels Are Watching Over You.” Castiel said quietly, a hand reaching out to twine his fingers with Dean.

 

Dean shuddered out a breath. “Fuck…”

“Are you all right Dean? Is it, was it too much?” the blue eyed man asked anxiously after a few moments of quiet.

“God damnit, Cas, it’s perfect. You’re perfect. How are you so goddamn perfect?” Dean finally looked up, the love and adoration clear in his eyes.

“I’m anything but perfect, Dean.” Never the less, Castiel relaxed at his words, at the emotion he could see plainly.

“Let’s get outta here, Cas, what d’ya say?” Dean finally answered back. Castiel beamed his gummy smile, his own eyes filled with emotion as he breathlessly agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.s. 
> 
> I colored that picture from chapter 47...I really like how it came out, though I had to use a completely new program for it. :(  
> 


	50. Triggered Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Cas and Dean were having their 1 year celebration, Claire wasn't quite as happy, and Cas needs to figure out why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Home stretch! Cas has some words of wisdom for Claire and then the next chapter (which i'm posting right away!!! give or take a few minutes for minutia) is the finale.
> 
> Just so you know, I MAY be doing some time stamps for this story (either as one shots or just smaller stories) but I haven't decided yet, or what the series would be called, else i'd set it up. Follow me to make sure you don't miss 'em! (and once i get it set up, you can just follow the story/series and unfollow the account itself if you like. I'm pretty cool about it!)
> 
> Don't forget i'm also on tumblr! as both dragonpressgraphics (art and everything else blog) and pherryt (writing blog)

Dean fidgeted with his duffel as he waited for Gabriel to drop off Sam and Claire so he and his brother could head to the airport. No matter how much Cas reassured him, it still had Dean in a slump. It seriously, royally sucked that he couldn't spend his one year anniversary with his boyfriend, but he had to admit that last night had been something special.

He was lost in the happy memories of the night before when Gabe's car finally pulled in. Dean sighed in relief that he had finally arrived, they were running later than he wanted. Three car doors opened and Claire ran to Dean and smacked into him.

"Whoa there, Claire! I'm happy to see you too, but is everything all right?" she nodded but didn't speak a word. Unlike Dean, Cas hadn't been waiting outside for their brothers, but he was out there in less than a minute after he heard Gabe's noisy car pulling up.

As soon as she saw him, Claire detached from Dean and launched herself at her uncle. Castiel was just as surprised and concerned as Dean had been with this action as his niece buried her face in his shirt and spoke not a word.

"Sweetie, are you all right?" Cas reached down to pick her up and she tucked her face into his neck and nodded. "Claire? Are you sure?" he asked again as he felt wetness dampen his neck and the collar of his shirt. She mumbled and Cas tilted his head downwards to try and catch her words just as Sam and Gabriel reached them.

"Is she okay? Did something happen?" Dean turned to their brothers and opened the line of inquiry that Castiel wished to open – he once again marveled at how well they had meshed together – and who were just as confused as Dean and Castiel.

"No, she was a perfect angel as always." Gabriel answered, his voice subdued in his own concern.

"She did have a few bad dreams last night, nothing big, but that's normal, isn't it?" Sam asked. Dean flinched and Castiel tightened his hug on his niece at the words.

"Not so much anymore. They're rather far and few between these days." Dean reached out a hand to stroke Claire's blonde hair in an effort to help comfort her. “It usually means something triggered them.”

"Dean," Sam finally spoke up, "I hate to say this, but we gotta go."

"Yeah, just, give us a minute, okay Sam?"

"Dean, it's all right. We'll be okay, I promise. You don't want to miss your flight. I'm sure Gabe wouldn't mind driving you and your brother."

"Yeah, sure thing bro. No skin off my nose." Gabe stepped closer. "Hey Claire, give me a hug before I leave?" she nodded and turned just enough to give him the hug he requested. Gabriel held her tight, despite the awkward angle since she was still in his brothers’ arms, and he whispered to her, "Cheer up, Claire Bear – remember the plan. It's a good one, right?" She giggled and nodded but still didn't speak. "You wanna give Sam and Dean hugs before they leave?" She nodded again and turned in her uncles arms the other way to reach silently for Dean first, then Sam.

Castiel stood outside with her in his arms until the car disappeared from his sight and, with a sigh, he turned to go inside. He was already missing Dean, but he was also both excited and nervous for Sunday. But that was neither here nor now. Now, he had to figure out what was wrong with Claire. He sat them down on the couch in the living room, relaxing into the cushions and making her more comfortable. He didn't want to push her, but he did need to at least try to get her to talk. Depending on what happened next, he'd have to figure it out from there.

"Do you want to talk about why you're so upset sweetie?" He asked gently. She sniffled.

"It's silly," her voice was so soft he would never have heard her if they weren't cuddling.

"I won't laugh Claire, I promise. Did Gabe or Sam say or do something that upset you?" he couldn’t imagine so, but he also couldn't think what could have caused this level of upset in the child.

"It's just," she sniffled again, her voice muffled and hesitant, "Mom and Dad, on their…their anniversary…and last night was…you and Dean were…" Castiel froze as soon as her broken words made it clear what she was talking about.

"Oh Claire," he breathed and pulled her in tighter, "Oh sweetie…Shhh…It's okay to be upset. It's not silly at all. I completely understand why you're upset! I do! But you know, right, that what happened wasn't normal? People celebrate anniversaries every day without a tragedy like that happening. It was absolutely horrible and you and I will never forget it," She lifted her face a little to look at him and he reached over to brush some of her hair out of her eyes.

"But we can move on, make sure that even if we still feel afraid, we don't let it stop us from enjoying life. We don't want to let the bad people in the world win by making us too afraid to live." He started rocking her as silent tears fell from her eyes. "But it's in no way silly to feel scared or upset. I promise you. And look, we're all right, yes?" She nodded again and they stayed like that for a while, Claire eventually falling asleep.

Gabriel was quiet on his return, not sure what he'd be walking into, since he still couldn't figure out what they had walked away _from_. He still felt guilty about that. Hell, he knew they all had. None of them had really wanted to leave with Claire so upset, but they had a plane to catch and Cassie had insisted.

The ride to the airport had been quiet with everyone’s minds stuck on the little girl they’d left behind until suddenly Dean had dug into his pocket and pulled out a small box and looked towards Gabe from the back seat.

"Hey man, can I hide this at your place? I'm afraid Cas will find it before we're ready. I don't want to rush him, y'know?"

"Whoa! Is that what I think it is?" Gabe couldn't get a good look while he was driving, dammit. "Sam, is that what I think it is?"

Sam twisted in his own seat to look at what Dean was holding. "Looks like it," Sam noted gleefully.

Dean blushed and grumbled. "Don't make a big deal of it. Not asking yet anyway. I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because," Dean sighed and looked out the window. "I rushed saying I love you, and I got damn lucky I didn't scare him off. We rushed into living together and we lucked out again because it's been fucking amazing. We fit together so well…Uh, no puns intended, I swear!” He rushed to say as Sam and Gabe started to snicker. Ignoring them the best he could and barreling onwards, “Look, I can't, I can't not imagine him there for the rest of my life. Him  _and_  Claire, y'know? But it's worked out so well, everything's been going so great, I'm afraid that…this is when it'll fall apart, this will be the one step that’s too far, too fast. I'm ready but…"

"But you're not sure he is?"

"Yeah…" Dean continued to stare at the passing scenery, not noticing the sly looks Gabe and Sam threw each other. "I just, I had it made up anyway, so I'll be ready when the time is right. I'll just know when that is, right?"

"Don't ask me, Dean –o. I've never proposed to anyone before. But, uh, I have a feeling you'll know sooner rather than later." Dean nodded at Gabriel's words, completely missing, again, the looks being shot between the two in the front seat.

"So…will you do it?" Dean pressed.

"Of course I will. I'll keep it as safe as possible and away from all prying eyes, including Cassie's. Cross my heart." Dean breathed out a sigh of relief at the reassurance and despite his reluctance to leave, left with a somewhat lighter heart.

Now Gabe stood in the doorway of the living room, staring at his brother and the little girl curled up on his lap. He stepped forward quietly, seeing as she was asleep, and gently eased himself onto the couch beside Castiel. His brother looked up at him with sad eyes.

"What happened Cassie?" he asked gently. "Did we do something wrong?" Cas shook his head, and spoke just as gently in return to avoid waking their niece.

"No, it was just bad memories. She remembers why Jimmy and Amelia had asked me to take Claire that night.” He didn’t have to explain which night that was, since it was forever burned into all of their minds. They both repressed a shudder. Cas continued on, distress deeply apparent in his voice, making Gabriel’s heart ache to hear it, “And then we did it again. Gabe, how could I have done it? Especially this soon." His voice cracked. "Dean and I sent her away to celebrate our anniversary alone. Just like Jimmy and Amelia. And when Claire came home, when  _I_  brought her home, her life,  _all_  our lives were in ruin, hers most of all. She lost her whole world once and…"

Gabriel's eyes widened. "And last night she was afraid it would happen again?" Castiel nodded, and Gabriel could see his eyes were shining and wet with unshed tears. "Cassie, it's all right, you know? You and Dean are safe and sound; Claire's okay and she saw that you two were safe as well as soon as she got here. She's just reassuring herself right now that you're real. If Dean were here, I'm sure she'd be wrapped around both of you right now. She's okay, you're okay, and everyone's going to be okay. It's just gonna take time."

"No, I get that. We both do. We talked about it some. I think we'll be fine. It's just hard sometimes. But we're okay." Gabriel breathed out a sigh of relief and placed his hand over Castiel’s where it rested on Claire. He leaned down to give them both wet smooches on their heads. He laughed quietly at Castiel’s forced glare.

"Yeah, you are. We all are."  Gabriel settled on the couch a little more and then looked over at his brother and waggled his eyebrows. "And in good news, I can tell you that your Sunday surprise is on with Dean none the wiser. The plan is a go!" He grinned and got an answering one back.


	51. The Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Grand Finale....Castiel braves some of his worst fears, with friends and family in tow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put up 4 new pictures (3 in old chapters and this one) and being sick the last few days apparently took its toll because i had the hardest time getting these done withOUT making mistakes. very frustrating. but i hope you like.

It had taken months, but finally, everything was ready. Castiel rubbed his hands down his pants legs nervously and swallowed. He peeked out from behind the curtains just as his brother came up and spoke in his ear directly behind him. Already anxious, Castiel jumped backwards and collided with Gabriel. Gabriel caught him easily.

"Are you sure you wanna do this Cassie? There's no shame in not being ready, you realize that, right? Dean won't think less of you. I promise."

"The only reason he wouldn't think less of me, Gabe, is that he has no idea what I'm planning right now."

"Exactly! Means if you don't follow through, he'll never have to know."

"I would know. And I  _am_  ready. It's uh…" Castiel creeped back over to the curtain and peeked out again. Claire would be in the front row beside Meg, but he couldn't see the faces of any of the crowd. There must have been a couple hundred people sitting in front of the stage. Honestly, he had no idea how it didn't even faze Dean or Sam. He let the curtain fall. "Just, I knew there'd be people…but I guess I didn't quite realize how  _many_. What if I make a fool of myself?"

"Cassie, listen to me." Gabriel grabbed his shoulders and turned the taller man to face him. Forcing his brothers’ blue eyes to look at his own honey colored eyes, he enunciated slowly and clearly, as if speaking to a child. "Everything. Is. Going. To. Be. All. Right.  You got that? Just, focus on Dean. Don't worry, I'll give you your cue." Castiel nodded faintly and turned back toward the curtain. Breathe in, breathe out.  He stuffed his hands into his pockets, fidgeting, till his fingers brushed against the reason he was going out there today. He could do this.

While Castiel stood behind the curtain, trying to psych himself up, Dean and Sam stood on the stage talking and laughing, answering questions and telling stories. They were in their element and it made Castiel proud to watch them.

All in all, it was a typical convention. It was the last day and everything had gone well. Dean was tired, but nothing compared to that one just over a year ago where it had been everything he could do just to keep his eyes open and stay coherent.

But when he remembered _why_ he had been so exhausted, he knew he wouldn't have changed a minute. He grinned at his thoughts and focused back on the audience. He squinted against the lights, trying to see, but…well, was it his imagination, or was the room the fullest it had been all weekend? He raised a questioning brow to his brother but for once, it seemed, Sam didn't pick up on it.

Suddenly the audience, which had been laughing at one of their stories, went dead silent and stared.  Aside from a rustle here or there as people shifted, it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. Something was up. Had to be. Dean looked out at them, then at his brother and back at them.

 "Was it something I said?" Dean held the mic where it wouldn't pick up his words as he tried to speak out of the corner of his mouth. An actor he may be, a ventriloquist, he was not. But that was when he noticed that even his brother was staring in the same direction as the audience, so Dean turned around and felt like his heart stopped. He  _did_  drop his microphone in his surprise.

"Cas?" that gorgeous motherfucker was walking towards him nervously, all dark, messy hair and bright blue eyes, dressed in…Dean swallowed. Yup, he was dead. There was no other explanation for it. Or maybe he was dreaming, cause Cas certainly was the stuff of dreams, and there was no way he was really getting down on one knee in front of –

Deans' thoughts screeched to a halt. He stopped breathing and his eyes went wide.

If it was possible, the room had gone even quieter. Not even the sound of inevitable shifting as people craned to look, to see better. Castiel stared up at Dean, blue eyes locked onto green ones that were wide open, stunned…and full of a wild hope that soothed the artist as he pulled the box out of his pocket and opened it. He held it up and spoke, all the people around him falling away from his awareness as he focused on Dean, only on Dean. He didn't notice that his deep rumble was echoing over the room, ringing clear as bell for all to hear due to a mic which was held up by his brother. Dean was all that mattered in this moment.

"Dean Winchester. _I_ may have the name of an Angel, but to me, you've always been one. Please, would you do me the honor of being  _my_  angel for the rest of our days?"

Dean felt like he was having trouble breathing, trouble thinking.  But he knew he had only one answer for Cas. He stumbled forward till his knees hit the stage painfully in front of Castiel.  He never even noticed. "Holy fuck, Cas, yes." He laughed a little in his amazement, "Yeah, of course. As long as you get to be mine."

Dean didn't even register the cheers around them as Cas slipped the ring on his finger, or the noisemakers Gabriel had broken out and passed around to Sam, as well as every other actor that had already finished their own appearances but had returned, like they'd all known this was happening. He didn't care. He surged forward to capture Castiel's chapped lips in a gentle kiss, wrapping his arms around the other man, Castiel's arms returning the favor. A few more lingering kisses with closed eyes, and then they each pulled back slightly to reset their heads against the other.

"Did you really brave your stage fright just to propose to me?"

"Of course Dean. You're worth it." Dean beamed at his blue eyed angel, then his eyes widened once more.

"Oh, oh crap, Cas, I have something for you too." Instinctively, despite knowing it wouldn't be there, he slapped at his jeans. "I was going to…I…I wanted to…" Dean groaned because of course, he had left it at home. Mournfully, he continued, "Tomorrow, when I got home, I had plans to…to propose to you." He’d done some thinking after the drive to the airport and he’d decided to risk it anyway. Something had just felt right about the idea and now he knew why. Castiel grinned, his nose scrunching up and the corner of his eyes crinkling.

"I beat you to it?" He chortled. Dean snorted affectionately.

"Yeah baby, you beat me to it. God, I wish I had it – "

"Uncle Dean?" A small voice broke into their bubble and the two of them looked down to find Claire standing there with her own little grin, her hands behind her back. When she saw she had their attention, she leaned up to reach Dean's ear and attempted to whisper in it. "I have the ring you got for Uncle Cas."

Dean melted at the sight of the little girl, who had shared this information conspiratorially, who had called him – not for the first time, but it always made him happy to hear – uncle. He motioned at Cas to close his eyes for a second and held out his hand. She proudly dropped the box into his hand and scampered off after he caught her for a quick hug.

"Thanks Claire." She winked and Dean turned back to Castiel – his fiancé – and cleared his throat. "My turn, man. You can open your eyes now." He waited till the artist had done so, then he popped open the box and turned it around. "So, um, I had something planned to say, but I can't, for the life of me, remember what it was, for some reason. So just…you're it for me man. And I'd be the happiest man alive to get to spend my life with you." Castiel beamed at him as he took the ring and slipped it onto his own finger, stopping to admire it briefly before he moved into Dean's space and kissed him long and hard.

They finally stopped, still oblivious to the outside world, to breathe, both with giddy looks on their faces, fingers laced together, both still kneeling on the hard stage floor.

"Y'know, you haven't actually said yes." Dean noted. Castiel rolled his eyes.

"As if there were any doubt that I'd always say yes."

"Always?"

"Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know at least one of you wanted Dean to be the one proposing, but I think it made a little more sense to have Castiel be the one that asked first (but Dean was totally ready to go!). It gives him closure in a few different ways, and it just, y'know, felt perfect. I hope you liked the way I did it.
> 
> I'm VERY sad to see this story go. I'd love to hear what you thought of it overall. I've never written one quite this long...and I have no idea HOW it got this long! and now - NOW! - i'm even considering Time Stamps! am i crazy???
> 
> Sorry that some of the chapters are STILL missing pictures (i think its down to 3 out of 51, or something. maybe 4?) some chapters were just hard to figure out what to draw without rehashing the same things (which i caught myself trying to do more than once).
> 
> Be sure to follow me if you want to see my new stories. I have a bunch of big ones in the works but some need a little more research before I can put it out there, another is for a BB so I can't put it out there and I want to get some work done on Route 66 before i start publishing any more new BIG projects (small stories are another thing altogether...I never really plan those, they just happen.)


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